addyb4barnes

[addyb4barnes]

OOOOUUU THANK U

hard candy with a surprise center

pairing: Thunderbolts!Bucky Barnes x agent!female!reader

summary: Bucky would always describe you as his sunshine. the world, on the other hand, would've described you as grumpy.

warnings: grumpy x grumpy trope (but not really), use of y/n, fluff

word count: around 1k

requested: based off this request by the lovely @addyb4barnes. thank you for the request darling!

a/n: yes katy perry's thinking of you makes the perfect title for this. she's a genius!! the song has nothing to do with the rest of the fic tho!

everyone knew to stay away from you unless Bucky Barnes was in the room. it was the unsaid open secret. nobody questioned it, they were just glad of the way your muscles relaxed and eyes uncreased from their otherwise permanent scowl.

Bucky was none the wiser.

he knew whenever the two of you were sitting together in the common areas in the Tower, lots of colleagues - agents, tech specialists, logistics specialists - would be clearing up things with you. that's why he preferred to stay behind closed doors, tired of sharing you with the world.

he often asked, "do you guys specifically choose to talk to her when I'm with her?" and everyone laughed it off in the good natured teasing it was meant to be.

if only Bucky knew how right he was.

with him, you've always been pleasant. carefree and happy. you were always taking care of him, smiling up at him, giggling at his quips, and finding new ways to make him laugh.

you rolled your eyes, shaking your head in response, as if you were in on the joke. "don't push your luck."

so when an agent off-handedly replied to Bucky's usual tease with a laugh and "what else do you expect? she only relaxes around you"?

it left Bucky confused.

Bucky was about to ask you about it, but he got distracted by the way your lips pouted when you turned back to face him. "sorry for the interruption."

"no problem at all," he cupped your cheek and pulled you closer to him, kissing you deeply, all thoughts of the agent forgotten already, replaced by your lips and touch, your smiles and soft laughter.

~

"will Agent (L/N) be joining you any time soon, sir?" a particularly brave agent asked one day.

"no, you can find her in the communications centre on the floor below," Bucky answered.

"that's okay, I'll get her sign some other time," the man turned around and walked out into the hallway. Bucky's eyebrows furrowed, staring at the space the man had occupied. in a split decision, he took off to your location, taking the stairs.

"that's a brilliant observation. really insightful. you come up with that yourself?" he heard you before he saw you, your sharp jab a contrast to how he would have normally described your tone, devoid of its usual melody and warmth.

she must be having a hard day, he thought to himself.

"this conversation is over. come back when you have got the numbers for me, or at the very least some useful observation," Bucky saw you then, leaning forward in your chair at the head of the table, glaring at the other agent who seemed to have really pissed you off.

"what do you got for me, Williams?" you turned your gaze to the one on your right, voice softer but still stern and cold.

Bucky stood there for a moment, observing your tense shoulders and clenched jaw. the agent who had just been dismissed caught his eye on the way out, and he mutted, "why didn't you come earlier?" before leaving Bucky's sights.

Bucky entered the room fully after that, his presence shifting your attention from the report to your boyfriend. he saw you visibly relax and your gaze turned tender, the warmth he was so familiar with returning. he heard a few sighs of relief from the other occupants of the room.

"thank you, Sarah. make sure to add it in the file," you dismissed. "what are you doing here? is everything okay?" with your attention on your boyfriend, you stood up and dismissed the rest of the team.

"just thought I'd check up on you," he muttered, giving you a soft smile. his hands landed on your waist, yours on his shoulders. the noise finally died down, both around and inside you. you could feel the tension evaporate from your muscles, a mirror to the ease that seeped in everyone else's demeanor, too.

"you okay?" he asked, small circles on your side to help release the tension further.

"yeah," you nodded, giving him a small smile. "just work stuff, you know how it is."

"yeah," he nodded, glancing at the rest of the team who was pretending to look down at their files, but he knew their attention was on them. "leave us alone."

when Bucky Barnes gave a command with his stern tone, even those who weren't directly underneath him - like your team - obeyed without any questions.

when it was just the two of you, he sat down on the nearest chair, pulling you onto his lap, your weight grounding him.

