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i have decided that even though i feel awful, im still going to get excited about waking up tomorrow bc that means I get to drink another smoothie. it doesn’t always have to be a big reason, it can be a little one, too. I haven’t done anything today, but that’s alright too. ill unload the dishwasher before I go to bed, and as long as I’ve done one single thing for myself, one thing at all, the day wasn’t wasted. i was alive, and i enjoyed most of the day. it’s okay if it’s not all great. it’s okay if I felt awful for some of it. it’s not a waste, and it’s okay. im going to be okay.

[careforselfs]

on teachers and lessons and fuck ups

Studying to be a musician is hilarious, because it forces us, esp at college age, to be in a very weird position. Like, we respect, fear, love, and sometimes have grown up borderline worshiping our teachers depending on who your teacher is, but also we sort of have to grudgingly allow our teachers to see us at our absolute worst. Like who in this world has seen you mess up straight up zillions of times? Your teacher. Who is the person you go to for advice when you start hating your instrument? Probably (hopefully) your teacher. Who is the person who sees you, at some point in your life, stumbling into lesson exhausted af, not put together in the slightest, and probably not in any condition to play your instrument? Your teacher. 

And it’s really funny because a lot of the time, if you have a good teacher, when you actually sit down to think about how good your teacher is at their instrument and how much they’ve done, 99% of the time the absolute LAST PERSON you want to fuck up anything in front of is your teacher and yet… here you are… once a week… fucking shit up in front of your teacher and praying that they don’t notice, but they do, and they call you out on it, but typically they won’t punish you or be angry at your humanity either. They feel you. 

The literal very first time I played for my teacher, long before he actually became my teacher, I sat there shaking and so fucking nervous that I actually could not play a C Major scale. C FUCKING MAJOR. I wanted the floor to swallow me up and I looked at him, expecting to die a painful death because I’d been playing for 8 years at that point and I should know, at the very least, how to C Major. He just said, “Hey, you’re okay. You have to understand that the worst you will ever play is for your teacher. It’s like that for everyone and that’s a good thing.It’s just part of getting used to the performance nerves.” I never forgot that. (still nervous as hell every time i enter a lesson tho, but i go into it accepting the fact that at some point in the next hour I’m probably gonna screw something up royally) 

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Practice tip of the day!

Now that we’re all heading back to school and our schedules are going to be more predictable, it’s the perfect time to get into a practice routine. Try to set aside certain blocks of time during the week that you can devote just to practicing. Treat it the way you would a class, and try to always show up (even if it’s just your bedroom).

For me all my classes this semester fall between 2 and 7pm, so I’m going to practice at home from noon to 1, Monday to Friday. On the weekends I’ll cut myself a bit more slack depending what else is going on.

Things to consider:

If you live with other people or have neighbours, is this time likely to annoy or bother them? (My general rule is not to practice before 8am or after 10pm)

When are you most awake and able to focus?

Would it be more effective to break the time into chunks? (In high school I tried to do a half hour in the mornings before school and another half hour when I got home)

I hope all your back to schooling goes smoothly! We’ll be back in the swing of things before you know it.

[careforselfs]

When you practice, start in the middle sometimes. Start in different spots, out of order. Always starting at the beginning of the piece can get you in a rut, making you less attentive. Then when you memorize the piece, you might only remember the beginning!

—John McCauley, piano instructor, 92Y School of Music

[careforselfs]

TIPS FOR FIRST YEAR MUSIC STUDENTS

FIND YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. What I mean by this is find a group of people that will catch you when you fall. Or a people. It really doesn’t matter how many there are or where they’re from. They can be your studio mates, professors you really click with, other people in your year, whatever. Hell, tumblr alone has roughly a million music majors. Just find people who will support you, because you will need it.

ALSO FIND PEOPLE WHO WILL BE HONEST WITH YOU. Hopefully, these two groups will overlap. It’s incredibly important to find people who won’t just tell you how great you are. You need people who can tell you what to work on, as well.

PLAY IN MASTER CLASSES. Jesus H. Christ, play in master classes. You will hate it. It will probably one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of your life. But if you can play in front of a large group of your peers (particularly the ones that play your instrument), you can play in front of anyone. Seriously. Trust me on this.

