#my eyes are a bit dry

[but-ter-flie-ge]

Finally. My reread of Crooked Kingdom actually did happen.

I was way more excited for the second book of the duology. So my prediction consisted of me rushing through SOC and then starting CK a bit less as if the apocalypse is going to break out if I don't finish it within a few days.

Jokes on me: I got so excited about different scenes that I still flew through it. So my brain is jumbled and my life is falling apart but I guess I did finish it, no?

For my first read of the second book in the duology, I actually understood the hype a bit more. It granted us the last two background stories of the characters and had a whole lot more banter. Which is one of the strongest elements of the books. However, I feel like CK manages the riddles and hidden plans of Kaz way better. It feels more deliberate than just being based on pure luck. Not everything of course and it probably still is 80% luck but it is covered up more thoroughly.

There were just so many details I simply forgot and was shocked to learn about once more. Even things I hadn't fully understood the last time I read it.

The writing style is a bit more poetic in my point of view. I could be wrong but that's what it felt like and I think it gives the text an emotional smoothness in-between the edges that come with the fighting and the comedy.

Still the pacing is awry sometimes.

The point of view changes get so frustrating in some parts which I didn't feel too much in the first book.

If you shoot someone and the next page is a lengthy description of what the surroundings look like, I won't read that. Or I will read it but my brain will zone out of this universe. For others this may work but not for me.

What I need to add to this though is that when there is a brawl at the end of the one character it is almost certain the next one will experience something that reaches the same level of stress which makes the scenes afterward easier to flip through.

I did not like the Pekka Rollins ending in the church.

Kaz hasn't struck him or really confronted him through the whole length of two books. Now in all of this chaos, attention shifting every few seconds and nerves on edge for other reasons he decides to finally do what we waited for.

I understand that there probably wasn't enough space or time to write an extra plot point for this so I will just watch the show whenever I'm craving Kaz's vengeance.

One of my favourite chapters in the whole series got to be chapter 14 of CK.

It is also the only chapter that plays outside of Ketterdam and it almost feels like a bittersweet nightmare. Or a dream? It's so hard to decide how to feel, being torn from "Oh his mother lives!" To "Holy fuck his mother lives..." To "I can't do this- she painted him..." While everything plays in this unfamiliar setting dipped in the afternoon sun. Wylan is not just retelling what happened but we are actually there while it happens. It helps to stir my pot of emotions.

This song was running on repeat when I was reading this:

The time has come. Whilst we're at iconic scenes I have the physical urge to throw in the "Who the hell is Jordie" - Jesper Fahey.

My friends are probably already wailing over the fact that I'm once again explaining my issues when it comes to Kaz Brekker. I'm sorry, my dears. I love you all very much.

Book one he redeemed himself and even in book two at the end I felt lighter, the anger issues not going complete berserk when thinking about him.

A huge part why I didn't like him is caused by his anger towards Jesper. I established that in my first review as well but in CK this burning rage of and therefore for him just flames higher.

I understand why and how and what and when and blablabla but I still don't think it's acceptable. And I think the fandom handles it wrongly. Maybe this is because there are a lot of young readers in the community. (Even though the SOC duology has very morally grey characters and it shouldn't be young adult-- that's a discussion for another day.)

I know I'm chronically online for this but children listen: Kaz can't just stomp his bestie in the ground because he has PTSD. Why do you think Inej left before the same fate could happen to her? It's so painfully obvious it makes me convulse. Jesper already has doubts about himself and his right to be loved, have friends, be trusted. And that just worsens in the presence of Kaz and his jabs here and there. You also have to keep in mind that Kaz actively fed into Jespers addiction which were the cause of him accidentally betraying the crows. Additionally: who gave Kaz the right to speak for Inej? She is the one who got hurt and she's the one who will settle it. Which she did. (Brilliant scene by the way.)

