blushyeleven

[blushyeleven]

GUYS YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE ABSOLUTE HEART ATTACK I JUSY HAD (in the best way?)

I was just minding my own business, casually watching TikTok, a renee rapp interview and OUT OF NO WHERE SHE JUST SAYS “it tickles” AND THE WAY I FUCKING PAUSED.

LIKE HONEY U CANNOT DO THIS TO ME RN 😭

[blushyeleven]

I hate my mum. and I miss my gf a little more whenever my mum is a bitch.

it would be nice if I had cheer up tkls rn but I just left my gf to come back to this hell whole house 😭

[blushyeleven]

Barbie has a great day everyday, but Ken only has a good day when he gets tickled

[blushyeleven]

I’m sulky anwcwkwgkwbw it would REALLY help if my girlfriend who IS NEXT TO ME. Would tickle me right now. because IM SUCH A GOOD GIRLFRIEND AND I DESERVE IT ☹️ and IM SULKY😔😔😔😔

[blushyeleven]

…. yes please 😔😔

Ticklish over-thinkers need to be tickled until they can't think.

[blushyeleven]

about to finally give in and play Roblox with my girlfriend.. I’m to easy for her. I better get tkls out of this in return☹️☹️

(I’ll keep you guys updated😁)

[blushyeleven]

update: I took her phone, that kinda worked 😁

I. HAVE. TRIED. EVERYTHINGGGGGG.

BEING EXTRA QUIET. PUTTING MY ARMS UP IN THE AIR. “STRETCHING”. TRACING MY OWN SIDE. WIWBWBWJWBECEKWVWK

[blushyeleven]

I. HAVE. TRIED. EVERYTHINGGGGGG.

BEING EXTRA QUIET. PUTTING MY ARMS UP IN THE AIR. “STRETCHING”. TRACING MY OWN SIDE. WIWBWBWJWBECEKWVWK

[blushyeleven]

and why did you think I asked that?? I think she should know what you consider to be your worse spots :))

@nattythoughts

HEY WAIT THATS.. GENIUSESLY EVIL AND ALSO HELPFUL?!?!

[blushyeleven]

I don’t knoww

If you could have anyone tickle you, who would it be?

(I feel like I know the answer to this)

-☕️

OBVIOUSLY MY GIRLFRIEND 😁

and renee rapp

[blushyeleven]

WJAT ARE YOUR MOST TICKLISH SPOTS??!

Can't miss the opportunity, sorry

@nattythoughts

WHILE MY GF IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME?! 😒

sides, under arms and my back?? I think?? are the top ones 😭

[blushyeleven]

guys ask me questions, tkl and non tkl related 🤍

[blushyeleven]

guys I’m sad and teary over a tv show and miss my girlfriend meaning I’m all sappy and whatever and want tkls to cheer me up ☹️

[blushyeleven]

I feel wrongly exposed.

Things Lees say VS what they actually mean

-“I’m not ticklish” = Ticklish/asking to be tickled

-“Not that spot/don’t tickle me there”= Extremely ticklish spot

-“noOhOho” = Keep going

-“Cursing in a sentence” = Tough love

-“Make me” = BEGGING to be wrecked

-“Please” = Whatever your doing don’t stop

-“Any inaudible sound” = Give me tickles immediately

- ^Trying to escape^ = I’m now turning this into a game so chase me

-“Do something about it” = Pissing you off so I get wrecked

[blushyeleven]

GUYS GUYS GUYS. my girlfriend saw this video on TikTok and it’s like “how to tell if somebody is a top of a bottom” and then in the TikTok is said “if they have a tumblr.. there a bottom” BASICALLY ACCUSING ME OF BEING A BOTTOM ☹️ HOW DARE SHE?!… RIGHT?!… 😒

@blushyelevensgf COUNT YOUR DAYS☹️

[blushyeleven]

summary: renee and you get into a massive argument, causing you to leave and making renee feel remorseful

characters: renee rapp x y/n

word count: 1561

warnings: ⚠️eating disorder mentions⚠️ please do not read if you struggle with such.

a/n: this is my first angst fic so I’m sorry if it’s not great!!

……………………………………………………….

𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅

“well you have to fucking eat something y/n!! I’m sick and tired of worrying everyday about you and having to force feed you like a goddamn child!!”

ouch. you never knew words could cut so deep and feel like a brutal attack, stabbing your heart with no remorse. silence was thick, accompanied by unwanted tension; hanging in the room. you couldn’t even bring yourself to speak. what else was there to say?

reneé took a few deep breaths, seeing your statue like posture and immediate aversion to her gaze. maybe her words came out a little to harsh but she was to angry to comfort you now. the pair of you stood there in awkward silence. the only prominent noise was the blondes uneven breathing. your brain desperately racked for something to reply with but you couldn’t. the sentence repeating and repeating on an endless time loop, almost as if your own brain was taunting you. reneé stood there, waiting for you to say something, anything. although what she didn’t expect was for you to just walk straight past her and down the stairs.

