aroacechillzone

[aroacechillzone]

happy aro day of visibility to!

loveless aros

lovequeer aros

aroallos

aroaces

aros in relationships

aros in qprs

nonpartnering aros

aros who experience romantic attraction sometimes

aros who never have and never will

gay and lesbian aros

straight aros

mspec aros

trans aros

cis aros

romance repulsed aros

romance favourable aros

romance neutral aros

aros who ship

aros who don’t

aros who are good at relationship advice

aros who when asked for advice spin a wheel in their brain with the options “talk it out” and “dump his ass”

religious aros

aros of colour

disabled aros

neurodivergent aros

non-sam aros

aros in the closet

aros who are still working thru all that stuff

aros who are questioning if they’re aro or not

aros who have known for ages

all aros!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aroacechillzone]

Happy pride month to everyone on the aro spectrum! You are wonderful and enough and valuable to the community, have a nice day!

[aroacechillzone]

something something people will complain about queer women not using the term "lesbian" because of the stigma and shame surrounding the label (a real thing that happens, i experienced it myself) but then get mad about bi lesbians and trans male lesbians. sorry i thought you wanted to more people to overcome the shame associated with the term lesbian and make it something to be proud of but i guess you actually meant you wanted people to join your Cool Girls Only (NO BOYS ALLOWED!!!) treehouse club

[aroacechillzone]

i love masculine people. trans men. trans masc non-binary people. masc non-binary people. masc cishet men. masc cis queer men. masc transfemmes. masc intersex people. transmasc intersex people. masc cishet women. masc cis queer women. masc men. masc women.

masculinity isn’t something to fear or hate or forget about. masulinity isn’t ugly or something to be made fun of. the fearmongering of transfemmes is matched with the erasure of transmascs. you can absolutely be transandrophobic and if you don’t agree you’ve probably been transandrophobic before.

let people be masc in peace. masc people don’t owe you femininity to be seen as “valid” and “safe.” masc people are allowed to ditch what they hate about their bodies. if femmes were met with the same judgement as mascs someone would be jumped. where is the support for transmasc people?

guys please remember about ALL trans people. transfemmes are not the only ones out there. transfemmes are not the only valid ones. we love femmes here but we also love androgynous and masc people.

👍

[aroacechillzone]

tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.

[aroacechillzone]

I know I’m a lesbian cuz every pic I see of a woman w her boyfriend makes me go “wow that’s the most basic dude ever” 💀

[aroacechillzone]

Aro culture is seeing how allos react to breakups and being extremely glad you won’t experience that.

Why are they so sad? I can understand for the long relationships but you were dating that person for two months. Why are you no longer eating?

It’s very perplexing. I don’t understand it.

(This is about a YouTube short I saw not someone I know IRL)

gonna be real, it's grief. it may not be grief for what they had, but for the future they built up around the idea. if you've been told your entire life that you'll find the one, that everything will be worth it if you do that, if you can't afford predatory housing rates with less than two people, if you just want something to work out, if it's not the only thing going down, but the only thing you feel like you can talk about...

there's a lot that people are grieving behind the statement "we broke up", even in short relationships, and especially on social media, we will not know the whole story.

[aroacechillzone]

it's aro week so here's a quick reminder to all my fellow aros that you don't have to "make up" for being aromantic. You don't have to love your friends twice as much to "make up" for romantic attraction you don't have to have a wide family you don't have to find The One in a qpr instead. If those things are something you want, go for it! But you shouldn't have to feel forced to go into any relationship just to make your aromanticism more palatable to outsiders.

Aromanticism isn't a hole that you need to fill. Sure it's a lack of romantic attraction but it's not a lack of self. You're already full and complete, whether or not you have more or less love in other areas of life. Do what you feel is right for you, not what others expect of you.

[aroacechillzone]

When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

EDIT: U lot really like this post huh. Well it's blown up again and the point's been lost so let's wrap that up:

'But op, some asexuals DO have sex/I'm an acespec that has sex/I'm a non asexual person what about meeee :(' pt 2, pt 3

'There's asexual studies OP??/Where's the asexual studies OP?'

