beatthegame

[beatthegame]

Just beat Hitman III aka World of Assasination on the PS5. Enjoyed it a lot more than expected for a murder simulator LOL! Graphics are beautiful. Sound is incredibly detailed. Very immersive, especially with noise-canceling headphones. Controls are simple enough but there were a few clunky moments. Like trying to time a perfectly timed throw, but a lag hiccup might lob the weapon at your target and blow your cover instead. The story mode was a nice recollection of the Hitman trilogy. In a nutshell: travel to exotic locations and discover creative ways in executing corrupt oligarchs. Poison their meals? Throw a hand grenade? Stab em with a letter opener? Beat em to death with a frozen fish? Aside from a wealth of guns at your disposal. Problem was, running & gunning will catch a "game over" rather quickly. It was easier to progress using stealth and common items. Like a pair of scissors or a monkey wrench. Story mode was cool. But there were several other play options that kept the game going. Like Sniper stages, Freelancer mode. You can even create custom contracts and play other player's scenarios. Great replay value!

Suffers a bit of "modern game syndrome" where you need you pay more money to access certain levels and items. But the base game alone is truly great. High five to all the IOI developers. This was an unexpected hit, man.

A - Class

[beatthegame]

Just beat X-Com 2: War of the Chosen on the Nintendo Switch. But available on all consoles. Fantastic tactical RPG with a deep customization options. The War of the Chosen DLC adds several more layers of depth on a rich game. Not going to lie, I was defeated twice. But the third play through beat the beast! Managed to build a decent X-Men theme, which only enhanced the experience and raised the overall stakes. Aside from several technical gliches, crashes and obvious lag from the Switch's hardware limits, the gameplay makes up for the technical flaws. Play X-Com on PS5 or XBOX or Steam if you prefer a more seamless experience. But i personally love the Switch's portability. It was only $7 at the Nintendo store! Great deal for a great game.

B+ Class

[beatthegame]

How it started / How it's going

2024 in a nutshell. Happy New Year!

[beatthegame]

I just beat the shit out of Elden Ring! It's the least I could do after the game crushed my soul on my first two attempts. But this time, it was personal! Despite being a critically acclaimed gaming masterpiece, I hated it! Grinding for hundreds of hours building your character. one. point. at. a. time. Enduring through frustrating boss encounters. Getting killed by broken enemies clipping through solid surfaces. Collecting a wide assortment of useless items and magic spells. Immersed in a vast, enchanted world with zero context. On paper, Elden Ring checked off all the boxes necessary to enjoy an epic open world adventure. Yet, the game fails in so many different ways, it's overwhelming. Elden Ring was an absolute nightmare. And yet, despite all of the nonsense, I COULD NOT STOP PLAYING! LMFAO!

In a nutshell: Even after enduring 300 plus hours, I still don't know what this game is about? I know that you play as a "tarnished soul" caught up in a war between gods over this magic ring, right? Your very existence is a revenge plot from the slain goddess Marika to wipe out all the demigods in "The Lands Between" and become the new Elden Lord. Although there is no explanation why anyone would want to do something like that? Like, what's wrong with the old elden lord? Why do I want to take his job? What's so great about being elden lord anyway? Aside from sitting on a sweet chair at the end? Bottom line: the game is simply about challenging boss fights and collecting treasure. If that's all you want, then this game delivers.

The Good: Easily one of the most visually stunning games available on any video game console. Kudos to the FromSoftware art direction team for building all of the visual assets in this game. The amount of detail put into everything is really admirable. From the customizable character building to the intricate weapon, enemy and environmental designs. A majority of the visuals are pure nightmare fuel! Which built a consistent sense of dread wandering through the world. Add the fact that you can't pause the game, able to get killed in a myriad of ways, including the threat of permanently losing experience points established an unsolicited level of anxiety between encounters. Not exactly a good thing? But it's a unique gameplay element that stands apart from other titles. While a majority of the fights were incredibly frustrating by design. You can't deny how INTENSE a lot of these fights were! My heart was pounding through my chest during a lot of these boss fights. Notably the Godskin Fights, Crucible Knights, Gargoyles, that Lake of Rot Tree Cunt. But the sense of relief after defeating one of these frustrating fucks was electrifying! Slowly but surely, you get stronger and the fights become less of a burden. Like, there IS an easy mode available in Elden Ring. But you have to earn it!

I also like the versatility of the character classes depending on how you allocate your skill points. Although I decided to focus on Strength, Endurance and Dexterity. You have the option to lean towards Arcane & Intellegence for magician builds. Or perhaps you'd want to build on defense and ranged attacks to kill enemies from a distance? It is appreciated how the game flow will drastically change depending on the style of play you choose to advance with. And a huge thanks to our trustworthy horse/yak companion Torrent. Traveling the surface world was a lot more pleasant thanks to you.

The Bad: I already stated how much I hate this game. Pointing out all the flaws again is exhausting. However, you have to give credit that it took several gameplay attempts to realize that there is a gem underneath all the layers of dung that initially made the game unplayable.

Overall: I really wanted to love this game. It took effort but in the end, it truly was a unique experience. Just like high school! It was a fun, traumatic experience. Glad that it's over. Would NOT want to do it again, but it was a gnarly time. Too many flaws to be perfect, but waaaaay above average.

A Minus - Class

PS: Malenia was not as bad as other players made her out to be. Don't believe the hype. Maliketh, on the other hand, was a real motherfucker lol!

