catherineav

[catherineav]

i've heard my fic may not be showing up on AO3 as recently updated? so for the few people who also follow me here: chapter 3 is up!

if you're still in denial about episode 2, this is the chapter for you.

excerpt [TLOU2 spoilers]:

Ellie stumbles forward—then stops again. She’s been alone in life more often than not, but she doesn’t think she’s ever felt more lonely than she does right now, standing in a room full of family. “She meant for you to die. You were supposed to die!” she sobs. Joel’s brows furrow, and his lips thin. But then he somehow manages to raise an eyebrow and get out a full sentence. “Sorry to…disappoint,” he practically drawls.

[catherineav]

How are we doing TLOU friends???

I can’t believe I had to watch that episode last night.

Knowing it was coming did not make it any easier???

I somehow have so many thoughts and also none at all.

[catherineav]

wip wednesday

thank you for the tag @two-birds-alone-together

this is from one of the 3 ideas that burst into my mind while rewatching s2e1 - ellie saying she doesn't need his fucking help (sob) and joel only able to remember the times she did!

np tags: @bumblepony @catherineav @femmefacetious @valiantwolf @ketchupchipsaregross

[catherineav]

Chapter 2 is live! You can read it here. :)

Excerpt:

She runs. Problem is, the Infected are just as fast. And they don’t tire like humans. It’s getting tough to see in the lengthening shadows, but Ellie is pretty sure she can make out the gentle leveling of the ravine up ahead where it bends, maybe a hundred yards away. It would have been great to know, oh, about five minutes ago, that there was a place to just walk out of the thing. But if she can make it across—make it back to Shimmer. No… there’s no way. Daring to glance behind her shoulder and she flies through the snow, Ellie knows it’s impossible. They’ll just follow her, and she has too far to go before she can get to her horse. They’ll catch her, and they’ll tear her apart. But she has to try. The funny thing is, for the first time in over a week, nothing hurts. Not her ribs, not her head. Not her heart. She runs faster than she has since one fateful night in Kansas City. She marvels at the fact she can recall that night at this moment. Maybe it’s her brain preparing to die, getting ready to flash her entire existence before her eyes one last time. Will she see Joel again?

this is me trying

this is me trying | AO3

"I don't think I can ever forgive you for that. But I would like to try."

I've been working on this story since August and am so excited to finally share it with you! Major TLOU2 spoilers, so process with caution.

SUMMARY:

“Where is Joel?” asks Ellie. He’s dead. He’s dead because of her, and they don’t want to tell her.

“Joel just got out of surgery,” Maria answers calmly, taking both of Ellie’s hands in hers. Ellie’s eyes snap back open. “Tommy is with him. You’ll be able to see him soon.” Ellie starts to sit again, to stand, to go to him, but Maria squeezes her hands in warning. “First, we need to make sure you’re okay. Next, we need to understand what happened out there, what Tommy and Dina can’t tell us. Then, I’ll take you to Joel.”

Or: Joel survives, Ellie is still bent on revenge, and their family just wants to help.

[catherineav]

this is me trying

this is me trying | AO3

"I don't think I can ever forgive you for that. But I would like to try."

I've been working on this story since August and am so excited to finally share it with you! Major TLOU2 spoilers, so proceed with caution.

SUMMARY:

“Where is Joel?” asks Ellie. He’s dead. He’s dead because of her, and they don’t want to tell her. “Joel just got out of surgery,” Maria answers calmly, taking both of Ellie’s hands in hers. Ellie’s eyes snap back open. “Tommy is with him. You’ll be able to see him soon.” Ellie starts to sit again, to stand, to go to him, but Maria squeezes her hands in warning. “First, we need to make sure you’re okay. Next, we need to understand what happened out there, what Tommy and Dina can’t tell us. Then, I’ll take you to Joel.” Or: Joel survives, Ellie is still bent on revenge, and their family just wants to help.

[catherineav]

life has been wild and crazy but I’m about to hit 65k on my (still untitled) Joel Lives fic

okay bye again

[catherineav]

22. An idea you had that didn't make the cut

27. Shout-out to a commenter/reblogger who encourages you

hi love!

22. idea that didn't make the cut - i honestly do not know. i have the memory of a goldfish, so if i started one and then tossed it then it has been eradicated from my brain forever

27. a commenter/reblogger who encourages you - oh boy how much time do you have. i'm very fortunate to have several regular commenters and people who like/reblog my tumblr posts, it's tempting to attempt tagging them all. for now lemme just do @justwantedaccess and @paigegonerogue and @catherineav but boy i could tag SO MANY MORE

the asks

[catherineav]

The difference. Just goes to show who the real father figure is.

