all-the-write-reasons - Tumblr blog

[all-the-write-reasons]

I’m really sad we don’t talk anymore.

Sometimes it feels like I lost you, even though you’re close enough to touch.

I know everything about you, your sleeping habits and favorite color. The way you talk and think. your favorite outfit and how your smile looks when you mean it.

But still, I know nothing. I no longer know the person you are, what you get up to, who matters anymore.

And I still haven’t decided if it’s your fault or my own.

Maybe it’s both.

Maybe it’s neither and these things just happen. But it feels like these things shouldn’t happen, at least not like this.

After years and years of knowing everything. How quickly, before either of us notice, can we go to not knowing.

Does the you that I know exist any longer?

I Hope so, because some things don’t change, or shouldn’t.

I wish they wouldn’t.

I Wish They Wouldn’t.

Seeing you feels like ripping my heart out, and feels like everything in the world is right again.

I don’t know how this can happen at the same time.

How can the world be right but we are in so much pain.

Will I ever get to know you again?

[all-the-write-reasons]

some poems

don’t sound pretty

until they’re read out loud

some boys

don’t seem beautiful

until you spread them out

a little bit of time is all I need

just a little time

another day, another hour

all i ask for is another

another minute, another second

i see a boy with his arms spread wide

i see a boy who wishes for more clouds

so he can point to the sky

behind my closed eyelids

and the tears that sneak out

most of all i see a future

robbed from so many

[all-the-write-reasons]

the difference between enjoying and tolerating

may, to you, seem like a small crack

a line that you can wobble

to me, it is a vast expanse

the difference between the separation in sidewalk blocks

and the separation in continents

I long to be enjoyed

yet i feel limited at tolerance

as if it will ever be the same

to be tolerant of me while my smile hangs off your every word

while my day is brightened by your presence and your day is unchanged regardless of mine.

i wish to be someone who can be thoroughly enjoyed

[all-the-write-reasons]

the fear of mourning

the fear of preforming

i try to keep my face steely

i try to make myself hard

but wouldn’t i be better soft

wouldn’t he want me to be soft

this world is not making me soft.

there are parents

siblings

friends

who am i but a stranger

impeding on their right to cry

stealing away their right to mourn

we can all have feelings

but mine feel wrong

dirty

embarassing

we can all have feelings

all but me.

[all-the-write-reasons]

some things hurt worse than others

by: Kai

a picture from 2004

of you smiling by the door

two big fish, hand in hand

the emotions pull me in like quicksand

Some things hurt worse than others

lost relationships with our mothers…

seeing you alone, or behind the covers

with countless other lovers

Some things hurt worse than others

the shining memory, like a curse

of you on the stairwell, face so bright

my life ended that night.

the biggest smile stretched on your face

now, it feels so out of place.

“I love her too much to give up the bed!”

while she was wishing you were dead

a few weeks later the world collapsed

i cant help but long for the past.

nothing hurts quite as much

as feeling us die with just a touch.

Some things hurt worse than others.

[all-the-write-reasons]

Tidal Wave

by: Kai

it hit me like a tidal wave

i need to be saved

I’m drowning in the misery you made

the sorrow you ooze

why do we all have to lose

everything we’ve ever known

what we’ve always called a home

because of mistakes you made

because of your tidal wave

did you forget about the ripples

the ripples your big splash made

did you think they would just go away?

that we wouldn’t sway

as the life we’ve always known

crumbled just like our home.

I am a boulder

but boulders can break

and crack and shake

and i cant be everyone’s boulder when you are the earth i came from.

the earth quakes, with the force of the tidal wave.

i am begging to be saved.

[all-the-write-reasons]

The Man of Her Dreams

By: Kai

I hope she grows up to be a beautiful man

the son we needed and never knew we had

dont worry, young child, we won’t be mad

we hope you grow up to be a gentle man

a kind man who will always take a stand

who will hold your hand

and tell you the wonders the future holds.

I hope she grows up to be the man of her dreams

just as happy as he seems

with a smile so bright it will light every light

and a hug so warm you won’t need to conform

to the pretty little girl they all knew

what do they know

if they dont want you to glow

if they don’t want you to grow

if they think you’re a side character in their own little show.

i hope he grows up to be happy and free.

that little boy is me.

[all-the-write-reasons]

Love letters to Mentally Ill Me.

Dear mentally ill me,

this isn’t a diary.

Or some sob story or plea

I’m not trying to convince you im worthy

that you should love plain old me

This is simply a collection of times i felt down

like life couldn’t turn around

like everything was one big crashing sound

the future was unknown

the past unwanted

and the present bleak

when it was just unloveable me.

But this is a collection of times

i wasn’t sure things would go up

or shine bright

or be alright.

And in this love letter to mentally ill me…

i plea

believe me when i say

“it will all be okay,

it may seem hopeless

you may feel alone

but the darkness wont last forever,

for you will find your home.”

with love,

Mentally Ill You

[all-the-write-reasons]

4 am poetry rambles

The Worlds Unluckiest Tightrope Walker

by: Kai

i am the line

that the worlds unluckiest tightrope walker has to climb

in the three ring circus of hell

she takes it step by step

praying that i wont snap

that the tension isn’t to tight

that everything goes right

but there i go

a crack, a pop and a snap

the stress was too much

for such a small line

I am the worlds unluckiest tightrope walker.

tiptoeing over the grand canyon of secrets and fears

hoping- no praying that the string wont snap

crack or pop

that i wont drop

into an abyss i know nothing about

i am the vast unknown under the worlds unluckiest tightrope walker,

swallowing her up as she falls

eating up her calls

and screams and fears and dreams

when the tension on the line is to tight

and the balance of life isn’t quite right

i stay, vast and dark,

waiting for the next person to tightrope walk.

[all-the-write-reasons]

I endlessly admire fic authors who have betas and write chapters and chapters ahead of what they post because you best believe my needy ass is slapping just-finished, mildly edited and typo-laden fics onto AO3 the moment they’re done so I can get that sweet sweet validation