[beatthegame]

I just beat Red Dead Redemption 2! Originally released on the PS4 but played on a PS5. Published by Rockstar Games, who would be best known for bringing the Grand Theft Auto series to life. Amongst many other hits throughout the years. Red Dead Redemption is simply considered the "spaghetti western grand theft auto". And of course the first Red Dead Redemption would be a hit. But after a few years of putting out constant bangers in the video game market. Rockstar may have dropped their magnum opus with Read Dead Redemption 2. Allow me to share my thoughts...

In a nutshell: Yeah, it's the spaghetti western version of Grand Theft Auto. But that's such an understatement. Red Dead Redemption 2 is an epic tale following a group of outlaws on the run. Fighting for survival, pulling off heists and scams while running from the law and surviving in America during the cusp of the industrial revolution. It's a colorful group of misfits led by the flamboyant Dutch Van Der Linde. At first you control Arthur Morgan. Dutch's wingman, for lack of a better word. But the game pulls you through just about every Western movie trope in existence. Immersed in several unique experiences and insane characters only Rockstar can come up with. Whether you like to shoot up cowboys, rob banks and trains, go horseback riding or go out hunting and fishing in the wilderness? This game has it all!

The Good: Fuck! This game is GOOD. In all caps! Visually stunning in so many ways. I previously thought Zelda: Breath of the Wild had some of the most gorgeous open world visuals in gaming. But Read Dead Redemption 2 is on another level. The whole game plays like a cutscene. The stellar graphics and environment details are impeccable. I wish I could post more than 10 screenshots  but you're better off playing the game yourself. Pretty graphics are one benefit. But when you mix that with a solid gameplay experience with seamless load times. This game is just a joy to play. But this isn't a typical cowboy game. You have a lot of options going on. And it's all executed in the best way possible. From gunfights, to horse racing, to stealth missions, to gambling. You can hunt, fish, pick plants and herbs to cook and camp. You have the freedom to do it all in the most aesthetically pleasing way possible by today's technological standards. Personally, I enjoyed the Texas Hold Em and Domino mini-games BETTER than a lot of the solo release games out there. Complete with shit-talking banter that cowboys make up during poker games. I will most likely keep playing RDR2 just for the hold 'em simulator. It's better than that shitty World Series of Poker game. But I digress... Although this is based in a fictional world, there were a lot of American historical elements that made it feel authentic, without it feeling too goofy like Saints Row or Fallout 76. Yes, this game is fantastic! But now, let's get a little bit nasty...

The Bad: I'm struggling to find the faults in this game. Like, I can't exactly call this game perfect? But it's pretty damn close. There were times where I found my self struggling with the controls. Seamlessly transitioning from a horse chase, to a physical brawl, to a shootout could be jarring from one point to another. Especially during a panic situation. But it was mostly balanced throughout. Allowing to start at certain save points alleviated some of the frustration. Although some players would consider that nerfed gameplay? Also, I heard from other folks complaining about the consistent traveling between missions? Which is admittedly HUGE distances at times. It feels like a horseback simulator. But you have options between fast travel, or riding along a brief horse & carraige cutscene, or ramble on in "theatrical mode" which enables cool camera angles while you travel the wilderness. I like it because it allows ample time for smoke/snack breaks between missions. The scenery is gorgeous and worth just sitting back and appreciating the atmosphere. I'm sure there are dudes out there who couldn't care less about ambiance and need that constant dopamine drip. But don't get it twisted. You'll frequently have run ins with rival bandits, or law enforcement, or a pack of wolves, or cocaine bear when you'd least expect it. So you're always on alert. Take that as a good or bad thing? But there's honestly not a whole lot of bad to play with in this game. Except for Micah. He's BAD! LOL! Fuck that guy. But every story needs a good villain, right?

Overall: Red Dead Redemption 2 is a masterpiece. It's a culmination of all the great things about prevous Grand Theft Auto games plus everything that was great about the prevous Red Dead Redemption games multiplied by a thousand. I also appreciate a game that keeps the party going after you beat the game. Replay value is important these days. And you definetly get your money's worth with RDR2. With a robust online mode, along with the countless side quests this game has to offer. Beating the story mode was just the tip of the iceberg. I'll still be playing this game in between all the other titles I encounter. This is a virtual world I don't mind coming back to. And that says a lot. This game is Sunset Riders on crack. This game is like a Sergio Leone wet dream. By far, the best western game ever. Believe the hype. Red Dead Redemption 2 rules!

S-Class

[beatthegame]

I just beat Rampage! On original hardware with the Nintendo Entertainment System. Back in 1989, we would have slumber parties at my cousins house. Trying to beat this damn game. After countless levels, we came close but never had the chance to beat it. Either we fell asleep or the game would crash out. Victory was never an option...until now!

In a nutshell: King Kong and Godzilla team up and destroy America! Based off the arcade hit. The NES tried their best to bring the Rampage experience at home. With unlimited quarters/replays at your disposal. What's not to like?

The Good: You are blessed with the power to control giant kaiju monsters. Demolishing REAL American cities. The 80's were a different time! LOL! You can choose a giant gorilla named George or a giant lizard named...Lizzie. You can climb buildings. Punch holes through walls. And bring down buildings like a living wrecking ball. There are plenty of soldiers and police cars and tanks trying to shoot back at you. There are stringent laws in place that prevent folks from punching holes through buldings. So the opposition seems fair. There are no dialogue options. So the only thing you could do is knock down buildings and eat people. And it's a lot a fun! Destroying one city at a time. From San Francisco to New York City. Check out the Twin Towers in one of the screenshots! Even Alaska and Hawaii can eat shit. Bring a friend! Punch every building into dust and grab a fruit bowl out of a window. It's all good. You can even beat the piss out of each other to see who's the top monster. It's simple yet fun. But for how long?

