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Fanfiction

Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra

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Poetry

The Things I Tell Myself

Lines (Seven)

A Little Lie

Oblivion

Little Match Girl

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The Things I Tell Myself

I tell myself I don't care what others think of me

Yet, I seek approval

I am a child bringing home a straight-a report card

Hoping it will be good enough to get stuck on the fridge

Among the month-old coupons that have never been touched.

I tell myself that nobody is perfect

Then berate myself when I am not

Some days, I tell myself I'm good enough.

Others, I criticize everything I'm not

It is impossible to live up to the vision I have of myself.

[caitwrites]

Little Match Girl

While the cold bites my outstretched hand

And footprints trample the snow

I realize I am the lucky one

I do not have frostbite for a heart

Three matches against the wall

Warmth

Sustenance

Love

Then, the fire light is replaced by stars

One falls towards the ground

Leaving behind a fire

A life of its own

Four

The memory of you

Flickers in the flame

And I singe my fingertips, trying to keep it alive

As the chill in my bones

Is replaced by warmth

I feel the ties holding me fall away

And the ground disappears beneath my feet

[caitwrites]

Oblivion

A summer storm You stand under a palm and watch You have little regard for chaos Don't you? Tell me how you view the sky as nothing but beautiful Through lightning flashes, thunder cracks, and waves crashing against the sand You're blind to it Welcome to oblivion

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture - Description

Emilie Hanley is a newcomer to the music scene and in the age of the newfound Riot Grrrl movement, she discovers she's more powerful than she thinks.

[caitwrites]

The Necromancer - Description

When Maddy Amery first meets Violet Wright, she thinks of it as a way out of her mundane life. But she soon discovers that everything comes at a cost. Violet is part of a group of kids with powers that, given the right circumstances, could save or destroy the world. Then peculiar things start happening, things that Maddy is told are the works of Kritana, a Goddess of death, that Maddy finds is more similar to her than she'd like to think. Maddy learns she has to rely on her inner strengths and trust others, and herself, to defeat Kritana and bring peace back to the world she loves.

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The Necromancer

Description

Prologue

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Stories

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture

The Necromancer

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Masterlist

Stories

Poetry

Fanfiction

[caitwrites]

The Necromancer - Prologue

The usually warm space next to me was surprisingly cold. Tiredly, I swept an arm over the bedspread. Nothing. I sat upright, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and swung my legs over the side of the bed before standing up. I looked back towards the bed, where Charlie was still sleeping, taking up the spot I had been laying in just a few minutes ago.

I glanced quickly around the room, checking the floor where Kinsley sometimes ended up after she'd rolled off the bed in her sleep, only to find nothing. Walking towards the door of the room, I pushed it open before walking through and pulling it behind me until I heard the faint click that told me it was closed.

Walking through the narrow hallway, I checked the bathroom for any light under the door before making my way further past the other bedrooms and into the open space of the living room. I surveyed the room, my eyes falling on a small figure sitting in front of the crescent-shaped window. "Kinsley," I whispered.

She didn't turn around; she probably hadn't heard me. I walked towards her and tapped her on the shoulder lightly; she jumped a little. "It's just me," I whispered.

She turned to face me. "What are you doing up?"

I smiled. "I could ask you the same thing. Couldn't sleep?"

She looked back out the window. "Yeah."

I lowered myself onto the floor so I was sitting next to her and pulled my legs into my chest, wrapping my arms around them. "What's on your mind?"

She shook her head, her brown waves that tumbled down her shoulders shaking with it. For a 6-year-old, she had some of the prettiest hair I'd ever seen, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous of it.

"Nothing really," she said.

"Okay," I said. "Well, just know you can tell me anything."

It was silent for a minute. "Do you think we'll ever get adopted?"

"Of course we will," I said, not missing a beat. "I mean, who wouldn't want to adopt you and Charlie? You guys are two of the cutest kids ever, if I do say so myself."

She looked at me then. "We're not going anywhere without you."

I smiled. "Of course not, I'm not going anywhere without you guys either. What would I do without my two annoying little sisters?" I ruffled her hair playfully and she laughed, attempting to brush it down with her hands.

"You promise?" She asked, once she had brushed her hair back into place as much as she could.

