bruce-you-dumbass

[bruce-you-dumbass]

Dear Supporter,

I hope this message finds you and your family in good health. My name is Eman Zaqout from Gaza. I am reaching you out to seek your urgent help in spreading the word about our fundraiser. I lost both my home and my job due to the ongoing genocide in Gaza and we are facing catastrophic living conditions. 💔

I kindly ask you to visit my campaign. Your support, whether through donating or sharing, will help us reach more people who can make a difference. Thank you for your continued support for the Palestinian cause. Your dedication brings us closer to freedom. 🙏🕊

Note: Verified by several people as 90-ghost and aces-and-angels. ☑

https://gofund.me/b141d50f 🔗

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[bruce-you-dumbass]

"justice league doesn't know batman has kids" and by some freak incident, they end up meeting them all at once, after never having one single sneaking suspicion of batman being a family guy.

you've got every batkid + justice league member in the same room, and bruce tries for a total of 6 seconds to diffuse the situation before giving up.

there's bats left right and centre making completely false claims about how their family came to be, just to stir shit. also purposely trying to ruin batman's 'stoic and mean' reputation as best as they can.

jason and steph are telling everyone that they're all bio kids, and bruce does try and correct that one (some of those kids don't even belong to him in a non-bio way!!) but not before tim pipes up and goes 'well actually it depends what you count as biological, he grew me in a lab'.

dick's taking full advantage of the JL's perception of batman being oh so impressionable in the moment, and is telling stories of his childhood + batman raising his younger siblings, making him out to be the softest guy to ever exist (completely on purpose). cass is nodding along next to him, and making sure whenever she adds a comment that she uses the word 'dad' instead of batman just for the extra domestic flare.

babs and jason are explaining how they all consider themselves bats, in a way that would make anyone believe that they're in a cult. bruce is standing amidst it all, an immovable object, with dick's arm on his shoulder, and damian huddled into his side (ALL for dramatic flare. they need the JL to know that he's. just a guy with kids).

[bruce-you-dumbass]

old ladies love red hood NOT because he helps them cross roads and seems like a charming young man. they love him because at the end of the night, when he's crouched over catching his breath, head in hands in what he thinks is an empty street, or hobbling down roads trying to get home quickly despite sustaining large injuries, he reminds them of their grandsons.

he gets invited into their homes, and knows better than to decline. he'll sit down and wait to be berated by the old lady at the other side of the kitchen who's putting together a quick meal for him. he'll take off the helmet, and that's when she starts, not telling him to stop what he does, but to take better damn care of himself. he'll apologise and promise, as he's fixing himself up with her first aid kit.

as he leaves she'll still be making firm, although loving remarks at him, but he smiles underneath the helmet because he's being treated like a man, not a hero, a villain, or any of the other inhuman titles he's picked up over the years.

[bruce-you-dumbass]

oblivious jayroy in the way they both put each other in the 'fuck' category in a game of 'fuck, marry, kill' every time no questions asked.

oblivious jayroy in the fact that no one else ever questions their decision, and they think they're so smart because it's funny + they're just bros. it's hilarious to suggest 'haha, what IF' because nobody actually thinks they're serious, that's just the type of thing bros say.. right?????

(that is definitely not the case, most people gather after spending 2 minutes in a room with them that they've probably slept together before under some set of circumstances. they don't question when they say that because they just figure 'yeah, makes sense')

[bruce-you-dumbass]

Jason as Red Hood, halfway through absolutely obliterating a Drug ring Goon for information on the latest mission: hold up one sec *opens phone* shit

The Goon internally, terrified for his life: oh my god is it batman did batman call him is it a Bat oh god im gonna die- Uh red hod- sir?

Jason, in a deep ass voice, still holding several guns, packing up his torture shit: late for my little brother's school art exhibition. bye.

Don't get Red Hood mad on Wednesdays.