The Bad: First of all, where's Ralph?! In the arcade version, you can also choose a giant werewolf named Ralph. But that is not an option with the NES version. Weaker hardware by comparison? Sure. Aside from that... if you played one level of Rampage? You played them all. Give or take a subtle change in background? You hop around building to building and punch holes into walls until there are no buildings left. Next level. Repeat. It's certainly fun for a few levels. In between, you'll catch a scene with Lizzie punching a hole through the map of the United States. Implying that you wiped out that state? Ok. But after a hundred or more levels? The game becomes very monotonous. And I get that this is an arcade game designed to eat quarters and entertain for a few minutes. But the game does not hold up well for extended play. The ending was pretty weak too. Just the same bit with Lizzie punching a hole through the United States. "Congratulations" And that's it. Roll credits. I'm surprised I was able to grab a photo, it happened so fast! LOL! Not exactly worth the hastle but it felt good being able to slay that old dragon once and for all.

Overall: Rampage is a classic. Not an all-time great like a Mario or Bomberman. It's a simple game that anyone can pick up and play. It's not gory, so kids could play this. But if they decide to climb buildings and punch holes through walls? I would still blame the parents. They should've kept an eye on their damn kids and played some Rampage with them instead of playing on their phones. But not for TOO long because it gets boring after a while. Go read a book if that happens. Or you can watch the Rampage movie with Dwane "The Rock" Johnson. Personally, I'd rather play the game instead. The original arcade version would be nice. But if you're looking for something quick, simple and fun at home, Rampage is a good time.

B- Class

[beatthegame]

I just beat the Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. Exclusively on the Nintendo Switch. It's a direct sequel to it's predecessor, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which is a first for the franchise? Perhaps Hyrule Warriors? Or Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link could be an exception but even that was a huge pivot from the original Zelda. But I digress...Storywise, Zelda games typically occur generations apart from each other. But this game is unique in bridging two games together within a couple of years. Nowadays, good sequels are rare. We usually go backwards through the prequel route but this game takes place just a few years after the events of BOTW. Not many sequels live up to outshine their originals. Often falling short in certain aspects. And Breath of the Wild, as a stand alone game, is an absolute masterpiece. One of the greatest adventure games I personally experienced. So when the developers announced that there would be a direct sequel to one of the greatest adventures ever made? It left a LOT to be desired. But does TOTK truly live up to the hype? Let's try to fuse all these elements together and try to make sense of it...

In a nutshell: It's like Minecraft in Hyrule! You take the same open world template from Breath of the Wild. Triple down on the map & add heavy emphasis on crafting abilities. Combined with hundreds of side quests, treasures, characters and challenges sprinkled across the largest open world in gaming history. (If you can find a larger open world in a game, please let me know.) When you boil it down, Tears of the Kingdom should be considered tears of joy!

The Good: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is a BEAST of an adventure game! The cel shaded anime inspired graphics are simply gorgeous. These screenshots would be good enough for the artwork inside the 8-bit game manuals of years past. Trying to imagine those details on a 8-bit platform was great for the time. But being able to control those stillframes now like a beautiful moving painting is like a dream come true. Most open world games are pretty rich in terms of a playable area with missions sprawled across the land. But I don't think I've played a game world this deep? And I mean that literally. You have the vast continent of Hyrule to explore. Same map from BOTW. All of it's valleys, lakes, mountains, islands and more. And when I say more, I MEAN MORE. Because now you have islands hundreds of feet in the sky to explore. In addition to the underworld depths hundreds of feet below the surface. The deepest bowels of a planet you can think of? And it goes DEEPER than that! I find it difficult to express myself through words, how packed this game map is. But you have the freedom to explore it all, however you like! And boy, does this game offer a rich variety of CHOICE. Something I feel is an gift AND a curse in this game? For now, let's talk about how AMAZING it is to create almost ANYTHING your imagination can handle...based on the items scattered throughout the land.

Your Sheika technology from the previous game has been replaced with new Zonai fusion technology that will allow you to combine all sorts of objects, monster parts and broken vehicle pieces to construct all sorts of cool contraptions. From simple suspension bridges to complex flying automatons with rocket launchers! There's a bit of a learning curve to manipulate pieces and placing them in functional spots. But once you get the hang of it, it becomes 2nd nature. You can even save your creations to quickly assemble duplicate machines, which is convenient at times. But that is only ONE fraction of your creative capabilities. You are also able to create custom weapons, armor and arrows to expand your arsenal. You will need these abilities to explore the land, skies and depths of Hyrule. It's an experience that can grow beyond your imagination. Which sounds amazing. And it is, in so many ways. However, it also one if this game's many problems...

The Bad: I hate to say it, but this game is the very definition of "trying too hard". Breath of the Wild is off the charts fantastic! Almost a perfect game. So when you're tasked to make something great even better? Sometimes adding more ingredients to a stellar dish ruins the meal. Like, imagine the best 5 layer cake in the world...perfectly frosted, with sprinkles and a cherry on top...and now add a tomahawk steak, and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, and nacho cheese fries with frosted flakes sprinkled on top of that? A bit much, right? That's how this game is... You have an entire world of objects and machine pieces and monster parts. But there's only so much you can do to actually function well in the game. What's the point of building an elaborate hovercraft when a crude assembly of logs & rocks can get the same job done? Which leads to the weapons. One of the main things I hated about BOTW are the fragile weapons that break after a few swings. This game not only brings back the shitty fragile weapon system, but now you have the burden of crafting your own weapons. Which is FUN... for about 5 minutes. But when you are in the heat of battle? Quickly assembling weapons or sifting through my entire inventory under durress was more annoying than it was fun. And don't get me started on the Blood Moon. A couple of times would have been ok but like every 10 minutes?! Give me a fucking break! Let me build this wooden helecopter in peace LOL!

