bentaylor30 - Tumblr blog

[bentaylor30]

Guess who I got to talk to today?! @mentalhealnesss himself! Thanks man for the great content, advice and support! . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQRA9PmDHP-/?utm_medium=tumblr

[bentaylor30]

God brings beauty out of pain. Forgiveness out of ashes. Love out of hate. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNdN3elj_EJ/?igshid=938cpdjxq2x1

[bentaylor30]

Enjoying some time with the doggie. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNLU24KDX8w/?igshid=j2ga9yo0c4jv

[bentaylor30]

God is so good to me. I don't deserve His grace and mercy that He has given to me. He has never let me down. He has always been here, even when I have walked away. There has been times that I have thought: Why is God messing with me? Why is this happening to me? Instead, turn my focus to what is God trying to show me, teach me, grow me. He has always been constant while I have been tossed around by my desires and struggles. He is faithful. He is good. I am not, and thats okay. Because God loves me. And that is amazing. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism https://www.instagram.com/p/CMkBwL8j_O0/?igshid=15vxfl11jau8e

[bentaylor30]

Chilly out? It’s okay we have gloves, hat and bear! Walks in the cold are wrapping up. Hopefully warm weather continues. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMUamHJj-Pk/?igshid=k7fbl0bnnrm4

[bentaylor30]

I've interacted with a lot of people in my life. I have had a lot of fake people and amazing people in my life. But real or fake there still is a gift that each person has brought into my life. A lesson learned, good or bad, from a person. A chance to impact someone else for good. I am thankful for my family and their support. I am thankful for my best men in my wedding, still men of God that I talk to today. I am thankful for a handful of friends that I still have today. I am thankful for the good and the bad. I am thankful for the fake friends that have deserted me. I am thankful for the friends that keep pointing me to Christ. I am thanful for the boss who fired me and taught me how not to live. I am thankful for finding more of a balance to work/home life. I praise God because He works through the good and bad I experience but it is all for my good, my growth and His Glory! ⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #empath #traumabonding #abuse #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #psychopath #love #selflove #manipulation #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #nocontact #trauma #sociopath #narcissists #narcissism #healing #emotionalabuse #toxicpeople #mentalhealth #narcissistrecovery #cptsd #toxicrelationships #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissistic #wakeupwarrior #warriorchallenege #enneagram8 #enneagram (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMKb0b7DWW3/?igshid=12rhtm2d6x2gf

[bentaylor30]

Just finished watching this. Please go watch it! Persecuted Christians and the power of the gospel. What is Jesus worth to you? https://www.revelationmedia.com/watchinsanityofgodadf/ADFIOGiD/ (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMGj55TjNg7/?igshid=kgt23qy8nov1

[bentaylor30]

The lies that held me back are my gift now. The lies that held me back, and that I still struggle with are a gift. Thats right you heard me. A Gift, To remind me what has held me back, To remind me of what I am running to, A lesson learned, A thought process changed, A lie challenged, And a life changed. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMAFg2wj3Gx/?igshid=ds6r00z7de6r

[bentaylor30]

We were able to get some time off and away the other week. It was a great time to be able to relax and unplug. A couple photos of our stay away :) . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLy8lTdjBTu/?igshid=f3w4df2af5gg

[bentaylor30]

At the end of the day Its just God and me. God and me and the lies I built in between Him and I. What lies are you willing to tolerate in your life? Here is what I will no longer tolerate: I will not tolerate the doubt that God is not enough for me. I will not tolerate the doubt that God is good and has a wonderful plan for my life. I will no longer tolerate or accept a half ass-ed relationship with God. I will not tolerate the doubt that Kayla is right for me but will trust in God's plan for my life. I will not tolerate the feeling of helplessness and being stuck. I will not tolerate imagining life without Kayla because that is devoid of God and dishonoring. I will no longer doubt that God can change it all to be even better than I can imagine. I will not tolerate lying to God, Kayla or myself. I will not tolerate running from God and my wife Kayla. What will you no longer tolerate? . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLwpnS6jGkf/?igshid=12ttff1snjt6p

[bentaylor30]

I was in a losing game. The game of love that I had cheated and lied my way through for years. I felt hopeless. It felt like it was a dead end. I felt like anything I would do was not enough. Why try? If none of my effort is enough why even try? I was stuck in the mindset of a losing game. I was losing. Because my standard was selfish. It was still about me and what I wanted. I can't win at love with a skewed perspective of God. I can't love without knowing the love of God. There is no "winning" at love when there is no foundation of love from the God who is love. An  unselfish love for others has to stem from my love for God. Love apart from God isn't love. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLupYuVjl_0/?igshid=11ofu9n1loppi

[bentaylor30]

