captainbobbin

[captainbobbin]

so, personal post time.

I won't be around much for a while. The last few months I have been trying to navigate an ongoing mental breakdown; I've been completely emotionally destroyed and pushed past all the limits I had that I thought would remain stable. I've been a mess and I'm still in the weeds tbh. I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, and it's been a struggle to do anything. I've been in active psychotherapy for months and I'm trying to make progress in myself but I really am just picking up thousands of tiny pieces right now. I've been trying desperately not to relapse, and I'm trying to establish places of comfort and safety, and right now Tumblr is not one of those places. I am inundated every single day with spam messages of gore, child dismemberment, guilt-tripping ebegging, and immensely distressing and violent stuff. Along with this, the block function straight up does not work and so people that I have tried to keep away from me for my own peace and emotional safety are still in my orbit and showing up constantly when I need space and security. I'm not comfortable here right now at all. It's another weight on top of an already intense situation tbh

Due to the intense emotional and mental strain from the last half year - (and, frankly, the last several years) - my body has actually now shut down physically. The strain has manifested from my metaphoric brain to my actual brain and I've been in the hospital. All of this trauma has caused my optic nerves to disintegrate and corrode. I've lost sight in my left eye.

Alas. The horrors persist but so do I. I'm still working and creating, I have new shop merch and writing to come out very soon. I'm still productive and I've been adjusting my work-life balance and I've been spending so much time with people I love right now, and so I am slowly getting better and finding my feet. But healing (mentally right now) is a long and ongoing, extremely bumpy process. There's been lots of ups and downs and triggering distressing things that I'm trying hard to process, navigate, and work with. I don't feel safe here so much just due to the current environment. I need space from this place - and other spaces online - but I want (and, truthfully, need) my friends near me right now more than anything. I owe so much of my current stability to them. I'm still active in other spaces such as bluesky and I'm the most accessible on discord. My patron-exclusive discord has been adjusted and opened now so all of my close friends are welcome and it's where I am happiest, sharing my wips and having movie nights and daily gaming and hangout streams. It's my home and I love the people there dearly.

I'm only a message away, so, should anyone want to get in touch at all please do find me on discord. Screenname is the same, I'm captainbobbin everywhere and I think I have the same icon everywhere too.

I'm keeping everything crossed that I might be fixable, all around, in every way. I'm having more tests done physically and I wouldnt miss therapy for the world. I'm trying very hard.

I'll still update here periodically with art or writing when applicable, but I just won't be here very often or actively. I need to focus on my own healing, mental and physical. Its been a brutal couple years, and a disastrous couple months.

Hopefully I might see some of you around

[captainbobbin]

new fic out

[captainbobbin]

Nobody has made me feel safer or more respected than the filthy perverted freaks I was warned about.

[captainbobbin]

currently locking all of my fics on AO3 due to ai bot issues popping up yet again, so they will only be visible to registered users for the foreseeable

[captainbobbin]

my friend jpe has been making some Sylvando mods and I think theyre incredible and HAD to draw my special little silly rabbit uwu

[captainbobbin]

birthday doodle for my buddy @tazara ! So proud of you for your big move recently dude, I hope you had a great birthday, we lov u!

[captainbobbin]

who's gonna boost his self-esteem i know y'all are out there

source

[captainbobbin]

if I look at this for any longer I am going to go cross-eyed so I am gonna finish this later;;;

here's an unfinished sylvendrik wip

[captainbobbin]

Hey! Read your Dragatha pieces, they're AWESOME! Would love to pick your brain some day regarding those two. You're super talented and got them super in character! Loved it so much it reignited my passion for the pairing. Thank you!

Thank you so much for your message and your nice comments on the fics! Writing them was a fun and interesting experience, and I would love to chat with you more about Dracula sometime too! I have thoughts and opinions on them haha

thanks for reading, I hope that if I make more Dragatha stuff again soon that you might read that too!

[captainbobbin]

5, 8, 24, 70 and 77, please! 💜

(in regards to this ask meme)

5 - How many wips do you have?  What fandoms/pairings are they for?

for my long fics: the last chapter of my stardew valley fic, the next part of my DQXI open wounds series, and multiple chapters of my KH lfotr series, along with three or so side chapters for lfotr.

for one shots and other writing: I am currently halfway through a Marluxia/Vexen fic for a good friend of mine. I have 8 or so fics I loosely started in february in hopes of doing a february writing challenge, but I burnt out quite badly and so have left them aside for now. I think I have three or so gdocs where I've put some half-formed DQXI ideas down, and maybe the same amount for KH one-shot pwp fics and sequels to previously posted pwp fics haha. So quite a few wips, but most of them are just notes and ideas for me to come back to at some point.

