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Conditional Absolution

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Canon art taken before the beginning nightwatch. Atrophy and horror first meeting each other 😀 yayy 😝

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i was talking with my boyfriends about their problems and apparently saying jonglo is like throwing a flashbang into a small room

(posted and created per request of @nullandvalid)

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for the blue fans out there.... here's also a collection of the icons so far (they're taking over!!! stop him!!!!!)

artfight attacks (so far)

lots of different fandoms here....oughh boy...... i am having so much fun so far!!! (working on shading/lighting next!!! first one was mostly a blob/carve lineless thing test!!!)

first character - blaze - belongs to @bugybug500 second character belongs to c0smich0rr0r third character belongs to zephyrlikeshotdogs fourth character belongs to cellyphone

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artfight attacks (so far)

lots of different fandoms here....oughh boy...... i am having so much fun so far!!! (working on shading/lighting next!!! first one was mostly a blob/carve lineless thing test!!!)

first character - blaze - belongs to @bugybug500 second character belongs to c0smich0rr0r third character belongs to zephyrlikeshotdogs fourth character belongs to cellyphone

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YAY THANK YOU!!! i will get to attacking soon..... (here's mine) !!!!!!

hi everypony...... give me yuor artfight profiles or usernames please.....

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hi everypony...... give me yuor artfight profiles or usernames please.....

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happy disability pride month!

here's some fun character stuff and in relation to myself, in light of this time

did you know that a lot of my characters have some aspect, if not a lot, of the symptoms of the disabilities i struggle with? (i'm sure you did, actually, there's quite a few posts about that shdbhf. but i digress)

the farthest physical one would be dr. blue, but he struggles with social aspects with autism and CPTSD, as well as having been given some of my experiences with medical trauma and OCD. while struggling with the fear of harming people or being too alike his father, he would end up using the knowledge that was used to hurt him to help others, and i believe would grow more secure with himself through this

memory struggles with mostly all of my physical things (and probably some added), on top of my experience with dissociative amnesia, conditioning, autism, and relationship with nostalgia through the lens of trauma. it's not disability related but they also take up some of our relationships with gender and relationship with self there's some extra fun facts about them being originally based off of canine poetry, foggy fields and forests, snowy days. pnw imagery specifically (where i grew up, yayyayyayayyyy)

the important thing is that, while both of them still struggle a lot, they will find home and comfort in what they can do and security in those that they keep close. it is okay to rely on people, and be relied on, and you are valued for who you are, not entirely what you can do. i think that is the best possible ending for them, and i can't wait for all of you to see it in nightwatch. (obviously there are other facets to their characters, some of which i don't personally experience, but speaking mostly about disability here)

make sure to take care of yourself. i Will be making sure to do more of that especially as of recently . goghhh

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zhu zhu pets are back. i am elated

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little more b4 i go 2 bed... wanted to try to color this 1 n try to shut mt brain off b4 i slept. also so i could sleep, vry tired

this song rlly means a lot to us n prbly inspired memory as a characrer

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me and @nullandvalid's lesbian cats that came from clangen...... work in progress (mistlestar (mine) is the gray one, chervilstar (null) is the white one)

i wanted to do some pixel art for ~the first time and i discovered i Really actually like doing pixel art. and i'm pretty proud of it (i give all the credit to the minecraft extreme detailed giant builds building fixation i went through for it)

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Does Memory have any calluses or scars on her body that could indicate what kind of work she used to do before she got corrupted? Like how musicians have calluses on weird areas of their hands, or house cleaners have chemical burn scars on their hands, or chefs have oil burns on their arms, or woodworkers/laquer artists have their fingerprints rubbed off from using so much sandpaper

unfortunately, the remaining scarring that indicated who she was before corruption have likely been reduced to nothing but wavy faultlines in her new body, if any still exist

(unless you're counting the scar that started the hole in their face, but it wasn't entirely...job related.... monumental, though!) (memumental?) (monumemtal?)