[aroacechillzone]

I am genuinely so worried for all the young horny dykes going into adulthood thinking there's something "problematic" / "wrong" with them for being horny because fucking tiktok lesbians think any horny dyke content is "male gaze fetishitic"

[aroacechillzone]

sorry since realizing my gender i have zero tolerance for the whole “man hating” angle of being queer i hate i hate it i hate you. stop. you are hurting people.

[aroacechillzone]

*gripping my hands so hard on a young trans persons shoulders that their bones are about to break*

do not log on to 4chan.com. do not get involved in passing olympics. you will always lose. do not put afab/amab/tma/tme, that is cisgender society trying to know your “real” gender. you do not exist to please cisgender people. there is no ‘right’ way to be trans. learn your goddamn history, listen to your elders. listen to other disenfranchised groups. listen to intersex people and check yourself for intersexism. listen to trans poc and check yourself for racism. listen to disabled people and check yourself for ableism. be open to learning always. labels are meant to fit you, not the other way around. you are not weird or predatory for simply being attracted to others. you’re fine if you’re not a skinny white twink or a barbie doll. you’re fine if your body is ‘weird’. you’re fine if you don’t have heavy or any dysphoria. it’s okay if you actually don’t want to transition or anything like that. life is worth living at any stage, you deserve to be happy. I SWEAR THAT YOU ARE OKAY!!!!!

[aroacechillzone]

as someone who gets misgendered a lot, both by strangers and my own parents (not intentionally but still) i really appreciate it when adults notice they've misgendered me and correct themselves. while it does put me in a slightly awkward position as said adult is usually very apologetic while I don't really care that much, i do really appreciate it as it shows me that you care.

[aroacechillzone]

do you ever just look at a character and go ‘yep they’re aromantic’

and then the rest of the fandom is like ‘no. they’re not aromantic.’

and i just don’t really care what the rest of the fandom think

i can headcanon any character i want as aromantic

they’re all aromantic now. every character

like the midas touch but aro

[aroacechillzone]

Hey I'm just gonna say it. A lot of you in the sapphic community have "terfs dni" in your bio while repeating terf rhetoric that keeps trans men in the closet and bi women ashamed. And you need to reflect on that.

There is no "men are inherently biologically bad" argument you can make that doesn't lend itself to terf rhetoric and misogyny. Adding a "but like, trans girls don't count ☆" or "except the gays ♡" or "except my transmasc boyfriend [I'm going to subtly or unsubtly imply he doesn't count as a real man whether I realize it or not]" does not suddenly make it a progressive argument. [Especially you fuckers who adapt it to mean "actually all trans women are good and pure and innocent and all trans men are dirty evil misogynists just like cis men". You are doing active damage to the trans community. You are not an ally. You're doing toxic gender roles. Fuck off.]

Bioessentialism will never serve the queer community. I don't care if you make minor adaptations to it to make it seem nicer and less bigoted. It will always serve to harm trans people, divide people into a binary, and maintain misogynistic ideas that men are inherently evil and therefore can't be held responsible for their actions, that women have to take the responsibility for "protecting themselves" instead of believing that men can and should change so that no one needs protecting.

It's a lack of belief in feminism's ability to meaningfully change or solve anything and I'm tired of everyone acting like it's not.

[aroacechillzone]

Transmisogyny is not the intersection of transphobia and misogyny. Y'all got it backwards. Transmisogyny is the unique oppression experienced by those with intersecting identities of trans and woman.

This is a core part of what intersectionality theory is about. The discrimination faced by black women is not just anti black discrimination + anti woman discrimination. The whole point is to get the full picture you have to account for additional discrimination outside of those two types of discriminations - anti black woman discrimination.

Transmisogyny is not the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, and it isn't transphobia + misogyny. Its additional discrimination outside of the scope of transphobia and misogyny.

Identities intersect while discrimination compounds based on the intersection of identities. It seems like a small distinction but it is important.

Which is a lot of words to explain that the argument that transandrophobia cannot exist because androphobia don't exist is misguided and fundamentally ignorant. Your logic fails on the face of it because you don't understand intersectionality.