The lies I had already believed plus the sin I was already in produced confusion and emotional calms. I squelched out God's voice with the pleasures I could find in multiple affairs over the years. These lies and affairs: - Exposed me to STD’s and sickness - Distanced me from Kayla - Made me reject Kayla's love for me - Distracted me and lost focus in business I thought the emotional support I got from other women was "true" love when in reality it was just right in my eyes and a perversion of Gods' plan. What woke me up? God did. He woke me up in 2 ways. I got involved with another narcissist where she used and manipulated me as much as I did to her. I watched the movie “A Vow to Cherish” and recommitted to God my broken marriage that I had ruined. The only love that I need is God's love. It is the only thing that satisfies. I am still learning and growing in that, but I know He is the ultimate source of love and joy. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLmcec4jjKr/?igshid=7ql9v757mjph

[bentaylor30]

This lie I kept telling myself over years of being here but not present. I was lying to myself with this thought. I was lying to others as I would give advice while my marriage was in shambles. I somehow kept this lie alive in my head even though it was so far from the truth. Just staying in a marriage still doesn’t mean that is a commitment. That had already been broken. Broken by my: - Lies - Gaslighting - Anger - Pornography - Affairs After all that I was somehow still trying to convince myself that I was committed to her. I was trying to justify how I could pretend to love God and love Kayla while still cheating on her. This lie left me in a fantasy world. Disconnected from reality and a slave to my lies. I have been a slave to my lies for too long. I will not tolerate the doubt that Kayla is right for me but will trust in Gods' plan for my life. I will not tolerate imagining life without Kayla because that is devoid of God and His plan. . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLeqfdVj-q7/?igshid=15jkmj5hby5m4

[bentaylor30]

Doubt and fear built this lie. Doubt in who God is and fear that I wouldn't be fulfilled. Fear that God won't satisfy me or give me joy so I have to take what I can get. If God isn't enough for me then what is the point of right and wrong? Screw it I'll just do what I want. If God isn't enough the neither is Kayla, Sophia, work or anything else. If God isn't enough then I have to do it all on my own (lie #1) and I can since I am good enough (lie #2) besides it's what I deserve (lie #3)right? The God who created the universe that breathes life into man and holds all together I looked at and thought He isn't enough for me. What lies I have believed?! I will not tolerate the doubt that God is not enough for me. I will not tolerate the doubt that God is good and has a wonderful plan for my life. I will not tolerate the doubt that God can change it all to be better than I can ever imagine. ⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #prayer #faithoverfear #inspiration #faithblogger #faithquotes #god #truth #hope #faithful #motivation #believe #jesuschrist #blessed #peace #bibleverse #bible #godisgood #pray #praise #love #life #christ #jesus #faithfulness #christian #wakeupwarrior #wakeupwarriorchallenge (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLcC1pFjc4i/?igshid=u51ljdv9y18z

[bentaylor30]

I thought I deserved happiness so if I didn’t get my version of happiness I would take what I could get or manufacture my own. If my happiness is based on me then everything is on the table to “make” me happy. I thought I deserved to have: What I thought I was entitled to (devoid of God) Pleasure to myself Sex when I wanted Happiness from anywhere Pleasure from others This lie took advantage of others, steam rolled over people, broke promises and hearts to get what I thought I deserved. I deserve happiness. No. I deserve Death. But God... ⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #manipulation #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticmother #mentalhealth #domesticviolence #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissism #emotionalabuse #gaslighting #covertnarcissist #psychopath #narcissisticabuserecovery #traumabonding #cptsd #selflove #narcissisticabusesurvivor #healing #narcissistic #trauma #narcissistrecovery #domesticabuse #abuse #narcissists #toxicpeople #sociopath #psychologicalabuse #nocontact #love #empath #toxicrelationships (at Chesapeake, Virginia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLUTXMPj9Er/?igshid=1j3zg8676yw6j

[bentaylor30]

Happy Birthday to my wife! So glad to be in your life and that you still put up with me after all these years!! <3 You are the strongest woman I know and I am so proud of you and every mountain you have climbed! I praise God for you! . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism https://www.instagram.com/p/CLR0UorjC0b/?igshid=18vlaavndfloe

[bentaylor30]

We got away for 4 days!!! Eight years of marriage and we have only been away 4 times by ourselves, a total of 3 and 1/2 weeks off (including honeymoon and this trip). No wonder we have struggled right? So glad not to be giving all my time to a business that didn’t give back (4 day weeks!) Trying to set new trends now and date my wife again! . . . . . #enneagram8 #enneagram #wakeupwarrior #motivation #repost #survivor #relationships #mentalhealth #love #sad #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #motivation #abuse #quotes #divorce #inspiration #recovery #selflove #life #healing #sociopath #psychopath #mentalhealthawareness #depression #anxiety #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #emotionalabuse #narcissism https://www.instagram.com/p/CLQgjy8DakU/?igshid=y7w9esxyxbhq