TAKE EVERY PERFORMANCE OPPROTUNITY YOU CAN. Literally the best way to get better at performing is to do it a lot. After you do it enough, you’ll figure out a system or a ritual or something to calm the nerves. Just remember- no one wants you to fail. Everyone in the audience wants you to do well. Nobody is out there just waiting for you to mess up. They are there to support you. They will love you even if you screw up. We’re musicians- it’s what we do.

GO TO CONCERTS. Go to master classes that aren’t necessarily for your instrument. Go to lectures. Learn things. That’s why you went to college.

ONE BAD PERFORMANCE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. Neither does one bad practice session, or lesson, or jury. What matters is how you bounce back. You auditioned and got accepted into your major for a reason. You can do it. I promise.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLEEP. Drink water. Eat real people food. Take care of yourself. Do not be like me and go to rehearsals on the brink of death. Your health> just about anything. Take it from the girl who went to a rehearsal while her ears were full of fluid and ended up with a double ear infection that kept her out of classes for a week and a half.

TALK TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF YOUR STUDIO. For that matter, try to talk to people outside of the music department/school. Otherwise you’ll forget that there is life outside of the practice rooms. I understand social anxiety, so if talking to people in person is too difficult for you, try talking to people on tumblr or other social media sites.

LISTEN TO MUSIC OTHER THAN WHAT IS ASSIGNED TO YOU. Seriously. You will grow to hate JS Bach. Listen to music that makes you happy and reminds you why you loved music in the first place.

PRACTICE AURAL SKILLS. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Again, do not be like me. Do not try to cram the night before the test. It does not work.

PRACTICE IS MORE THAN JUST PLAYING. Record yourself. Listen to professional recordings. Sing your part. Meditate on your part. RECORD YOURSELF. It’s amazing what you’ll hear.

MUSIC IS HARD. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (which they will try to do, believe me). But you’re also in this field because you love it. Remember that.

YES, GEN EDS ARE STUPID. Yes, you have to take them anyway. Accept this and grumble about it to your friends.

DON’T BE A DICK. Seriously. You never know when you’ll run into these people again. The music world is very, very small. If you’re nasty to someone, it will probably end up biting you in the ass.

I LOVE YOU. So do a lot of people. If you ever need to vent or cry on someone’s shoulder I am 100000000% here for you. I believe in you! 

[careforselfs]

Tips that changed my young life

Part  1 (one)

 As a kid with ADHD, sleep deprivation and a severe case of laziness, at one time in my life I had stressed myself out to the point where suicide was looking like a viable option. No young person should have to feel that way, especially if it’s because of preventable habits. Around the start of high school my time was spent being unproductive and feeling miserable. I had no motivation to get any work done, I was tired 24/7 but I hardly got any sleep, I was grumpy and depressed and unfocused, and my social life was suffering. Although these are still problems that I (and everyone on this planet) face, I’ve gotten a lot better at handling myself and I’ve stopped putting up with my own bullshit. Although not all of these tips are going to help/are practical for everyone, hopefully some tired and sickly kid like me will find this list and feel a lil more inspired to get the most out of life. 

1. Self-care isn’t what you think it is:

A few years back my idea of self-care was so skewed that my habits ended up doing more harm than good. Whenever I felt bad, I’d usually curl up in a blanket, watch some netflix or scroll tumblr, wallow in self-pity, and eventually fall asleep. While admittedly that is something we can all benefit from every once in a while, when that becomes a daily ritual is when it becomes counter-productive. Self-care is supposed to make you feel good; not only in the moment but in the long run too. Blanket pity cave feels great at the time, but when you finally emerge into the light you find that you’ve wasted time, you still feel sleepy, and nothing has been achieved. But what else could self-care possibly be?!?! you may ask. Well I hate to be the one to say it, but sometimes self-care is doing the last thing that you feel like doing. If you’re feeling tired and sad, often the best remedy is to go for a quick walk around the block. If you knew me at all, you would know that walks are not something I very much enjoy. Especially when I feel like curling up into a sleep-ball, exercise is the last thing I want, but the first thing I need. And I always end up feeling better in the end. And exercise isn’t the only form of self-care! It’s getting a glass of water even when you’re too tired to get up from the bed. Its doing your god-damn homework even when you’re so fucking sick of calculus oh my god I can’t even bare to look at it. Just do it. Even for, like, 10 minutes. Then take a break. It doesn’t seem like much but you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and therefore feel more motivated. Please, just take this from me. Two years ago I would have laughed in your face if you had suggested this to me “I can’t do homework if I don’t feel like I can do it! Are you crazy? That's not how ADHD works!” Well suck it up kid. You gotta take care of yourself. Think long term!

