belladarlinganas

[belladarlinganas]

i know we’re all mentally ill here and everyone is going to scroll past this but i feel like i have an obligation to make a post like this every few weeks.

i am not romanticizing what i go through at all. i am miserable. this disorder is miserable. please, if there is any hope you can recover, try it. i will be your biggest cheerleader. not because i want to see you gain weight, but because I want to see you live, truly live.

you will probably never make it to your ugw. if you do you will not be happy there, or you will die of complications when you’re finally happy.

[belladarlinganas]

i wont stop until theres no fat for me to squeeze anymore. its disgusting.

[belladarlinganas]

pov my boyfriend sees my "days since last b1ng3" counter on my wall i forgot to take down no its just for when i eat unhealthy babe yk im trying to lose some weight rn 💀

[belladarlinganas]

locking in bcs i CANNOT be twinning with the whales at the beach this summer

[belladarlinganas]

What happened? You used to be in control.

[belladarlinganas]

ik i can never do ballet professionally bc of my tattoos but omg im getting so good guys i can almost do the splits now which ive NEVER been able to do

[belladarlinganas]

You’re not bloated, you’re fat

[belladarlinganas]

12 days b1nge free new bf new job chat im winning in life rn

[belladarlinganas]

i swear i just woke up noticeable sk1nnier wtf... did i lose a bunch of swelling or is the body dysmorphia just randomly gone bc the scale hasnt changed that much 😭

[belladarlinganas]

everyone in my personal life sucks rn and idk where to put this rant so im putting it here.

☆

im dating a guy (have been casually seeing him for 6 months) and hes PERFECT but theres one glaring problem which is that hes almost double my age (im 20 hes 37) and we've talked abt it and agreed to take it slow and when we started seeing eachother we didnt even know we had such an age gap bc im a bit of an older soul and hes young at heart and all that crap and i am SICK of the "im worried" comments! its almost like i have a mind of my own and simply WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY DO TO ME even if he is secretly "grooming" me or smth??? ive lived on my own since 16 i was addicted to hard dr0gs for 2 years got engaged to my ex bf then split it off bc of his m3th addiction what is he gonna do to me pressure me into s3x or smth??? no! im gonna cuss him tf out if he tries to do that! yeah maybe its a bit weird but unless our childhoods get brought up we never even think abt the age thing bc its just so effortlessly easy to talk with him bc we have all the same interests since i like a lot of older things (no pun intended). i was so excited to tell my friends and the world in fact until they started being mean and judgy abt it and now i already wanna break up w him bc of what everyones been saying to me and we havent even been official for more than 24hrs!! i had a talk w him abt how it made me feel and he agreed we can take it slow and "avoid telling people" unless they ask directly. tbh i feel worse for him bc he has to go tell all our mutual friends (who are all around his age. most of my friends are in their 30s) and that looks far worse on his part

[belladarlinganas]

i never wanna fucking eat again

[belladarlinganas]

when i have the option between buldak and celery and i choose the celery without thinking abt it past me would NEVER im so proud of myself

[belladarlinganas]

mfw the scale says im maintaining but im putting on muscle and losing face fat so i cant fucking tell whats going on anymore 😫🙈

[belladarlinganas]

The fact I didn't notice how big I had become

Embarrassing 💀💀

[belladarlinganas]

getting really into ballet smth abt the repetition and structure movements tickles my autism brain so good plus i already stand in first position naturally and im so excited w how much weight im gonna lose doing it every day!

[belladarlinganas]

Steps 9002

[belladarlinganas]

had a few pieces of cheese yesterday for dinner which used to be a problem food for me and i wasnt even interested in it after a few bites even tho i had only eaten a salad all day and i put it back in the fridge IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF CHAT