autistic-answers

[autistic-answers]

it bothers me so much when "mental health advocates" are only supportive of the "acceptable" symptoms and disorders...

people who "advocate" for depression but call others disgusting for having trouble showering, or people who "advocate" for trauma survivors but say you shouldnt express your trauma in art or talk about it because its "triggering"...

people who "advocate" for BPD but demonize NPD and ASPD as if they arent in the same cluster...

people "support mental health" until it isnt relatable. people "support mental health" until it cant be romanticized. people "support mental health" until symptoms disrupt life. people "support mental health" until symptoms are noticeable and not easily hidden.

you are not an advocate if you do not advocate for us all. you cannot be a mental health advocate while also talking badly about people with personality disorders, including ASPD and NPD. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you make fun of autistic people who are visibly autistic. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you call the police on someone with psychosis for talking to themselves in public.

if your entire "advocacy" revolves around demonizing more "severe" symptoms or disorders, and romanticizing the "good" and "relatable" symptoms or disorders, you are not an ally. you are feeding into stereotypes.

i have ASPD and NPD. the amount of hate i see in "advocate" spaces is honestly shocking. if your entire advocacy revolves around "helping depressed autistics escape evil narcissists!!!!", you are not an advocate, you are ableist.

people with stigmatized disorders or symptoms should not have to water down the way they experience life and describe their personal symptoms and experiences just to avoid being called bad people. by demonizing some disorders while romanticizing others under the guise of "advocacy", you are spreading misinformation and reinforcing stereotypes. you are worsening the stigma for people who already struggle. you are harming everyone with struggles, because a lot of society does not see a difference of "good" vs "bad" mental illness. to ableist neurotypicals, we are all bad.

you hurt the entire community by excluding your own.

you advocate for all of us, or you help none of us.

[autistic-answers]

i think. it's good to call out misogynist "tradwife" propaganda by pointing out the position of vulnerability it glorifies. i.e. telling women to be wholly financially dependent on a man. however i do want to point out that some disabled people, including some disabled women, are going to have to live in a position of dependence. if not to a spouse, to family, to the state, to friends, to a home care agency, to an institution. and this position of vulnerability is not a "dunk." it is not a betrayal of feminism or of leftism. it's just a reality of some disabled people's lives. instead, save that energy for supporting people who are reliant on others, for making sure we. have options to escape abuse, provide counter-narratives to our dehumanization and infantilization, and listen to us. actually listen to us, and make space for us in your organizing

[autistic-answers]

this is your daily reminder that people with schizophrenia are bodily human beings who are the same species as you and deserve the same amount of respect as you do. we are not inherently lesser than anyone, especially not neurotypicals.

[autistic-answers]

So sad to read that “aces get all the rep” ’cause like, sure, there is more ace rep than aro rep around.

It’s still hard to mention 10 canon ace characters. I could do it, since I specifically seek out all kinds of aspec rep, but most of it is very minor books/comics that no one uninterested in aspec rep would know or ever have heard of (and the more mainstream ones are usually completely ignored by the fandom).

Aces don’t get all the rep, they get some rep. Aros get less than that.

The problem isn’t the ace rep. Let’s not make this a battle of who gets more scraps. Aspec people need more rep, undoubtedly, but getting upset at what little rep we currently get isn’t going to fix anything.

[autistic-answers]

Is it possible to become more "visibly autistic" the older i get?

Yep! It could be for reasons like:

Unmasking

Autistic burnout

The demands of life increasing faster than you can keep up with them

Various life events causing increased stress

Better awareness of your own autistic traits (you notice them more, even if others think you seem about the same)

We may become more "visibly autistic" when we are stressed and overwhelmed. When you grow up, life places more and more demands on you, so that can make you seem "more autistic" as an adult than as a kid. (I don't know how old you are.) Elderly people get aches and pains that can cause stress.

We also can be more "visibly autistic" when we stop caring as much about what other people think. This is unmasking. And some people, as they get older, feel less bothered by others' potential judgments and let themselves be more authentic. I think that's pretty cool.

[autistic-answers]

Oh gosh. My sister has intellectual disability and I would be so mad if people took things away from her like that!

Adults with intellectual disability might need extra support with some things, but that doesn't mean treating them like a child or defaulting to carrot-and-stick methods.

Anyone else in the weird "visibly autistic" space where you're not infantilized, but when you tell people that you are autistic, they already knew, and you sometimes get stared at in public but it doesn't feel like it's enough to complain about? Like, you're visibly autistic but in a way that's still considered acceptable so that's just something you have to deal with? And yet you feel isolated because everyone online talks about either no one believing they are autistic, or exclusively negative interactions due to being visibly autistic and its just...

