bagaluten-sys

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Regulus, stop bringing James home >:3

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Made this, I was going for a feeling. Also this with "I dont know why I bite" or a golden outline on the red/black background?

Vid/Inspo:

-pen

[bagaluten-sys]

(Small cw: emetophobia, trauma)

Hey, so everytime I think about the concept of getting re-traumatized I feel nauseous, bc for some stupid ass reason I had to endure it despite being a system. Exactly knowing what will happen to you again and how scary it will be again and how badly the aftermath will be again is actually sickening and I feel like a system sacrafice despite being a somewhat Host. At least I dont have to talk about it to the adults, but still, why the fuck does it hurt so much and why the fuck does nobody care?

-Armani

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Host, Middle: I have a tummy ache.

Caretaker: Oh, no, you are very stressed. Lets take a little break so you dont panic.

Host, Middle: I still have a tummy ache.

Caretaker: Well, what was your breakfast?

Host, Middle: After the break my stomach was better so I ate chocolate for breakfast earlier.

Caretaker: ...

(It is 5pm. I have a sensitive stomach. My caretaker loves me and forbid me to make "he will quit" jokes. They made me a hot water bottle. Also: "yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches, ergo: tummy ache" /reference)

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People: "This Zoo is okay, because it has some animals that go extinct and should be there to be saved"

Me: "Yeah, so this prison full of innocent ppl, but its also okay, cause some of them are guilty."

People: "But humans are so kind hearted for taking care of species that are going extinct!!!"

Me: "Guess who's fault that is that they're going extinct. "

(Also if it would be about saving them, they wouldnt use them for profit and instead take actual action to help them in their territory and not cage them for our amusement and call it a good action)

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Me: "I never mind our fictives not being like their source, I want to encourage them to be themselfs :D."

"Nico doesnt like blondes."

Me: *Shocked gasping*

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Tik Tok is wild and now I have beef with eighty strangers.

The video: My mother always makes us move to another city when their is a minor inconvenience in her life.

Basically what I said: Having to move very often from one night to another for no real reason can be abuse. An unstable parental figure can be traumatizing when it affects or scares the child. A child needs stability. Abuse isnt always intentional.

The replys: "BRUH, he says moving is abuse!!!!"

...thats nothing like what I just said 😭

Edit: I tried arguing with saying what my trauma therapist told me and now they tell me to off ms and my chest hurts:D

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Made more (DID, BPD, POTS, ASD, sapphic, intersex)

(lil CW for insensitive statements towards mentally ill people)

(Extra under the cut: ODD and autism pride)

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"Why arent you talking?"

A) shy (no, I hate this guess)

B) went non verbal (doesnt exist)

C) verbal shutdown (have those, not sure if this is one)

D) non or semi verbal alter (no idea, can't keep track)

E) selective mutism (diagnosed but got better in seventh grade)

F) its too exhausting (kinda true)

G) it distracts me from my emeophobia (yes)

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"I wish I had DID so my fictional crush could be one of my fictive alters and I could really date them"

Now, I wont get into the whole "I wish I had a debilitating trauma disorder" and the whole "you can't choose your alters thing" (cause its obvious), but what makes you think they'd actually date you?

This isnt built-a-bear, like Thalia is here but she wont date me.

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I did it again:

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I'm like so sure I dont have actual trauma, yet the voice of reason (Sol) keeps making me put TW's on my posts >: /lh

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Stuff the mh system can legally do to teenagers

(TW, medical trauma, medical abuse, implyed SA)

In my posts I often talk about the trauma that the mental health system caused me and other teens "legally". Here are those legal things I mean:

taking us and locking us in rooms without our consent

2.totally shielding us from the outer world for weeks, we cant see or call or talk or ask for help from anybody

3. watching us shower or making us strip to control us

4. taking all out possessions and our clothes

5. tying us down to beds

6. Forcing us to take intense meds with side effects

7. Making us sleep on the floor

And they ask why we are scared of them. I was a kid. All this is legal under circumstances. And those circumstances usually arent fair or nessecary at all.

-Armani G., Burden, Void

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(TW, medical abuse, SA)

I have dozens of those storys and I kind of want to get one of them out there, bc it makes me sick. There are many legal things the mental health system can do to you that are totally abusive and traumatizing.

Here one that wasnt technically legal, yet it keeps happening: I was thirteen, my first ward. A nurse (male) kept asking us to masturbate with us, he kept grooming us, getting in our room when we were sleeping, staring and sitting on our bed. He also went to our clothes to touch our underwear and he watched some of us shower (legally).

Me and the other few that he did that with went to the other supervisors and therapists and we told them. Said nurse wasnt popular (bc he tended to scream and say unsensitive stuff) so they claimed we made up those storys to get him fired.

He still works there as far as I'm concerned. Its been five years. If we speak up about abuse in wards (no matter if legal or not) we get called too mentally ill to be trustworthy- they call us unreliable. I can only think of the mentally ill kids he probably r*pes, nobody believing them.

I have dozens of those storys. Fuck psych wards. And its not only the one I went to. Its almost every single one. I am not the only one.

-Armani G. , Burden, Sia

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Made those

Want more?

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1. "Inconsistent statements about alters and their own system are a sign of faking"

2. "Lack of knowledge about DID/OSDD-1 and poor phrasing are a sign of faking"

I dont think either if those are true at all.

DID and OSDD-1 are disorders that obviously include dissociation. And this dissociation causes forgetfullness and brain-fog, not only when switching, but within a single alter as well. If the system is large, if the communication is messy, if your memorys barely work then ofc you tell inconsistent storys about alters. Your meorys can mess with you, you can assume wrong things about alters. Different alters can tell storys differently, some alters may lie while another one tells the truth, that doesnt mean they are faking.

Some alters change names or are age-sliders, so "yesterday you said [xy] was eight not five" isnt an argument either.

I can barely think. I might phrase stuff the wrong way. Also this isnt even everybodys first language, so lets maybe not tell ppl they are faking for poor phrasing. Different languages exist, disabilitys exist, dyslexia exist. Of course, totally false information should be called out, but making mistakes isnt a sign of faking, its a sign of being human.

Some alters even get shielded from knowledge about DID/OSDD-1 bc the system doesnt want them to find out. Especially Hosts and ANP's often don't know about their system, certain alters might want to protect them and ensure the systems functionality with not letting them know (much) about the disorder.

Fakeclaiming ≠ okay.

Calling out false information in a nice manner = okay and important.

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Can we please normalize not asking autistic people or people with memory issues to estimate their grade for the school year?

Ma'am, I neither know your grading system or how you percieve me, nor do I even remember your name or if I'm even this class, I do not know.