#medium support needs

[autistic-stitch]

One of the things that really sucks about not being able to mask successfully is that people think I could mask if I want to but just won't try.

But I am masking. It just doesn't meet social norms.

Crying while trying to hold in a full-blown meltdown is masking.

Not communicating my needs to avoid being seen as more of a burden is masking.

Walking away mid-conversation when I'm frustrated instead of getting visibly upset is masking.

Quietly rocking back and forth instead of flapping my hands and vocally stimming is masking.

This is what masking looks like for me. And I can only do it for so long before everything comes out. I'm trying hard. But it's never good enough.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

dear autistics who

white

low support needs

not need 24/7 support

can work independently

can pay taxes

language privileged

intellectual & cognitive privileged

who can fit in societal definition of useful & productive (yes, even if hard)

when fight back against eugenics & ableism, you NEED to fight alongside, fight with, n fight for autistics who

radicalized & POC

from places of world where there critically lack autism knowledge n support

visibly autistic

higher support needs

need 24/7 care

can’t work independently or even work at all

can’t pay taxes

nonverbal, nonspeaking, minimally verbal, without functional communication, or cannot communicate via language at all even AAC

w intellectual disability or cognitive disabilities

who cannot fit into society definition of useful n productive, no matter how hard we try

because we always are & always will be primary target.

because we most vulnerable most marginalized within our, OUR community, which you belong in.

because once they finish us off you won’t be spared.

[sxft-dazee]

Personally, in regards to the whole verbal shutdown vs going nonverbal conversation, I totally do respect and believe we (we as in speaking autistics) should use the phrase verbal shutdown because my experience as an autistic person having a verbal shutdown is not the same as your experience being nonverbal. However, I feel like there’s a little more nuance to the conversation that I haven’t really seen people bring up. I am not an AAC user, so when I do have verbal shutdowns, I just hope to be lucky to have my phone or a notebook on me to communicate with people. The thing is, even if I do have something to help me communicate, in a shutdown it’s extremely stressful and my ability to communicate is hindered altogether, not just verbally. That means I HAVE to use the term “went nonverbal” or “going nonverbal” to communicate to allistics who don’t understand what’s going on, whether in my notes app or written down on a piece of paper. Because if I use the term “verbal shutdown,” people usually won’t understand what that means and then I would have to spend the little energy I have explaining the semantics between verbal shutdown and going nonverbal, yada yada. The thing is, when I have a verbal shutdown, I need to use the most precise language possible because my ability to communicate clearly in all ways is hindered, meaning that is a phrase I have to use. There’s no explaining myself when I am unable to speak or think clearly. Just a thought, and I wanted to give my two cents on the topic!

[the-sun-system]

Hey, here’s a concept. What if we stopped saying “but autistic people CAN do all those things” (erasing high support needs) and instead started saying “not being able to do those things doesn’t impact someone’s value as a person nor does it make it okay to commit eugenics”.

[autistic-answers]

You have a lot more freedom when:

You are safe

Your needs are being met

You don't have to do the things that are mentally/physically exhausting

You are not having crises that could be prevented if someone were taking care of you

For some of us, that means assisted living, group homes, or another option involving care.

Some of us need someone to do things for us or the things won't get done at all. Having someone to do those things gives us the option to have those in our lives. From making salads to taking trips out into the community.

You can't be free when you are forced into struggling. Having needs met enables freedom.

I get really confused, and even angry sometimes at lower support needs people who don’t understand the true meaning of autonomy and when it comes to caregivers and guardianship.

I mentioned ONCE in a group about wanting to go into assisted living and looking into it. Immediately got dog piled by people saying to absolutely not go into assisted living because itd “take away my autonomy” and “I should just live with others for as long as possible.”

Assisted living, group homes, guardianship, whatever, can very much mean that someone actually GAINS autonomy. And independence. The goal is for quality of life. We should be focusing on quality of life instead of what YOU want. What YOU want as a lower support needs person because you’ve heard bad stories.

Higher support needs people often don’t get the decision. It’s life or death for them. Y’all HAVE to realize that.

Stop forcing your narrative on young higher support needs people who are looking into different options for their care. Yes. It’s SCARY to be put in a bad situation, but often times it’s trial and error for us. Y’all HAVE to realize that. We don’t have the privilege to pick and choose between if we just live independently or go in a group home. It’s group home, or death, or living in a fucked up, maybe even abusive situation already.