"thank you," you sighed, your forehead now resting on his shoulder, his hands rubbing circles on your back.

"I don't know what for," he truthfully replied. your hands rubbed found his, fingers lacing together.

"for taking me out of that whirlwind. I'm tired of always putting them in line."

"you do that a lot, huh?"

you nodded slightly, hiding your face in his neck. "I have to."

"why?" his tone wasn't accusing, it wasn't pushing. it was gentle, like all he really wanted was to understand you.

to know you.

"because," you gulped, inhaling a long breath, his scent filling you with peace. "the last time I did, things didn't end all that well. most people... they are ready to take advantage of you any chance you give them. I learnt that the hard way."

his arms tightened around you, a hint of protectiveness in his grip. "baby," he whispered slowly, sympathy in his voice.

"no, it's okay," you looked back at him, head lifting from your spot. "you make everything so much easier, you know?"

"I do?"

"I'll protect you, doll," he promised.

"always," you nodded. "I feel safe around you, Buck. I know you're not like them."

"wait," you could practically see the gears turning in his head. "that's why everyone is always disturbing us when we're together?"

"yup, you're my underbelly, Barnes." you teased. "my soft spot."

you chuckled. "I know, baby. I know."

and as you continued to hug his frame, both of you soothing the other with your touch and presence, you had no doubt that he would always keep his promise.

hope you liked it. likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated <3 let me know what you thought!

[addyb4barnes]

i fell in love

[addyb4barnes]

AHHHH i love u bae thank you !!!! ❤️❤️

cracked ice

pairing: post civil war!Bucky Barnes x female!Avenger!reader

summary: Bucky has given his all to build the wall around him that keeps him safe. when you slip beneath the fence unnoticed, he lets you comfort him in a moment of weakness.

warnings: depictions of PTSD, sad and scared! Bucky, insecure!Bucky, hurt/comfort, not proofread. let me know if I missed something!

word count: around 1.3k

requested: based off this prompt by the darling @addyb4barnes. hope I did it justice!

a/n: I had a really shitty start to my week but I'm doing so much better now. seeing an ask in my inbox cheered me up, thank you for trusting me with your request! hope all of you are doing good, too! getting back into writing, slowly.

he was not a talkative man, but even more so when the ghosts from his past dragged him back with every step. Bucky was sitting in the safehouse, waiting for more orders from Steve as he chewed on his bottom lip.

"Barnes?" you padded into the kitchen, eyes lidded and full of sleep. "it's 4AM, did you sleep at all?"

you only had to look at him – perched on the edge of the chair, as if he's afraid to rest his weight anywhere, shoulders drawn back ready to fight, face held down as if his neck couldn't support his weight anymore – to get the answer to your enquiry.

you were left to look after him, Steve trusting you with his best friend while he moved some things around after the ordeal of the conflict between him and Tony. Bucky always had the bitter taste of guilt in his mouth every time he looked at you, wondering if you thought of him as a burden, like his mind had convinced him. what Bucky did not know, however, was that you had volunteered to look after him yourself, a need brought on by the tugs of your heartstring everytime you gazed at him.

"Bucky," you sighed when he remained quiet. "c'mon, let's chat on the couch."

"you should sleep," he finally murmured.

"I'm up now, it's fine."

burden, his mind taunted.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

your eyebrows furrowed. "for what?"

you huffed at his silence. you moved closer to him, slowly, allowing him to stop you if needed, and gingerly held his arm. you tugged him out of his chair, guiding him to the couch in the living room, thinking it would've been more comfortable.

he did not find it comfortable.

the softness, the way the cushions moulded for his frame, it all felt wrong, like he didn't deserve to have the luxury of comfort. comfort, to him, was in familiarity. in pain.

"what's on your mind?" you elected to ignore the discomfort in his body, rubbing his arm and shoulder gently, hoping it soothed him. it did, if the muscles relaxing minutely under your touch were any indication.

"you know they'll be back?" he wondered aloud, his voice weary. "it's only a matter of time."

"who?"