I held out my pinky. "Pinky promise."

She held out two of her pinky fingers. "Double pinky promise."

I laughed and held out my other pinky. "Okay, double pinky promise."

We interlocked our pinkies together, then let go.

"How about we get back to bed?" I said, unfolding my legs and starting to stand up.

"Okay," Kinsley said, standing up herself.

I held out my hand to her and she took it as we began to walk down the hallway back to our bedroom. I pushed open the door quietly and closed it again once we were inside. Charlie had moved back to her original spot on the side of the bed, so I lay down in the middle and Kinsley curled up next to me. I brushed the hair back from her forehead. "I love you," I whispered.

She rested her head against my chest. "I love you too," she whispered back.

I closed my eyes. My last thought before sleep came over me again was how lucky I was, despite everything that had happened.

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to End Rape Culture - Chapter 6

In the week after I agreed to join the band, we had been practicing so much, I could hear guitar chords playing in my head at night before I went to sleep.

It hadn't been all practice, though. Something was happening in the streets of Minnesota.

I first heard of the Riot Grrrl movement when I saw a newscaster talking about it on the small TV in my apartment. It started small, like a spark that wasn't extinguished quickly enough and soon caught the wind, spreading like wildfire.

I didn't know much about the movement, other than that it looked like a kind of feminist movement.

When I went to practice next, though, I was surprised that no one was talking about it, given how it had seemed like a popular topic.

Even the drummer, who was also a girl, didn't bring it up.

We went through some songs, practicing them until my throat was sore. At the end of practice, I decided to bring up the Riot Grrrl movement to see what the others thought.

"Hey, have you guys heard what's going on in town?"

Ian was the only one who looked at me. Perks of being the new girl, I supposed. "What's going on?"

"All that's going on with the Riot Grrrl movement."

"I hadn't heard of that."

"I don't know too much about it, just that it seems like a new feminist movement.

I thought I saw one of my band members roll his eyes, but I didn't give it any mind.

"That sounds interesting," Ian said, in a way that sounded like he wasn't sure what he thought of it.

"I thought so. It'll be cool seeing what happens with it."

No one said anything after, but when I started putting my things away again, I noticed the drummer send a small smile my way.

~

Leaving the studio, the streets looked the same as they always did, but there was something different. The air felt charged with a certain energy, something powerful, like change.

I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. It wasn't too late, I figured there was probably time to hang out with Lucas and Ani if they weren't busy.

I dialled Ani's number first, and she picked up on the second ring.

"Hey, what's up?" Her voice filled my ear.

"Did you wanna go out for a coffee? I'm gonna call Lucas and see if he can come too."

She groaned. "I'd love to, but I can't. I'm stuck studying for a test. You have fun with Lucas, though." I could practically hear her grinning.

"Okay," I said, though I probably sounded uncertain. Ever since Ani had found out about my feelings for Lucas, I had felt awkward talking about him.

"I should really keep studying, I'll talk to you later though."

"Okay, talk to you soon. Bye."

"Byee!"

I ended the call and dialled Lucas's number. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, Em. How's it going?"

"Good, I just finished band practice. I was wondering if you wanted to go get a coffee or something?"

I realized I could hear him doing something in the background.

"If you're busy though, it's no problem."

"No, no. We can hang out for a bit."

"You're sure?"

"100%."

"Okay. I was thinking we try out that new cafe, the one with all the art pieces."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll come pick you up shortly."

"Oh, you don't have to. I'm fine with walking."

"Don't be silly, it's no trouble."

"Okay. Well, thank you."

"Of course."

There was a silence on the phone for a minute or so, which I interrupted. "Um, okay. I'll see you soon. Bye."

"Bye, Em."

I ended the call and put my phone back in my pocket, allowing myself a small smile.

Even if I wouldn't let us be together, it was still nice having a crush on someone.

~

The cafe was fairly quiet for a Friday, and once we ordered our drinks, we found a booth in the corner.

"How was practice today?" Lucas asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh, it was good. It was a bit of a longer practice today, so I was a little tired after. Coffee's helping though."

He smiled. "That's good at least."

"Yeah. How was your day?"

"It was okay, I just had a class this morning and after I was just doing some cleaning around the house."

