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POV: you’re at a masquerade ball and the girlies are absolutely up to no good 

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“Don’t you ever feel… things aren’t quite fair for us.“

“…As?”

“Women.”

“Ahhh yes!”

“…Do you ever wish, you could do something about it?”

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Beth May continues to steal my heart, this time with Elizabeth Mothman

The first episode of Sons And Sonsability is now public and i had to draw my fav lil mess

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Finally. My reread of Crooked Kingdom actually did happen.

I was way more excited for the second book of the duology. So my prediction consisted of me rushing through SOC and then starting CK a bit less as if the apocalypse is going to break out if I don't finish it within a few days.

Jokes on me: I got so excited about different scenes that I still flew through it. So my brain is jumbled and my life is falling apart but I guess I did finish it, no?

For my first read of the second book in the duology, I actually understood the hype a bit more. It granted us the last two background stories of the characters and had a whole lot more banter. Which is one of the strongest elements of the books. However, I feel like CK manages the riddles and hidden plans of Kaz way better. It feels more deliberate than just being based on pure luck. Not everything of course and it probably still is 80% luck but it is covered up more thoroughly.

There were just so many details I simply forgot and was shocked to learn about once more. Even things I hadn't fully understood the last time I read it.

The writing style is a bit more poetic in my point of view. I could be wrong but that's what it felt like and I think it gives the text an emotional smoothness in-between the edges that come with the fighting and the comedy.

Still the pacing is awry sometimes.

The point of view changes get so frustrating in some parts which I didn't feel too much in the first book.

If you shoot someone and the next page is a lengthy description of what the surroundings look like, I won't read that. Or I will read it but my brain will zone out of this universe. For others this may work but not for me.

What I need to add to this though is that when there is a brawl at the end of the one character it is almost certain the next one will experience something that reaches the same level of stress which makes the scenes afterward easier to flip through.

I did not like the Pekka Rollins ending in the church.

Kaz hasn't struck him or really confronted him through the whole length of two books. Now in all of this chaos, attention shifting every few seconds and nerves on edge for other reasons he decides to finally do what we waited for.

I understand that there probably wasn't enough space or time to write an extra plot point for this so I will just watch the show whenever I'm craving Kaz's vengeance.

One of my favourite chapters in the whole series got to be chapter 14 of CK.

It is also the only chapter that plays outside of Ketterdam and it almost feels like a bittersweet nightmare. Or a dream? It's so hard to decide how to feel, being torn from "Oh his mother lives!" To "Holy fuck his mother lives..." To "I can't do this- she painted him..." While everything plays in this unfamiliar setting dipped in the afternoon sun. Wylan is not just retelling what happened but we are actually there while it happens. It helps to stir my pot of emotions.

This song was running on repeat when I was reading this:

The time has come. Whilst we're at iconic scenes I have the physical urge to throw in the "Who the hell is Jordie" - Jesper Fahey.

My friends are probably already wailing over the fact that I'm once again explaining my issues when it comes to Kaz Brekker. I'm sorry, my dears. I love you all very much.

Book one he redeemed himself and even in book two at the end I felt lighter, the anger issues not going complete berserk when thinking about him.

A huge part why I didn't like him is caused by his anger towards Jesper. I established that in my first review as well but in CK this burning rage of and therefore for him just flames higher.

I understand why and how and what and when and blablabla but I still don't think it's acceptable. And I think the fandom handles it wrongly. Maybe this is because there are a lot of young readers in the community. (Even though the SOC duology has very morally grey characters and it shouldn't be young adult-- that's a discussion for another day.)

I know I'm chronically online for this but children listen: Kaz can't just stomp his bestie in the ground because he has PTSD. Why do you think Inej left before the same fate could happen to her? It's so painfully obvious it makes me convulse. Jesper already has doubts about himself and his right to be loved, have friends, be trusted. And that just worsens in the presence of Kaz and his jabs here and there. You also have to keep in mind that Kaz actively fed into Jespers addiction which were the cause of him accidentally betraying the crows. Additionally: who gave Kaz the right to speak for Inej? She is the one who got hurt and she's the one who will settle it. Which she did. (Brilliant scene by the way.)

