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hi yall! a while back yall had some posts talking abt being a system & a teacher and how yall balance that with syskids & such. i wasnt able to scroll back and find the posts im thinking of, but someone in a similar situation was asking for advice in relations to syskids on discord. do you have a tag for this topic, can you link relevant posts, or maybe just give some advice here? thank yall so much 🫶���

(Check the reblogs in about an hour— I’ll reblog to my main system account that I use instead of this one!!!)

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https://www.tumblr.com/emeraldazurgirl/763242178421112832/guys-people-from-system-cringe-arent-villains

????

You do know I don't really use this blog, right? It's gonna be archived soon.

Anyways fuck systems cringe, no the people on it aren't villains and do deserve basic human respect, but they are also terribly misguided and incredibly hurtful, and I cannot wait for the day that the subreddit goes up in flames

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wait what piccrew is that in your pinned i can never draw Us and that looks like itd help greatly LOL

Hey there! The picrew is the extraA picrew! It's a great one.

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weekly anon - hey thank you for the uno reverse! I'll answer if you don't mind. and don't worry, that was from 2-3 weeks ago, not that long ago!

so. I've been sleeping poorly this past few days; I generally sleep poorly in the summer heat, and late July-early August is awful for me (traumaversary😎)

it's a period of shit flashbacks and nearly constant dissociation. and a period of having to take care of myself harder than I could ever do. so I drink plenty of water, eat food that I enjoy, indulge in my sweet tooth a little extra when I feel like trash. rant on tumblr and listen to my favourite music, and draw and write and prepare character builds for D&D for upcoming campaigns. and I'm hoping to start therapy soon so we'll see how that goes...

currently typing from work because it's a rather relaxed job, some days where I'm buried in tasks aside but that's just... a job, I guess

much love💖

God, the heat has been absolutely miserable for sleep. We and my partner sleep with a fan on us -- which, funny enough, has apparently been contributing to the constant illness I've been experiencing. Uuuugh. I hope sleep has been coming more easily for you.

I'm excited to hear you're starting therapy soon! I hope that it's good for you. <3 And hey, little sweet treats sounds amazing. I love Mocha Cookie Crumbles from starbucks when I'm feeling particularly down. Though today I'm severely craving ramen... ugh. I wish the ramen place I liked wasn't 30 minutes away (sob).

Love you! Have a great day.

[circular-bircular]

reader

First Sans, now Reader? 👀 Wondering if someone’s out there enjoying my fic.

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sans

W….. what about him?

[circular-bircular]

Hi, we are a traumgenic system and we want to get into the field of special ed. However, we find it scary to get a real job as a system. We want to ask how you guys are doing with being a 6th grade teacher (thank you for being a teacher!) And if you have any tips for us. Thanks

Hey there! A new ask today, since I haven’t closed my ask box here :P

Happy to give insight into teaching as a system. It’s genuinely one of my favorite topics. Firstly, bless your soul for going into special ed; that’s something I don’t think I’d be able to do, for a lot of reasons. Take this all with a grain of salt, as I’m not special ed, but from my experience:

SpED has a lot of paperwork. Like. A lot. I can’t stand needless forms and red tape, so that would drive me way more up the wall than the shit I already have to do as a teacher. There’s also a lot of repetition; hot sheets that spell out packets of info from info you got separately and had to skim down twice. Ough.

SpED hits conflicting needs issues for me, primarily with my autism. I can’t handle one-on-one with autistic students without draining myself severely. Now imagine a caseload of 30 students. �� I salute any and all SpED teachers.

SpED is booked. I get 2 planning periods every day, one of which usually has a meeting. My SpED teachers usually are permitted two… but rarely do they actually have those periods, because when they have no direct classes, they’re asked by other teachers to help provide accommodations. That’s so we can legally meet IEP/504 requirements. I already do so much work at home due to a lack of time at school. I can’t imagine how much the SpED teachers do.