[bruce-you-dumbass]

bro i spend most my day thinking of fictional people like how silly is that. 'hes my pookie wookie' girl tf u mean he doesn't exist??? im out here having to remind myself DAILY that Jason Todd isn't real and honestly its a bit upsetting

[bruce-you-dumbass]

batman says gay rights because I bet you that every pride month at least one Batkid swaps his angsty cape for a pride flag. no one knows which flag will be next, Monday was a Trans Flag, Tuesday was the classic rainbow, and as the week progresses, the 'old' flags are interchanged for new, gaudier ones. Its one of the first times all the kids get along, sitting in a room in the manor, adjusting the flags and carrying out their roles (Jason buys the flags because who's going to question a man built like a double-door fridge? Tim and Steph combine skills to sew them to fit the Batsuit, and the others focus on sneaking them to the Batcave) Bruce, in a true fatherly manner, pretends not to notice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Batman, wearing the most insane bedazzled Gay flag as a cape, face blank under his cowl: whats the mission, superman?

Superman: *chokes*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some drunk guy on the sidewalk outside a bar: YEAH!! BATMAN SAYS BI RIGHTS!

*Groups outside of the bar cheering*

Batman: :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce hits a point where he simply accepts it, and even shows up to a JL meeting with a ridiculous cap balancing precariously atop his cowl saying 'men want me fish fear me' everyone is too scared to comment on it, even if Nightwing (who is over for and obligatory visit) is so obviously trying not to cackle

[bruce-you-dumbass]

Dick Grayson, leaving the house late at night in an incredibly tight cop uniform, smiling and coming home with bruises and a pay check: Hey guys :DD

the entire Batman: it’s okay, we know your a….a stripper and we will try our best to support you

Dick who just wanted to work in the police force: wait what

[bruce-you-dumbass]

posting from my school fucking bathroom because the thought of Bruce in this billionaire persona after Jason comes back re-introducing him to the press is too hilarious not to comment on

Bruce, Playboy, Air head, Loving father, billionaire: This is my baby son :D

Jason, shit Ton of scars, built like a house, his muscles have muscles: Sup

[bruce-you-dumbass]

Jason blinked “You…Hate the Joker?” He tried to scan his memories for any mention of Harley Quinn mentioning ‘Her Puddin’’ in fights, or really at all since he's been back in Gotham, and He came up shockingly blank.

“Aren’t you like his fucking girl or someting?” 

“His Girl?! Not anymore! Im Harely ‘Fuckin’’ Quinn!��� She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest like a  defiant child. “I Hate Mista J more than I hate Big ol’ Batsy, which is really fuckin’ saying something!”

Or, Jason is brought back to life, and channels all his spite into screwing Bruce over by Attending Medical school and doing what's least expected of a catatonic zombie: Befriending former-psychiatrist Harely Quinn, and Becoming The most Golden fucking child Gotham has ever seen

[bruce-you-dumbass]

I just got cat distribution system’ed. Meet coco. I feel like Damian would approve

[bruce-you-dumbass]

AJAHSJAJAJAHHSJAJAHA JASONN😭😭

[bruce-you-dumbass]

The thing about team titans go is for me I’ve been watching it since I was a kid because it was on tv. I had no idea it was in any way shape or form connected to Batman or DC. That is a good thing because the sheer need to murder every single character there would make it impossible for me to ever get into Batman. Thank fucking god I never bothered to learn their names

[bruce-you-dumbass]

Bruce goes to meet the other fathers? Have a barbecue with Clark, Oliver, Berry and talk about their kids?

"Damian told me that I was cool, it's been a while since one of my kids told me that" or "Mia is doing so well at school these days"

those moments when they are all (old men) father proud of the mess the kids are?

The dads: *lounging on beach chairs*

Clark: It's nice to finally get a day off. I think Jon needed it more than me. He's still reeling from growing up and suddenly turning back into a kid again.

Ollie: How'd that happen, anyway?

Duke, walking by: That's just this blog.

Clark: What?

