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It’s apparently the 12th anniversary of the last episode of Buffy. That’s a weird anniversary to celebrate, but celebrate it I shall, with fan art! 

I watched Buffy lovingly and in awe when I was in high school, on a faux-wood-paneled TV the size of two hundred MacBook Airs strapped together. I don’t think I was technically allowed to watch Buffy because a) I was the kind of teenager not allowed to do things on a regular basis and b) it did look pretty edgy and occult-y in TV spots at the time. Still, I would switch over from the acceptable-to-watch Gilmore Girls to this scandalously smart show where the characters talked like my friend Jaime and I did, and were also Interesting and Hot.

“Conversations with Dead People” was one of my favorite episodes, and largely responsible for me not being able to write anything fictional without also thinking- could I squeeze a wisecracking ghost into this? 

The episode is broken into vignettes, unlike most other episodes of the show, and Buffy has an unexpected, Breakfast Club-like chat with a guy she went to high school with who has recently died and gone vampire.

The mood of it struck me as so strangely adult. Buffy was ancient to me at the time, being a grown woman of 20. She had a calling, she had sex, her mom had died, and she had a sister/plot device to care for. This was a far cry from my teenagerly responsibilities, but the tone tipped in ends and regrets caught my eye and ear. Buffy and her classmate quipped about inferiority, superiority, secrets, and shame…and then they fought to the death! 

It was maybe one of the first times the idea of being in the eye of the storm registered with me, albeit on a fictional level. We know what’s coming, it isn’t good, but we go towards it. With wary eye, sassy mouth, wooden stake drawn.

The guy was pretty cute, too. 

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Avengers Assemble!...Furniture.

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MAD LIBS FOR ARGUS FILCH

1. YOUR NAME 2. HOUSE NAME 3. NICKNAME YOU HATE 4. OUTFIT YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO WEAR ON A WALK OF SHAME 5. TYPE OF KNIFE 6. BODY PARTS 7. SLENDER OBJECT 8. TYPE OF RESIDUE 9. LIQUID MEASURE 10. WORST DRINK YOU’VE HAD 11. TYPE OF GAS 12. TYPE OF KNIFE 13. MYTHICAL CREATURE 14. INITIALS 15. YOUR INITIALS 16. OTHER SLENDER OBJECT 17. SLENDER OBJECT 18.  TYPE OF MAGIC WORK 19. BRITISH SLANG TERM 20. EUPHEMISM FOR JUNK

FILCH: Oi! Look what we have here, Mrs Norris. One proud wizarding student getting top marks in making a fine mess. What’s that, Mrs Norris? This is no wizarding student? This is YOUR NAME, a disgrace to HOUSE NAME?You may be well right about that.

I just found NICKNAME YOU HATE here dressed in nothing but OUTFIT YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO WEAR ON A WALK OF SHAME, holding A TYPE OF KNIFE, and touching your BODY PARTS with the wrong end of a SLENDER OBJECT.

And you tell me it’s cause you’ve been sleepwalkin’. Right. Sleepwalkin’ is what made the HOUSE NAME common area untidy. Sleepwalking made The Room of Requirement require a right scrubbing! It’s sleepwalkin’s fault that the Fat Lady Painting is covered in TYPE OF RESIDUE!

You want to know what I hate most about you lot today? The lack of respect. You just don’t give one knut for the experience that came before you. Let alone the cleaning that goes into a place like this! You think carpets clean themselves?

PEEVES: Your mouth cleans carpets!

FILCH: Shut up, Peeves. You know why I don’t like dirt, boy? It’s dirty.

PEEVES: Original!

FILCH: As I were saying, dirt. It mucks thing up. I unmucks ‘em. They’ll all have a good laugh about me and magicking, but not a one a you wizard youths know the first thing there is to know about cleaning a toilet with your bare hands.

PEEVES: There’s gloves for that.

FILCH: Never mind him. I followed you to the Forbidden Forest. Right after your “sleepwalkin’” led you to drink LIQUID MEASURE of Butterbeer mixed with WORST DRINK YOU’VE HAD. And you strutted in, TYPE OF GAS passing all over the centuars and what, ‘til I saw you use your trusty TYPE OF KNIFE to kill a MYTHICAL CREATURE and then carve the initials INITIALS next to your own with the bloody TYPE OF KNIFE.

Was that the work of SLEEPWALKIN’ THEN?!??!

You make me sick, NICKNAME. If you looked in the Mirror of Erised, all you would see is bootstraps! And the ability to pull yourself up by them! INITIALS plus YOUR INITIALS forever.  Coo!

All this mess you done to impress INITIALS. And you know what they’re doing to impress you? Snoggin’ your best friend, most like. While the other 10th formers try to block you from seein’. Not ‘cause they’re being nice-like. ‘Cause they think it will be even more of a laugh when you finally fight your way past ‘em to see she’s kissin…she’s kissin’ HIM. “A proper wizard,” she says. And the way she says proper, she may ‘ave well stabbed you in the throat with her OTHER SLENDER OBJECT.

You run cryin’ to the teacher to tell her about your broken heart, never you mind your broken SLENDER OBJECT. And she’s kind to ya, and she tells ya you ain’t as ugly as all the other kids say, and it’s alright you don’t have mates now. You’ll have mates plenty when you’re big and grown. And then you do the one bit o’ magic you’ve ever done and you turn that nicey teacher into a cat you keep by your side in this terrible, filthy life - forever. And ever. And EVER.