[catherineav]

235 FAVORITE SHIPS OF ALL TIME (ranked by my followers) 05. joyce byers and jim hopper - stranger things

[catherineav]

Big thank you to @historian-in-pearls for commissioning this & to @wordspinning for creating it 😭 this is truly stunning & should be in a museum somewhere!

Pic taken from a scene from my fic, enough of dying species

He recognizes her. She doesn’t realize she’s crying till she’s hunched over him, back curved, shoulders rattling. She presses her forehead into the mattress where it dips down to cushion his side, butts the top of her head gently against his ribs. He doesn’t speak but he lifts a hand and drops it onto the back of her head, palms her greasy ponytail. His fingers, wide and flat, feel frail, like the delicate bones of a bird; there’s so little of the man he was left, she thinks. He’s been beaten and shrunken and hollowed out but she'll take it, whatever’s been left, whatever’s here.

Tommy comes in after her and he cries too. He stands beside Joel and brushes his fingers gently against his brother’s cheek, careful of the bruises festering there. Joel’s tired; his head lolls and he blinks slower and slower till he nods back off to sleep, and Tommy wipes at his own face with his hands, sniffles wetly into his palms. Ellie slips around the bed and into that space under his arm that she’s found herself fitting in for all these years now. She threads her arms around his chest and cries into his shoulders and lets him rock her like she’s Rafa, like she’s a kid, like she’s a comfort.

[catherineav]

they should do emmys for gifs

[catherineav]

Love Letter to Stranger Things #7

Show appropriate trigger warnings: child and partner abuse

Dear Stranger Things,

Thank you for Joyce Byers.

I actually have a lot of feelings about Joyce, for personal reasons I won't explicitly share here. I think she is an excellent look at a mother though, especially one that was able to get her kids out alive with the domestic abuse from her spouse.

Ao apologies in advance this is bound to be more of a rambling letter.

We can infer some things about Lonnie, mostly that he uses physical intimidation/force to cause feelings of fear and helplessness (the way he pushes Jonathan into that wall, and Jonathan's reaction says multitudes), that he was emotionally abusive (the way he referred to Will), and manipulative (the whole coming back for the money thing/not actually wanting to spend time with Will).

Aside: I'm not sure if Jonathan checking the trunk is indicative of past abuse, or just Jonathan extrapolating from past abuse joined to the fact that Will was missing. Either way, I really don't want to look too hard at that.

We also know Joyce has some sort of anxiety attacks, based on some of Jonathan's words/actions (you cant shut down now scene) and even some of Lonnie's (how easily he convinces Joyce she is over-reacting) too.

As much as I hate that Joyce let Lonnie back into her home, it isn't uncommon for partners in domestic abuse situations to fall back with their abuser multiple times.

The point I am trying to make is that Joyce is clearly flawed. Joyce is realistic. I really appreciate this as so many times women breaking from partner abuse situations are put on this weird pedestal/victim glorification thing...

I don't think I am describing it correctly. It's like super gratuitous victimization or like "look at how wonderful this person is, how could anyone ever hurt them, look at how they are suffering-look at how they suffer" without really focusing on other aspects of their character or like, the fact that they made it out-they are a survivor. It's such a complex dynamic-surviving abuse that is- especially when children are witness to the dynamic also targeted. It's a road filled with doubt and guilt and fear and confidence/drive and just...

...I still don't think I am conveying my thoughts correctly. I hope some of my meaning is clear, though.

What I'm trying to say is, thank you for making Joyce have flaws and for showcasing some of this back and forth dynamic while still demonstrating how strong and loving Joyce Byers is.

Because she is strong.

Some abusers are attracted to these strong confident people-thrilled that they can exert power and control over this person; bend them to their will. And I think, the abusers also come to hate their targets a bit for it, even though the breaking was also their goal?

Anyway, Joyce is strong. I just really want to emphasize this. We don't know how, we just know Joyce is raising her two boys without Lonnie directly in the picture. This takes strength.

Especially in the 80s.

This is a point I really want to make about Joyce. We know the Byers weren't well off even with Lonnie in the picture- the Byers house is dated (but loving) and Lonnie lives somewhere even less prosperous.

Joyce is raising her 2 kids in the 80s by herself.

Women couldn't even own credit cards in the USA until 1976.

No fault divorce didn't happen until 1969- with the 1970s seeing a surge of divorces.