Stop it.

[autisticvelo]

”autistic people don’t do [ extremely common higher support need , higher level autistic trait / symptom ] , that just stereotype”

you need include us too : you need include childish autistic person , you need include nonverbal autistic person , you need include autistic person who drool , you need include autistic people with intellectual disability , you need include autistic person with loud messy public meltdowns .

can not hide behind “it just stereotype” because that not true . there are many people very disabled by autism , you need remember us and include us .

[clover-wasnt-here]

Hey, it’s ok to not be a “productive member of society.”

Some people are housebound. Bed bound. Some people physically can’t eat, shower, or use the toilet without the assistance of a caretaker. Some people don’t have the spoons to get out of bed in the morning, let alone work a 9-5 job in this capitalist hellhole.

You’re not lazy. You’re not less than.

And this is coming from a disabled person with chronic pain who can leave the house and walk (with some pain) without mobility aids.

You deserve to take up space. You deserve to cost money. You deserve to be here without feeling guilty just because you can’t give back in the traditional way.

You’re worth it, hun. 🫶🏼

[disabledavocado]

maybe harsh take. but. shitting on people who can't care about selves. who live with parents. who rely on partners in 'basic' tasks. (yes even body care tasks). who got chores done for them. who don't work. is ableist. even if clarify 'this specific person isn't disabled.' it still perpetuates stigma. it still ableist.

say exactly what wrong. have they overstepped someone's boundaries? have they pressured someone into care? have they manipulated abused etc.? something else? point wrong behavior. n critique this behavior.

'they're 30 n live with parents' not bad behavior. 'their parent cut their nails' not bad behavior. 'they don't work' not bad behavior.

'but they're abled!' 1) you don't know for sure. can't know for sure. undiagnosed n invisible disabilities exist. not every undiagnosed individual able to take care of self. recognize undiagnosed n invisible disabilities existence not only when they look 'nice' for you. 2) it still contributes to stigma around needing care. disabled people often not seen as disabled. even if visibly disabled. every individual presumed abled because ableism. so disabled individuals will be shitted on because need care. because presumed abled.

to destigmatize needing care. have to destigmatize getting care. even if not see as 'reasonable' n 'justified.' can't destigmatize needing care if say 'getting care depending on others living with parents etc. is bad but disabled is exception.' because still stigmatize process of getting cared.

people don't need allowance n approval of society to get care.

(not say not call out bad behavior. ask call out bad behavior specifically. not stigmatized neutral things).

[lightning-system]

As a medium/lower support needs autistic who works with young higher support needs autistic:

We all matter. We all have the same diagnosis. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

But we are not the same.

I can mask and might be seen as 'odd' or 'weird' in public. The students I work with are seen as 'dangerous' and 'practically little kids'.

I can go to university and work with accommodations. The students I work with likely will never live independently and a few might find jobs that support them but still pay them less than an abled worker.

I have full control of my finances. The students I work with aren't allowed to make independent financial decisions, even if capable.

If I say 'no,' I'm making a choice. The students I work with can't say 'no' without being labeled as defiant and difficult.

I can feed myself, bathe myself, and take care of myself with extreme challenges. The students I work with are unable to take care of themselves without high levels of support/one on one support.

I had an IEP in high school but was mainstreamed in classes. The students I work with take separate classes and some rarely get to interact with their abled peers.

Our experiences are fundamentally different. Higher support needs autistics will experience a specific type of ableism I never will, and can never fully understand.

Lower support needs autistics need to stop saying we understand what higher support needs autistics are going through and then present autism as only being disabling because of society/lack of acceptance because that is dangerous. We need to stop saying every autistic person is capable of everything if given the right support because that leaves out huge parts of our community who will never be able to do certain things, regardless of support.

We are worthy of existence regardless of our abilities.

Autism is a spectrum. It is not the same for every autistic person. Autism acceptance and advocacy has to come with accepting, acknowledging, and listening to our higher support needs peers.