The way Kaz reacts just strengthened my belief from the first book: he never trusted Jesper and he just lets out his pain at someone who was foolish enough to stay with him.

Now I know I've been antagonizing him a lot but it's my opinion on the fandoms matter not on the overall of his character because I feel like in the books it's perfectly clear that this is a fight where he's in the wrong.

Shockingly, my very one-sided view on Kaz changed. Otherwise I would've not enjoyed the book as much as I did. I hold the moments when Nina and Wylan say that he accepted them very close. Or him giving Wylan the heritage he deserves even if it was just to taunt Van Eck into madness I have the (most likely false) inkling it's not only that. Probably just another scheme to use Wylan later on but we don't think about that. When he tells Inej that Jesper is missed I felt like the Pekka Rollins incident was finally wearing off just as the memories.

And of course there's Inej whom he gifts her her ship and brought her back to her parents. We all love to see her happy and even if he earned the simp-stamp during this, it is still a scene that makes me tear up.

Talking about more scenes I like: the fights between Inej and Dunyasha are awesome. I find Dunyasha super interesting as well as the way Inej views her.

Her character design is fun and her belief system so twisted and messed up. I don't know it just was a "fresh wind" of insanity outside of the common crowd we already knew.

And Inej grew through her. Inej's character growth has always been kind of shoved in your face with very obvious metaphors but I learned to absolutely love and appreciate it this way. It leaves you with very impressive scenes that are bound to her with connections and further consequences.

Speaking of character growth: Matthias. We finally got his final big bear form. It's funny how he transformed from being this irrational crazy murder husband of Nina to kind of the innocent-not-so-innocent-simping-lovely-idiotic-diplomat of the group.

We all know how his story takes it's end though. And once again I find myself wondering if the pace is just too fast or the pov change destroys this particular moment. But I couldn't really engage in it. I found it sad but not in a way that really stuck and made me mourn his character which I find a bit unfair. Because he deserves to be mourned. No pun intended.

I'm surprised that I don't think it was unnecessary or something that was just done to hurt the reader. Or Nina for that matter. Maybe it is but that's not how it seems to me.

I think he deserves better, obviously. I think he could've survived and the book would've been just as good, maybe even better.

But he dies and I feel like it just shows how luck does run out sometimes. And all it took was a younger version of Matthias plagued by hatred and a clouded mind shakingly holding onto a pistol. Matthias did change, wanted to help and free his family from the ice but cruelly he wasn't given the chance.

Scenes I'm unsure about would also be the pure comedy gold of Jesper mistaking Kuwei for Wylan.

When I first read that I was so on edge. Why wasn't "Wylan" saying anything? Why's he randomely sitting there not playing? Why on god's green earth is he grinning? (Also side note: how the hell could Jesper say their first kiss would be a great thing as a distraction?)

Anyways oblivious Jesper kisses Kuwei and in turn this dude is just glowing with pride.

It is memeworthy and I'm happy it's not a messed up love triangle or any of those sorts.

Still the voices bro, the freaking voices! "How could this be used for a meme moment?"

I can live with it though. It's okay. The show gave us what we didn't have and I'm ready for further angst if the spin off does come out.

Conclusively I'd like to say that the books grew on me through the fandom, the show and maturing as a person. It's quite the funny journey. I'm going to reread my first two reviews now and see what bs my younger self created. Chances are high that I just repeated myself but that's okay. I'll just ride with that. Have a good day.