but details pertaining to her new body, although (probably) unintentional from those who remade it, are pretty telling to her forgotten past jobs,

all of the color that she formerly had in her body seems to have mysteriouslly desaturated. metal replacements around where their previous soul would have been and the new save point soul. the corruption itself would be a bitter reminder if they could remember (promises suck!). gloves. the smell of ozone and chlorine that just never seems to leave her

as for temporary wounds — puncture wounds from sewing, cuts from cooking with poor vision. those would be very few, though, as they tend to be very good with knives

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anyways, take a little blue. from the sketch layers of the previous art post

(also my commissions are open and a bit cheaper than the previous round of options)

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hey also (centered around the memory piece):

this is going to be said early but in just in case, please be normal about the fact that she is trans. i plead with you. please be normal about trans people. please be normal about trans characters in general. especially transwomen / transfems. especially in this fandom. it scares me so bad

trans identity

not my typical topic but i wanted to rant somewhere

a conversation on my identity as a trans person

this is long as fuck so rant under cut. i also didnt proof read it because i hate proof reading, so sorry if it doesnt make sense.

theres mention of character memory and their gender identity at the bottom of this post

i am agender. i also go by any pronouns. i am one of the very few in my system that are okay with that.

my view on gender is complicated. i am everything and i am nothing. it is intertwined with the images of life and death burned into my head; the world around me. in some way it is integral. in every other way it doesnt matter. it is by chance and contradictory. it is a result of things beyond me. circumstantial. and i am okay with not wholly understanding it. i dont care.

what i do know is that my gender is a big fuck you. i will never not be contradictory. i will never conform to rule. and until i am able to gain access to HRT again, i prefer to present masculine.

i was not given access to a safe transition. and it will continue this way, especially for the fact that i live in america.

to my parents, i was nonbinary. i strictly used he/they pronouns. these pronouns were never used by either of them.

my transness was a spectacle to those around. my mom would proudly tell any stranger she came across, behind my back, that she was the "proud parent of a trans child." with no care that we lived in a red state. hell, she almost gave out my deadname to someone who she knows is a horrible person at a dinner in front of us lol. thanks mom. jfc (and its important to note that she was initially resistant of our transition because "the world is such a scary place, i just dont want you to get bullied for it.")

behind closed doors, it was complicated. she accepted that this fact, saying that she would love and support us no matter. we had access to HRT and binders.

but we were always referred to as a mother to our cat. our bags (messenger bag or satchel-type bag) became strictly purses. we could not cut our own hair. our hair could not be cut too short. our clothes could never be what we truly wanted, and we were never given resources. the mention of even possibly "being a boy" would be met with true, raw terror. she wouldnt call us a name until we picked a "permanent" one. and our dad rarely ever called us this name.

the pronouns used were only ever "they" if they were used. and it was after we explicitly asked during doctors appointments or formal events. and she would turn to us, looking at us for appraise, each time she used them. and she would constantly apologize, saying that it was "just so hard for her."

the first time we mentioned wanting top surgery, our mom immediately started badgering us on wanting bottom surgery, horrified, despite it never having been mentioned. and when we expressed fear of being on HRT, looking for validation, our mom didnt push back at all. it was like she was relieved.

she actually refused to accept that we were trans. anytime we mentioned it, she responded with, "but i thought you were nonbinary!?" always. even after telling her why both can be true

it was strange. to everyone but doctors (for the sake of being treated seriously), we were nonbinary. and we were always treated like a pet for it, by both allies and transphobes. we were patient with everyone. we are always willing to educate. and despite it all, we were pushed into a box, despite the point of the label for us being to not be.