8 -Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

It was not often ice froze - but partway up the staircase leading from cool darkness into sharp white, it amplified. The scent. The heat. Roses - the stink of roses upon roses upon roses, so many and so much and so thickly dense that Vexen felt his throat threaten to close as flush crawled up his skin, and the paralytic sensation of being watched forced him still. He stopped dead in place, head still down, shoulders tight, all the fight and urgency in his body coming to a painful stop - and he slowly forced his eyes upward, dragging his gaze up the steps like a wounded dog, knowing of what - and who - he would be met with.

A black coat backlit with the absence of any colour, hood up, and despite having lived with such silhouettes for his Nobody lifetime, Vexen was not impervious to the wretched sense of abnormality the presence exuded; the domination of the environment, the uncanny sense of nature being ruined by an empty and unnatural beings mere presence. Only this, Marluxia was worse, far worse than any other - Xemnas aside. All Nobodies gave their environment a sense of kenopsia, yet where The Superior emitted sheer absence, the warmth of a abject gap in the universe, removal beyond removal, Marluxia stood at the crest of the staircase, staring down at the scientist with something barely restrained in his eyes, and the whole little world that they found themselves in was polluted by ripeness. A disgustingly tantalising miasma of sweetness that spoke of danger, a beast not in wait to pounce but waiting for a mistake. For Vexen to slip.

24 - How do you choose whose POV to write in?

It really depends on the fic, on what story I want to tell. I'm quite strict with POV stuff where possible, as I think changing perspectives without warning or lead-up can make the pace of a story feel off. In my Open Wounds series, I am strictly sticking with Hendrik's POV the entire time, as I want Sylvando to feel like a complete mystery that he can't get a grasp on. If I suddenly switched to Sylv's POV partway through, then a lot of the mystery and build-up would be changed. In my stardew stuff, the first section was pretty much just Elliott's POV, but as we got to the second part and the guys become a couple, I introduced Brae's POV a bit more to make things feel equal and open. In LFOTR, I have bounced back and forth between Isa and Terra because I want them to feel very similar and parallel despite there being distance and confusion about where they stand.

With oneshots its easier to maintain one solid POV as things tend to be quicker and more confined. with The Front, I stuck exclusively to Sanji's pov because it feels like Crocodile has a lot of unknown factors to him and that Sanji is figuring himself out more than anything, that its very much Sanji's experience and him not knowing where he stands with Croc factors in on that. A lot of my fics work like this - maybe its the 'tism, but I find that writing about a character speculating on another character's point of view but not actually knowing gives a sense of realism.

With Borrowment, I swapped only to Ansem's POV right at the very end to round things off and give a sense of almost peeking behind a curtain - I have done something similar with several fics, only swapping POVs right at the end as a final touch.

I think Midas is maybe my most interesting piece regarding POV as it's the same character's point of view but at different points in his life. I find POV stuff super interesting to work with and I think having a good grasp on it can really make or break a piece. A lot of planning goes into my writing and considering POV is almost an instinctual thing for me in some ways haha

70 - Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?

I dont think I am, actually. I think I've subscribed to maybe like one single fanfic I liked that was left unfinished, just in case it ever updates, but yeah I don't think I have subscriptions to any writers themselves. In my friend group, when any of us write something we tend to share it there along with wips and gdoc versions for proofreading, so we tend to hear about new fics straight away haha

not subscribing isn't anything personal - truthfully I don't have time to read that much and I often worry that, if I'm working on my own projects, if I read too much of other people's work that that may subconsciously influence my own. I do bookmark fics however.