"Oh, is that what you were doing when I called?"

"Yeah, I'd let the house get a little messy and figured I had a mostly free day so I may as well clean a bit."

"Fair enough." I took a sip of my coffee. "Did you hear about what's going on in town? The Riot Grrrl movement?"

"Yeah, I did actually. I think it's great."

"What's it about? I haven't heard much about it, other than what I saw on TV. It looks like a kind of feminist movement."

"Yeah, it is. From what I heard, it's a movement that's meant to be addressing issues like patriarchy, gender inequality, and sexual assault. There's also been some bands that are using their music to address those issues."

"Wow, it would be cool to be a part of that."

"Maybe you can bring it up with your band."

"I brought up the movement today, they didn't seem too interested. Maybe they just didn't know a lot about it, though."

"Yeah, I would try learning more about it, and then try bringing it up again."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'm curious now, how did you hear about it?"

"Oh, just on the TV. I tried to research a bit more about it, though, and I talked to some people who seemed to have some ideas and thoughts on it."

"Oh, that's cool."

"Yeah, it'll be cool seeing what happens in the future with this. It feels like something that could be important in changing the way society is right now."

"It almost feels like we could be living in a history-changing moment ourselves."

He nodded. "Exactly."

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture - Chapter 5

The next morning, I feel a wave of emotions. Nervousness and excitement, all bundled into one. I'm nervous and thinking: what if, when Ian's band meets me, they don't like me? What if all the excitement I'm feeling leads to nothing? What might be my one chance at fame would be gone.

I push the thoughts out of my head and get out of bed. I have a shower, then pick out a pair of jeans and my favourite shirt: a Stone Temple Pilots merch tee.

I pick my phone up off the nightstand and see that I have a missed call. I call back almost immediately.

"Hey, Emilie. Glad you called me back. Would you be up to meet the band today?"

Well, that was fast. I didn't expect him to want me to meet them that quickly.

"You don't waste time, do you?" I say, trying on confidence for size.

"No time like the present. Especially since we're kinda desperate for a singer, and I think you have something special."

I blush, happy he can't see me through the phone. "Yeah, today works. What time?"

"How 'bout 12?"

I look at the clock and see that it's 10am. I'm pretty much ready, all I have to do is put on some makeup, and then I'll be good to go.

"Sure" I say. "12 sounds great."

"Awesome, you can meet us at 156 Paul Rd."

"Okay, sounds good." Just then, a thought pops into my head. "Would you mind if I brought my friend over?"

"No, of course you can."

"Okay. I'll see you at 12 then."

"See you then."

I hang up, then call Lucas. He picks up quickly.

"Hey Emilie. How's it going?"

"Great," I say.

"Oh, yeah?" I hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah. Would you be up to going with me to meet that band today?"

"Is that the band with that guy you met at the club yesterday?"

"Yeah," I say.

"Sure, I'll go with you."

"Thanks, Lucas."

"Of course."

"I told him I'd meet him at 12."

"Okay, I'll be over at 11:30 to pick you up."

"Okay, sounds good," I say, then hang up the phone.

~

At 11:32, I see Lucas's car pull up outside.

I go head down the stairs and go out the front door, walking over to his car and getting inside the passenger seat.

"Hey," I say, buckling my seat belt.

He smiles. "Hey."

"So the address is 156 Paul Rd."

"Okay, sounds good." He starts up the car, and we drive off.

"I'm glad you invited me," Lucas says, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Yeah," I say. "Just didn't feel too comfortable going alone."

"Yeah, of course," he says.

"I'm still nervous though."

He turns to look at me for a second, before looking back at the road. "About what?"

"Meeting the band. What if they don't like me, you know?"

"I'm sure they'll like you. You're great and an amazing singer."

I blush a little and smile. "Thanks. It's just that, this could be my big break, and I really don't want to mess it up."

"You'll do great, I believe in you."

"What if I don't do great?"

"Then I'll be here to support you. Always." His voice sounds softer than usual, and he coughs a little awkwardly. And, you know, Ani, too, of course."

"Yeah," I say. "Of course. Thanks."

There's a silence in the car the rest of the drive that neither of us breaks.