"Hydra." he choked on the word, eyes darting around the exits of the room, as if just uttering their name could summon them.

"Bucky," you inched closer to him, thighs brushing his, the contact sending your heart into overdrive. "they're not coming back. they're significantly weaker and just as things smooth over with Stark," his body stiffened, but you continued, "we'll go back to eliminating the remaining Hydra sleepers. there's no activity as of right now."

"you don't know them," he urges.

"I don't know them like you do," you concede with a nod. "but I know that I won't let them hurt you."

he looked at you then, eyes slightly covered by the locks of his hair falling forward. your hands twitched, the desire to brush them back overpowering your concern. his eyes were glassy but wide open as if he was scared to miss any detail of his surroundings.

"they hurt me all the time," Bucky murmured. "my demons are all Hydra. they're all him."

your lips stretched into a thin line at the agony in his voice. your hands rested on his shoulders, squeezing gently once.

"we can fight those demons together," you suggested.

he shook his head, vehement and instant. "you don't need to be my shrink, too, doll."

you ignored the flutter in your chest. the nickname was rare, but it was always directed at you in moments of weakness.

"I am not saying that. I'm just sayin, you don't have to face' them alone. you don't have to sit in the darkness of the kitchen all night long by yourself. I can be there. we can talk, play a board game, maybe I can help you catch up with the world, or we can just sit in silence."

"why would you do that?" his mind was shouting at him, telling him that he's a burden, that you're not offering genuine comfort, that the offer was just a formality, but he wanted to believe you. god, he wanted to believe you so badly.

"because I care about you." you expressed, so genuine and sure of yourself that it silenced the roaring in his mind.

"I- I can't," he said.

"can't what?"

"they'll take you away from me."

"rhey won't." you promised, sliding closer, your body turned, your knees touching his thigh. the contact grounded him. "Bucky, Hydra won't hurt you again."

"how can you be sure?" his breath hitched, eyes turning far away as if he was remembering something profane. "he still lives in me."

you shook his shoulders slightly, trying to ground him. "Bucky, stay with me."

"he won't let me go. and as long as he stays with me, Hydra stays with me."

"we'll find a way to pull him out." you assured. your face inched closer, trying to catch his gaze but his eyes were quickly filling with tears, each drop down his cheek cracking your heart further. "he won't control you always."

the broken sob was sudden, full of agony and fear, pained beyond anyone should be able to bear. "I want to be free," he started muttering, broken and cracked and tormented.

"we'll help you," you let his head fall on your shoulder. your arms wrapped around his back, unyielding in their hold. one of your hands rubbed his back, the other tangling in his hair, gentle scratches to his scalp as his sobs filled your ears. you shut your eyes tightly. "I'll help you. I'll be here. I promise."

"I can't be a burden," he wept. "not on you."

"you're not a burden, Bucky." you kept your voice steady, keeping your own grief out of it. "I care about you."

you stayed like that for some more time, his tears dampening your shoulder, your hands moving gently over his back and head, hoping to quiet his mind. his breathing was erratic at first, but it felt calmer now, an unsteady rhytm developping gradually. sniffles filled the room, a reminder of his moment of vulnerability.

"I'm sor-" he started.

"don't you dare." you threatened, squeezing his frame. "there's nothing to apologise for."

maybe it was the exhaustion flowing in his veins, but he nodded once, meekly, against your frame, not fighting your assurance for once.

"thank you," he breathed deeply, your scent filling his mind and muffling his overactive mind. he pulled away, your hands falling down in your lap.

"no need," you smiled. his cheeks were still red and damp, eyes slightly puffy, but he looked more relaxed, albeit exhausted. "you should really sleep."

"it's almost daybreak," he pointed out.

"so? we're in hiding. we can sleep all day if we want."

he chuckled once, the sound lifted your spirits. "can't argue with that."

"good," you stood up, stretching your limbs. "I love when you don't argue back and let me comfort you."

his lips turned upwards in the smallest smile. "I'll try to do it more often, I guess."

"that's a start!" you cheered, the joy too genuine and innocent for someone who's seen as much suffering and violence as you have.

