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He's so scruffy I'm gonna die!!!!!

Jared Padalecki - JibCon 2016 [x]

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Well, I will share this, I will share this with you. This is a sort of generalization of our private interactions, and I don’t know that I’ve shared this before, so. We spend a lot of time in Clif’s car. Driving from our trailers to set, back again, and we have often remarked on how… We have a lot of, like, it’s our time to sort of have deep conversations, talk about issues that are important to us, and we’ve often commented on the fact that any randomly selected 15 second portion of that conversation would ruin all of our careers forever. If it went public. We make a lot of very dirty jokes, say a lot of things that shouldn’t be said by human beings. Um… we laugh! We think it’s funny. [x]

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Maybe Someone's Trying to Tell Me Something

Yesterday or this morning I was in my way to work and I had a thought about wishing I could do some acting. I enjoy the idea of it and enjoyed what little I've done, but I wouldn't say I'm any good. But I thought it might be really nice to do some and maybe even take a class or something-learn some things. Then, tonight my dad mentions out of nowhere that it might be nice for me once I'm off of my first 90 days new hire probation I could do some acting. And last night I posted about watching an old episode of Supernatural and realizing that I am in fact so much like Cas. I got so depressed at the thought of no one really appreciating me and I was a bit angry at the character of Dean always being a jerk to Cas and not appreciating the things Cas has done. Then, tonight's episode had Dean thanking Cas and letting him know how appreciative he is of all that Cas has done and whatnot. I felt like someone was trying to tell me something. I mean it made me happy to see Cas getting some recognition for once from Dean, but I'm not sure what that something/someone wanted to accomplish by showing that to me. And I know I sound crazy but it just comes at such a weird time where I felt like I had let God down when I thought about how He can't possibly fix the issues I have with feeling unappreciated and all. I hated feeling that way but humans make their own choices with only minor interference. So how could God get people to let me know I'm worth something to someone? But yeah. We will see what's gonna happen.

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What You See of Yourself

I once read that your favorite character says a lot about you. Like you see something of yourself in them. I automatically thought of Castiel in Supernatural. But it didn't make any sense. I never could see any similarities between me and Cas. Until now. I'd been saying often things about Cas I saw and for some reason it never occurred to me that I was speaking about myself. But I am rewatching season 9 episode 6 because I can't remember it. Seeing Cas's face when Nora said he was special. The way he looked when he thought he had been asked on a date. The way he talked about failing at everything. And then I pieced together all the other stuff I've said about Cas. How he just wants to be accepted- appreciated. He wants someone to acknolwedge all that he's done. And that's where Castiel and I are similar. We both feel unappreciated. We both just want to help. We want to be part if the team.

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I am so starved for face to face nerdy conversation abouy something I love that I sometimes forget those I do talk to in person don't give a f*ck. Also forgot how good my dad is at making me feel like sh*t when I'm in the middle of having fun. Of course I should have known better still, I just wanted to gush about stuff. Talking about how crazy a bunch of us went in the GISHWES Q&A 2 skype chatroom earlier when I posted the link to a clip from tomorrow's Supernatural episode. There's just so much emotion in Dean's eyes over Cas. So much! I was trying to tell my dad and he interrupts me saying, "Please, Sarah, stop, hearing stuff like that makes me want to throw up." "Stuff" being anything having to do with people being gay. I suppose I should be glad I'm straight because otherwise that'd be just one more thing for my parents to be disappointed in me for. Course I only identify as straight but I'm not opposed to other genders, period. I like people. But yeah now I'm stupidly depressed because my dad made me feel like I felt growing up, that whatever made me happy was stupid and I was an idiot for being excited about it.

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Um Laura you have to see this…

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This was my post to facebook earlier. I have the most awesome son in the world!

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/ x /

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Legit Destiel

I have been part of the Misha GISHWES Q&A chatroom (the 2nd one) for ages now it seems. Last night there wasn’t much activity so it was cool, I finally got a really awesome conversation about what we wanted to see in Supernatural.

We agreed we loved the idea of an episode where at least Sam and Dean became women. But my favorite was the Destiel thing we came up with.

I figured something happened to Castiel’s body and he needed to inhabit a new vessel for a bit and needed to find one quick so Dean volunteers. Bam! Destiel! Literally lol.