But refocusing on the positive, overall, this was a fantastic gaming experience! But even though this play-thru was satisfying. There were too many flaws that effect the final score. Tears of the Kingdom would have been a decent spin-off game. Like, focus on the Sheika Lab team and have them rebuild Hyrule and deal with the Ganon threat with building gadgets. Harvesting minerals underground. Rebuilding towns devastated by the Calamity. That would've been cool. But as a Zelda adventure? It falls short when you compare it to the other masterpieces throughout the years. But when you put aside the competition? Tears of the Kingdom is a stellar game experience!

A-Class

[beatthegame]

I just beat Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge. Available on the 3 major consoles. But I played this one on the Playstation 5. Over the past 30 years, the Ninja Turtles have blessed us with all kinds of video game variants. TMNT Tournament Fighters was a personal favorite. But probably the most iconic being the Ninja Turtle Arcade game. The legendary side scrolling beat-em-up that enabled 4 players to collaborate and beat the shit out of Shredder and the Foot Clan. I couldn't even calculate the amount of quarters pumped into one of those machines. But when you think of an old school arcade pizza party, you know the Ninja Turtles 4-player co-op was invited! Fast forward 30 years later. Shredder is back and he's out for revenge! In a new game reminiscent of the arcade classic. But this isn't exactly a typical HD remaster remake like so many other releases these days. This is a straight up sequel using the same pixel art and 2D playing field prevelant to most games back in the 1990s. But how does it match up against these ultra-polished Unreal Engine 3D open worlds of today? Grab a slice of pizza because I'm about to break down how radical this game is.

The Good: From beginning to end. This game was a joy to experience! From the eyes of a nostalgic fan of the cartoon series (and both Eastman & Laird AND Archie comics) this is perhaps the greatest Ninja Turtles game ever! There are so many nods to the original cartoon. You can tell the developers did their homework. You get to play as the original 4 turtles. You know their names! Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo are present and accounted for. Each with their unique pros and cons. But they're unstoppable as a team. In addition, you have the option to play as Master Splinter, April O'Neil and Casey Jones! With simple online integration, you're able to play the game online with a whole squad at the same time. Smashing through different varieties of foot soldiers and bosses. The action is fast and relentless. But not difficult enough to be frustrating. This is pure fun in every level. This is what video gaming is all about! Even if you no prior knowledge of the series. You can't deny how fun it is to control giant turtles with ninja weapons beating the shit out of robot ninjas and rhino headed men armed with machine guns. You have to appreciate how absurd that premise is, in any context.

The Bad: I can see how some people might complain that Shredder's Revenge might be TOO easy? Almost infantile? You might be asking a lot for a game inspired by a children's cartoon? If you're looking for a challenge, perhaps this game isn't for you. You can always adjust the difficulty levels or set different challenges for yourself? But there isn't much to offer other than to walk towards the right and beat up robots. But even if you're not privy to the Ninja Turtles fandom, the game is meant to be fun and light-hearted. Probably not ideal for someone looking for something more "hardcore"? You have thousands of other options. But if you ever enjoyed the Turtles in any way within the past 30 years, you're going to love this game!

Overall: Playing Shredder's Revenge was like hanging out with a really old friend again. But they're faster, deeper and more fun than ever before. This game offers a nice mix of game modes and extra player skins and prizes for extended play. So the replay value is through the roof! Thank goodness this game purchase offers unlimited replays. Because I can't afford to go through all those quarters again. LOL! All kidding aside, this one was one of the highlights for this year. Shredder's Revenge rules.

S-Class

[beatthegame]

I just beat Final Fantasy (Pixel Remaster). Available on pretty much every modern console. You can even download it on your phone! But I played this one on the Nintendo Switch. Which is appropriate since the original game first released on the Nintendo Entertainment System way back in 1987. The very first Final Fantasy under more than 16 entries in the franchise! Perhaps the very game that pioneered the template for turn-based JRPGs for decades to follow. Who still remembers the little details and artworks in the Nintendo Power Strategy Guide?! Nostalgia aside. Final Fantasy was one of a kind. But how does it hold up against modern games today?

In a nutshell: It's Japanese Dungeons & Dragons without the awkward live human interaction. You choose 4 out of 6 warriors to travel across an 8-bit open world of repetitive turn-based battles via random encounters in order to reactivate the planet's elemental crystals and save the world. This might sound cliche, but keep in mind that this game originated that entire trope! The Light Warriors walked before Cloud, Squall and Lightning were even born. You can choose between several classes: warrior, thief, monk, red mage, white mage and black mage. Each warrior class offered unique pros and cons. You can assemble your own group of 4 warriors and you can even create unique names for your characters! I don't know about you guys/girls, but I had a lot of fun naming warriors "FART" or "BUTT". It provided tons of laughs during future dialogue interactions. But perhaps I'm missing the point? How does this game stack up overall?

