arcemo17

[arcemo17]

Bucky: As Congressional representatives, we need to fight for disability rights!

Valentina: Yeah, right, like you even care.

Bucky: …I’m literally an amputee.

[arcemo17]

Joaquin: I’m a walking disaster!

Sam: Then sit down. Don’t make me revoke your walking privileges again.

Bucky: Is “bed rest” just adult time-out for him?

[arcemo17]

Bob: We all need to be making an effort to shop locally!

Yelena: Does Amazon count as “local” if you live right next to the distribution plant?

Valentina: I wanted to shop locally for my plane tickets, so I just bought a private jet.

Bob: …and, I’ve found the two main reasons behind climate change and income inequality.

[arcemo17]

Sam, shaking Yelena’s hand: It’s nice to meet you! I’m Samuel Wilson.

Yelena: Hey. I’m Yelena Belova, and this is my friend, Boob.

Bob: For the love of God, that is not my name.

[arcemo17]

Yelena: This, too, shall pass.

Bob: Well maybe it should pass at the speed of vanilla extract instead of fucking molasses.

[arcemo17]

Bucky: I’m too old for this “congressman” shit.

Sam: But you’re not too old to be fighting on the front lines against Valentina?

Bucky: I have priorities. And grudges.

[arcemo17]

Ava: You need to stop trying to set Yelena and Bob up!

Bucky: For the last time, I locked them both in the closet so they’d stop annoying me.

[arcemo17]

Bucky: So… you said doing clean-up for Valentina is like a full-time job?

Yelena: A full-time job with no lunch breaks.

Bucky: Have you, Ava, and John considered unionizing yet?

[arcemo17]

Joaquin: Everything is so expensive these days.

Sam: Aw, cheer up. When life gives you lemons, make a lemon cake!

Joaquin: I can’t even afford eggs…

[arcemo17]

Billy: What did Rio give you for your birthday?

Agatha: Some wine and a massive headache.

Billy: At least she didn’t give you a trip to the hospital!

Rio: That’ll be Agatha’s holiday gift.

[arcemo17]

Joaquin: Inside of me there are two wolves.

Sam: You ate two whole wolves? I thought you were vegetarian.

Joaquin: They’re plastic wolf toys.

Sam: You swallowed plastic?

[arcemo17]

Agatha: How are you so flexible?

Billy: My bones are made of jello.

Agatha: Don’t lie to me!

Billy: I’m sorry, you’re right. I don’t even have bones.

[arcemo17]

Peter: It’s been a rough day.

MJ: You know what always makes my days better?

Peter: A nice warm bath and some rest?

MJ: Screaming in the shower until someone calls the cops on me.

[arcemo17]

Rio: You abandoned me!

Agatha: I went to buy groceries for you…

Rio: If you hate me, just say it!

Agatha: This is why our fridge is always empty.

[arcemo17]

Deadpool: Thanks for sticking with me through the thick and the thin.

Wolverine: We just haven’t been through the real thick yet. I’ll ditch you the second things get hard.

[arcemo17]

Bucky: I know I was drunk last night, and I’m sorry about the things I said.

Sam: It’s not about what you said, it’s about what you did. You threw Peter off the roof!

Bucky: And I’d do that again completely sober.

[arcemo17]

Agatha: Do you think I’ll go to hell for kissing Rio?

Billy: No, I think you’ll go to hell for all those people you murdered.