[starrystevie]

it was all supposed to be a joke. they were supposed to be in steve’s backyard with all their friends and family in shitty lawn chairs, holding cans of budweiser and jamming to whatever song eddie was in the mood for that day blasting through the speakers. steve was supposed to be in front of them all in a tuxedo t-shirt and powder blue dress pants, flowers in his hair that had been teased to high heaven and dark black sunglasses to keep out the bright sun. that’s how they had planned it all those years ago when they’d been high and drunk and young and in love.

but somehow instead, the yard is full of flowers and benches that hopper and wayne put together with spare wood for everyone to sit on and there’s an archway at the end of the aisle and soft acoustic songs spilling gently out of the speakers. steve’s still at the front, that was always supposed to happen, but this time he’s wearing an actual tux, light cream with a boutonnière and everything, and his hair is pushed back just so. there’s no flowers in his hair and no sunglasses but it’s cloudy enough of a day where he doesn’t really need them anyway.

they weren't even supposed to do this. there wasn't supposed to be a grand entrance and a walk down the aisle, no flower girls or ring bearers or anything remotely traditional. but what started off as, "well, i wouldn't mind walking down the aisle," and "i think exchanging rings would be cool," and "who cares if it isn't legal, i'm going to marry you anyway damnit," turned into this beautiful day of friends and family and love.

robin’s standing beside him in a tux of her own, pinstripe grey donning a pocket boutonnière that matches nancy’s bouquet, with a few notecards in her hands. and speaking of nancy, she’s heading down the aisle in a flowing dress, and when her eyes catch robin’s, she crinkles her nose before blowing her a kiss. she stands opposite of steve as eddie's not-quite-bridesmaid and grips her bouquet tightly, her eyes never leaving robin's.

and then there's dustin. he's in a tux that matches steve's and he has his curls pushed back with probably too much gel and a tie that suzie got him for their 3rd anniversary. the best thing he's sporting, though, is the smile on his face and the ring box in his hand and the joy in his eyes as he looks out at the crowd. having him there as best man and smelling the cheap cologne he wears so he seems more grown up calms steve's ever beating heart enough to where he doesn't think he'll throw up from nerves anymore.

all of their loved ones are surrounding them in clothes steve’s never seen before but he couldn’t care at all what they’re wearing because they’re all smiling wide and bright at him. he catches himself rocking back and forth on his feet so he shakes out his hands and holds them behind his back to distract himself. his stomach is rolling with waves or butterflies and when he catches joyce's eye in the front row, she mimes taking in a deep breath which he instantly copies. the soft grin she sends in return tells him that he thinks it could actually work to settle him. mothers have that healing way about them.

he’s never been good with weddings, always fidgeting in a too tight suit his mom picked out, but he never thought he’d be this antsy at his own.

steve's just about to give up and sprint down the aisle to get eddie so they can run away together and leave nerves and or butterflies behind him, but then the music stops. he sees lucas changing out the tapes quickly, giving a thumbs up to mike who throws one to will who runs back behind the shed to where he knows eddie is waiting and when will pops his head back out to run back to his seat, it hits him.

he's getting married.

steve doesn't have time to think about it anymore than he already has been for the last 8 years because eddie's coming around the corner of the shed.

'here comes the sun' is playing out over the speakers, soft and perfect, and eddie's smiling, wide and beautiful, and steve can't help but mirror it back to him. the clouds overhead seem to hear them, hear the song and hear their hearts beating in time with each other, because as soon as eddie gets to the aisle, bright warm rays of sunlight peak out and make the rhinestones he demanded line the lapels of his own black tux shine like real diamonds.

steve stops breathing. he swears he does, and he knows his family are all feeling the same way. he can hear a few gasps, hears joyce muttering what she thinks is a silent, "oh my god," in hop's ear, and watches how wayne stands up just a bit straighter from his front row seat.

eddie glides down the aisle like the drama king he is, soaking in the looks from everyone they care about and soaking in the sun that seems to come out only for him. it's like the sun knows he's a star, too, and wants to come out to be with one of it's own. eddie's always been sunshine and starlight and a blinding thing to look at and take in. he's the light, steve's the moth, and a few clouds on their wedding day could never change it.