[neurodivergent-mermaid]

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as my family are all considered carers for me,

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as i receive disability benefits for my autism

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as i have special needs so severe i cant even attend school

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as i am nonverbal

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as i can't regularly dress, bath, do grooming tasks without help or at all

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me after I've spent months of my life requiring 24/7 1-1 supervision

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as i am housebound

"Autism isn't a disability" you tell me as i am officially diagnosed with nothing other than autism.

Maybe autism is a disability, and maybe you just don't want to accept you are disabled because of the stigma around disability? All autistic people are significantly impaired in areas of functioning, even if that makes you uncomfortable, that is the truth. And maybe you should spent 1 minute to go and read the diagnostic criteria for autism. That all autistic people meet.

Autism is a disability, and when you advocate that it's not, you are making real world harm, especially for people with substantial support needs.

They don't give disability services to non disabled people, so please, when your advocacy includes limiting services for those of us who need them the most, is it advocacy or are you just harming people who are already in positions that they can't advocate and be as loud as you.

[autistic-stitch]

I think a lot of the misuse of support needs labels comes from people labeling their support needs based on what they need to thrive, not survive.

When I say "I can't live independently," what a lot of people hear is "It would be hard for me to live independently and my quality of life is improved by having a caregiver." But what I actually mean is "I would literally die if I was left on my own."

I don't get the support I need to thrive either. I'm barely holding on. But I need certain things to be able to just survive.

[2003-playground]

It really really frustrates me when some people, disabled or not, say "well I can do [x thing] because I was forced to" in response to someone saying they can't do something.

"Well I had to eat whatever was for dinner or else I would have starved."

Me too! And I became severely malnourished because I could not eat what was put in front of me.

"My parents hit me if I didn't get good grades so I had to."

Mine too! Except I could not get good grades in a mainstream class no matter how hard I tried or what was at stake.

"I have to mask because I need to keep my job."

Me too! Except I can't even pass an interview because of my limited ability to mask.

"I can't have meltdowns around other people or else I'll be bullied/abused/mocked."

Same here! But I can't hold in my meltdowns.

You need to understand that some people will never be able to do the things you can, no matter how hard they're pushed or what the consequences are for not doing it. I'm really sorry that you were forced to talk, but someone else being unable to speak does not mean that they could if there was enough pressure. Stop assuming that everyone who doesn't mask/speak/etc. grew up in a safe and supportive environment. There are people who would (and do!) die because they're neglected and can't learn to just do things themselves.

I really don't want to be the "other people have it worse" guy or come across like I don't think people are allowed to complain about something just because it's less extreme than someone else's situation, but some of you need to have more compassion for people who are not like you. Just be kind. And if someone says they can't do something, don't assume that it's because they were coddled or whatever.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

when someone autistic can’t access autistic community in “traditional way” - like can’t communicate by word independently n need caregiver assist, or can’t communicate by word at all, or can’t be online or go in person event by self need caregiver be with at all times - big part of autistic community’s way of “accommodating” them be kick them out not let them in

[zebulontheplanet]

Yes. Some autistic people can pay taxes, write poems, live an independent life, etc.

But some of us cant. Some of us, like me, cant live independently. Cant be without someone. Cant be a member of society without extreme accommodation and help.

I need help in everyday life. I have a caregiver for gods sake. I need help in everyday life and will never be independent. It’s frustrating to constantly get comments about how autistic people can live independently. Cause some of us cant, and that needs to be talked about. I get sores from not showering enough. I get sores from my wheelchair. I have cavities from not brushing my teeth enough.

Life with higher support needs shouldn’t be something that is ignored and not talked about. My caregiver helps me live life as independently as possible. Independence looks different for everyone. Our caregivers are an extension of ourselves. Our caregivers are important and should be recognized. Stop throwing us under the bus for your “salvation”

We are all at risk, and throwing higher support needs people under the bus will not benefit you. You’re ruining years of advocacy by your words and videos.

[midnight-soulless-system]

Sometimes being disabled means you can't go to college, can't get a job, have to live with your parents and that's ok. For a lot of us it means not being able to go outside most days, not being able to get up or move at all. It can mean needing someone to wash us or feed us or help us with the bathroom and that is ok. It doesn't mean that we're less than or that we aren't worth anything.

And it's valid for us to be mad about it. Even if we can overcome some of these things with accomodations we're allowed to be mad that we're in this situation, and wish that we weren't disabled because I sure as hell hate this shit.