battlingborderline - Tumblr blog

[battlingborderline]

“You're self-sabotaging again.”

I don’t try to do idiotic things like have unprotected sex, or get into cars with people who are shooting up, but I do. I’m just so fucking impulsive, I know I am. But the knowledge of that for some reason doesn't help me to be less impulsive. Having BPD is the worst.

[battlingborderline]

[battlingborderline]

bpd is so haha relatable until people learn that bpd isn’t just about wanting attention and being a moody lil bean. that being absolutely obsessed with someone is exhausting for both people and never knowing who you are is a constant daily battle and don’t let me even get into the psychosis.

[battlingborderline]

Being extremely self aware and having bpd is such a battle. There is a war going on inside of myself. Like, I know I overreact to things that don’t necessarily need such a strong reaction, but I can’t stop myself.

Half of me is telling myself to react appropriately and the other half of me only knows how to react full force.

[battlingborderline]

Borderline Personality Disorder

“A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.”

I was diagnosed with Borderline when I turned of age to be. I was told I had Borderline traits when I was just thirteen years old. If only I knew then how much of a rollercoaster the next several years would be, maybe I could’ve been better prepared.

I was at a treatment center, in New England, fairly far away from my home and family in Ohio. I remember sitting in my living room reading about residential treatment centers because I’d learned about them through Demi Lovato. She had been to one. I looked at my mom and started to cry, telling her that I needed help. That was pretty much the minute it began.