The Good: Aside from naming your Red Wizard "TITS" this game offers a lot of depth for an 8-bit game. Although the pixel remake offers updated graphics and sound, the base game is still in-tact. They didn't stray too far from the source material, which is a relief. They preserved the old asthetic and truly improved upon the pixel art. Which better represents Yoshitaka Amano's character designs. Speaking of which, it was a nice addition to include Amano's original concept art in the bonus gallery. I never made the connection first playing it as a child. But now, you can appreciate how well the pixel remaster adapted from that concept art. Definitely a cool supplement.

It's not gory, so it's safe for everyone. However, there is a lot of reading and quick item management involved. So it's not recommended for younger kids or anyone without patience. Which leads to...

The Bad: The random battle system, while innovative at the time, will continue to be an annoying game feature throughout the entire game experience. Unless you are walking around in a town? You are gonna fight. This game does not chill! You're trying to walk across a single hallway to open a treasure chest and you're getting into a battle every two steps. It can get really frustrating. You can't even chill on the fucking WATER without getting into a fight lol! Although, in their defense, the ocean is pretty violent and terrifying in real life. But I digress. Random encounters suck. But, one of the neat new features in the pixel remaster is the auto battle option. It breaks the monotony of repetitive battles and allows you to breeze through most battles and essentially level up faster. While this might seem like a decent fix. It doesn't really offer anything to make the gameplay less monotonous. Also, you really need to read and pay attention to the clues given in this game. You can't just run through and beat this like any old game. You gotta follow the clues, run one fetch quest after another. It's a linear experience but you can get lost fast! Like, my lil nephew would NOT have the patience to play through a game like this. You are not going scratch that Fortnite itch with Final Fantasy. But comparing those two types of games wouldn't be fair (for either genre) But if you can set those superficial flaws aside, you'll find a unique gaming experience that has spawned over a dozen more epic adventures like this one. The tip of the iceberg!

Overall: Final Fantasy is epic! A large world full of unique characters and monsters. Working together for your entertainment. This game was purchased during one of Nintendo's online sales. So it was a great deal for the amount of game you're getting. A nice little slice of nostalgia for veteran gamers. Or perhaps a new experience for those who want to know their roots behind great JRPGs? At all starts with Final Fantasy!

A-Class

[beatthegame]

Elden Ring just beat me...and it's a bummer because I REALLY wanted to like this game. It has all the ingredients to make up a killer game. An open world with crazy art direction. Plenty of challenging options to keep you playing. But what went wrong? Why do I hate this game so much? I'm getting angry just trying to think about it, so let's try to make this quick...

In a nutshell: The setting seems to involve a fantasy setting where you are a fallen soldier. Getting involved in a brief skirmish with a giant spider demon. Then waking up in some sort of medeval hellish landscape with giant gold trees? There seems to be a detailed backstory written by George RR Martin (Game of Thrones). Although I wouldn't know because I'm too busy getting gangraped by skeleton warriors every step of the way to take notice. It's a "souls" game. So these games are annoying by design. But the broken game mechanics and tedious grinding make this game unplayable. Let me break it down like this...

The Good: The graphics are visually stunning, let's be honest. The environments and character designs are insane! Every enemy you encounter is menacing and emit pure nightmare fuel. Which is exciting to say the least. Elden Ring offers one of the best character creators in modern gaming. You can get really detailed adjusting the most minor facial features. Multiple character disciplines that greatly affect your gameplay experience. Diverse skin and body types. You can be really creative, which I adore! And then you put on some in-game armor that covers up the details you spent hours building. Cool! But let's appreciate the good elements because there's a whole lot of bad. Where do I begin...

The Bad: My first attempt playing this, I noticed these glowing rocks scattered around the floor. Apparently they were messages from other players across the Playstation network. Messages like "hidden treasure behind boulder" was pretty neat and helpful. But then you see more and more of these glowing messages. With a lot of not-so-useful messages like "is this dog?" and "finger in ur but". But what crossed the line was "boss up ahead" and you know what? There was a fucking boss ahead! What kind of troll shit allows spoilers mid-game? Can you imagine playing Resident Evil. Right before opening the door of that iconic dog chase scene, you read a community message saying "bow wow ahead lol" Like, way to ruin the immersion asshole! At that moment, I hated the game and pretty much gave up. But after discovering you can disable online messages, I tried it again. Which made a huge difference. I was starting to enjoy the game at first. But once you leave that cave, it was a pure shitshow from there. But let's start with the name "Elden Ring". This would imply upon a grandiose adventure involving a magical ring of some sort. But I would have appreciated it more if they were honest and called the game "YOU DIED" Because that's pretty much what you experience throughout the entire game. Every enemy you encounter was a pain in the ass with little relief in between. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not complaining about the challenge level. I appreciate a good challenging game. I hate to compare, but you have hard ass games like Cuphead, Doom Eternal and Battle Toads that are fantastic, despite their difficulty. There's a balance to their difficulty. Plus their controls are tight and responsive. But when you have to try and maneuver through shitty mechanics, you're not playing a fair game. I recall one instance where I was running around a stone wall to avoid an enemy. But I can't explain why the enemy's spear could clip through this stone wall for a one-shot kill? And what good is perfecting the timing of a defensive parry if a giant boss can just one-hit stomp you like a cockroach? And you get paid in turds so the risk/reward balance is off. I'd rather work a sweatshop, hand-sewing Lulu Lemon leggings than to grind hours for one stamina point. At least you'll get paid at the sweatshop. But if you play Elden Ring long enough, and memorize the patterns and "git gud" you'll eventually beat one of the bosses and get a weapon you can't use, because your charisma stats or whatever is too low. LOL! This game blows.

