alkoholhalt

[alkoholhalt]

significance

do you think i’m insignificant?

i find myself asking

with my lips pressed lightly to bare skin

between your shoulder blades

you do not answer

of course you do not

you’re breathing rhythmically under my lips

if you could you would lie

(you don’t think of yourself as a liar)

you wouldn’t be lying to me

but as the words settle gently in my chest

they would be lies

because the significance in having

my lips pressed gently against skin

does not lie in them being mine

but in lips being pressed gently against skin

i don’t resent you for being a liar

you do it so poorly

[alkoholhalt]

disappointment

your heart beats hard under my lips

and the guilt eats at me

when i pull away

you pull me closer

and all i can think about

as my field of vision is narrowed down

to your left collarbone

as my fingers trace your spine

is that your skin is too smooth

and i wish i wasn’t with you

[alkoholhalt]

nails

my fingernails can whisper to me

truths i do not hear

i see them talking quietly

the future and the past

they store within the keratin

knowledge of the time

they beg for me to listen

to truths i will not see

they tell me things about you

and i don’t know what to do

[alkoholhalt]

smile

she a had a false smile

that was every bit as real as her

and when her lips curved

into this smile of hers

the air shifted

it radiated comfort and warmth

in a way she could never mean

and it was so infectious

that no one could bare the thought

of not giving her one in return.

but she had a true smile too

that she never used anymore

because she forgot how to

[alkoholhalt]

Skin

her bones were sharper than blades

threatening to break the tired skin

barely holding together muscle and sinew

every day they come closer

and closer

to piercing her imperfect shell

skin that has breathed her swinging mood

it has inhaled and exhaled every disease

and it is weak

[alkoholhalt]

stand

so how come then

you can’t stand

when you can walk

away?

[alkoholhalt]

Silence

is it desperately pathetic

that i lie in the dark

imagining you are with me

beside me

wrapped around me

that i talk to you

wishing you were with me

holding me

and that i still claim i feel nothing for you?

[alkoholhalt]

time

i live a long full decade

every minute of my life

and yet

there aren’t enough hours

in my days

[alkoholhalt]

haunted

and maybe some part of me loves you

because the ghost of your touch clings to me

your smile haunts me softly

and my dreams

my dreams

the ones i remember

seem to always be centred around you

[alkoholhalt]

punched

i miss the time you punched me in the throat

and told me it was okay

that i was bleeding

[alkoholhalt]

Edge

i know i’m always seconds away from falling

i know this

and yet i do not walk away

from the edge of the world

not when ocean water covers my feet

and begs me to follow it

in every contraction of salty waves

not when the wind rips at my clothes and hair

and urges me to relax

to let me be pushed over

not when everything is still

and the only thing that’s holding me back

the only thing that could make me topple

is my own will

i do not back away from the edge of the world

because i know it is my home

i know it is where i belong

[alkoholhalt]

forgotten

a whiff of you lingers

in the chambers of my heart

and the touch of you lingers

in purple hues on my skin

[alkoholhalt]

Grounded

i’ll turn you into moss and dirt

and lay still beside you

until you’re strong enough to climb me

and then you will consume me

fully

[alkoholhalt]

Risen

when the moon rises over her body

it is the only one who knows

that it is time to cry

laid out gently

face tipped to the side

framed by a halo of dark hair

eyes closed

lips almost parted

showing her good side

her dead side

arms at her sides

angled slightly out from her torso

palms up

in a welcoming gesture

saying “please find me”

her legs crossed at the ankles

somewhat leisurely

feet bare like the rest of her body

but toes painted red like sin

the moon cries

while her body is covered with frost

in patterns so delicately geometric

as they are a cold sign of death

and then she rose from the ground

[alkoholhalt]

cocoon

what wonder it must be

to be born a larvae

and knowing when you hatch

that everything will be different

once you emerge from your cocoon

to become so admired and beautiful

something so different entirely

to take flight

i wish when i buried myself

beneath piles and piles of blankets

i, too, could be drenched in certainty

that tomorrow will be different

[alkoholhalt]

permanence

there are constants

cling to them

never let go of what is solid

intangibility slips through your fingers

vapour breaks your spine

every morning

do not hold on to what you cannot grasp

[alkoholhalt]

Ice

maybe i’m a statue of ice

and maybe you’re killing me

with the burning touch

of your loving hands