None of that is meant to scare you away; it’s just some things I’ve noticed as a 6th grade ELA teacher with frequent co-taught classes. It’s why I’ve leaned further away from SpED since starting my teaching career — but I’m only me, and certainly not you. If you have a passion for it, there is absolutely no harm in diving in and trying.

For me, teaching has been going remarkably well, and my system really doesn’t impact that much. The most impact it has is that I struggle more with my memory. So… if you do too, ask for help! Reminders, calendar invites, etc.

Here’s some of the tips that came to my mind:

Get to know the kids. They are bundles of joy, and I mean that genuinely. They have so much to share and it’s always so good. Plus, if you don’t have a relationship with them, then straight up, they have no reason to listen to you.

Get to class on time. For fucks sakes, that’s what my co-teacher cannot seem to be able to do. Every SpED teacher I know says it’s because they take their planning time in hallway transitions, catching a quick chat — and honestly, that’s fine. The issue arises when it’s 20 minutes into my 47 minute class and I still have no co-teacher. If you have to miss class-time, call the teacher you’re with and let them know there’s going to be a delay — BEFORE the class starts, whenever possible. Just… in general-

Clear communication. Just. Clear communication, with staff and students, is vital.

I’m not really sure what else, SpED specifically. I just… really hope it all goes well for you!! Teaching really is not that scary, even if it is hard. You’ve got this! Let me know if you have anymore questions, I am thrilled to answer.

(And thanks for the compliment :) )

[circular-bircular]

🔔weekly check in!🔔

(excuse the day late!)

how have you been this past week? ate well, drank enough water? how was your sleep? how was work?

take care of yourself💛

o[pkjihugyvftcvguyijo I'm so sorry hon, this ask got BURIED. I have no idea when this ask was sent -- or, rather, what I was doing when this ask was sent -- but I assure you, I love your weekly check ins so much.

So, rather than answering these questions for then:

How was YOUR week? Did you do well? Did you drink water and sleep and eat your fill? Do you have a job, anon, and if so, how did it go?

<3 Make sure to check in with yourself too!

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I wanted to bring up how difficult the whole pro/anti endo situation has been since finding the did/system community even as a traumagenic system…I feel it’s done so much more harm than it seems good in the months I’ve been in the space…I came in knowing a bit about it and knew it was going to be there but it’s disheartening that even just looking for help/advice/answers for symptoms or experiences can bring such a negative and limiting view with it I guess I was also shocked at such a strict belief/sides when our system doesn’t even fully agree on how we feel about it and it’s just sad cause I feel like it’s limiting everyone on finding what’s needed for them

I understand why origin topics come up and that a traumagenic system is going to need some different types of help/info compared to endos but I do believe that as far as helping or just supporting eachother as systems/plurals is possible…of course bad actors will always be in the mix but I just hope that somehow it’ll be easier to find help/advice/answers on symptoms and experiences without being thrown into the endo vs traumagenic thing

Sorry this is kind of not explained as well as I’d like but it’s just been on my mind

Fully agreed. These spaces have been hellish for all types of systems, and I am so, so sorry that I participated in them for so long. Mostly for myself -- I deserved better than this shit.

I think everyone really needs to work on their kindness. Everyone needs to work on being nicer to everyone else, and actually providing the insight people are looking for. But... we're a bunch of traumatized people together in one space, making stupid choices together.

I guess what I"m saying is, have grace with each other. Have some compassion. Which is funny, because both of those concepts are trauma concepts for me. I wonder how related they are?

In any case -- I'm hoping my new blog will be a bit better for that sort of thing. I want to share my experiences so others can see them. That's all I ever wanted to do, and now, I might just get the chance to do it. <3 Let that be a reminder to everyone that they can get out of this hell anytime. Just... do it. Do it scared, let it go, it doesn't have to be cold turkey, but just move on.