Overall: Video Games are supposed to be fun. But Elden Ring was a burden to get through. It felt like work after a while. Like an abusive unpaid intership in hell. You can hire a dominatrix if you enjoy the abuse. It won't take up as much of your time and it's better support for your local economy. LOL! Fuck Elden Ring.

(Edited: Just remembered more things I hated about this game, but adjusted the score to something more reasonable. This game is obviously not shit and had me hooked for a while. It just wasn't fun for me. Plus it's not cool to shit on a particular fanbase. Play whatever you want. Don't let my opinion take a shit on your cereal. This is just a place to vent since it would be super weird to scream about Elden Ring out in the real world, with real life problems. But the game still sucks in my point of view so whatever. LOL!)

D-Class

[beatthegame]

I just beat Megaman X! Originally released on the Super Nintendo back in the 90s. Played again 30 years later through the Megaman X Collection on Nintendo Switch. I remember owning the original SNES game cartridge back in the day at Kay Bee Toys! Which was about the size of a concrete brick. Comparing that size to the modern day switch game cards (which is about the size of a single cinnamon toast crunch flake) is kinda funny. But I'm getting waaay off topic. Which is a shame because this game rules. So let's show a little respect...

The Good: Megaman games have a consistent recipe since day 1: Side scrolling platformer with a mean blue midget armed with a hand cannon. Hopping across platforms and defeating robot masters to steal their powers. The latent strategy being that each robot master has a certain weakness to another master's powers. So you kind of have to figure that pattern out along the way. They ran with this formula through several games on the 8-bit Nintendo. But its mix of cool robot designs and high tempo music makes Megaman a stand out franchise in gaming history. Megaman X is the next level to that series. You start off several years into the future and start off like any other Megaman game. Run towards the right and blast a bunch of robots. Controls are smooth and responsive to your button inputs. Music is rocking! But as you progress (spoiler alert) you encounter a boss fight you can't win. Seemingly not a big deal but this was probably the first time this trope has been made? The "unbeatable first boss encounter who you'll eventually defeat later in the game after you collect all the power-ups" scheme. But the new X model sets this game apart from the NES series. Not only do you collect enemy powers after defeating the robot master. But you collect pieces of armor as well. Enabling cool new abilities like spint dashing, double jumping and smashing rocks with your helmet. My personal favorite touch is that they kept the Street Fighter easter egg in the collection! Basically, if you collect all the powers, armor pieces and energy tanks, there's a crazy sequence you have to do on one of the levels that will enable the best weapon of the game. With the same motion control input in Street Fighter you can pop off a HADOUKEN that can kill any bad guys with one shot. Bosses included! That easter egg alone is worth the price of admission. Secret codes aside, this game is a fun robot blasting blast!

The Bad: Don't let the cute character designs fool you. This game is no joke. These robot masters will fuck you up! You really need to play along and collect the correct sequence of robot powers and armor pieces to truly advance. This can be frustrating for anyone trying to just shoot around without a strategy. But if you play along, the game delivers. Although this is a minor complaint, I didn't like how you can't do mid-level save states like every other emulated game collection. It's such a shit complaint but there isn't that much to whine about. Megaman X is pretty great!

Overall: Megaman X was great back in 1994 and it still holds up today. Beginning to end, it was a robot smashin good time. It's a fantastic game as a standalone experience. But there are 4 more Megaman X games contained inside that tiny little cinnamon toast crunch flake-sized cartridge. Which should keep anyone busy for a while. Great deal for a great game!

S-Class

[beatthegame]

I just beat Rage 2. Played on a Playstation 5 but it's most likely available on Xbox too.

In a nutshell: It's Fallout Lite. A first person shooter with very mild RPG elements. Let's not expect a Shakespearean level story. The plot is pretty simple. You are Walker (male or female) the last Ranger on this post-apocalyptic world. You wake up in the middle of an invasion from "The Authority". A gaggle of robot/mutant hybrids motivated on murdering every human on sight. Not sure what kind of authority they plan to enforce if everyone is dead? But I digress...the Authority is led by General Cross. This dude with a gnarly robot body with a generic, angry, bald white man head on top. Like if they screwed on Jeff Bezo's head on Megatron's body? Basically you have to travel across an open world and do mini-quests for 3 different resistance generals and defeat the Authority once and for all. I appreciate how simple that premise is. But does it stand out against all the post apocalypse cliches and derivative FPS elements? Long enough for me to beat the game at least.

The Good:

I like Rage 2 because of it's simplicity. It's an open world first person shooter. So you roam the world and shoot shit. That's it! Almost like a 3-D version of Contra with more NPCs. With a wide selection of vehicles to roam the wasteland. It's literally a giant sandbox to play around and blow shit up.

There's a modest variety of weapons and bionic superpowers in your arsenal. And there are plenty of missions sprawled around to keep your trigger fingers busy. You can even download extra missions through DLC. The game is called Rage, but playing through beginning through end didn't make me mad at all. Rage 2 was actually kind of fun! Which is a good quality to have in any type of game.