The way Kaz reacts just strengthened my belief from the first book: he never trusted Jesper and he just lets out his pain at someone who was foolish enough to stay with him.

Now I know I've been antagonizing him a lot but it's my opinion on the fandoms matter not on the overall of his character because I feel like in the books it's perfectly clear that this is a fight where he's in the wrong.

Shockingly, my very one-sided view on Kaz changed. Otherwise I would've not enjoyed the book as much as I did. I hold the moments when Nina and Wylan say that he accepted them very close. Or him giving Wylan the heritage he deserves even if it was just to taunt Van Eck into madness I have the (most likely false) inkling it's not only that. Probably just another scheme to use Wylan later on but we don't think about that. When he tells Inej that Jesper is missed I felt like the Pekka Rollins incident was finally wearing off just as the memories.

And of course there's Inej whom he gifts her her ship and brought her back to her parents. We all love to see her happy and even if he earned the simp-stamp during this, it is still a scene that makes me tear up.

Talking about more scenes I like: the fights between Inej and Dunyasha are awesome. I find Dunyasha super interesting as well as the way Inej views her.

Her character design is fun and her belief system so twisted and messed up. I don't know it just was a "fresh wind" of insanity outside of the common crowd we already knew.

And Inej grew through her. Inej's character growth has always been kind of shoved in your face with very obvious metaphors but I learned to absolutely love and appreciate it this way. It leaves you with very impressive scenes that are bound to her with connections and further consequences.

Speaking of character growth: Matthias. We finally got his final big bear form. It's funny how he transformed from being this irrational crazy murder husband of Nina to kind of the innocent-not-so-innocent-simping-lovely-idiotic-diplomat of the group.

We all know how his story takes it's end though. And once again I find myself wondering if the pace is just too fast or the pov change destroys this particular moment. But I couldn't really engage in it. I found it sad but not in a way that really stuck and made me mourn his character which I find a bit unfair. Because he deserves to be mourned. No pun intended.

I'm surprised that I don't think it was unnecessary or something that was just done to hurt the reader. Or Nina for that matter. Maybe it is but that's not how it seems to me.

I think he deserves better, obviously. I think he could've survived and the book would've been just as good, maybe even better.

But he dies and I feel like it just shows how luck does run out sometimes. And all it took was a younger version of Matthias plagued by hatred and a clouded mind shakingly holding onto a pistol. Matthias did change, wanted to help and free his family from the ice but cruelly he wasn't given the chance.

Scenes I'm unsure about would also be the pure comedy gold of Jesper mistaking Kuwei for Wylan.

When I first read that I was so on edge. Why wasn't "Wylan" saying anything? Why's he randomely sitting there not playing? Why on god's green earth is he grinning? (Also side note: how the hell could Jesper say their first kiss would be a great thing as a distraction?)

Anyways oblivious Jesper kisses Kuwei and in turn this dude is just glowing with pride.

It is memeworthy and I'm happy it's not a messed up love triangle or any of those sorts.

Still the voices bro, the freaking voices! "How could this be used for a meme moment?"

I can live with it though. It's okay. The show gave us what we didn't have and I'm ready for further angst if the spin off does come out.

Conclusively I'd like to say that the books grew on me through the fandom, the show and maturing as a person. It's quite the funny journey. I'm going to reread my first two reviews now and see what bs my younger self created. Chances are high that I just repeated myself but that's okay. I'll just ride with that. Have a good day.

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I've been obsessed with Niki's tattoos and i had to draw them as well as her :)

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'Ollo

I'm back. Pahahaha. That sounded so menacing in my brain. Anyways it's six of crows time again. Crazy I know.

I reread the first book and had to get some thoughts out of my jelly brain:

Firstly: the last time I read the duology I didn't really get the hype around the first book.

It just wasn't that interesting to me and the whole ice court heist felt very... faulty and too fast paced. Everything was kind of weirdly put together and rushed. Fight scenes. Emotional scenes. Most of it except for the flashbacks and the banter felt too quick.

I couldn't connect with the characters and I feel like I also didn't really understand a lot of them. Maybe the fact that I read it in German changed something as well, probably changed something.