Duke: Nothing. Hey, B, can we use the jacuzzi?

Bruce: Sure, go ahead.

Duke: *gives Emiko a thumbs up*

Emiko: *drains the jacuzzi*

Harper and Cullen: *start cleaning the pipes*

Ollie: I know how you feel, Clark. Roy's the happiest I've seen him with Lian back but it's still a big change. We're working on getting her enrolled in school this fall so she can catch up on what she's missed.

Roy: *sprays the tub with disinfectant*

Jason: *dries it with a leaf blower*

Hal: Speaking of changes, Jaime graduated with honors. I know he's not my kid but I can't help but feel like a proud uncle. Kyle got a new concept artist job, by the way, and I think he really likes it.

Jaime: *turns the jacuzzi back on*

Kyle: *sets up folding tables*

Barry, chuckling: Bart tried to enter a marathon the other day.

Clark: Kon wanted to pay money to go skydiving. I don't get it.

Aquaman: I remember when Kaldur joined an amateur scuba class at that age. Perhaps it's an attempt to feel more human.

Bruce: It's easy for us to forget sometimes too.

Kon, carrying a giant pot: Boiling hot soup, coming through!

Kon: *pours it into the jacuzzi*

Cass: *adds spices*

Tim, with a clipboard: One down, eleven more to go. Bart, stop eating the ingredients.

Bart: It's just tofu.

Tim: That's for Damian. What's he gonna do now, starve?

Bruce: Dick's been coming home more often lately. I can tell Alfred's really happy when he sees us all together.

Dick: *drapes tablecloths over the tables*

Wally: *sets up plates*

Steve, walking in: Mind if I join? Diana's running a little late so she sent me and the girls ahead.

Clark: Of course, feel free.

Donna, holding a basket: Where do these vegetables go?

Barbara: I'll take them. Could one of you get some spoons from the kitchen?

Cassie: On it.

Steve: So where are all the ladies?

Bruce: They're in the living room. Selina's showing off her latest... um... collection. Alfred has tea in the kitchen if you want some.

Steve: Don't mind if I do.

Yara: Should I put the meat in now?

Jon: One sec.

Jon: *scoops some soup aside*

Jon: You're good now. I just needed a vegetarian portion for Dami.

Kon: MORE SOUP COMING!

Ollie: Honestly, I'm surprised everyone's doing fairly well given the industry we're in.

Steph, leading a crowd into the yard: And here's where our main event will be.

Bette: *checking names off a guest list*

Bette: That's almost everyone. Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter are gonna be a little late. Avery's on a mission in Shanghai so she can't make it. Beast Boy and Raven stopped to buy desserts. And the We Are Robin kids just got stuck on a stalled subway train but they should be here pretty soon.

Clark: I think it's a matter of good mentorship and giving them plenty of time and space to get acclimated to the superhero lifestyle.

Jesse: *making lemonade*

Ace: *fills the coolers with ice*

Garth and Kaldur: *handing out drinks*

Barry: And giving them plenty of room to grow at their own pace.

Hal: Very true.

Bruce, sighing contently: You can't help but be proud of them.

The kids, chanting: HOT POT! HOT POT!

[bruce-you-dumbass]

I have lots of questions about my fan au, i hope this helps a bit : ) !

[bruce-you-dumbass]

The comic I did for the @gothamhorrorzine

[bruce-you-dumbass]

I went through some comics to find this panel and I simply miss Damian's extreme audacity.

Like this kid met Batman, his father, and said "I thought you would be taller", forced him to do a suprise a scavanger hunt at one point, hacked Justice Leage files simply out of boredom and once broke into a one of Bruce's safes to repair a device that let him teleport to the JL watchtower in space to spent time with and annoy Bruce.

I truly don't get why people say Damian and Bruce are not fun to read, I still love Bruce suffering because he's confronted with someone just as stubborn, annoying and socially incompetent as he is. And now he has to act like the responsible one.