Based on these bits of information we can infer that Joyce left Lonnie probably as soon as she was able to provide a bit of financially stablity.

Joyce had young kids. She had to weigh the danger ot them about leaving an abusive spouse, especially one that was already physically intimidating (abusive) with them. Joyce had to weight being able to feed and clothe them on her own. Leaving an abusive partner here wasn't just about her- she had kids.

Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous step. Abuse is about control. There is nothing worse (to an abuser) than an abuser losing control over their target, their property. This is when people are most likely to be killed.

...That scene where Jonathan searches Lonnie's trunk for Will...

I have a lot of feelings on Joyce. She chose (?) to have kids with an abusive person. Her oldest child was parentified. She didn't protect her kids, or rather couldn't protect her kids until after the abuse had wormed its way into them.

But she was abused too.

And she still left.

And Joyce spends so much of her screentime "making up" for these "mistakes". I'm actually not saying this is a good thing. Overcorrecting is definitely a thing in situations like this- it doesn't nullify the abuse or even make up to those abused what they have suffered.

But it is realistic.

And that is why I love Joyce. Not because she is fiercely protective of her children. Not because her love for them is so obvious and definite and unconditional. Not because she is a badass. Those she is all of those things. I love her for this most important aspect: she is human.

Joyce is so, so human. She is so, so flawed. And so, so wonderful.

Joyce was created to be more than a victim, more than just a mother making up for years of guilt, more than just a virtuous mother.

Aside: this is why (though season 3 gives me serious issues with Hopper) her relationship with Hopper is so important. Her relationship with Bob was charming and sweet. And Bob was important too as he reminded her of her fire and passion- that it was okay and even venerable to be fierce. But Bob and her never came across as exceptionally passionate despite how loving they clearly were. Women, and mothers, are so often put into that Madonna/Mary complex that putting her with Hopper and still have her be Jonathan and Will and even El's mother (before she was even offically her caretaker) is such a great acknowledgement that mothers are just people too. People with love and passion and flaws.

So yeah, Stranger Things, thank you for creating Joyce as a fully rendered human being.

A human that is trying her best to navigate this scary, fluctuating world while keeping her loved ones safe.

Something we all strive towards.

Love,

Bugssavetheworld

[catherineav]

drunk up thinking about el hopper and joyce byers and joyce learning how to dutch braid by balancing a printed guide in one hand and el’s hair in the other, a comb held in her mouth. el on a stool and her wide eyes rolled up, straining to see what’s going on as she fidgets with a scrunchie. joyce’s words muffled through thick plastic between her teeth, trying to gesticulate but reined in by her occupied hands. the phone ringing and joyce shouting incoherent “mmnmhn!”s to jonathan, who stands across the room in the kitchen—taking a picture for the first time in a while.

[catherineav]

i don’t think it’s talked about enough how awful joel’s death was for tommy too.

…like that was his big brother who basically raised him alongside sarah. tommy is like 4 or 5 years younger than joel so i can only imagine how much he just adored his big brother as a kid.

tommy, when he was younger, would do things like this…

little tommy fr sent a letter back home to joel when he was away at camp just because he missed him. he looked up to joel so much as a brother, a mentor and a best friend.

even after they came back together at jackson, they goofed around as brothers…

after joel’s death, and by the end of the game, tommy literally lost an eye after getting shot in the head, could barely walk right and split with maria.

not to mention, he probably carries a ton of guilt about joel’s death like ellie does. he was literally with joel when they were attacked. i’m sure he feels like he should have been able to do more and save him.

i know a lot of people get mad at tommy when he goes to ellie and dina’s ranch to talk about abby. admittedly, he does push ellie, guilt tripping her a bit. realistically, he shouldn’t have pushed ellie like that… but he’s grieving just as much as ellie, if not more so, since that was literally his brother of 50 years. he’s bound to do rash things like that.

joel was absolutely tommy’s best friend, and even if they had that separation for those 20 some years, joel was always his big brother, no matter what. they never stopped loving each other.

i have a sister and i couldn’t imagine losing her like tommy lost joel.

[catherineav]

@mote-of-star-dust gave me an early secret santa gift, this absolutely incredible comic of the sweet little Scrabble scene from my fic A Heart, A Hand to Hold Onto. All of the little details are so perfect 🥹 So grateful for the lovely friends this little community has brought into my life!! 💗

[catherineav]

https://x.com/keiidakamya/status/1841299989185679520

[catherineav]

They're so damn cute!!