When we pull up to the house, the garage is open and I see a few people, including Ian, standing inside holding instruments. I take a deep breath, unbuckle my seat belt, and step out of the car.

"Hey!" I say, smiling. I hope I don't sound as nervous as I feel.

Lucas steps out of the car and walks beside me up to the garage.

"Hey Em," Ian says.

I feel Lucas stiffen beside me at the way Ian says my name. I've told Lucas how much I hate when people call me that.

"Her name's Emilie," he says. "She doesn't like being called Em.

I see Ian's band members looking at each other, some of them smirking.

I nudge Lucas's shoulder. "It's fine, it's not a big deal."

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't like that nickname."

"It's okay, really. Why don't you and your band play a song? I'd love to hear what you sound like."

"Sure."

Ian walks over to his band, and they start playing a song. I assume it must be an original song, since I don't recognize it. Either that, or I just haven't heard it before.

The song ends, and I have to admit they sound pretty good. They could use a few improvements, but for the most part, they're good.

"So, what do you think?" Ian asks.

"You're really good," I say. "I love your sound."

He smiles. "Cool. Do you want to practice a song with us?"

I hesitate for a second, still feeling a bit inadequate.

Lucas nudges me, and I look over at him.  "You can do it," he mouths.

I smile at him, then turn to Ian. "Yeah, I'll practice with you guys."

"Awesome," Ian says. He grabs a mic and places it on the ground in front of the band. "Any song requests?"

"Maybe Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms?"

"Sure, we can do that."

The band starts playing the familiar beginning notes of the song, and I take a breath before I start to sing.

The second I start singing, I feel the nervousness I was feeling seconds ago slip away. I just listen to the music, feels the tune and the rhythm, and let it guide me.

Once the song finishes, I turn to face the band expectantly. Ian is smiling, but he isn't saying anything.

Finally, I say, "What did you guys think?"

Ian turns to his band. "What did you think, guys? Was that not the best thing you've ever heard?"

I feel excitement rising in me as his band members nod in agreement.

Ian turns back to me. "Well, I think that settles it. How would you like to be a part of the band?"

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture - Chapter 4

He's tall, with brown hair and eyes that seem to become lighter in the light coming off the stage. "Hey," he says. "I just wanted to say you sounded great up there."

"Oh," I say. "Thanks."

"I'm Ian."

"Emilie."

"Do you want to get a drink?"

It's then that I notice Ani and look over. She's grinning, nodding her head and giving me a thumbs up, no doubt encouraging me to say yes.

"Sure."

I follow him to the bar and take a seat next to him as the bartender walks over to us. "What can I get you guys?"

"I'll have a raspberry mojito, please."

"A whiskey for me."

The bartender tosses a smile our way. "Coming right up."

Ian turns to face me. "So, Elvis, huh?" He asks, referencing the song I had been singing.

I smile. "Yeah," I say, "I've always been a fan."

He grins. "Good song choice, by the way."

"Thanks," I say. I look down at the table, feeling a little nervous suddenly. I usually never go to clubs or bars and feel a little out of my element.

I see his hand reach out and cover mine. I look up and see what might be a look of concern on his face. "Feeling okay?"

"Yeah," I say. "Just a little nervous. Clubs aren't really my scene."

"That's okay," he says. "I used to be the same way. Still am sometimes," he says with a smile.

It's quiet for a moment before he adds, "How long have you been singing?"

He's trying to distract me, and I let him. "Ever since I was little," I say. "What hobbies do you have?"

"I make music, too, actually."

I feel myself smile. "That's cool."

"Yeah, I'm actually in a band."

"Oh, you are? Maybe I've heard of you. What's your band's name?"

"I doubt you've heard of us. We're pretty new on the music scene."

"Try me," I say.

"We're called Sun Veil."

"I don't think I've heard of you guys," I say. "I'd love to give your music a listen, though."

"You can come meet my band, we'll play a couple songs, and you can tell me what you think.

"Sure," I say.

"That's also what I came over to talk to you about." He rests his arms on the table in a way that looks like he means business. "Our band doesn't have a singer, our most recent one left due to some personal reasons, and we've been looking for one ever since. When you come meet the band, you can practice a couple songs with us. No pressure, of course. Just thought I'd ask in case you're interested."

