bipolarbullshitt - Tumblr blog

[bipolarbullshitt]

I'm a nervous wreck when it comes to writing texts to you in my head I'll never send

And I've spent the last month thinking about what I'm going to get you for your birthday but now that it's a week away and I have a book tucked away in the back of my closet filled with poems and a note with my shitty handwriting: my recommendations (not that you asked), *a sequence of page numbers*, I'm glad I met you... Ps. Use this as a bookmark

But you open my texts more often than you respond these days and I tell myself it's because you're busy but busy is the reason we only kissed 4 times.

The thought tastes sour in my mouth so I open a hundred dollar bottle of whiskey and download a dating app only to delete it for the third time this month because every time I talk to a girl all I can think is how she doesn't make me feel like you did. I start running the statistics of online dating and realize how rare it was that we actually had enjoyable conversation.

I chew on the ever so slightly alcoholic ice cubes and decide to accept the theory of parallel universes because at least we kissed 5 times in one of them.

In another we got a cat together.

In the remaining trillions we don't speak.

[bipolarbullshitt]

She's my right person wrong time

[bipolarbullshitt]

I knew I was fucked when I stopped wanted a girlfriend and started wanting you

[bipolarbullshitt]

I forgot to take my meds last night

I didnt sleep last night

I rolled around and my thoughts had thoughts and I waited until the sun rose and I still didn't know what to do.

I've been up for more than 30 hours now

And I'm manic

And I want to call you.

[bipolarbullshitt]

Summers coming and I've gone so long without it I miss the fear of short sleeves and short shorts.

[bipolarbullshitt]

Sometimes I accidentally think of kissing you and butterflies fill my stomach

It makes me fucking sick.

[bipolarbullshitt]

One day I'll tell you that I never managed to get rid of my feelings for you

[bipolarbullshitt]

How do I say that you started being just friends and I still write poems about kissing you where the sun painted the clouds?

[bipolarbullshitt]

I stopped smiling at my phone... Not because I stopped feeling it, but because I knew you wouldn't smile if I told you.

[bipolarbullshitt]

These meds that they say make me sane... They're killing me slowly too

[bipolarbullshitt]

[bipolarbullshitt]

Breaking Bad

[bipolarbullshitt]

“I won’t say it wasn’t meant to be, because it was. We were. Only for a short while, maybe. But we were.”

— Unknown

[bipolarbullshitt]

Fuck it would take so little to fall in love with her.

[bipolarbullshitt]

How do I tell you that hearing you talk for hours is what's making my heart beat... But all you want is a friend, right?

[bipolarbullshitt]

And I don't know how to tell you how much it hurt... To hear her say she hear there was once a kid that took his own life and know it was you.

[bipolarbullshitt]

My manic brain constantly imagines what it'd be like to be with you... You wanting me. How easy was it for you to rid your head of the idea of me? 3 months later I still lay in bed giving myself butterflys and wondering how to kill them.