"I'll sleep here in the living room, if that's okay." he had a blanket and could use the cushions as pillows, already deciding he would sleep on the carpet. the softness of the carpet was enough comfort for him for now.

"you don't need my permission, Bucky," you said, a teasing lilt to your words.

he shrugged.

"good night," you said. "promise to wake me up if you're not able to sleep?"

"I'll try," he granted. he knew very well he won't be doing that, but the most he can do is try. maybe one day, he'll allow himself to seek your comfort.

"alright," you nodded. you hesitated, before squeezing his arm once more. "sleep well, Bucky."

"you too. and thank you."

you smiled, heading to your room, leaving the door ajar to make sure you could listen to any disturbances.

he laid down on the carpet, and closed his eyes. memories still knocked on his consciousness, but the feeling of your arms around him, your hands in his hair and your soothing voice was still fresh, and formed a layer of protection around him. he finally felt like he could relax, letting the pull of sleep take him.

thank you for reading! likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[addyb4barnes]

i’m gonna need someone to hold me like that 💔🥀

I Got You.

summary: bucky moves in next door, and you both form an unlikely friendship. one day, he comes in late, and hurt, and it seems to change the way you once saw him

pairing: TFATWS!bucky x fem!reader

word count: 2.2k

content: friends to lovers, drunken mistake, banter, angst, grief on both sides, both oblivious to their own feelings, yearning without knowing they are, soft touches, soft bucky

a/n: this was sm fun to write!! i love them so much i think im attached, i might write a p2...

You told him not to bail.

Reminded him, actually. Multiple times. But there you were, walking back and forth, outside the door to his apartment, occasionally ringing the bell, with a large paper bag full of ingredients.

It was your turn to bring the ingredients for dinner this time, and you had found this delicious pasta bake recipe online you were so excited to show him. Dinner together used to be a once in a blue moon thing, that turned into a weekly thing, that turned into a daily thing. Both of you use the reason of it being convenient and easy, but you secretly did enjoy Bucky’s company more than you’d like to admit. Platonically, of course.

Of course.

As it would be with any other friendship. You had to thank the Bucky from four years ago for picking the one bedroom apartment opposite yours. You remembered that day so vividly–as you did with most of the interactions you had with him. You were doing a random deep clean to distract yourself. Your friend Natasha had died recently, sacrificing herself for the greater good of the world, so they say. But you knew. You knew she didn’t need to do that.

 Or maybe you were just being selfish–mad at the fact she left, mad at the fact she left you, so easily and without a second thought. It was eating you alive–from the inside, bit by bit, till you were left hollow and empty.

That’s when you heard voices, indistinct and muffled, from the outside. You immediately switched off your radio and put your broom down, trying to not make a single peep. You lived at the end of the hallway, so no one really came here unless they had to. And you might have been avoiding your rent bill for the month.

You went up to the door, tiptoeing slightly, to peek through the peephole. A tall man stood there, talking to your landlord, Michael. You couldn’t really see what he looked like, other than the short hair and sharp cheekbones that could be noticed from even a mile away.

Michael handed him his key and shook his gloved hand. They briefly spoke about the furnishing before he left, leaving the man alone in the narrow hallway. You decided to introduce yourself.

You peeked out the door, seeing if the coast was clear, immediately grabbing the attention of the man in front of you. You slipped out of the door, trying to seem nonchalant.

“‘Sup.”

The man furrowed his eyebrows, his face turning more into a scowl than it was just now. But you only seemed to notice his piercing blue eyes–sharp but soft, like he’s painfully aware of everything happening around him, even if he didn’t want to be. He looked familiar.

“I live here,” you nodded towards your room. 

His eyes scanned you up and down. “I can tell.”

You felt your face fill up with heat, your head feeling like it was going to explode, as you realised what you were wearing in front of a stranger–thin sheep patterned pyjama shorts and a braless tank top. Your cool demeanor fell as quickly as it came. 

“Right. Yeah, I–uh, I was cleaning, so…” 

The man's lips curved up into the smallest smile. “Yeah. It looks clean. From here, I mean. Looks pretty clean.”