I think about this. I'm a bit disappointed he didn't just come over because he was interested in me. I don't usually have guys talk to me, so I was happy that one actually seemed interested in me. It is a good offer, though.

"Sure," I say. "I'll practice with you."

He grins and takes out a piece of paper and a pen. "Great. What's your number? I'll call you and we'll plan out a day for you to meet the band."

"Okay, that sounds good. My number is 778-568-6547."

He writes down my number, then gets up off the stool. "It was nice meeting you, Emilie."

"Nice meeting you too."

He walks off into the crowd, and I think about the way his voice said my name, how he made it sound special.

Ani walks over to me. "Oh my God. He was so hot!"

"Yeah," I say, still staring off into the crowd for a little longer before turning to her.

"What did you guys talk about?"

"Music, a little."

"You have to give me more than that! Did he flirt? Ask for your number?"

"He kind of asked, I guess. I mean, it was to make plans to meet his band."

"That's so exciting! Maybe this will be your big break."

"Maybe," I say. "I hope so."

She wraps her arms around me in a hug. "I'm so happy for you."

I smile and hug her back. "Thanks, Ani."

She pulls away after a moment. "Well, I think that's enough excitement for one night. Ready to head out?"

"Yeah, I'm getting pretty tired."

"Same."

We head out of the club and into the night air, where the cold bites my arms. I shiver in my jacket. "Should we call Lucas?" I ask.

"Probably a good idea. I don't really feel like walking home this late."

I take out my phone and dial his number.

The phone rings for a second before he picks up. "Hey, Emilie. What's up?"

"Could you pick us up? We're just at TJ's and don't really feel like walking back this late."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. I'll be there soon." He hangs up the phone.

We decide to wait outside until he comes. He only lives a few minutes away, so we don't have to wait very long before he's pulling into the parking space in front of the club.

I get into the passenger seat, and Ani sits in the back.

"Hey," Lucas says, as I close the door.

"Hi," I say.

"How was the club?"

"It was good."

"That's all you're going to say?" Ani says from the back as Lucas pulls out of the parking space and starts driving down the road. "Tell him what happened!"

"What happened?" Lucas asks, and I sense a hint of protectiveness and what might be jealously in his tone.

"Nothing," I say. I don't know why I say it. Maybe it's because I don't eat to make him jealous.

"She met a guy," Ani says. "And he asked for her number."

"Oh, that's...nice." Lucas says.

I hear a tightness in his voice and look over at him. His hands are gripped around the wheel, and he's looking ahead.

"It was just to keep in contact," I say quickly. "He wants me to practice with his band."

"It could be more, though," Ani says, and I see her wiggling her brows at me in the rear view mirror. "You haven't gotten any since, when was it last?"

"I don't know," I admit.

"See, it's been so long you don't even remember."

"Leave her alone," Lucas says.

"I'm just kidding, she knows that."

Lucas glances over at me, and I don't miss the look in his eyes, silently checking if I'm okay. Seeing if I do, in fact, know she's kidding.

I smile at him, and his shoulders relax a little.

We get to my apartment, and I get out, saying bye to Lucas and Ani.

Lucas waits outside until I get in the apartment, before driving off to take Ani to the dorm rooms.

I head up the stairs and get to my suite, unlocking the door and stepping inside. I take my shoes off before making my way to the bathroom to take off my makeup and brush my teeth. I then go to my bedroom and put on some sweatpants and a tank top before turning out the light and laying in bed to sleep.

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture - Chapter 3

When we get to the club, it's already pretty busy, but it's also a Saturday night. We stand at the end of the line and prepare ourselves to wait for what is probably going to be an eternity.

I'm chewing my nails nervously, when I hear Ani say something.

"What?" I say, trying to be heard over the noise that's emanating from the club.

"I said," she says, sounding a bit annoyed. "Stop chewing your nails, it makes you look like you're up to something."

I shove my hand into my jacket pocket. "Sorry, just nervous I guess."

"Don't be. It'll be fine."

I smile nervously. "I wish I had your confidence."

She tosses her hair and grins at me. "It comes with practice."

When we get to the front of the line, the bouncer looks us over. I guess we look over 21, because he doesn't ask to see our IDs. He just nods and waves us in.

