alohasays

[alohasays]

I wish to write something... Something that pains you and yet you feel that it was needed. Something that makes you cry yet comforts you knowing that someone felt that too. I wish to talk to people about things that they hide in the darkest corner that the world is not yet ready nor will it ever be ready to see. I wish to tell this to every human that ever existed, to know that you feel the same way anyone would feel if put through the hell and heavens you have.

Oh I wish to feel so deep and explain this to everyone who felt the same at some point. For that moment I wish to tell them that, somewhere someone felt it too and it didn't kill them and it won't kill you too if you knew you are not alone. It's just a matter of time that makes that difference of understanding that creates boundaries to hide that feelings felt. But I felt it too and you will too and it's okay. It is going to be okay with time. Give it some time and talk to me or anyone. Write it down and burn it. Blow its ashes to this breezy autumn air. There's always someone listening. Your feelings are as valid.

[alohasays]

I think I am going to love and cherish myself very much from now on. All my life I have craved for love that I never received because I have been giving it to everyone else and not to myself. Buying presents I love for them, singing songs they love, cooking food they love and doing everything else that others love. For not once I did what I love. It bothered me thinking how I do the best for the world yet I am the one who craves for that same love and never received it. When all the time I had that love in me and I never gave it to myself. I am my biggest spectator and I never noticed that I was doing it all wrong the entire time. This is my life and I deserve all the love ❤️ I will start loving myself. The kind that I have given all the time. I shall receive it from now and for forever.

[alohasays]

Unconditional Love....

Love has always been my escape to reality. Oh to be in love is to be in the dream you dream of and live the stories you read. But what bothers me most is the theory of unconditional love. How to be in love truly and not expect love. For the majority love is what can be reciprocated. Yet true love asks for unconditionality. If not delusional, what is even this unconditional love that we often read and listen about. How do you love someone and not be loved. How do you love a person that betrays you. Breaks you down everyday yet you do deeds for their being. Is it really love or some sort of stupidity that delusions made you do. Do you not seek that love to return to you someday? What a strange potion of unconditional love some people have gulped that the majority of normals can't understand. Someday when I think about it deeply I guess I can only cry and forget the loss a fictional character goes through because if it was mine I would have been shattered and never longed for love. To be in unconditional love is not to be in love with oneself. Love is longing. Longing that knows love exists. Unconditional love could never guarantee that existence. It's just the chance people often take and never recover truly. Reality has no time for this kind of love.

[alohasays]

The love I have been longing for was found. This love wags tail and gives the sweetest wet kisses 💙.

[alohasays]

5 posts!

[alohasays]

Sometimes we give up on love. Sometimes it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it's just not what you want anymore because you are really tired of it. Sometimes it scares you to your core and makes you so sick that you become glad that you don't have it anymore. You feel safe alone. You don't seek anyone anymore to save you. Sometimes love is a terrible feeling which lingers the fear of abandonment. Love isn't what you want. You just wish to be free. Not to be scared to be not loved anymore. It's fine. You will grow out of it. Doesn't matter if it's yours or not. Sometimes it's just not yours to worry about anymore. It's like a good movie or a book you read and loved but eventually you will give it up someday and look for it after a while and it will not touch you the same way it did the first time. Travel back to the memory lane but never take the road back to it again. You will never feel the same way twice but if you do someday and you have the chance to save it. Save it :)

[alohasays]

This is about life. At some point you are going to accept the fact that people change. Your perspective of them may remain the same but they will change. You either live with them or you are going to leave them and that's alright. That's life my dear. You will change too. Change is inevitable. So just enjoy and laugh off the worries you have for them and for yourself too. You have one constant that is your true treasure of memories. That you can control and keep with you with all other uncertainties. Life is wonderful with every passing day. Learn to move on and you will truly feel every moment in your life. You are your own happy place. So keep your happy place safe and sound.

[alohasays]

I will remind you of these little flowers every time you see one.

[alohasays]

No matter how wonderful a childhood seems, it always leaves traumas you deal with your entire lifetime. Traumas that linger so deep that it stays with you and you pass that on to your children as well. It is not your fault when you go through it but when you grow up and choose to pass it on the same way it happened to you doesn't matter consciously or unconsciously and it affects your own child, then it's your fault. Silent treatment is what I am most scared of. As a child I often beg my mother to talk to me when she got mad and she would do it so often that I lost my own behavioural traits and do what soothes her so that she would talk to me. And as I grew up I have been so habitual to this that a slight change in someone's behaviour and their choice to not talk to me leads to my efforts to pursue them to talk. I become hopeless and I will start blaming myself for everything and it never felt abnormal to me because I was grown up with it. I tend to choose people who would give me the silent treatment and I will bow down so that it works out well in the end. Now that I see this pattern it tells me there's only one relation I couldn't escape that was with my mother. But if I follow this my entire life I will hurt myself more and pass on the same miserableness to my children as well. I won't be doing that. I choose to break this pattern and show every emotion and feeling to my loved ones.

[alohasays]

What I think of social media is an escape to your past. People you should have kept in your memories stay here and I don't understand the validation we put up to show our present timely. I don't see you today nor tomorrow but I wish to cross paths with you someday but here we are creating superficial scenarios everyday and the awareness of their present breaks it every time. You think I am ignorant, hyper independent and busy. I think you are all that. We just stare at our existence and wish everyday for miracles that we don't wish to play any part in. Maybe I have kept your one letter which makes no sense in the hope of a hopeless romantic episode for us to happen. Maybe you are waiting for a friend to go on adventures with, without any validation and judgement. So many maybes and your bubble of illusion will burst with their one post. I can never understand social media . I will still write you a letter if you write me one no matter how many years it has been. I will still bleed words in poetry rather than text you to catch up and then disappear.