“Yeah. I like…clean.”

Bucky nodded in amusement. “I like clean, too.”

Could this get any worse? 

You crossed your arms against your chest, trying to hide yourself as much as you could at that point. “Well it was nice meeting you, um–yeah,” you turned around to go hide yourself back in your room.

“Nice meeting you too, sweetheart!” the man called out as you slammed the door shut.

You proceeded to spend the rest of your day going back and forth between unnecessarily over cleaning your entire apartment and screaming into your pillow. 

You weren’t sure why her death had hit you especially hard today–maybe it was the fact that it’s been a month since she’s been gone, or maybe it was that awkward moment with the familiar looking stranger who was now your neighbour.

Either way, you decided to take your mind off it by going down to the pub right below. You quickly showered, applied a little makeup–just so you didn’t scare anyone away with your massively dark eyebags, put on a deep red top with a frilly black skirt that reached your mid-thigh to feel a little more like yourself, and went right ahead.

It was around seven when you entered the pub, so it was a little crowded, but your eyes only noticed one thing. You felt your heart stop beating for a second. Your neighbour–the one with the pretty blue eyes–was sitting at the counter, having a drink silently with his head down, like he was deep in thought. Maybe he wouldn’t notice you if you were really quiet. 

You made your way to the bar and made a conscious decision to sit at the other end of the counter. You called the bartender over, who, luckily, was a friend, and whispered your order to him. He gave you a weird look before going to make your drink.

“You’re really bad at being discreet, aren’t you?” 

Your head snapped to the direction of where the voice came from. He was staring at you–you weren’t sure if he knew he was doing that, but it made you feel so bare, so vulnerable, like he could see right through you. 

“Oh!” you giggled awkwardly, “I didn’t see you there, uh…”

“Bucky.”

“Bucky! Yes. of course.”

You paused, your smile fading from your lips. Bucky.

Natasha had mentioned him before. She said something about him being Steve’s friend. And that in the red room…

Oh.

He seemed to notice the dawn of realisation on your face too, because he immediately turned to look at his drink again, staring intently like it was the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. 

At that moment, your drink was placed in front of you. But you didn’t look away from the man at the opposite end. A part of you wanted to. You wanted to run away and not look back–to push away anything with any relation to her, to just stay with the one person you could truly trust. Yourself. 

But you didn’t.

You mumbled a quiet thank you, and before you knew it, your legs walked you over and placed you in the seat right next to him.

“I’m Y/N,” you stuck your hand out towards him. He stared at it–like he wasn’t sure if it were real, like you’d really want to do this, even after knowing who he was, or what he’d done.

“I know,” his voice was quiet and hesitant, just like the gloved hand that took yours in a firm but tender handshake.

Your head cocks to the side in confusion. “I asked Michael the second you went back into your room,” he mumbled in admission, seemingly embarrassed by it. You smirked.

“He then started to complain about you and how you weren’t paying your rent.”

Your smirk faltered.

“He acts like I don’t pay it every other month,” you roll your eyes, “At least I’m paying him with cash and not with his dick in my mouth.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows, surprise written all over his face. “Who’s doing that?”

“Daisy from third floor. Ugh, she’s insufferable. And she makes sure that everyone knows that.”

“That she’s insufferable?”

“No, she doesn’t need to make sure of that,” you grumbled. “That she sucks his dick.”

And that’s when you and Bucky became friends–at least that’s what you believed. He might not admit that, though. Every time the topic comes up, he says that he isn’t sure if you’ve reached the friend stage yet. That little bitch.

A couple more drinks in, and a lot more for Bucky, and suddenly you were both talking about things you’d never talk about to anyone. But here you were, doing exactly that.

“I just miss her, you know,” you sloppily took a sip out of your drink, droplets of it escaping your mouth and dripping down your chin. “She just…left. No goodbye, no nothing. Just,” you paused, “poof. Gone.”

Bucky's eyes stayed there for a couple seconds, before his hands shakily reached up to wipe it off, the covered tips of his finger brushing the corners of your mouth. Your lips parted at that, and you didn’t know if it was the grief or the alcohol, but suddenly you had a huge urge to rip the clothes off his body right then and there.