2. Just ask for help:

I like to be independant. I like doing things by myself, without help, because that's what smart people do right? Wrooong. Nobody is born with the innate understanding of how to do everything. It’s a waste of time if you’re trying to get stuff done but you’re stuck because you don’t understand something, and instead of asking a simple question you stubbornly sit in your chair for hours wracking your brain for the answers when you know in your heart they aren’t there. Asking for help can be embarrassing, especially when you think the question is stupid or you think you should be able to do something by yourself. But teachers/parents/chaplains/whoever are usually more than happy to answer your questions, and will rarely think badly of you. They need help sometimes too! And help isn’t only for school work. At some point in time you’ll realize that you need mental health help, or physical help, or emotional help. Those aren’t things to be ashamed of. I used to/still have a lot of trouble getting motivated to complete basic tasks. Before I’d just sit on my ass and wait for the motivation to come naturally, but it never would. Finally I realized that if I simply asked my mom to help me (set a timer, check up on me, go through things step-by-step) I could... actually accomplish stuff. And yes, asking for help, especially for simple and “easy” tasks, is anxiety inducing. Sometimes I felt like a child, incapable and useless. But if you get help straight away, then you learn how to be independant sooner rather than later, and you’ll need less and less help. There’s really no shame in it. Everyone needs help at some point in their life. Everyone. 

3. Identify and treat any underlying health problems you may have:

I was diagnosed with ADHD in grade four, but it didn’t start to affect my life until high school. The second semester of grade ten I noticed my marks dropping an unusual amount, and I was struggling to stay motivated. I was tired, disoriented, grumpy, all the things I’ve listed above. Finally my mom took me to see my old psychiatrist, and she put me on medication. It took a very long time to find a combination of pills and coping strategies that worked for me, but now I find I’m able to cope a lot better. And I know that I’m not just lazy, or dumb, or useless. My brain is wired differently from the norm and I’m not able to function well in the environment that modern society has created. And now that I know that I’m able to adapt. And mental health problems aren’t the only health problems that can affect your outlook on life. For a long time after I had settled on the right meds, I was still feeling tired and hazy. I was weak and pale, had absolutely no strength or energy, and fell asleep so uncontrollably that I started to wonder whether I was narcoleptic. After a blood test to check if I could start new medication, it was discovered that my iron levels were non-existent. All my symptoms were symptoms of low iron. It was such a simple and common health problem, but it had gone undiagnosed for so long that it had started to severely affect my life. I started supplements and added iron-rich foods to my diet, and two years later I’m a completely different person. I can go for hikes. I can wake up early and not feel tired. I have the energy to do whatever I put my mind to, and even my thinking is clearer. Don’t just chalk up all your problems to “I, as a person, just suck.” Sometimes, our “quirks” or “faults” are actually symptoms. 

4. Love unconditionally: 

This tip doesn’t focus on you, but your perception of others. My whole life I’d been in a toxic friendship. My best friend didn’t treat me or others well, but she was all I’d known and therefore I didn’t know any better. She was extremely quick to judge others, on their clothes, hair, and personality. If someone did something she didn’t like, no matter how small, she’d cut them off completely. After a while I learned to think and act the same way, and eventually, to our surprise, we ended up with no friends but each other. I just thought that people were mean. That I was better than them. I understood how the world worked and everyone else was immature, and not worth my time. Unconsciously I ended up judging people by their flaws. I’d disregard all their good traits, their kindness, their loyalty; I’d look through all of that to see only their faults. And nobody is perfect, so I had no friends! My “friend” had even higher standards than I did, so naturally I was cast aside after 10 years of loyal friendship. I was shook, to say the least, and I started to reevaluate how I viewed people. All along I’d obviously known that everyone makes mistakes, you should love people with their flaws, blah blah blah, but I actually started to put that mindset into practice. And I discovered a world full of beautiful, beautiful people. I began to realize that if a friend did or said something I didn’t like, I could still be friends with them. We didn’t have to agree. Sometimes people say or do stupid things. Sometimes people have outbursts, take all their anger out on you. Sometimes they can be unkind or unloyal or untrustworthy. But those things don’t define them. For all their flaws, they have 100 more beautiful traits. You shouldn’t let their problems outshine who they really are. And that’s what I’d been doing! I missed out on so many wonderful friendships because I couldn’t get over the fact that sometimes people aren’t 100% awesome. They can make mistakes and it’s alright! Sometimes they even make big mistakes! And that’s alright too! You can work past them together. I find that when someone is shown unconditional love, instead of taking advantage of you like you might think they would, they tend to become more appreciative of your friendship, and become a more confidant person. But it’s important to remember that it’s also ok to cut toxic people out of your life. Sometimes, for no reason at all, you won’t get along with someone. Your personalities just don’t mesh, or some of their traits just rub you the wrong way. You’re not obligated to be friends with everybody. You don’t have to hate these people, remember they have good things inside them as well, but you also don’t have to devote any of your time to them. It’s also important to remember that some mistakes are just unforgivable. It doesn’t matter what it is, but if someone does something that affects you so much that you don’t know if you could handle keeping them in your life, it’s ok to let them go. You can’t say “it’s fine whatever” when in reality you’re going to suffer. Sometimes, people’s negative traits can outshine their positives in your life. They might not be a bad person, but they can be a bad person for you. All in all, I find that it’s easier to just accept people. I have sooo many more friends now. I’ve been exposed to different types of thinking and different ways of being, and I’ve only become a better person because of it. 