i was someone elses "they/them." real words. i was a show dog for cutesy, artsy fem nonbinary rep. i didnt know what i was talking about. i wasnt actually trans. i was a "cute cinnamon roll bean uwu." soon i was only given "yass slay queen" stickers and cutesy kitties threatening to kill people (and the cats are not criminal, i like murder cats, but i want to make a point). shirts that just happened to be form fitting and showed my shape, teeturtle shirts. i was a bottom twink (despite being chubby -> fat and underage). i was only ever cute. it was quirky. it was never me. never any of us. god forbid i was ever violent because then i was a "chaos gremlin hehe" or attractive? for someone. what the fuck ever

and then i go to trans community spaces and see, "if you take testosterone, youre gonna become an ugly, bald traitor monster. youll never have any problems again. shut the fuck up. and if youre fem at all youre a trender theyfab. especially if you dont want to medically transition" and dont forget the whole "testosterone will make you aggressive" thing. yeah okay. thanks. real accepting all peace and love ally behavior of you. whatever

all goes to say that its been weird. and i think we need to stop putting people in boxes. for any purpose, i wish people actually listened to other people. and i wish we paid attention to important issues more than whether or not someones faking being transmasc for presenting fem (for example) (and while we're at it, lets please stop calling children "bottoms" and "twinks" thank you)

anyways. hi im a memory fictive. a lot of this is projected onto memory the character. they were made to have any sort of gender, but in nightwatch, is specifically transfem. but she can be anything. she was originally written to be anything. while my experiences will not exactly line up with them, the fact that she is trans is representative of "becoming more you" post what happened in its timeline. they regain control, in some sense, of changing circumstances and are able to help rebuild their body into something that is digestible to them. genderfuck. or genderpunk. i think thats an appropriate label too.

never let anyone tell you what you are. it is ultimately your choice. be loud about it. especially if you can safely.

bye now. idk if i should start doing signoffs ✦

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trans identity

not my typical topic but i wanted to rant somewhere

a conversation on my identity as a trans person

this is long as fuck so rant under cut. i also didnt proof read it because i hate proof reading, so sorry if it doesnt make sense.

theres mention of character memory and their gender identity at the bottom of this post

i am agender. i also go by any pronouns. i am one of the very few in my system that are okay with that.

my view on gender is complicated. i am everything and i am nothing. it is intertwined with the images of life and death burned into my head; the world around me. in some way it is integral. in every other way it doesnt matter. it is by chance and contradictory. it is a result of things beyond me. circumstantial. and i am okay with not wholly understanding it. i dont care.

what i do know is that my gender is a big fuck you. i will never not be contradictory. i will never conform to rule. and until i am able to gain access to HRT again, i prefer to present masculine.

i was not given access to a safe transition. and it will continue this way, especially for the fact that i live in america.

to my parents, i was nonbinary. i strictly used he/they pronouns. these pronouns were never used by either of them.

my transness was a spectacle to those around. my mom would proudly tell any stranger she came across, behind my back, that she was the "proud parent of a trans child." with no care that we lived in a red state. hell, she almost gave out my deadname to someone who she knows is a horrible person at a dinner in front of us lol. thanks mom. jfc (and its important to note that she was initially resistant of our transition because "the world is such a scary place, i just dont want you to get bullied for it.")

behind closed doors, it was complicated. she accepted that this fact, saying that she would love and support us no matter. we had access to HRT and binders.

but we were always referred to as a mother to our cat. our bags (messenger bag or satchel-type bag) became strictly purses. we could not cut our own hair. our hair could not be cut too short. our clothes could never be what we truly wanted, and we were never given resources. the mention of even possibly "being a boy" would be met with true, raw terror. she wouldnt call us a name until we picked a "permanent" one. and our dad rarely ever called us this name.

the pronouns used were only ever "they" if they were used. and it was after we explicitly asked during doctors appointments or formal events. and she would turn to us, looking at us for appraise, each time she used them. and she would constantly apologize, saying that it was "just so hard for her."

the first time we mentioned wanting top surgery, our mom immediately started badgering us on wanting bottom surgery, horrified, despite it never having been mentioned. and when we expressed fear of being on HRT, looking for validation, our mom didnt push back at all. it was like she was relieved.