The Bad: This game would be great, if there weren't 500 other games exactly like it. Even if you don't compare it to every other first person shooter, the Rage 2 open world is rather shallow. What good is exploring a vast ocean if the water is 2 feet deep everywhere? I don't mean that literally. Like, there are only 3 types of enemies: street punks, immortals and authority mutants. With like 3 types of missions to host them all: shoot a handful of enemies here. Shoot a handful of enemies until the timer runs out there. Shoot a boss in between amd collect nonsensical items to level up your weapons and abilities. Speaking of which, most of the weapons and abilities were pretty useless. What's the point of harnessing  and perfecting telekinetic floating powers or power slide across the floor when I can simply shoot the shit out of a bunch of badguys with less effort? I usually like to grind through and get all the weapons and special items in a game before beating it. But none of those weapons or items really mattered in the long run or made a difference in the end result. After a while, I just wanted to get the game over with. I like how you can defeat the final boss and keep playing around in the open world. But I didn't see the point. Rage 2 has a nice open world worth visiting but it's not deep enough to warrant an extended stay like other open worlds have to offer.

Overall: Rage 2 was OK. It felt like a dumbed-down version of Fallout. The environment is similar. The gameplay is a lot faster and more intense. But not enough depth for a truly immersive experience. Rage 2 is like a brand new bag of Utz potato chips: looks delicious but it's mostly a bag of hot air with a handful of tasty bits. And not much else. It's not the worst thing to eat but you certainly have a wealth of better options out there.

C-Class

[beatthegame]

Just beat Final Fantasy 7 Remake Intergrade. The original FF7 was first released on the Playstation One back in 1997. Considered by many one of the best video games of all time. FF7 was the gold standard for role playing games for a long time. It was remade again just a couple of years ago in 2020 on the PS4. During a time of perpetual remakes, Final Fantasy 7 Remake seemed to live up to the hype and made a great gaming experience even better. Remake Intergrade is the PS5 follow up that appeared shortly after the PS4 release. Not a sequel. More like the "Super Street Fighter 2: Champion Edition EX Plus Alpha Turbo HD" of the Final Fantasy world. A loaded statement for sure. But is Final Fantasy 7 Remake Intergrade a good game? Let's break it down like this...

In a nutshell: Young steampunk Super Saiyan Goku with a big ass sword becomes an eco-terrorist for hire to blow up electric power plants with this crazy dude with a minigun for a hand and a karate hooker, who just happens to be Goku's childhood sweetheart. Don't worry parents; this is an evil corporation, so blowing up their power plants is ok. You hack & slash & punch & shoot your way through hundreds of robots and monsters trying to stop this evil corporation with your dirtbag friends and a cute flower girl. Seems like a simple premise. That is until Goth Albino Axl Rose starts whispering riddles into Goku's ears. Getting all up in your business. You would THINK that was cool, but you find out that Axl is trying to destroy the world. Which is the opposite of cool. At that point you're fighting to save the Earth. Again. But seriously, this game is a lot more layered than how I'm trying to summarize. It's a nutshell full of awesome.

The Good: The original Final Fantasy 7 was pretty amazing. So you're already starting off with a good premise. But the developers took that premise and rebuilt it from scratch with modern developer tools. The end result is pretty fantastic from every aspect. The graphics are simply gorgeous. The assets are so insanely detailed, I would often stop progressing and just look around. The details in the environment. The non-descript chatter from the NPC's made the city of Midgar seem alive. And the characters! The Final Fantasy 7 cast has become almost iconic through the years. Popping up in several other games, movies, comics, etc. We were somewhat familiar with these characters. But the remake really brought them to life. Shout out to the voice acting cast, by the way. Just about everyone played true to their characters' personalities. The quirky banter between  certain characters were amusing at times. Which leads to the actual gameplay. Final Fantasy was always about quick turn-based battles and item management with pretty graphics. The remake takes it a step further with more pro-active arcade brawler style battles. All while preserving the quick item management aspect of the original games. It often feels like a juggling act at times. You have to attack, block or parry and dodge enemy attacks like any other 3-D action game. But you also have to manage two other teammates on top of the action. You can add quick commands from their arsenal or let the AI automate while you focus on kicking ass. It's definitely more proactive than the original game. Even the music is fantastic! The original soundtrack was already legendary. How on Earth could they possibly top it? Well, this modern day production crew took something great and added a layer of delicious frosting on top. Taking classic melodies from the original game and giving them full instrumental productions spanning several genres: pop, jazz, EDM, metal, hip-hop, reggae remixes. Amongst others. I had the damn chocobo song in my head ALL DAY. The Happy Turtle jingle is burned in my mind forever. Which is a testament to the greatness of this game's soundtrack. Controls were smooth, responsive and simple. The games menus and materia system might have a bit of a learning curve for unfamiliar players. Definitely not a typical beat em up. But you have tons of options! The UI is simple and provides easy instructions to guide players through. There are so many other good details about this game. I can seriously keep going. But let's flip the script and break out the table salt...

The Bad: If you're getting into this without any prior knowledge of the Final Fantasy experience? You might find yourself a bit confused. There is a LOT going on, with plenty of gaping plotholes from beginning to end. Which I now realize were placed intentionally to throw off fans of the original timeline. They are trying something new and different, which is GREAT! But from a tourist perspective? It's all super-fucking-weird! LOL! I can see the average Fortnite kid getting bored with this game really quick. Not a lot of gamers are patient enough to sit through all the cut scenes (which ARE skippable by the way). There were plenty of cringe inducing scenes that gave me douche chills. Speed Demon Roche and The Honeybee Inn were annoying, amonst others but I respect the developers trying new things and adding more substance to the Midgar experience. And speaking of adding to the experience... I don't like how they added to the game by subtracting 3/4ths of the original narrative out of the presentation. Back in 1997. Final Fantasy 7 came with 4 discs. Different parts of the saga split up, mostly because you can only contain a finite amount of game data on a single disc. Despite the 4 discs, you got the WHOLE STORY. The remake only covers the first quarter of the timeline. Like getting served a whole deep dish pie at first. Now you're only getting a slice? Which raises a LOT of questions I'm not willing to remember in-between the countless games we'll be playing before the next disc comes out. It kills the flow of the narrative. But from a business standpoint, you can see exactly why it would be more profitable to stretch the games out. And add as many spin-offs and DLC's as possible before you shell out another $80 bucks for the next disc. Unfortunately for me, I'm that hardcore Final Fantasy fanboy that will begrudgingly burn another $80 bucks for each stupid disc and download they crank out. Like a true Final Fantasy cuck. God help us if the introduce micro-transactions.