“Yeah,” he kept his eyes still trained to your lips–glossy and wet, “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

Before you knew it, you found yourselves tangled in your bedsheets, hearts filled with shame and guilt, and full of loneliness. Your bodies moulded as one, sharing the grief that clouded your systems, that consumed you, day and night. 

He touched you, every part of you, with tender caresses and fervent lips, making you crumble under each graze.

You felt wanted. You felt needed. You felt.

The next morning was full of regret. The both of you pretended that that incident never happened after that, both mentally pining it to a drunken mistake. You never spoke of it ever. Ever.

Despite that, your friendship grew. You spent every second–when you both weren’t busy and working–with each other. Most of the time, you didn’t even talk, just being in each other’s company felt good enough. Whether it be doing the laundry or taxes, it was enough, just as long as you were together.

 And for two loners, being with each other felt so much better than being alone.

But even so, you found yourself growing more anxious by the second, waiting for him by the door.

You had placed the bag of groceries on the floor, pulling out your phone to call Bucky for what seemed like the 50th time. You listened to the robotic voice send you to voicemail, again.

Just as you were officially going to lose your mind over this, you heard soft thudding coming up the stairs, and it came closer, the familiar scuffle of boots making you hold your breath. It sounded…uneven.

That’s when you saw him. Slightly limping, holding onto the side of his stomach, with a large red gash on his cheekbone. When his eyes met your worried ones, he grinned, which looked more like him baring his teeth at you.

You rushed up to him. “What the fuck happened to you?” you asked, panicked and angry, smacking him on the chest, to which he winced.

“A mission happened. Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m fine,” he said, his words coming out slightly slurred.

“Don’t worry? Don’t worry? I’ve been waiting here for hours. Hours, Bucky. For you. And you weren’t even answering the fucking phone. I was ringing your doorbell for hours, I even used that key you gave for emergencies to check if you were there. Nothing. You weren’t there. Do you know how scared I was? That something happened to you? That I might have lost–” your voice cracked, your throat feeling tighter and sore.

Bucky went silent, his eyes softening at your unnerved state. His gloved hand reached up, before he dropped it back down to his side. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he mumbles, his voice heavily twinged with guilt.

You shrugged, crossing your arms over your chest as you turned away from him to hide your glossy eyes and trembling lips.

You weren’t exactly sure why you were getting too emotional over this. He was right there, in front of you and alive, but the thought of him not being there was plastered in the back of your mind, and it was tearing you apart.

“Fuck,” he whisperes under his breath, catching a glimpse of your eyes—misty and red-rimmed—for a split second before you looked away.  Hey,” he bent down a little to meet your eyes, “I’m here.”

 When you avoided his gaze, Bucky frantically tugs the glove off his right hand, dropping it as he carefully laces his bare fingers with yours–the flesh of his skin touching yours burning him on the inside, igniting a fire he tried so hard to burn out. 

“See,” he says, his voice soft and reassuring as his thumb brushed the back of your hand in slow, calming circles, “I’m okay, sweetheart.”

The way he used the endearment, it wasn’t teasing or sarcastic like it usually was–slipping past his lips in a way that wasn’t calculated or formulated–it was reckless, impulsive.

 It was genuine.

You let out a shaky sigh. “I know. I know. I just…” you voice was barely audible, broken and raw. You felt hot tears streaming down your face, staining your cheeks, making them redder and puffier than they already were. You felt embarrassed. Pathetic, even.

Bucky, slowly, wrapped a hand around your waist as the other cradled the back of your head, pulling you to his chest. His grip was first light, giving you the option to pull away. You didn’t.

Instead, you pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, your fingers clinging onto his jacket like he was going to leave you and crumble in your arms at any given second.

“It’s okay, you know. I get it,” he whispers, his lips pressed against the shell of your ear, “I got you.”

He tightens his grip on you, his bare fingers threading in your hair, “I got you,” he mumbles again, this time more for himself than you.

[addyb4barnes]

i can’t live without them