"well, that was insanely good timing," eddie whispers to steve once he reaches him. his grin softens and he brings up a hand to wipe gently at the tear tracks on steve's cheeks. "hi, baby."

and steve can do nothing but choke out a laugh, catching eddie's hand in his own so he press a kiss to his palm. he thinks he can feel eddie's heartbeat against his lips and, even if it's his brain playing tricks on him, he likes the sentiment that it brings. "i love you so fucking much."

it's eddie's turn to get teary-eyed and the sun glints off the tears that fall down his cheek before heading back behind the clouds, dotting quick-to-fade sparkles on his face like a wedding present.

steve kisses him. he can't help it. it's nothing but a fast press of lips, watery smile to watery smile, and everyone is cheering except for robin.

"hey! it's not time for that yet," she says with a pretend scowl, arms pressing to each of their chests to keep them apart. it's enough to leave nancy giggling where she stands behind eddie, her laugh like bells bouncing off of the trees surrounding them. "just give me like ten minutes and we'll have you married and you can kiss all you want then."

steve swears he can hear mike groan at that which cause him to grin which cause eddie to grin back and then they're holding hands like it's the only way to get through the next ten minutes. and it might just be the only way to get through it. knowing them, if they didn't hold on tight, one of them would make a move first and there'd be hands around waists and fingers tangled in hair and robin would hate them forever because she wouldn't get to do her speech.

it's after vows are shared, after rings are on fingers, after kisses are pressed to lips and cheeks and temples and hands and everything else they can quickly reach, that the two of them get some peace. everyone is inside eating snacks and drinking cheap champagne, and it goes unspoken that they're going to take some time for themselves. take some time to bask in their new maybe not-so-legally real but as real as could ever be in their hearts marriage.

they make their way, hand in hand like they've always been meant to do, to a table set up for them. eddie pops a bottle of champagne that they pass back and forth between themselves as they share cheesy smiles and champagne-laced kisses. and it's as they look into each other's eyes, fingers lacing so their rings clink softly against each other, that the sun peaks out to say hello once more.

[cynical-things]

When will we see your unedited face

damn all I do is use a bit of the smoothing effect 😭 but here

enjoy seeing my texture in natural lighting

[redsandsshoes]

"Forget it, Cut it out" "We're not going to, that's so important"

[ratcandy]

my classmates will go thru 6 hours of class the day after a long excursion through the countryside and then just get up and go run around in town for hours going to movies and shopping and whatever and I'm just sitting here like Aren't you all exhausted . Aren't you all sore and pained. Where are you getting this energy. Can we calm down

[threnodians]

operation do not cry at my irl bestie’s wedding: FAILED

[pikachu-deluxe]

feel like shit

[airbrushfather]

general life update also tomorrow begins the homecoming of my friends FINALLY so that's great but what's a bit less great is that i definitely have blepharitis and have probably had blepharitis for like Four Fucking Years without realising

[alex-just-vibing]

i am going to throw up i love them so much

[daechwitamv]

sprayed parfume into my eye and hit my head on the bus overhead railing in a matter of 10 minutes im so .

[starpros-sunshine]

sebby i am putting them in ur head

You put your liphiyos in my head and I put my wataeis in yours and then we're both going to frolick across a field of flowers in nice temperatures

[gaykillermoth]

guys look at my website i put my art there

[cowardlycowboys]

I have so much aquaphor on my eyes is trying to paste my eyelashes shut

[ofieugogyshz]

thought about my son and the actual utapri movie i saw and spotify has decided to play one of the only songs it has from it on my 12hr long idol-esque playlist

[izzy-b-hands]

maybe I'll just walk down to the river and have a good long scream. i wont, bc it's still dangerously cold out, but maybe if i imagine it that's close enough

[orcelito]

messaged my dad & he said he'd try to help me out on costs of health insurance. which like lol kinda feels like shit having to still rely on him (im a goddamned assistant manager and i still need to rely on my dad for fucking health insurance), but like

ultimately, pride solves no problems. i just need to keep doing what i can to get my life on track. eventually, it will pay off. it has to.