Now being older and rereading it after the show while properly indulging in the fandom I found myself enjoying every interaction between the characters and actually really noticed a lot of their growth. I appreciate them more and while reading I could overlook that the ice court heist still felt weird. Or rather the heist wasn't weird but it's weird to me that people call it an absolute masterpiece.

I think it should just be seen as something that it is: "A bunch of messed up teenagers doing the impossible with the help of luck and a few good tricks."

That's a mindset I ought to keep when musing about the heist, I suppose. I'm not sure if it was intended as such but it is what I gathered from it.

Secondly: I cherish the characters way more than before and that makes a major difference. Since what I've mentioned before and I have been constructing the characters in my brain as who they are and what I appreciate about them the first book became 10 times better.

This point is also related to the fact that everything feels rushed because when you barely know the characters their banter might be funny but it doesn't affect you as much as it does once you know them. Now it feels like you're reading of friends joking around instead of strangers.

Kaz:

During the first read I really despised Kaz. I may said I found him interesting but now I feel more like I just said that out of a want to understand what the rest of the world apparently agreed upon which is that Kaz is phenomenal. He's great he's wonderful and a big player when it comes to book crushes.

What I can say is that the TV series really helped me understand and ultimately like Kaz more. Specifically the second season. In the first season, I don't connect Book-Kaz with the Kaz on screen but the second season did him justice. To a degree. (Idk why he gives Nikolai his cane (please fix that)) Probably also because in season 2 he was in his actual plot and habitat.

This time when I write:"I find him interesting." I mean it. I actually really enjoy watching how his character moves and tada! I now even acknowledge his crush on Inej. Because in my first read I subconsciously never really believed him. He was too much of an asshole to me. But even if I believed him I didn't have any pity left to sympathize with him. Blinded by hate I suppose.

This time I actually had an understanding of his actions, why he takes them, and what they mean to him.

I still view him as a ruthless fucker who only has space for himself when it comes to his friends but it's easier to bear when I actually want to know more about his rage and logical reasoning. The way he gets to where he is.

Inej:

In the first read, I may liked Inej. In the second read, I put her on a pedestal and prayed next to her feet every night.

I don't know what hold me from seeing Inej for who she is in my first read but I know that now I could explode with love for her. It's funny to me because I thought I quite enjoyed reading about her but for some reason, it intensified.

Anyways her character growth and the resolve she finds in herself to say no, choosing what's best for her. Oof-

Also, Danielle Galligan (actress of Nina Zenik) said that Inej is just so authentic she brings other people to be truthful in her presence. I just really loved that statement.

Nina and Jesper:

I still adore both of them as I did when I first read it. Nothing much changed. Except maybe it got worse. But all in all, I'm the same old simp.

Wylan and Matthias:

Matthias I found way funnier. During the first read, I was just hating on him for obvious reasons. And even at the end of it all I wasn't a big fan and I didn't grab a lot of his pov nor what Nina meant when she said that he's just a boy with rage planted inside of him.

Now I understand that better and of course, he's still an annoying stupid big honk that doesn't know shit about the world but at least his confusion and the others mocking him were enjoyable. And the character development will forever make me happy.

I adore him and Nina. They're so sweet together and I didn't think I'd ever say that after my first read. But here we are. What a journey it has been.

It's the same as the first time with Wylan. I loved him but I didn't get any chapters from his pov so I was pissed. The show slaughtered the reveal of his dyslexia which I still don't support but maybe they can make the angst work somehow if there's to be a spin-off.

Also, I was scared that he would be useless throughout the whole book. Because in my memory, he wasn't but maybe that's just my old memory blinded by the pink glasses.

However, I think it's often hard to judge Wylan on this since he operates more in the background and with the few resources he has. Of course, he's still a weight the others drag along during the heist but let's be honest: Wylan was less of a problem than other characters messing up.

Obviously one has to consider that Wylan doesn't get the big jobs to begin with but one can counter-argue that Kaz could've left Pekka alone in the cell instead of taking too long and risking all their lives for his vendetta.

This reminds me: the scene where Kaz exposes Jesper about having told a dime lion he's leaving town will forever make me mad for this exact reason.

