bloomedbeetle

[bloomedbeetle]

I just want to hurt someone like they've hurt me but every time I see someone hurt all I want to do is nurse them back to health and cradle them gently like an abandoned baby bird no matter what. you don't deserve this treatment but I can't be mean to you when everyone else has, they're the reason you're this way I can't contribute further to your destruction

[bloomedbeetle]

always the safe space for everyone else, yet there is not a single safe space for me

[bloomedbeetle]

i'm fine looking through ed accs like it's the daily newspaper until it randomly hits me that my friends would probably def not want to be friends w me if they knew i have an ed, am on these online spaces religiously, n have thousands of thīnspo images saved to my phone. sometimes it feels like having a double life, and this is a secret i will die with 🧍

[bloomedbeetle]

Nobody wants me ,but Ana does she wants me to get better and be th!n and happy

[bloomedbeetle]

hey I don't know who needs to hear this but if you're already not eating then please don't brush your teeth 2+ a day 🙏🙏 ik the number one advice on here to not eat is always to brush your teeth but you're already malnourished, your teeth and gums are already not as strong as they should be. ESPECIALLY if you don't have an extra soft tooth brush you're going to start scraping away your teeth and gums. damage to your teeth and gumline is not reversible without a lot of money

[bloomedbeetle]

ruining everything with everyone because I can't stay sober LMAOOOOOO I'm a fucking embarrassment holy hucking shit

[bloomedbeetle]

Do you think the monkeys on the bed gave a fuck about what the doctor told them? No. They kept jumping.

Keep going. Lock in twin your gw is near.

[bloomedbeetle]

(raised by a mother with sh scars) i think if youre worried you could always answer any of their questions age-appropriately, like if theyre really young you can be honest and explain you were hurt a long time ago but your body healed up because its strong! then when theyre older you can have a more upfront talk if they want to. imho trying to hide them their entire life wont work and being secretive can backfire- in my situation i ended up connecting the dots about my mothers scars and her own mental health issues by myself.

there's no right or wrong answer to this of course, and what you end up doing in general could be totally different. i wanted to say something though because your last post got to something in me. fwiw i sh as well and have prepped myself for the "how to answer kids' questions" scenario before.

this is very nice thank you, I will keep all of this in mind as actual things to say. I have a vague idea of how to explain things when the time comes, it's just getting over my own shame with it yk cause the tone you use to describe things (especially to young children) is very important. and if I just looked off into the distance struggling to even think then it'd be worrying

plus even when they are older I don't want them to ever worry about me, and I feel like my scars are just a giant "SHE'S A DANGER WHEN SHE'S SAD!!!" warning that might still exist for my husband and kids even when I'm like 50

[bloomedbeetle]

eventually I'm going to have kids and I won't even be able to wear short sleeves or shorts in my own house because I could never even begin to explain the pain their mother went through to them. how are they ever supposed to think I'm a strong protector who can take care of them when I couldn't even make it to 13 without mutilating myself because I was too fucking weak . they will never go away I'm stuck like this

[bloomedbeetle]

down to 118 apparently I've been forgetting to weight myself :)))

[bloomedbeetle]

what to do when your mother is your biggest opp despite your constant attempts to get her to love you? asking for a friend

[bloomedbeetle]

fat lasts longer than flavour.

[bloomedbeetle]

only getting complimented while ⭐️ving & lightheaded will be d3ath of me

like damn Anna is right 😭🙏

[bloomedbeetle]

I wanna starve for him but then again I feel bad because he'd probably didn't want his girl to starve herself but then again who wants a fat gf

Fucking rollercoaster

[bloomedbeetle]

am i the only one that feels like this?

whenever i eat something, anything i just feel literally dirty in the inside and outside, its like when i swallow something i can feel it in my whole body and its making gross and literally dirty

[bloomedbeetle]

🌟ving was the best decision I ever made holy fuck I can't believe I ever thought I looked good here

[bloomedbeetle]

help help!! I've lost my waist where is it!! doctor please!