she actually refused to accept that we were trans. anytime we mentioned it, she responded with, "but i thought you were nonbinary!?" always. even after telling her why both can be true

it was strange. to everyone but doctors (for the sake of being treated seriously), we were nonbinary. and we were always treated like a pet for it, by both allies and transphobes. we were patient with everyone. we are always willing to educate. and despite it all, we were pushed into a box, despite the point of the label for us being to not be.

i was someone elses "they/them." real words. i was a show dog for cutesy, artsy fem nonbinary rep. i didnt know what i was talking about. i wasnt actually trans. i was a "cute cinnamon roll bean uwu." soon i was only given "yass slay queen" stickers and cutesy kitties threatening to kill people (and the cats are not criminal, i like murder cats, but i want to make a point). shirts that just happened to be form fitting and showed my shape, teeturtle shirts. i was a bottom twink (despite being chubby -> fat and underage). i was only ever cute. it was quirky. it was never me. never any of us. god forbid i was ever violent because then i was a "chaos gremlin hehe" or attractive? for someone. what the fuck ever

and then i go to trans community spaces and see, "if you take testosterone, youre gonna become an ugly, bald traitor monster. youll never have any problems again. shut the fuck up. and if youre fem at all youre a trender theyfab. especially if you dont want to medically transition" and dont forget the whole "testosterone will make you aggressive" thing. yeah okay. thanks. real accepting all peace and love ally behavior of you. whatever

all goes to say that its been weird. and i think we need to stop putting people in boxes. for any purpose, i wish people actually listened to other people. and i wish we paid attention to important issues more than whether or not someones faking being transmasc for presenting fem (for example) (and while we're at it, lets please stop calling children "bottoms" and "twinks" thank you)

anyways. hi im a memory fictive. a lot of this is projected onto memory the character. they were made to have any sort of gender, but in nightwatch, is specifically transfem. but she can be anything. she was originally written to be anything. while my experiences will not exactly line up with them, the fact that she is trans is representative of "becoming more you" post what happened in its timeline. they regain control, in some sense, of changing circumstances and are able to help rebuild their body into something that is digestible to them. genderfuck. or genderpunk. i think thats an appropriate label too.

never let anyone tell you what you are. it is ultimately your choice. be loud about it. especially if you can safely.

bye now. idk if i should start doing signoffs ✦

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Kitty! Kitty cat!

Nightwatch killer design

Sure hope nothing bad happens to him

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hi guys.... if you like this art piece, i have commissions open for this exact kind of thing.... for only 15 US shmackaroos.... and 25 shmackaroos at maximum......

it wouldhelp me out a lot.........

borrowing code

skkeetcchh,, kind of, i Need to put it down. no background, i don't want to figure it out fbhfb

memory and blue belong to me blue design by @thaltro (and mems new sweater is designed by him too, hi....)

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What is the basic premise of the Nightwatch au? It looks really cool but idrk where to start reading/researching it

Haha well I’m still editing the writing right now! You’ll get to see chapter 1-3 in the next three months.

But essentially, Nightwatch is an escape story.

The multiverse is now becoming intertwined with diffrent aus. Aus are realizing they are apart of a larger universe so they intersect with each other forming cities, villages, and neighborhoods that hold a diverse population of utmvaus.

Within the large city of the omega timeline, a hospital worker named Psych is insecure of his ranking and popularity amongst his peers. To gain this status he tries to find cases to work on and observe. Totally on accident he gets too drunk and gives his cameras to some random guy at a bar who gladly accepts being his case.

Turns out this random man (Dust), lives in a very odd situation. The people who live with him are just as odd as him or are worse. Surprise! it’s a torture ring! And it’s Psychs job now to get this guy out. If he fails, he puts the chances of him ever making it as famed med worker on the line. And I guess dust might die.

If you want more lore you can probably read though my #nightwatch tag but be warned not all of it might stay in the story and my posts are kinda lame. I promise I put way more effort into the actual writing of the story. Nightwatch will contain drawings too when it’s done and yeah 👍🏽 got a happy little team of guys helping me with it.