Kaz says he can't trust Jesper anymore. He says he wanted to punish him by not telling him about Wylan looking like Kuwei or that Wylan and Nina were actually safe when Van Eck destroyed their ship.

I don't even know where to start. Did Kaz ever really trust Jesper? Don't think so. He just knew how to use him but trust? The only one he ever conceded to was Inej which could be considered a spark of trust. That's it. I feel like he doesn't have the right to speak of trust when all he ever gave were simple orders.

Then his thoughts about punishing him.

Dear Kazzle Dazzle, did anyone punish you when your weakness showed and you collapsed in a prisoner wagon even though you knew this could've happened? Did anyone punish you when you left Nina alone in the corridor of a high-security prison? Did anyone punish you when you sent Nina in a death trap with Matthias and Brum that could've gone very wrong very quickly? It was a gamble and he says it himself. He even says he would be the one to pay for all these "tree jokes". But no Kaz. You wouldn't have been the one to take the brunt of this. It would've been Nina. She would've paid with her consciousness. Worse than death.

Nina was lucky that luck was on your side. I guess the third scenario is still very different from the first and second ones because at least Kaz tried to save her but nonetheless it annoyed me that he made it about himself. I get why but the why doesn't help him.

Thirdly: I have my problems with the writing style and plot.

By no means am I a professional especially not when it comes to English as it is not my mother tongue but I just wanted to describe the feeling I've got from it.

This is a tricky one because I'm not the biggest fan of either. I mean the only reveals or plot-twists that really hit home are the ones not related to the ice court. So the biggest portion of the book I wasn't too keen whenever some grand scheme worked because it didn't seem like a scheme at all. It was a lot of luck.

In the first read that bothered me. In the second read it didn't too much.

The writing style isn't my favourite. I don't hate it though. I feel like some of the similes are pretty damn good and the train of thought of the characters and descriptions are nicely woven together. The dialogues are very strong and the banters may be some of the best I've ever read. Even fanfiction got some serious competition here.

However, as I said it felt rushed and like sometimes there wasn't the right feeling for how the scenes should end. When I first read it I found this even worse than in my second read. For instance, the fight with Jesper and Wylan against the Tidemakers doesn't take much longer than a few seconds to read. But apparently, that fight had a big impact on Jesper. It's never mentioned again in the book but it's the start of him questioning whether he should go and learn about his powers. And since we already don't get any background about him in the first book I feel like this at least could've been a longer struggle.

In conclusion, I know it's not all about the plot and a book can be about good characterization and everything. But I also know that I can love something and still criticise it. Usually makes the media even better.

The characters are where the book shines which means a reread or watching the show and then reading it feels like the smarter option to me. It's worth it and it lets you see things in a different light. That's me speaking from my subjective point of view but it's also my review so. Get wrecked I guess?

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incorrect sab subtitles part ?????

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incorrect sab subtitles part (?/?)

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Reading Circe by Madeline Miller

Athena get a hobby, please.

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I need an extrovert to adopt me istg-

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Me in church:

"Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh."

-Alice In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

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While I was reading The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller I've listened to the song Nerves by DPR IAN.

In my opinion it does a good job of describing Achilles.

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I read We Were Liars by E. Lockhart today and I feel like I would've enjoyed it more if it'd have been a film.

On the other hand I really liked Cady and reading out of her perspective.

In general reading about amnesia told by the person themselves rather than learning from an outer perspective about what happened is at least for me more enjoyable because it leaves you with theorising by yourself.

I think I knew about the plottwist since very early in the book and from then on I just kept it in mind while looking for details that confirmed my thesis of them or at least one of the liars being dead. Which wasn't that hard to be honest.

I got my final answer when Carrie cried with Johnny's jacket on. That was the moment I was convinced they're dead. I can't explain why since there were so many hints about it but I think this one particularly was just the last push to accept that all three of them died.

Anyways I've heard that people either love or absolutely hate the book. Despite that I feel like I'm in-between.

Since I'd have loved to be surprised by the plottwist but there was also the victory of guessing it all by myself! Yeii!!

Which I didn't really appreciate was the lovestory. I found them cute but my mind was circling around the fact that they were 15 but then I was like: Right... They're 15. No wonder Cady thinks that this has to be true love.

