bpdshitt

[bpdshitt]

fine i admit it

im being abused.

what do i do now?

I can't live with a friend

im financial independent on my parents

there's no homeless shelters near me

I'm afraid if I act out and try to leave

the abuse will be worth when I come back

if i do

or maybe they'll do the thing

that people do to avoid CPS

and ignore what the kids are saying

I'm so close to legal adulthood

it isn't safe for me here

I don't know what else to do

[bpdshitt]

WHY WONT ANYONE TAKE ME SERIOUSLY?

[bpdshitt]

that genuine dread I get

when something is not quite right with my body

instantly I become shaky

I think I got a ?pimple? near my mouth

who's saying that's not an std.

I don't want to give it to anyone if I do have it

I haven't done anything lately

can it be dormant?

or when I got kicked in the throat

And then the day following

My throat was sore

oh God oh fuck

where the fuck did I get covid??

or hearing someone cough who actually has it

My throat is itchy now

why is it itchy.

it's through a computer screen

but it's a possibility

I had to stop watching that video.

the strange raised bumps on my skin

should I be worried?

The constant feeling of lice crawling across my scalp

I know it's there I know it's there

but when I look it's just a scalp covered with scabs

from the years and years of paranoia

I don't have a lice comb

maybe it's better I don't

but I swear

The second I see any bug

across my fucking scalp

[bpdshitt]

Stop! Breaktime!

heya tiny one, let’s take a little break, ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

loosen your shoulders and take a deep breath

give those cute little fingers a wiggle and smile!

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* hug a stuffie, hug yourself *: ✧･ﾟ: *✧

say “i am beautiful! i am worthy of love!”

you’re regression is valid, have a wonderful day

⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ have a wonderful day!

[bpdshitt]

I live life with someone floating over my shoulder

I call you mommy.

You care for me when absolutely no one else

seems like they can.

when everyone else is scary to open up to

or I feel like I am too much

I can always be 100% honest with you

I can cry in front of you.

"it's okay to be vaunrable" she says

You tell me Soothing words I never got to hear.

too much time spent

trying to be older than I am

deep down I just want to be in your arms

sniffling softly

in your lap

cuddling a stuffed animal

"The world is scary and overwhelming but I promise

you'll be okay love, maybe not now but soon"

you lull me to sleep with your voice

giving me sleep

no one has been able to give me

" daddys here shhhh, i love you so much"

[bpdshitt]

i forget how warmth feels

how the full feeling of appreciation

a celebration of life tastes.

thoughts spilling over

the kind green fellow

with nothing more to do

but to listen to my woes.

the empty park

padded grass

having seen so much

a drunk man

bashfully showing all his cards

the woman who sees spirits

a little boy playing alone

humming sea shanties

to fill the silence,

ever so apparent

as time ticks on

a day with friends and games

to finding that same joy

you once produced thoughtlessly

in the small things.

passing pleasantries

a drink,

that you haven't had since you were a kid.

in comparison to the water

you've grown accustomed to

sweetness quickly fading

when it falls down your throat

leaving you wanting more,

a bittersweet appreciation

for the past

and what's to come

[bpdshitt]

why does advocating for needs to function comfortably need to be done in a way that sounds paletable to neurotypicals. i emailed teachers of things that would help me function greatly. And then all they do is refer me back to the counselors. I do not trust the counselors because the process of going through them means going through my parents, The same parents who don't believe I have autism, Even though they compared me to Sheldon fucking Cooper. I shouldn't have to say it's okay if you call me the wrong pronoun because it's not. why can't I just say if you find yourself using the wrong one correct yourself and do not make a big deal out of it. why do I need a paper that says autism on it for you to believe me. Do you really think I'm faking all my shit? if I don't have a paper there's probably a reason for it, I can't access one. its all bullshit. all of it.

[bpdshitt]

i did it again.

I idolized you

now I have to have the same conversation

I had with a different person

3 years ago

cut off contact.

this is why

they say people with borderline,

have short-lived relationships.

the other person, they can't handle the weight

The weight is entirely mine

to bear in the first place

pushing it on others is a bit unfair

but how do I stop?

only to continue the cycle

perhaps I do need therapy more than I thought

it doesn't end

but it does get easier

they say

have to hold on

for that one little bit of hope

[bpdshitt]

///TW: Neglect, CPS, narcissism, fighting///

I remember all the times you were off at work. I remember the words you've said to me You didn't have to say them more than once. "Make sure you have the blinds closed, and if someone knocks don't answer. Don't want cps called. "

All the time I spent raising my brother when you were at work. You were providing for us but at what cost. I remember needing a week's notice before asking you for anything for school. I walked it home from school I fed it dinner on the nights you were working double.

when you did come home you were napping for at least an hour. Do i ever have time to be a kid? at 12 I was listening to my friend's problems and being their emotional dumping ground. I took pride in that, Not realizing the true implications of it.

I still eat food so slowly for the fear of running out before next check can cover it. scolding my brother stop eating things so quickly.

I now find myself age regressing to make up for the time I didn't get to be young. I didn't deserve all that responsibility. no I'm not mature for my age, I was forced to grow up too quickly.

You used me to keep your emotions in the check always testing me. see if I would give you a genuine reaction or tell you what you wanted to hear. I quickly learned to say yes smile and nod. I could avoid conflict with you that way.

My brother didn't do that. It Was mad? it told you it was mad. That was the trait I always was confused by and I never understood. 'Don't you realize You are putting yourself in danger?'