77 - Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

there are demons in my brain and the only way I know how to process them is to make characters go through situations lmao

I really hope now being in active psychotherapy makes me more productive and gives me healthier angles to write about rather than impacting my work negatively hahaha;;;;

[captainbobbin]

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

(in regards to this ask meme)

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

The overall quality, I suppose? I've been writing for a long time. Sometimes I still think that I'm like 9 year old baby Bobbin putting horrible, unedited, unthought-out 500 word cringe trashfics out into the world that was so bad people made drinking games about them haha; I do sometimes feel quite insecure about what I create because I remember how much hate I used to get from bad writing I made as a very young child who should not have had internet access lol

Beyond that, I think maybe my range - I've slowly been branching out and writing for other fandoms, writing when the impulse takes me, picking up and exploring AUs and other media instead of keeping myself in a box and only writing one or two similar things. I am still working on that, as I think I have a certain dynamic or two that I tend to fall back on, but any progress is good and I think I improve a tiny bit every time I work on something new.

[captainbobbin]

8, 13, 22, 36

(in regards to this ask meme)

8 - Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

If Hendrik turned his head just slightly, he could see crossed legs in the uppermost part of his peripherals, and tried not to do that.

Falling in love with another man was not forbidden in scripture. Coveting a neighbour, however… longing for something you cannot have, neglecting your duties to chase folly, having one's attention from good intent diverted - Hendrik's back crawled. He no longer believed as he once did, yet it all felt like sin. Sins he could not help but wade further into.

“You know,” He spoke up, and he heard the guitar-strings pause. Dave at the wheel was too far away to hear them properly, and the Drasilian royals and Erik were within, and so it was just them. No harm in making conversation; even if it was unsavory conversation, something caught between too endeared and too supercilious. “You make a man think of the commandments as more of a to-do list.”

Hendrik's tone had not conveyed the inquisitiveness he had wanted it to, and his words sounding more like an accusation rather than a compliment. While he was ignorant of how exactly to flirt, he had wanted this moment of peaceful quiet to be… connective. And now it had come out all wrong.

13 -Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

I do listen to music while I write! Music is a huge help - I can't write while watching movies or tv or documentaries or anything because I get distracted haha.

I'll change what I listen to depending on what I'm writing. I listen to a lot of Matt Elliott, especially when writing about Hendrik. I often listen to this song on repeat while writing CrocoSan haha.

22 -Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

it really depends on the fic! Some fics I know exactly what I want to do and what energy I want before I go in, and so the title is already in my head as I begin. Sometimes certain phrases or ideas pop up while writing and I make a note of them and will see how things go. Its pretty rare that I name fics after theyre done - when that happens, I think it tends to be my weaker fics, truthfully. Or at least fics that I'm a bit less connected to. I actually really enjoy the naming process usually haha

36 - What fic are you proudest of?

I think my lfotr series is always gonna be my labour of love fic. Its huge and hefty and has taken a lot of my time and effort, and it isnt even done haha. I think its one of the things I'm gonna be known for, writing-wise. In terms of smaller fics, I'm very proud of The Front, truthfully - AU stuff isnt my usual thing so much but I really clicked with the premise of this one and it received a lot of positive reactions. I think about it a lot and would love to continue with it as and when I can, I'm really happy with it so far.

[captainbobbin]

My online merch store has some new items up!

The March Caprice event is here and my shop has been featured as part of it :) Thank you, MC team @marchcapricekh !

I have some new pins, stickers and more up on site, with new updates and designs being added regularly!

My store - my carrd - my commission info - my patreon

I'd appreciate you checking out my work and keeping an eye on this space as I produce new stock, art and writing 💜 patreon members get exclusive updates, drawing streams and tutorials, participation in art trade events, voting power on what I draw next, discounts on merch and commissions and more! Happy March and thanks for looking ^^

[captainbobbin]

hey sexy what time do you plan on being done grieving

[captainbobbin]

Happy March Caprice :)

[captainbobbin]

My online merch store has some new items up!

The March Caprice event is here and my shop has been featured as part of it :) Thank you, MC team @marchcapricekh !

I have some new pins, stickers and more up on site, with new updates and designs being added regularly!

My store - my carrd - my commission info - my patreon

I'd appreciate you checking out my work and keeping an eye on this space as I produce new stock, art and writing 💜 patreon members get exclusive updates, drawing streams and tutorials, participation in art trade events, voting power on what I draw next, discounts on merch and commissions and more! Happy March and thanks for looking ^^

[captainbobbin]

And then Act 2 Heliodor happens :) and he couldn't stop that either :)

Do you guys ever think about how Hendrik survived the fall of both Zwaardsrust and Dundrasil? The fact that they both fell due to monster attacks must have been horrible for him.