So I guess it was just sweet and at the same time naive.

Ahh! Not to forget the ending when she last talks to "Gat". I like to believe that it was just a hallucination fabricated by her drugged self. (I mean his and the others appearances could've also been caused by her trauma.) But other than this I won't accept any explanation.

Putting supernatural stuff in books that only played out in reality is really not my thing.

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The struggle between: rereading a book or starting a new one.

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Oh well I finished the duology Six Of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo.

Finally since the first book slept in my kindle library for nearly a year now and I hadn't read it.

There's so much to say that it's probably going to be a very messy post. I'm sorry.

Anyways firstly I went to the fanarts after the second book (as everyone would lmao).

Kaz is 17 and Matthias is 18. I don't understand why everyone is able to draw Wylan younger but these two just look like they're in their midtwenties. BUT no hate to any creator or artist I'm really happy to see how other people portray them which kind of brings me to another point:

Them being as young as they are do be tough to imagine.

Matthias doesn't look like 18 at all (at least in my head). The Fjerdan in general always seemed like another type of species which made their hate and prejudice against Grisha kind of funny.

He was just pure muscle, tall as my door with broad shoulders.

While we're already talking about him: I don't like nor tolerate Matthias slander.

I get why everyone didn't like him in the first book. Me neither. Don't get me wrong I absolutely loved that he behaved logical and stuff but you know? His hate against Grisha and his dumb speeches about honour weren't it.

However the fact that he was able to change and that he was able to love Nina so unconditionally was incredible and so unbelievably beautiful to witness.

Another thing would be Kaz. And how the fandom favours him so much.

I like his character. Very much even. He's really interesting. Also his whole personality is really well written and his trauma is crushing your whole life underneath.

But I'm still trying to fully love him like the fandom does because I kind of can't...?

It's not like I hate him. I just feel like maybe I don't understand him? Maybe that's the problem?

The only thing I thought about while reading the first book was: why do Jes and Inej love this dude?

He treats them like sh*t.

Though through learning about his past I came to realize more and more that he is only 17. He's anxious and scared and he was left alone in the dark with these way too big burden life laid on his shoulders when he was only 9 years old.

Inej is wonderful. Doesn't need an explanation. She's just everything you could wish for in a friend. Her keeping the group together was amazing and she's just so brave, strong and argh-- I could go on about her forever. (I also loved her Suli proverbs! (I hope this is the correct term)) And her friendship with Nina was toptier.

Basically every character was very enjoyable and I think this would just end in a gigantic loveletter if I was to mention everything I adored about every single one of them. So I'll stop here. Just know I'd adopt Wylan immediately if I was given the chance. And I'd pay everything just to see the crows sitting in my living room and talk with each other.

Now everyone seems to worship the books and I can see why but at the same time something is missing and I don't know what it is.

I'm incapable of telling anyone why I don't really count these books as part of my top three list.

They have a strong plot with many twists and turns which I love, they have great, logical characters and character development which I see as the most important part in a book. The world building too was interesting to learn about yet I can't seem to be too emotionally invested.

Not that I'm an apathetic person who doesn't react to stuff that happens in fictional media because that certainly isn't the case but these books didn't catch me as others did and I don't know why.

Maybe I need to reread them since there's probably a lot I didn't get in the first sitting?

Though there's also the fact that I found the scenes where sad stuff happens or where you would normally fear for the characters where often too short or just cut off so another pov could take the stage.

For example when Wylan and Jes fight against the Grisha on parem in the ice court.

You'd expect them to struggle and they do but it only takes them about two sentences before Jesper has figured out how to overcome their enemies.

Or Matthias whole death scene.

Everyone cried at that apparently but it was too fast for me to even realize what happened and I was just like: does Nina have an Rapunzel Arc? What's happening?

And then he was dead and I was just: oh... okay?!

Apart from that it was still a very fun read that'll probably stick with me for a longer time but it's still not one of my favourite series...

Ah-- I'm struggling!

It gets even harder since I absolutely love the characters which is contradicting with my reading philosophy that oftentimes only consists of: wonderful characters=wonderful book.