I've had some negative comments made in the past, and it can be distressing at times to be followed by store security, and I'm still traumatized from the time the librarian called the cops on me for "acting drugged" when I was 14... but overall I'm visibly autistic in a socially acceptable way. In an "El is on the spectrum but we can leave them be about it" way. In an "it's obvious they're autistic, but they're still able to contribute" way.

Too autistic to mask, not autistic enough to feel like i can talk about the downsides of people just Knowing when they interact with you.

[autistic-answers]

Last summer, I began to realize the LSN life I'd assumed I'd lead isn't coming. Nor is the ability to healthily work full-time kicking in.

I live with my parents and they help me every day. My future will be in assisted/supported living, not independent living.

It's a weird realization because I always assumed I'd end up like the LSNs who can work full-time, have social lives, date and marry, and even manage advanced tasks like raising children. (Though at least I never wanted kids.)

Anyway, there's a post on my blog about it.

[autistic-answers]

what abled ppl think is a massive problem for disabled folks: 13 year old on the internet faking something

what is actually a massive problem for disabled folks: "well you don't LOOK disabled, are you sure you're not faking? I'm not giving you accommodations until you PROVE you're not faking. Please give me, a stranger, your medical info and explain your condition to me in detail so I know you're not faking and only then will I respect or take you seriously"

[autistic-answers]

I hate how often some (typically abled) people will go “well, if you can’t [get a specific support], then what?” when it comes to disabilities. As if it’s a “gotcha” moment. And then act like you’re exaggerating when you answer that question honestly.

Disabled people often die from a lack of support. A lot of disability aids are not a luxury, but a basic need in order to live.

“Well what happens if—” people die. People hurt themselves. People hurt others. Disabled people don’t magically become abled if our needs aren’t met.

If a bedbound quadriplegic is caught in a housefire, and there’s nobody there to save them, they’ll probably die. They won’t magically become able-bodied out of sheer will.

If a nonspeaking/nonverbal autistic is denied access to alternative methods of communication, they’ll suffer in silence. They won’t spontaneously become capable of speech.

Disabled people are disabled all the time. Our disabilities don’t go away just because they’re inconvenient, or if we’re in danger.

[autistic-answers]

it is possible for someone to be 'more disabled' than you, and that's okay. all it means is that they have higher support needs and their disability disables them more than yours does.

that is not an attack on your validity as a disabled person.

that does not mean that you are not disabled.

someone else's disability has no impact on your own. there will always be someone more disabled than you. that is completely okay.

[autistic-answers]

chronic pain diagnoses are all like yeah we don't know what this is or why it happens. we also don't know how to treat it. good luck out there soldier

[autistic-answers]

Functioning pt. 2

The problem with "functioning" as a concept is not the indisputable fact that people have differing abilities, talents, and skills to differing degrees. The problem is that some abilities, talents, and skills are classified as "functioning," and real or perceived deficiency in them is grounds for pathologization and denial of autonomy. I can't play the trumpet, run a marathon, or dance on my toes. These are abilities that some other people have, but I don't. Yet no one is going to call me "low-functioning" or take away my rights because of this. Okay, but those are hobbies, not necessary for survival. If you don't have abilities necessary for survival, surely that's low-functioning. Except I also can't hunt or clean an animal for meat, forage for plants, or spin wool into warm clothing. I would be completely unable to survive without the structures of the society I live in. Yet I still do not face the legal consequences of being classified as "low-functioning." I am not denied human rights for this. Primitivists and fascists insult me for this (I don't care), but they have no legal power over me (yet).

Okay, but those skills aren't necessary for survival in my social context, a post-industrial capitalist society. Lacking abilities that are necessary life skills in my social context, that would definitely get me classified as "low-functioning", right? Except, no, I'm not very good at post-industrial capitalism, either. I can't file my taxes without assistance. I'm hazy on what the stock market is. The complex interconnected computers I use to manage my life might as well be run by tiny elves in hamster wheels for all I understand them. People might make fun of me or look down on me for this. But they don't classify me as "low-functioning." They don't take away my right to make my own decisions about my own body. But I have trouble filtering out different sounds, speech, and background noise. If I'm in a meeting or a crowded room, and people are have multiple conversations at once, I have no idea what's going on. I sometimes get a look on my face that others read as "confused." This is what makes people question my "functioning." Because I "look confused," and they don't think I can think. "Functioning" is not about what skills people have or how well they can survive. It's about how well they can perform normative behavior in their society, and about the assumption that people who do not perform normative behavior are less capable of thinking or decision-making. "But what about people who can't take care of themselves?" Irrelevant. You can't take care of yourself either. You live in a building you didn't construct, powered by electricity you didn't install and probably don't understand, travel in a metal box powered by a combustion engine to get food you didn't grow and products you didn't build in exchange for tokens with no intrinsic value and spend most of your waking hours doing meaningless tasks in exchange for such tokens. You can't conceptualize what it would mean to "take care of yourself" -- no, not even if you have a small garden or a few animals you like to imagine constitutes "self-sufficiency" (it doesn't). Which is fine! Humans are an interdependent species who shouldn't have to "take care of themselves."

