astrudy

[astrudy]

Update of my Life: Diary of a Lost Dreamer

When I take a moment to look back at my life and analyze my emotions along my path, I feel really old. It is a weird sensation. When I realize that I am just 22 years old and I have a whole set of chapters to explore, I am filled with nostalgic sadness.

I am trying not to be hard on myself for not planning my future one year ahead of my graduation. I was lost, I am still lost, but things have worked out in a curious way. When I returned from my trip to Europe to visit my brother, I felt the hurry to get a job, to have money, so I got a job as a customer service agent. I quit after 6 months, because the campaign took some decisions that severely affected us, employees. Then, I was unemployed for 5 months, and I must admit that I was having a hard time; applying to every offer I stumbled upon, sending my CV hundreds of times and getting no results.

Money was running out, and I was this close to return to a call center when, one month ago, I received a call for a high school teacher position. Thru networking in the tennis group of my area, my CV ended at the recruiter's hands. It was a big challenge, the position was for a technology teacher, I studied physics. I would need to teach one of my weaknesses, electronics, and one of my strengths, programming. However, I took the challenge and prepared my class simulation and my interview.

I got hired! :), oh but now I need to work almost everyday :(. Just kidding. I am grateful for the opportunity but it has been tough these weeks. I have no teaching experience and I think my personality sometimes is not suitable for the job. This whole thing is a "fake it til you make it" taken to the next level. I already cried two times, but here I am, still standing?

I am thinking all the time in pursuing my masters degree, is what I love, and I hope with my soul that I can build my life around astronomy. The plan for now is to wait how this education path goes, and save money. Maybe in 2025 I can continue with my studies, I feel scared and still unprepared, like a little child. Discipline, unfortunately, has not been in my dictionary since I graduated. So, I expect this whole experience to teach me how to learn, cause as they say, the one that can teach kids can teach anything to anyone. And teaching is learning! I want to prove to myself that I can learn and feel passion again.

I am doing fine, or that's what I am trying to convince myself. Let's keep going <3

[astrudy]

Thesis Defense Countdown: -3 days

Status: Relieved and rested. I should have told how it went a while ago, but being sincere once I got over it, and celebrated with my friends eating out, I fell deaaad in my bed. However in the end I was a little nervous, and I would be lying if I told you that I could answer all the questions, luckily my professors are super kind, and helped me when I was struggling. They told me there was still missing the document grade but overall between the defense and the document my grade would be 88/100!

The next few days I was sleeping for like 10 hours and did nothing. I still have left making the last corrections to the document, so it can be uploaded in the university's digital library. It feels weird knowing it is over, time flies super fast. I don't know what I am going to do next but from now on I am just looking forward to my graduation. I was planning on doing a summer internship but unluckily I was rejected in all of them, so the plan for summer is visiting my brother in Europe. I am trying not to feel bad for the internships and take this as an opportunity to rest.

My posts until I travel will be my preparation for the TOEFL exam, so it is not a goodbye yet! Thanks for the cheers in this thesis journey! Do not be like me and prepare before hand hehehe. I would've liked to see the outcome if I gave more, but well it is not all lost if you learn from the experience!

(⁠๑⁠¯⁠◡⁠¯⁠๑⁠)

Thesis Defense Countdown: 29 hours

Status: Paranoic as heck. Had tough days while submitting some final stuff for a couple of subjects, so in terms of slides we don't have slides. I am on my way to Uni to tackle that all morning and practice the rest of the day.

Every now and then I will be updating on my status, maybe this will help to maintain me sane lol

Thesis Defense Countdown: 23 hours

Status: Anxious is not enough to describe it. I work really slow when I say 3 hours before meeting my professor are not enough, I am dead serious. Either way I end up rushing things last minute. Now, every second reminds me what is going to happen tomorrow, and my body is starting to react with nausea, trembling, and I hope not indigestion cause I suffer a lot from it being caused from stress. I have 13 slides more or less but the expectation is minimum 25 so I am halfway there yay?