“oh come on! you can’t just run away!” she bellowed from the top of the stairs but it was to late because before she could get to the last word of her sentence the front door interrupted with a slam. renee stood there, running her hand through the top of her hair with a sigh. how was she gonna fix this one?

your legs carried you over any other sense, aimlessly and absentmindedly walking, further and further away from the house. although renee was right, you couldn’t just run away but it certainly was the easiest option. you refused to go back until deemed necessary and if that meant you weren’t returning until tomorrows sunrise, so be it.

meanwhile, renee was sat manspread on the sofa, agitated as her leg bounced up and and down in a swift motion. only after she rethought the argument, pondering how she could have gone about it differently. how she could have maybe rephrased a few things.. or maybe, just maybe not have said that whole sentence at all. the slow and dreaded feeling of remorse and guilt began to consume her, it was one suffocating feeling after the next. either seething with anger or drowned by guilt. the blonde decided to call your phone, seeming as you had been gone an hour. silence was met at her end of the phone, following by the dreaded voice note.

on your slow, aimless, wander, the cold air rushed to your face. colliding with your skin like an uncomfortable embrace. the argument and venomous words spiraling through your head. although, what stung the most was that in some aspects. renee was right. it must be exhausting having to deal with you and your starvation tendencies. having to babysit you to make sure you at least digest a snack. on the contrary, being you is exhausting. eyes glassy every time your vision lands on a piece of food, and not even seeing it as something to enjoy. seeing it as numbers. 200 calories. 350 calories. 600 calories. it was utterly an enervating cycle of troubles. like a carousel, that didn’t have an ending.

you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket and with one tiresome and drained motion you moved to check, already suspecting who would be the one dialing. as you saw the name “renee👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🩷” pop up, the name that normally brought an ear splitting smile to your face, the name that normally made your heart do flips in your chest and bring a cozy warmth to your body. the name that right now, only circled you back to an hour ago, circling you back to the imposter version of renee that spat out those heart shattering words. that wasn’t renee. not the renee that you knew. your thumb clicked the decline button. placing your phone back into your pj bottoms.

as renee heard the mocking tone of the robotic voice note she let out an extended regretful and remorseful sigh. rubbing he hand over her face in shame. she wasn’t going to apologize for worrying about you. but she certainly knew she had to apologize for the way she conveyed it. portraying her worry as malevolent. that wasn’t her. she longed for you to come back, for her to make it right. but then another twisted and worrying thought uninvitingly entered her brain. what if you didn’t come back?.

no no. no. you would. you’d come back. you’d come back and you’d be calmed down. and ready to forgive her? and let her make things right. right? renees first instinct was to call again, desperate for self assurance that you would return. but her thumb hovered over the dial button. knowing deep down, the more she called. the longer you’d avoid her.

another hour passed. sunset was beginning to dawn and cast a amber crimson glow. renee heard the sound of keys enter the doorway, slowly unlocking the door before hesitantly pushing it open. the blonde was quick to her feet, practically scurrying over to the front door to see you, her face morphed with guilt and a contortion of anger.

“where the hell have you been?!” she says with furrowed eyebrows. you didn’t come back for another fight. so without a single word you moved past her and began to walk up the stairs.

although originally, renee was mad for your disappearance and being completely off the grid for 2 hours. that anger immediately faded when she witnessed first hand that you still weren’t talking to her. instinctively she lunged after you, grabbing your hand desperately to stop you from reaching another step. “no. no I’m sorry. baby I’m sorry. please can we just talk.. just let me fix this.”

as soon as you felt her touch, her sweet voice, it was like a dam broke. your shield and force field yielding as you let out a soft sob, your eyes glassy as you turn to face her. your own face contorted with hurt. her expression morphs into one of apologetic and self shame, eyes softened and lips drooped. carefully, she guided you with her hand down the stairs, walking you closer to her until you reached the grey wooded floor. wasting no time in wrapping her arms around you tightly. gripping onto you. fearing if she lets go.. you might disappear. again.

“oh baby.. sweetheart.. I’m sorry.. I’m so so sorry” the pop star whispered, holding your head to her chest as she felt your tears flow onto her skin, each of them a reminder of how badly she messed up. your quiet and woeful sobs wounds her heart. puncturing it. and the way you’d pause to sniffle and take a load of air in. only twisted the knife. “i should have never of said that, okay? that was extremely wrong of me. and I could not be more sorry” the blonde tried to console you, planting a light and gentle kiss to the top of your head and running her nimble fingers through your silky hair. “I love you so much okay.. please let me make this up to you..” desperation was thick in her voice, truly wanting no more then to make this up to you. to her relief, you communicated through a small nod.

without breaking contact with you for even a second, she lightly pulled you over to the sofa and pulled you onto her lap, your body laying against her with your back facing up and your face nuzzled into her neck. thankfully your crying subsided and was replaced with little sniffles. again, renee wrapped her arms around you, one hand carefully placed against your head and the other one creating mindless patterns against the smooth skin of your back. albeit, the feeling was ticklish as hell, especially when she needed closer to your sides. unfortunately you weren’t in the mood for that right now. maybe later?.

“listen im not going to apologize for caring and worrying about you. what i am apologizing for showing it how i did. i got out of control and said some horrible stuff. and that’s not me. you mean everything to me and seeing you destroy yourself kills me princess” renee speaks in a quiet, calmed and controlled tone. the polar opposite to 2 and a half hours ago. “I know” you sniffled weakly. “I don’t mean to be like this.. I know how exhausting it must be for you” you added, a tiny waver to your voice. “it’s not exhausting because your a burden honey, it’s exhausting because I love you endlessly and I’m watching you be hurt and not being able to fix it with a snap of my fingers..” stumped for a reply, you nodded. “baby, I mean it when I say I’m here forever, through it all, your ups and downs and especially through this. I want to help you get better, I want that more than anything.” again, you nod. renee let out a soft sigh.

“I love you more than anything, okay? but I need you to work with me here, baby steps, that’s all I’m asking, some days you’ll fall down again and that’s okay sweetheart, healing isn’t linear.”

baby steps. you could do that.

“I love you reneè”

“I love you more y/n”

[blushyeleven]

WHOSE READY FOR AN ANGST FIC LATER?!?! yes it’s my first one, and yes it’s my first time releasing any fanfiction in 6 months 😘