But the concept of "functioning" is not based on skill level. It is not based on "how much support someone needs" (which would be meaningless in the first place -- all humans need roughly the same amount of support; the differences arise in who has the social privilege to access it and whose human needs are framed as "special" or "extra"). The concept of "functioning" is based on the unchallenged cultural assumption that people with non-normative traits are less human, less reasonable, less thinking, less capable of decision-making. As I wrote in this previous post, humans do not "function." Humans are not machines. Humans are thinking, feeling, decision-making beings. They do not need to fulfill any "function" in order to justify their existence or prove their ability to think, feel, make decisions. The right to exist, the right to communicate, the right to self-determination, do not depend on anyone's possession of any particular skill set.

[autistic-answers]

Reminder to my fellow neurodivergents:

Your condition may be

Debilitating

Draining

Exhausting

Life-ruining

Severe

But words like "cr*ppling" and "paralyzing" are physical disability words. We of all people should know that using other people's disabilities/conditions as a metaphor is not okay.

Yet another day of seeing people with ADHD call themselves crippled even though they aren’t fucking physically disabled

[autistic-answers]

Okay so when I got sucked into the phantom zone last week while watching youtube shorts a lot of the content it fed me was ADHD tips and a lot of it was either useless for me or redundant but there was one REALLY good tip about taking breaks that wasn't about taking breaks it was about RETURNING from breaks and the tip is: when you are about to go on a break, before you step away from your task (work, craft project, school stuff) decide what you'll do as the first thing when you sit back down at your task and set up your workspace to do that thing.

That means you've got an easy re-entry point to go back to doing the thing instead of sitting back down and having to make a decision or having to reorient from break mode to task mode. You have pre-reoriented and can just go back into working mode.

I've been doing this by circling what my next task on my tasklist is and bringing up the windows that I'll need for the task before I step away from my desk.

Brilliant hack, works great for me, hope it works great for you as well.

[autistic-answers]

Like it's important to remember that you can be "high functioning" and manage a job and live independently and still be miserable and have a low quality of life. Just like you can be "low functioning" and unable to work and need a lot of care and assistance with daily activities and still live a life you find to be meaningful and enjoyable. A lot of people tend to assume that the more care and accommodations you need to live your life, the more unhappy you must be, but quality of life is a lot more nuanced than that

[autistic-answers]

You simply cannot expect intersex people to constantly center perisex feelings and ignorance in their discussion. Yes, the H slur is an actual slur, even when used to describe intersex and cosexed animals. Yes, intersex people are oppressed. Yes, they're often medically abused, not "given treatment denied to trans people". No, they're not "biologically nonbinary" and yes, they can be any gender just like perisex people. Many "treatments" for intersex variants hinge upon not what is best for the person's body and needs but what will make them appear perisex. To imply any of this is false is intersexist and to try to center your own worldview and feelings in a conversation about someone else's lived experiences is selfish and equally bigoted. If you are not intersex, the discussion is not and cannot be expected to be about your opinions and worldviews.

[autistic-answers]

Semi-related: My sister, Stella, has intellectual disability. I refuse to let my dislike of the "gross" and "ugly" parts of the adult world to stop me from teaching my sister about them. We talk about "inappropriate" things sometimes, including how they differ from what's appropriate.

She has the right to participate in as much of the adult world as she is able. If she encounters something gross or ugly or inappropriate, she deserves to have the knowledge and language to describe it and know what to do.

Overly sheltering/coddling people with intellectual disability robs them of their agency. It doesn't give them a chance to learn or participate.

People with intellectual disability and other cognitive disabilities deserve to have their questions answered. Even when it's confusing, ugly, or hard to describe.

when people w intellectual or cognitive or language disabilities ask “what does that mean” please like. actually explain what it mean to us.

even when it like. most ridiculous wild thing conservative say, for example. when we genuine ask what it mean please not respond with “oh it just some ridiculous stuff don’t worry abt it”

that not help. that leave us out of information.

you able read it, understand it, n then make up own decision about it. we struggle with first thing, so we ask for help, but by respond that way you take away our chance do the next two things.

we deserve same right as you we deserve have access to same information and make our own mind n opinion about it.