[astrudy]

Thesis Defense Countdown: 6 hours

Status: Stressed, the imposter syndrome is taking over my thoughts. I always feel there is something missing. Beside that, I was able to eat breakfast despite my nausea. Just a little more, today is over, is finally over. On the other hand, I am wearing a cute elegant black dress I bought for my birthday, especially for this occasion. The non-heat curls were a disaster, I need a curler asap. Also brought with me my big cat plushie, for hugging the nervous out of my system. I told my friends they could go to my defense, but my hidden intention is for them to fill chairs so no expert or master student will be able to attack me with questions. Meeeeh jk (partly), I really appreciate their support.

Pd: The previous update I should have reposted. I forgot I can do that.

Thesis Defense Countdown: 29 hours

Status: Paranoic as heck. Had tough days while submitting some final stuff for a couple of subjects, so in terms of slides we don't have slides. I am on my way to Uni to tackle that all morning and practice the rest of the day.

Every now and then I will be updating on my status, maybe this will help to maintain me sane lol

Thesis Defense Countdown: 23 hours

Status: Anxious is not enough to describe it. I work really slow when I say 3 hours before meeting my professor are not enough, I am dead serious. Either way I end up rushing things last minute. Now, every second reminds me what is going to happen tomorrow, and my body is starting to react with nausea, trembling, and I hope not indigestion cause I suffer a lot from it being caused from stress. I have 13 slides more or less but the expectation is minimum 25 so I am halfway there yay?

[astrudy]

Thesis Defense Countdown: 29 hours

Status: Paranoic as heck. Had tough days while submitting some final stuff for a couple of subjects, so in terms of slides we don't have slides. I am on my way to Uni to tackle that all morning and practice the rest of the day.

Every now and then I will be updating on my status, maybe this will help to maintain me sane lol

Thesis Defense Countdown: 23 hours

Status: Anxious is not enough to describe it. I work really slow when I say 3 hours before meeting my professor are not enough, I am dead serious. Either way I end up rushing things last minute. Now, every second reminds me what is going to happen tomorrow, and my body is starting to react with nausea, trembling, and I hope not indigestion cause I suffer a lot from it being caused from stress. I have 13 slides more or less but the expectation is minimum 25 so I am halfway there yay?

[astrudy]

tagged by @breathing-inthemoon, latina science dear <3

1. named after anyone? no

2. last time you cried? three days ago, bachelor thesis gave me a lot of crisis, but now everything is niceee, smoooth, I need to talk about this experience someday in a study-post

3. do you have any kids? no, and I don’t think I will. They are a great responsability, and having one does not align with my goals. I know I am still young, but I also know that the world is upside down now a days, I don’t want them to go through this chaos

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? not much

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? A piece of clothing I like. I have gotten this habit to get out of boredom while waiting to the bus, to mention one think I liked about a stranger’s outfit. Most of the time is the whole fit, people are so aesthetic!

6. colour of your eyes? dark brown

7. scary movie or happy endings? HAPPY ENDINGS! screamers in the Facebook era gave me traumas about horror stuff

8. any special talents? I can build a type of flute with my hands clumped together and play it

9. where were you born? colombia, I am in the process to be proud of my country

10. hobbies? My mom enrolled me in a lot of things when I was in school, but most of them were abandoned cause I didn’t like them as much or not having much time. The only one that survived was singing although I really enjoyed acting and playing the piano. Among others there are: crochet, astronomy observation (my poor baby is sick and I have not continued :c), anime, kpop, videogames (only one shooters among a whole world of wholesome), reading, manga, manhwa, and kdramas

11. any pets? do my plants count? All of them have names, the most memorable one is Nebulosa that I bought in my 16th birthday. She is still alive and with lots of children <3

12. what sports do you do/have you done? I am still involved in my family’s main sport, tennis. However, I don’t play competetively anymore so I am not signed up in classes. I have done volleyball, swimming, and horse riding in my school. Also out of nowhere I won a gold medal in high jump in an inter-school competition, like what.