I heard their screaming fights and that always fucking terrified me. That was the reason why I censored myself around you. it was adamant about its boundaries and that upset you. I was easy for you to mold and push your bullshit on hence you saw no problem with me.

I am the child of a narcissist. I believe you are the reason my borderline is shaped the way it has today. I resent you very deeply for that. I have no obligation to ever forgive you. I will entertain your phone calls but they will be very brief. That is the price of what you have done to me over the years.

[bpdshitt]

[TW//vauge description of suicide and sexual assault]

I'm warping into my worst fears.

everything I vowed to never do

I'm falling into

my list of sins is only growing

I feel like there's a stain on me

that people can't see

until they get hurt by it

I've broken so many relationships

all of the things that I thought

were so strong

are now in shambles

i have to start over again entirely

it's an awful feeling truly

I did this to myself

so why am I upset

if it's self inflicted

I want to breathe my last breath

inhale fire into my lungs

hope that no one finds me

before it's taken effect

THOUGHTSGOINGTHROUHMYHEAD

[bpdshitt]

I am so very happy. I have such a cool way of expressing my happiness that neurotypicals don't get. they have to stifle it behind seeming normal and that's a real shame. they don't get that pure adrenaline of flapping your hands and making sounds. they don't get the bouncing up and down because your body just can't stand to be still. they don't get your voice rising because it's too much trouble to keep yourself collected and calm. I get real down about being autistic a lot but I think it's such a cool fucking form of expression that neurotypicals are robbed of ,and honestly I'm not mad about that. they can have their fun in their idea of their "normal" world. I'm going to do my best to live authentically and they can judge me from afar but I'll sure as hell be happy doing it. listen to a good song to get that good happy stim to piss off a neurotypical in your life. if they have a problem with you being autistic that's on them they need to get over themselves.

[bpdshitt]

SMP Creator Boundaries Masterpost

This is a masterpost of all the boundaries that have been stated so far for various content creators (mainly from SMPLive, SMPEarth, and Dream SMP) when it comes to fan content. This post contains links to every main post we have made about the creators’ boundaries so far, with each post being kept as up to date as possible with the information we have. Feel free to browse this list or specifically look for the boundaries of the creators you need, whatever you prefer! You can also filter by tags (guide here) based on what topic you want to know about (e.g. cosplay, AUs).

Recommended reading:

Views FAQ: the views held by the mods & what to do in situations where creator boundaries are confusing or unclear.

A glossary of words we might use. Useful if you’re new to this fandom or our blog!

A note on NSFW content in this fandom.

‘Shipping Etiquette’ AKA how to ship content creators respectfully.

Mod Info

Creators:

Don’t see a creator? Check the under construction spreadsheet.

Altrive

Antfrost

Awesamdude

BadBoyHalo

CallMeCarson

CaptainPuffy

CaptainSparklez

ConnorEatsPants

Crumb Cuptoast

Cscoop

Dream

Eret

Fundy

GeorgeNotFound

ItsAsaii

Jack Manifold

Jschlatt

Karl Jacobs

Katerino

Krinios

Madimakesmusica

Nihachu

Ph1lzA Minecraft (& Miss Trixtin)

Ponk

Pokay

Punz

Purpled

Quackity

Ranboo

Sapnap

Slimecicle

Technoblade

TommyInnit

ToxxxicSupport

Traves

Tubbo

Wilbur Soot

This list is updated as we gather more information on various creators. If you have information that you don’t see here, here is a post on how to contact us.

(Lastly, we have a Discord, check it out!)

[bpdshitt]

Bada Bingus…

[bpdshitt]

i often feel so far from social groups. i don't think ive ever found a group i truly feel like i fit in with.

there's always a degree of separation from me and them. i feel so strange and outcasted often.

its extremely seldom i find someone i can really truly be myself without judgement around. when I do try to talk in groups i go dead quiet.

i find it difficult to process and particpate in group conversation. even when i do find people i enjoy its one person from different places that usually won't ever interact.

online has always been a safe Haven for me. as much as it helps, i fear it's hindering me. am i not getting better like i could be with social interaction?

[bpdshitt]

#relatable trauma survivor feels

“i dont know”

inconvenient flashbacks and panic attacks

randomly being reminded of your trauma

dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty

bad bad bad bad bad

either having the mindset of a young child or an adult, no in between

“i thought you were older! you’re so mature!”

being legitimately terrified of small sudden movements and everyone thinks it’s hilarious

immediately losing trust in whoever thinks it’s hilarious

the absolute terror of becoming like your abuser one day

it’s my fault

Constant Vigilance

that self-doubt due to repressed memories

“do i hate them or do i hate myself?”

Guilt™ 

[bpdshitt]

don´t fret when having a sudden mood swing.

do your best to keep your mind off the thing that set off the drop in your mood.

during this period, our thoughts will become intrusive so try your best to keep your mind occupied with something else.

watch tv, read a book/fanfic, play a game, do you fav hobby, etc.

what you are going through is extremely overwhelming.

it is very intense and very strong.

Your mind might tell you to engage in activities that “will make you feel better”.

it might tell you how you deserve it. how it´s just for a little bit. how no one will care.

but You know better. you can say no, you can resist it.

you are strong enough.

don’t listen to the lies, ok?

Stay safe, Soldier.

[bpdshitt]

sometimes i wonder if im the toxic one.