And you keep it all a secret ‘til you’re big and grown and you think you’re gonna get a job at the Ministry of Magic doing TYPE OF MAGIC WORK, and you don’t ‘cause you’re just a bloody squib and turning Mrs Norris into a cat was the one shot you got and and no matter what you do now, you can’t make magic come out of a wand unless it’s your BRITISH SLANG TERM, EUPHEMISM FOR JUNK. And you get a job as caretaker for the most beautiful castle in the whole of England, and you take it. You take it with pride. And you know that magic ain’t what cleans a mess. Magic makes it.

It’s bleach that cleans things. It’s work. It’s hardness.

PEEVES: I know what else is hard!

FILCH: Blast it, Peeves! You know what, NICKNAME? Only thing in this world you can count on is your enemies. Remember that. That, and Mrs Norris. See you in hell, NICKNAME. See you in hell.

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Poemic Attack, a Panic Attack Poem

Sometimes I take the world in my hands I let it run through my fingers Sometimes I forget that it's a world made of world And it becomes a world made of me And in the me world the me is extra me-ish It sounds like hearing your own voice recorded and played back It's you but uglier It's good but not as great as you think When you're not thinking about you, when the world is just world with you in it You is me in this situation But I could also be you You could be me And in the ways that you and I and me are we Are the stories that make us pick up or put down the world and ourselves in it Long enough to remember to stop thinking It is our world, and our world alone.

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10 Reasons Why You are Ross from Friends

1. You are whiny.

You are so whiny, there are valleys of you in California. You are so whiny, there is no longer cheese left to go with you. You are so wine-y, you don't even realize how whiny you are. Wine doesn't know it's wine. You don't know you're whiny. Get it? Only wine has an excuse since it is inanimate! Not only are you animate, you are animated with the power of your own self-pity. You whiny wine whiner! 

2. You aren't classically good-looking, but all of your partners are.

Hairstyles/sexual orientations not withstanding. Whatever strange magic you have, it is working.

3. You had/have a pet you care more for than people.

News for you: your pet's only in it for the humping.

4. You harbor crushes and your harbor has a yacht club.

You are extra Ross if your yacht is named Rachel.

5. You are insecure, but very good at kissing.

Maybe you're so good because you're insecure about it. Is insecurity your strange magic? Is it your curse? Is it your EVERYTHING*!??!?

*No. Rachel is.

6. You prefer wet-look hair gel.

You do.

7. You're a good friend when you aren't being a needy one.

But you're usually being a needy one.

8. You love dinosaurs.

Like, a lot.

9. You are smart and not afraid to use that as a defense mechanism.

Who needs real friends when you have the icebound fortress of snidely superior intelligence that is your own lonely brain?

10. You were on a break!

You weren't.

But here is the last slice of cheese to go with your whine, ROSS FROM FRIENDS.

By Larissa Zageris, who is only Ross from Friends about 6 days out of every month. This post originally appeared on https://julieandlarissawritesomething.wordpress.com/

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Get it together, Tay. If you keep buying mansions when you’re sad, you’ll own half of Cape Cod by the time you’re thirty. The locals will riot and you don’t need that again. That’s the sort of trouble mansions can’t fix. 

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I think Taylor Swift is smart, funny, and stylish as hell. So of course I started a blog detailing her fictional adventures as a girl detective solving mysteries with her sidekick, Keds. Enjoy!

How convenient that Lord Pemberton spilled his wine on my shoes moments after he switched from white to red. I’m sorry, Keds. I never meant to put you in danger. But now I know that Lord Pemberton is a dangerous man- and that I need new Keds.

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Horror screenwriters have nothing on what my brain comes up with when someone I love doesn't text me back immediately.

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Love these!

Weekend Hashtag Project: #WHPfairytale

Weekend Hashtag Project is a series featuring designated themes and hashtags chosen by Instagram’s Community Team. For a chance to be featured on the Instagram blog, follow @instagram and look for a post announcing the weekend’s project every Friday.

This weekend’s prompt was #WHPfairytale, which asked participants to capture creative photos that feel like scenes from a fairytale. Every Monday we feature some of our favorite submissions from the project, but be sure to check out the rest here.

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"My Bubbe has given me a sweater every day of Hanukkah for my entire life.  I’m 17. You do that math."

-Wallace

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Fashion!

"I have an outfit on under my outfit in case I want to wear a different outfit."

-Tessa

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Yep.

tonight

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erinmallorylong is the best moody model. She even has appropriately moody t-shirts!

"Some girls are popular because they’re hot. Other girls are popular ‘cause they’re bitches. The world makes no sense, basically."

-Peaches

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Pirate Breakup Shanty!

When pirates break up, they move on.

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Kelly made out with this guy in my cousin’s ska band and his ex-girlfriend wrote a song about it for her metal band and they’re playing it at this Battle of the Bands right now and we don’t know if it’s mean or not because we can’t understand what they’re saying. Either way I’m pretty jazzed to be hanging out with Kelly.

-Alan

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The sentiment is nice, but this feels like reading a horror novel.

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Hahahah

i had a dream that i was walking around in a shirt with stalks of corn all over it and somebody was like “wtf are u wearing?” and i said “it’s a crop top” i laughed so hard that i woke up