Once we get a seat at a table, Ani smiles. "Told you it would be fine."  She waves over one of the waiters.

"What are you doing?" I asks.

"Getting us some drinks, what does it look like?"

"We may have been able to get in the club, but I'm sure they'll check IDs for drinks."

"You'd be surprised how often they don't."

The waiter appears at our table. He looks close to our age, maybe a few years older. "What can I get for you ladies?"

Ani smiles a little flirtatiously. "I'll get a strawberry margarita."

He smiles at her and winks before writing her order down on his notepad.

He turns to me. "And what can I get for you?"

"A pina colada. Please."

"Sounds good. I'll be back with your drinks shortly."

With one last glance at Ani, he turns and walks towards the bar.

"I guess they really don't check for IDs."

They rarely do. And it helps that we were confident."

"I didn't feel confident."

"You sounded confident, though. And did you see that guy? How cute was he!"

"He was pretty cute."

"Pretty cute? He was more than pretty cute. His eyes were like melted chocolates," she gushes.

"Hey," I said. He's coming over."

She turns around quickly, then shoves me playfully when she doesn't see him. "Jerk."

I laugh.

She's blushing, something she rarely does. "Not funny," she says, but she's smiling a little.

It's then that I hear someone singing. At least, I think it's singing. It sounds kind of bad, if I'm being honest. I look around to see where it's coming from, and see a stage with some high tables around it.

Ani sees what's caught my attention. "You should go up there."

"I don't know." I feel like any confidence I'd had earlier has disappearedafter seeing how many people are in the club.

"Come on, you'll do great."

"Maybe," I say. "After a drink."

Right on time, our waiter comes back, placing our drinks on the table.

"Thanks hun," Ani says, smiling up at him.

"Of course." He goes back to the bar, and Ani turns to me. "Drink up and go sing!"

I laugh. "I'd rather drink slow. You know, so I don't throw up on stage in front of all those people."

Ani nods. "Fair."

The minute she notices I'm almost done my drink, however, she's practically pushing me onto the stage."

"Okay, okay, I'm going." I walk up the stairs that lead to the stage. I tell the guy standing there that I'm going to be singing "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley, then walk over to stand in front of the microphone.

As the beginning notes of the song start playing, I try hyping myself up. You can do it, Emilie, I think to myself.

I start to sing, and I don't know if I'm imagining it or not, but I feel the room get quieter. It feels like everyone is watching me, and the thought makes me even more nervous, but I keep going.

Once I reach the end of the song, it sounds like a lot of people are clapping. I'm getting more applause than I ever get at the cafes I sing at.

I blush. "Thank you," I say into the microphone. I walk down the stairs, expecting to see Ani waiting. She isn't, but there is someone waiting there for me.

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture - Chapter 2

Lucas never usually went to the club with us. To be fair, if it wasn't for the chance of karaoke, I wouldn't have said I'd go either.

But here I was, in Ani's dorm room, sitting on a stool in front of her mirror while she did my makeup.

I'd always felt like I wasn't that good at makeup, hence why she was doing it for me.

"So, tell me what you think of Lucas," she says, brushing some eyeshadow across my lid.

I cough. "Lucas? You know what I think of him. He's a good friend."

Ani scoffs. "I meant, what you really think of him. Not this, he's a good friend stuff."

"He is a good friend."

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, but you can't say it's just that. There's something between you two."

"There's nothing between us, we're just friends."

"Okayy. Well, I do happen to know some stuff about him."

I sit forward automatically, then sit back, trying not to look too eager. "Stuff like what?"

"Close your eyes." She'd finished with my eyeshadow and was starting to put eyeliner on.

I close them and feel her brush the eyeliner across my lid. "Stuff like what?" I repeat.

"Oh, it doesn't matter. There's nothing between you guys anyways." Even with my eyes closed, I know she's smirking, I can hear it in her voice."

"Come onn, Ani. I still wanna know."

"Fine," she said. I heard he likes someone."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Stop, you're gonna ruin the eyeliner!"

I lower my brow again. "Who does he like?

"It's a girl," she said.

"Okay," I say, getting a bit impatient. "There's tons of girls in the world. Who is it?"

