astralwilds

[astralwilds]

mini 1 or whatever

have you ever taken a nap, and then been gone for like two days?? i just... this also has weird implications for system structure and headmate .. things maybe i'll elabourate in another post. maybe the new headmate will i don't know

[astralwilds]

2. Dysphoria

Hi. I don't know who I am actually. [Xander later figured out it was him.] I didn't make it clear last post, but "I" am not a single person, we are a plural system. It'll come up sometimes.

I didn't make it clear last post, but "I" am not a single person, we are a plural system. It'll come up sometimes.

This isn't one of those times.

I've been aware of transgender people in some capacity for more than half of my life. I'm not sure when I realized I was, exactly, but it never felt right? Not as in the normal gender dysphoria. I didn't feel dysphoric enough, nor euphoric enough, for myself to be sure of my identity. I hear these stories of revelation and euphoria and "It All Makes Sense Now!", and I just couldn't relate.

I had heard about gender envy. I experienced it, to an extent. But I didn't feel like I fit in. I couldn't relate to anyone. The only people I got gender envy from weren't human.

Hi again, this took so long to write we've switched. I'm Sophie.

I really envied the catgirls. I didn't understand why, I just didn't envy other women. I didn't get it then but I envied the cat more than the girl. It really didn't help with feeling validly trans. This still makes me doubt my transness constantly.

Obviously, years later, I understand this feeling. But it sucks. Every time I see furry art, I get envy. The aforementioned TFHRT works don't help. They're great art. I like it. It can just hurt to look at.

Is this what 'normal' trans people feel when gender envy hits? Because jay eff see. It's not fun.

The worst thing about what I can only think to call 'species dysphoria' is that it's not going to be changed. There is no dragon HRT.

I don't know how to end this post.

It hurts.

[astralwilds]

1.

Hi. I'm Sophie. For my whole life, No. Not quite. For as long as I can remember, I've been a cat. I purr and meow, even at inopportune and sometimes embarrassing moments. I can feel my tail, and ears, and fur. It's weird. I don't care. At least, I try my best not to? I wish I didn't care that it was weird. But it's true. And it hurts sometimes. Even if I can feel it, it's still not... there. People still see me as human.

I had seen these posts on social media. People like me, not right in their body, not who they are. I had seen gender HRT for years, hell, *I'm on it*, but recently I'd seen people I relate to even more. A woman on dragon HRT, and her euphoria; someone else transitioning to a wolf, and their euphoria. I saw them, and I was envious. To the point of tears. After a good couple months of inaction, I decided to look at where I could get myself some of that type of treatment. There's a place hours away. I don't care. Fucking give it to me. I schedule an appointment. I arrive. I check in and-

I wake up.

And cry.