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sometimes things are tough but look at this bun

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oh also! i know i’ve made a post about this before but please please please make sure you’re getting enough sleep. i know the temptation to stay up late is strong, and you can usually do one or two days on minimal sleep but please do yourself a favor and catch up in whatever ways you can. sleep is very important and it really can make the difference in how you feel when you get enough!

[careforselfs]

One of the things that hooked me in the Dr. Who reboot in the mid 2000s was the message in many of the episodes of the Russel T Davies years, that a human life was inherently valuable.  That people could live simple lives, and that life could still have value.  Adventures are wonderful, but they aren’t the things that give your life value.  Your kindness, your love, your loyalty to your friends, your family, your simple contributions to the welfare of others.  All those things imbue even the simplest of lives with the sort of value that grand titles, and wild adventures and accomplishments never can.

I missed that in the Moffat run.  It got too bogged down in silly, convoluted plots, twists that went no where, and this idea that in the end it was the adventure, the grand sacrifice, the pain and the loss that defines you.

I really hope they turn this around in the new run.  I feel like the world needs hope more now than ever.  That we have to believe that no matter how small we feel, how inconsequential, that our small kindnesses can matter, that simple honesty has infinite value, that a human life has value because they are human, and they are alive, that human beings are capable of love, and loyalty, and goodness, as well as great evil.  That there is no inherent value in suffering, and those who seek to ease it where they find it are heroes.  

I don’t know…  The Davies years of Dr. Who found me at exactly the right time in my life.  I think that it sort of saved me in some ways, so I’m pretty sentimental about it, maybe overly so, and I know that.  I just want to feel moved when I watch Dr. Who again.  I want to come away from it feeling like my heart is a little lighter, my understanding of life and people is a little deeper, that my hope in humanity is renewed.

I’m tired of gimmicks and convoluted plots.  I don’t want to be surprised or thrilled.  I want real ‘story’ in the best sense of the word.  I want to be changed for the better when I watch.  I want to be touched.  I want my hope renewed.

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Paint your skin with the colors of your changing mood

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happy stimming

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Master Post of Calming Things

Things to make you feel better:

Make it feel like you are outside also turn on your volume

Talk you threw a stressful time

Automatic flatter 

Quick Distractions:

Draw Silk

Music Squares

jigsaw puzzles 

Sudoku

cookie clicker

Immediate Crisis Help

List of Hotlines - Crisis Hotlines by need

Befrienders - Find crisis hotline information for the country you live in

Suicide Hotlines - A list of crisis hotlines by country

International Rape Crisis Hotlines - A list of international crisis hotline directories

Lifeline Crisis Chat - Online chat help for people in a crisis

IMAlive - online crisis chat

Self Help

MoodGym 

Self Harm Alternatives

Self-help Anxiety Management App

Get Help

Find Therapist

Find a Psychiatrist

How To Help Others

Depression

Anxiety 

Eating Disorder   

Cutting

Suicidal

Panic attacks

Gifs:

watch the ball

breath in and out with the box

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I’m enjoying these immensely.

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This is Colors, a short comic written by @monsieurtoast and illustrated by myself, about the influence we have on others around us. I had sooooo much fun working on this and I owe it all to Toast for coming up with such a creative concept! Take care of your colors my guys ♥