"It's you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Oh, um-"

"Do you like him back?"

"I...I do, I guess."

Now, it's her turn to raise a brow at me. "You guess?"

"I mean, I know, but-"

"So you can tell him now!" The way she said it, I could already see her mind working: she was imagining our wedding and the dress she would wear as my bridesmaid.

"I'm not gonna tell him!"

"Why not? You know he likes you."

"I can't ruin our friendship like that."

"It wouldn't be ruining the friendship!"

"It kind of would be, Ani. What if it doesn't work out? I don't know if we'd be able to go back to being just friends."

"Isn't it worth a try, though?"

I think about it for a second. "I don't know."

[caitwrites]

A Girl's Guide to Ending Rape Culture - Chapter 1

"What's your name, sweetheart?"

I look towards the direction of the voice and push down the urge to vomit. The voice had come from an older man, old enough to be my dad. He's wearing a white wife beater and running a hand through sweaty hair that is matted to his forehead.

I answer him anyways, since everything I do matters for my image. I never knew who was watching.

"Emilie Hanley."

"Sing us a song, Em, honey."

I hate when people call me Em, hate it even more when people call me honey, but I ignore it and start to sing one of the original songs I had written.

It was a song about getting too comfortable in a relationship and the feelings slowly dying. It was one of my favourites that I had written; I felt it was realistic.

At the end of the song, I got a fair amount of applause. I didn't get as much applause as some people, but I was always happy with what I got.

"Thank you," I say to the small crowd. Most of the crowd had already turned back to what they were doing: drinking coffees and chatting with the person across from them.

Sometimes, I wished I could catch people's attention for longer than the time it took to complete a set. There were the occasional people who were interested in my CDs, but it never usually went any further than that. I was grateful, but isn't it human nature to want more?

~

I walk towards the Campus Commons: the grassy area surrounded by the four buildings on Campus. The usual lush, green grass was now a dry brown color; the kind that when you sat down, it would stay flat rather than spring back up. I couldn't wait till Summer when the grass would be green again.

My eyes search the area for my friends, Ani and Lucas. I see them, laughing as they walk the path that went around Campus. Ani notices me and waves.

I walk over to Ani and Lucas. I give Ani and hug, and Lucas a side hug that feels more awkward than friendly.

There's always been this tension between Lucas and I. Not necessarily a bad tension; we don't have any negative energy between us, but it's not quite positive either. Awkward is the way I would describe it.

"How are you guys?" I ask. I resist the urge to look at Lucas when I say this. I always feel the instinct to look at him when he speaks, to see how he reacts to the things I say. Instead, I focus on Ani.

Ani smiles warmly. "I'm good, w were just heading back from English. You missed a lot of important stuff," she says, rolling her eyes in a way that suggests I really didn't.

I suppose I hadn't; Mrs. Peters tended to go on and on about her life before it seemed to occur to her that she was, in fact, an English teacher and should probably be teaching English. By that time, the class was mostly done. I had considered dropping the class before, but it was the only class I had with both Ani and Lucas, and Mrs. Peters usually got so caught up in her life stories that she didn't really mind us using the time to talk amongst ourselves.

"Sorry, I was just at the cafe, I had a set."

"That's okay," Lucas says. "We get it. How was the set?"

I brighten and look over at him. "It was okay, the usual. The occasional wanted attention, then the unwanted attention. You know how it is."

They both did. I'd told them both about the unwanted attention of men (and sometimes women) before.

Ani looks disgusted by it, as usual. Lucas looks disgusted, too, but there's something else in his expression. Annoyance, maybe?

I raise an eyebrow. "What's that face for?"

His face straightens. "Nothing."

Ani looks between us, probably sensing that tension that's inevitably occurring between us again. "Okay, you guys. If you're done staring at each other, let's go do something fun."

I break eye contact first, and look at Ani. "Fun?"

"Yes, fun. Let's go to a club or something. Do some dancing," she says, shimmying her shoulders towards me.

"I don't know," I say. "We're not even old enough to get into a club."

"Come on, Em. They barely even check IDs here. It'll be fun. And I'm sure there'll be a karaoke contest or something."

She had me there; she knew I never turned down an opportunity to sing. "Fine," I say. "Let's go get ready."