13. how tall are you? 167, but my mom still claims I am 170

14. favourite subject in school? Maths then physics, actually my first major was maths because my favorite professor convinced me I was good (hell nah)

15. dream job? i wanna be an astronomer and astrophysicist

no pressure tag (help I don’t know anyone here) maybe @thegirlnextstar who sent me warmth in a post, and I really admire her!

[astrudy]

Thesis Deadline Days Countdown: 8 days left

Not posting 9 days left post because my productivity was downhill after these days working quite some. This always happen inevitably and I end up wasting my time at uni. Fortunately could compensate some time of work at night. Not so creative to write today so here is a picture of my two current bibles.

Study time 17.05.2023: 4h 57min

[astrudy]

Thesis Deadline Days Countdown: 10 days left

Don't ask me two things these two weeks: 1) How is the thesis going? 2) How much have you slept? I am writing reaally slow, writing always takes me so much time. It is not that I don't know entirely what to fill my sections with, the thing is I always feel that they can be filled more. Working on that hidden perfectionism that is still in my system.

Study time 15.05.2023: 6h 33 min

[astrudy]

Colorful views have appeared, although there are not so recent ones. Past days have been feeling awful, but today finally I obtained the results of my bachelor thesis. Now what is missing is the most important thing: The document! I am not completely empty, I have more or less 10 ~ 15 pages. I have to complete at least one section per day. This scares me, as I have writer's block pretty often. Have pulled an all nighter, more days like this await me, yay! Don't be like me pls.

Study time 09.05.2023: 5h 20min

[astrudy]

Tumblr is the excuse to post random photos I think looked cute

Study time 04.05.2023: 06h 06min

[astrudy]

I just want to remind you that sometimes your life really doesn't begin until you are 26+... Romanticizing and obsessing over our youth is harmful. Growing up is beautiful. Discovering who you are and how you interact with the world is a gift. Maturing and learning what you truly want out of life and living in that purpose brings fulfillment and peace. Your life is not over in your early 20's because you haven't figured it out yet, it's just beginning.

[astrudy]

Only 1 picture is from yesterday's study session. I need to take more photos, how do you even do to have such aesthetic Tumblrs?

(wish that was my cat but is roomie 's. The telescope heck yeah that is my property but now needs maintenance, I miss him)

Study time 03.05.2023: 3h 59min

[astrudy]

Have been feeling quite down. Even if I should not rely on motivation, sometimes I feel I have lost my way. The love I had for my career, my area, seems blurry but I still know this is the only thing I like and has helped me to stay afloat. So I am learning once again, in my last month of uni, how to learn, how to be disciplined. Trying to always keep in mind that girl that did not see a problem in going to a night group trip where she knew no one to go see her first meteor shower and returning at 4 am to her house.

Study time 01.05.2023: 5h 30min

[astrudy]

Alright.

It’s Monday

4:28am

[astrudy]

Radial profile of a star, an adorable cat by a beautiful pool and some fresh Colombian products in a bakery

This week has been harsh, my energy is depleting exponentially. I can feel even more the urge to finish university, one is so done with things lmao. My thesis is some manual photometry and all the analysis depends on it, and I have not gotten it right yet! I had to change of galaxy because the one I had was not bright enough. Now the pressure of the deadline in one month is overwhelming. I am trying to be consistent to the so-called routine I have established for myself. Let's hope everything turns o-k.

Study time 19.04.2023: 4h 29min

[astrudy]

Every hour the sky reminds me of its beauty

(except when there are clouds on the night, motherf- blocking the star I need to measure its spectra. My country is not the best place for astronomy hehe)

Study time 03.02.2023: 4hrs 59min

[astrudy]

Late night study

This semester I will be working in my thesis and apart from that I will be using the university's telescope. Not being nervous is not an option.

Study time 24.01.2023: 3hrs 58min

[astrudy]

Beautiful creatures from the geology department, beautiful sunset while waiting for the bus with back pain and not so beautiful part of long math for quantum mechanics.

Study Time 30.11.2022 : 5 hrs 15 minutes