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I'm currently through half of the first book from the Six Of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo and I'd like to address something about Matthias since he consistently manages to get on my nerves:

(By the way I don't read it in English so maybe I'll use some wrong terms, I apologize)

(I also haven't read anything else by the author so yea don't expect me to know anything about the universe that's not in the book)

First of all I don't have all my thoughts about him sorted out yet for obvious reasons but I just read the scene where he talks with Nina about Nestor right after he died.

And this dude seriously asked Nina if she finally understood the way Fjerdans think. Why they kill innocent little Grisha children and whatnot.

(because Nina was concerned about the effects that Jurda Parem has on Grisha and she said something along the lines that it's not natural)

I mean: what the actual--

How can you even dream about comparing Grisha to Grisha on drugs? It doesn't make any sense.

He said that it's scary to have an enemy with superpowers that are not "natural" and she now should understand since this Nestor guys fate shocked her.

It's not the same though.

Even if we'd all collectively agree on the fact that the power of the Grisha aren't natural (which can't be the truth since they were born with it but it is what it is) they're people and they're still capable of having responsibility and that's something even his blind ass should acknowledge since they have/had a whole army ready to beat him up. They can think, they have a consciousness, they have feelings, friends, family.

So what in the world lets him think he has the right to compare them to Grisha who're clearly on drugs that change their whole being, destroy their personality and leaves them with nothing but the urge to get their hands on this Jurda Parem stuff??

It's so unfair it reaches a whole new level of injustice.

Just because you fear something you can't explain since you've never even tried (!) doesn't mean you can shut your whole brain down to yet again not see the truth in what lies right in front of you.

I mean he could take one look at Nina who's talking to him in this moment and with the use of one single braincell he'd detect the difference between her and Nestor's behaviour.

Something else that clung to me which isn't fully confirmed yet and I don't know a lot about it so I'll just judge from what I know but didn't you make the Grisha your enemies yourself?

I seriously have to think about the concept of honour....

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I'll hereby out myself as someone who's very scared of traveling by train.

Like very very scared.

I'm saying this right now because tomorrow I'll have to drive with it again since I want to visit a friend that lives far away from me sooo I have no other choice but to somehow keep my fear at bay in order to meet them.

It's tough though and it feels so idiotic to be so horrified considering that probably nothing will happen. Everything will be alright even if my thoughts try to tell me otherwise and that's so ironic isn't it? The actual action of going by train is hurting less than the speculations my mind creates. Does that make sense?

I already feel like throwing up and I'm not even on it-

If I'd be able to drive the car worse could happen and my fear of this would be self-explanatory to any other person who knows enough about traffic and how easy an accident occurs.

I can already perfectly picture it and it annoys me to no end. The only thing that'll fly around in my head will be:"You have to get out of this train in so and so hours/minutes/seconds."

Oof the last minutes before leaving the train are the most draining ones.

It's like I want to cry but I'm in public so obviously I can't because this will lead to further embarrassment so I'm holding it back and try to even my breath while I text my friends incoherent stuff about my belly ache to get the disorderly mess out of my brain.

This whole post feels like a big mission of self-pity but I'm actually just trying to say that if someone is scared of something as simple as a train ride and they're choosing you as a person they trust enough to say something about it you should take it seriously and not brush it off since you think it's:"Not worth as something to be scared of" and "the person should stop being dramatic".

It's unfair.

Even if you don't really know how to sympathize with the other person's emotions there should be enough empathy left to try and understand.

Just pat their back or shoulder or don't pat them at all whatever they're comfortable with and tell them you're there.

Now I know for myself that I'll continue whining about it even if other people tell me my fear makes no sense but others will stop and they'll bottle it up in themselves and this will lead to the anxiety to fester. It'll make it worse.

I'm not trying to guilttrap anyone who might've been not so understanding in the past. Mistakes happen. I myself said and did stuff I really despise and I only learned later on I should never ever do this again.

But this is a whole other topic.

Just know that if you've ever done something like disrespecting someone's feelings: you're not a monster and it's never too late to stand next to someone or if you don't have contact to this person anymore remember there'll be new people that'll lay their trust in you.

Whew-- and that's all to my clumsy attempt to bring some more...love into this world. But back to being scared. Trains are really not my type--