I also don't like how linear this game is. For a role playing game, especially with the freedom of other sandbox RPGs, this game seems pretty shallow. You really can't do much outside of what your character is tasked to do. Pretty weak compared to what's offered on so many other games. But you know what they say, "compare & despair". If it weren't for the iconic characters, the game would seem pretty weak when you're not invested in the lore behind these people. But fortunately, there are millions of fans who went all in on this franchise. The next installment is supposed to offer more freedom? Which seems ideal. But is it the same kind of freedom like you get in Skyrim or Red Dead Redemption? Very unlikely.

Overall: These son's of biscuits at Squeenix took a legendary game. Made it better. And added a Intergrade cherry on top, with more bells and whistles on the side. When you start getting caught up in the mini-games more than the actual story (hello Fort Condor!) you start to get a good video game Inception going on. The best games will make you want to play them again after beating it. But I'm already looking forward to unlock more features on Hard mode. It's Final Fantasy at its peak form.

S-Class

[beatthegame]

Just beat Star Wars: Jedi Survivor. In a nutshell, it was like dating a really pretty person that was just mean and disrespectful. Often times having nervous breakdowns. Sure! There were fun times in-between the abuse. But this game was too toxic to maintain a steady relationship. Hear me out...

The Good: Gorgeous graphics! Stellar visual and audio presentation wrapped in a thrilling story full of characters that are more engaging than the latest batch of Star Wars movies and television shows being cranked out lately. The Fallen Order trilogy of characters are a cool diverse lot of humanoid and alien characters with unique personalities. None of the protagonists were annoying, which is a relief. I had to stop playing certain games because some characters were so repulsive, I didn't care how their worlds ended. But I digress... There's plenty of fan service for the most demanding Star Wars fan! If you're familiar with Fallen Order, the game play is smooth and quick. Burning through a platoon of Stormtroopers with Jedi moves feels great! There are a few more bells & whistles offered that greatly increases the replayability compared to its short & linear predecessor. Tons of customizable options is neat. Switching between light sabre stances adds more depth to the action. Building Greez' saloon is a nice touch. My personal favorite feature being the Holo Tactics table minigame! Definitely a step up from the first game with plenty of content for return visits.

The Bad: the game is advertised as "a galaxy-spanning 3rd person action adventure" but you're really bounching back and forth between 3 planets. They really could've taken advantage of all kinds of weird planets in the Star Wars lore but they kept it tight. Which I understand why, but still a bit disappointing. Thank goodness there's an option to adjust the difficulty level. Because the gameplay seemed downright unplayable at times. SO DAMN FRUSTRATING! It gets easier as you progress and build enough skills to survive. But some of those fights were unreasonable. Like why is a random alien frog mid-boss more difficult than DARTH VADER?! Yes, I know Oggdo Boggdo is a meme but that doesn't help make this game any less annoying. And that was by design! There were plenty of bugs and crashes that killed the moment several times. You can tell the studio tried to push this game out to market as soon as possible, which is unfortunate. But the neat thing about modern gaming are the patch fixes. They'll probably address a lot of those broken assets. But I don't think they'll be doing anything about parkouring across a mountain for an hour, only to get a new set of cosmetic colors. Did I mention that the Perks and Treasure items were lame? Because there's some weak ass treasure scattered across the galaxy. I like how the game keeps going and offers new game + elements. But risking poor Cal's life over color palettes and light saber hilts doesn't seem worth it for extended play. Plus the $70 retail price is offensive to my ancestors.

Overall: An above-average gaming experience! The flaws are too abundant to make this a perfect game but it's a great addition to the Star Wars saga. It's more entertaining than the latest Star Wars movie trilogy and that's saying a lot.

B-Class

[beatthegame]

Just beat The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening. In a nutshell: A remake of the classic Game Boy adventure with a nice new polish and a few extra bells & whistles that enhance the experience. It plays a lot like the old-school overhead style of Zelda but the controls are 100% more smooth. The graphics are a bit simple. Very cute and cartoony. But what lacks in over-the-top graphics makes up in good old-fashioned fun gameplay! Our boy Link is stuck on a deserted island and you have to explore a wide variety of dungeons to gather music instruments so you can jam out with the Wind Fish. The premise is nuts but a nice break from the usual tri-force drama. You also pick up a bunch of cool weapons and gadgets along the way. The puzzles can be a bit tricky for the younger gamers. But just running around bopping Moblins with your sword and boomerang is a blast! This game may not offer the constant adrenaline dopamine drip for the Call of Duty heads. But the game is plain simple fun. Bonus points for adding the ability to build custom dungeons. That alone added hours of extra gametime. It would've been cool if you can share and play other player's dungeons like Mario Maker? No Princess Zelda either, which is mad disrespectful. Aside from that, this was a fun ride! Link's Awakening is like an epic adventure wrapped in a cute little package.

A-Class