It mostly stems from my wanting to see Jensen play Cas lol. I would die. It would be so much fun! We have seen Jared play Sam, Lucifer, and Gadreel. Misha has done Castiel, Leviathans, Jimmy Novak, been god, meta Misha, and now Lucifer. When is Jensen going to play someone else? And the monster from that last episode with Bobby and Rufus doesn’t count, it was barely for a few minutes. I want at least an entire episode. Edit:Thanks to someone who has better memory than I do lately, lol, I have been informed Jensen has played other things in Supernatural. How could I have forgotten! T_T

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Morning After Pill for HIV

I think that people forget that condoms protect you from more than just pregnancy.

And there is no morning after pill for HIV.

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DEAN CAN GET IT UP FOR CAS

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Super cute and can't help but remember back at BurCon14 when we were told about Jared breaking the shaker thinking it was a cowbell of sorts and banging on it a little too hard.

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Supernatural Fanfic Snippet

*I really want to get this scene out of my head so I can concentrate on "more important" things. So yeah may not make much sense, but back story is I started writing this thing back before season 10 so Dean is still a demon and I did an original character* Cas carried Serena out of the room as Sam shut the door on Dean. When Sam turned around he saw Cas kneeling on the floor with the woman cradled in his arms. Her breathing was coming fast and her hands were wound up in the lapel of Cas's coat as her face was buried in his chest. "Serena, are you okay?" Castiel asked, his brow furrowed in worry. For a long moment Serena didn't answer. Then her shoulders began to shake and a barely audible chuckle could be heard coming from her. "Serena?" Castiel looked down and moved Serena back so as to look her in the eyes. A smile was in her face as she continued to laugh. When she opened her eyes the laugh died away. "I was wondering if my blood would be more potent if I were still a virgin," she said, amusement filling every word. "Maybe we should have waited." She reached up and lightly tapped his nose with one finger. Cas swallowed and glanced awkwardly up at Sam who had suddenly understood. One eyebrow cocked and he shifted awkwardly before turning around and pretending to ignore the scene now behind him. "I don't- I don't think that is an appropriate subject at present, Serena," he said with a lowered voice. Serena shrugged and moved closer to Cas and snuggled into his warmth. "Everybody has sex, Castiel." "Okay, I think maybe she just needs some water. I'll be right back," Sam announced and quickly left the two alone.

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Cure for Resting Bitch Face

I work at a loan company and in the short time I have been there I have come to fine that a majority of people who get loans have some- understandable -trust issues. Most want to only deal with the employees they've met previously, or the ones who happened to have been here long enough and have encountered so many issues they were able to save the day. Then there are some who just prefer an employee because they just plain like their personality. I try my best to come across as agreeable but I have spent most of my life trying to go unnoticed because it meant I wouldn't get teased or have people angry with or disappointed in me. And I used to smile so easily but in Alaska it is rare to get a smile back when you accidentally meet someone's gaze and you give a polite smile. So I just learned not to keep someone's look unless I was talking directly to them and I learned not to smile because all I would receive in return was usually a dirty look. But I want to be more approachable to my customers. I want them to feel comfortable when they visit the office, so when I saw a an article about ways to make yourself more likeable I opened it up and read through it. Aside from the usual body language cues I saw one for helping those with a normally frown-like passive face. It suggested thinking of something you find amusing. I kept that in mind while I went about my day and soon realized that I smile most when thinking about Misha Collins. Just everything about him makes me smile. He is such a genuinely nice, caring person. I mean I got to meet him at a Supernatural convention and had a photo op with him. I knew I needed to get the picture taken and go so after the photographer snapped the photo I tried to bolt, but found myself locked in place by Misha's hand around my waist. I stopped and looked up and he smiled warmly at me and thanked me. It was so sincere and is one of my favorite memories. Just a very sweet man. So I use him as a cure for my naturally frowny mouth. Works every time! ^_^ So thank YOU Misha Collins for being such an awesome person. So glad to know someone like you is in the world :)

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x

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Question!!

So I keep thinking about this. I've seen every episode of Supernatural but I can't always remember every detail so forgive me if this has been answered in the show: In season 4 episode 3 when Dean is sent back to 1973 we see a man ask about John Winchester's dad and he tells John to say hello to him. But then we later find out John's dad had up and vanished since he went through the door when the mess with Abbadon went down. So did John's mom remarry? Was she dead by the time his dad vanished and he got sent to an orphanage and was adopted? What happened to his parents by the time Sam and Dean were born?

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How sad is it that I meet eyes with an attractive man and he holds them longer than normal and even after he looka away as he trying to get by someone, when he walks past me he looks me right in the eyes again and it just seems like that look like he might think I'm cute but I immediately brush off the thought because he saw me from the side and I hate my profile appearance because of my stupid double chin that even when I was fit I still had a little one of? Yes one long sentence, so?