[circular-bircular]

I've been m.i.a in the system community here for a while now but coming back and seeing you're still alive and kicking was really nice to see :] always love having u on my dash

Hey! Glad to hear it. Your ask did give me a pretty big smile when I first saw it.

Just so you know, this blog IS going to be going the way of the dodo. Extinctamundo.

(My parts are begging me to never say that again. Losers! :P)

Anyways -- if you want the archive of my posts, that'll be over at @thecirculararchive. Everything from all my soon-to-be-deleted blogs will be there. If you want my newer content, that'll be at @thecircularsystem :)

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have no idea if anyone has asked this since i’m a new follower.

how do you deal with your plurality as a teacher and do the students know about it?

as someone who’s also has DID but working on getting a job i’m just curious as i’m quite a bit worried if i’ll mess up due to my plurality

Hey there, May 15. Welcome to, "I'm clearing up my asks that sat there because I was so fucking busy as a teacher that I never got the chance to answer."

First and foremost, I want you to know that your ask filled me with delight. I absolutely LOVE asks about teaching. I can't wait to get more of them, honestly, because I absolutely adore rambling about it.

Second, yeah, I've talked about it a few times on here, but I am happy to talk about it again.

My plurality really doesn't affect me in my job. No, the students don't know about it -- that would make me uncomfortable, personally (and before this blog dies, I might even finally publish that comic I'd been working on that might discuss some of why). One of my coworkers explicitly knew, but they actually quit this year. Welcome to the world of teaching!

Everyone else, though, knows that I have a pretty tough trauma based disorder that I have to deal with. That's actually fairly common; it's hard not to find a teacher around me that's going to therapy. And with the excuse of "Fuck, I'm sorry, I have a disorder that [fill in the blank with relevant explanation]," I can get the accommodations I need.

Primarily, I've needed help with amnesia and struggling to keep track of it all. So, I led into the job with, "Hey, could you send a reminder email about that? I'm prone to forgetting things and that would be a huge help." I also did that with my phone calendar in hand, making a note of when and where the meeting was. I took all the safeguards I could to make sure I had a memory, so when I inevitably didn't have a memory, I had others to fall back on if I did forget. And if they forgot too, they apologized to me, because they knew my memory was shit, and I could explain a little of why -- "traumatic chlidhood made my brain go ouchie."

Okay, I didn't say exactly that, but you get the picture.

I really hope your job search goes well. And, hey, maybe I'll open up more this year to more people. I plan to start using whatever pronouns I'm using at the time with my students, so changing them day by day. That'll make me a lot more comfortable, at least.

Good luck out there!

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sorry i just had an epiphany i think everuone already knows this but like. for AGES i have had issues with syscourse. ive always wondered why anti or pro endos wouldn't listen to the other side even when they're agreeing on something and ive always wondered why people think pro endos are grooming the other side and why people think anti endos are fascistic but its literally all just ignorance and closed-mindedness. and resistance.

i think there's this deep fear of looking at the other side and agreeing with them and this deep fear of being wrong and this deep fear of things you don't understand.

i think peopke genuinely have trouble putting themselves in eachother's shoes. especially since they're so scared of the other side being right. so they don't listen. an anti endo could be the most pri endo antuk endo in existence (if that makes sense) but because they use an arbitrary label that doesn't even have nuance people wont listen. and vice versa! and because people don't listen, because people dread the thought of even interacting positively with the other side, they get a lot of things wrong and have a very closed-minded view.

that's also why both sides are stereotyped as harassers. you can SEE harassment. but if you don't go out of your way to engage with people who are reasonable and nice, of COURSE you're only gonna see the people who go out of their way to break their DNI. because you don't even look into the rest of the people! you just take things at face value!

(general you is used here, this isn't at the blogger) pro endos and anti endos can have good posts! but you're so scared of the other side, you have this very detrimental us vs them mentality, you can't see why someone would feel the way they do, you have trouble understanding, so you dig in your heels and REFUSE to understand instead of TRYING.

so many problems, so many syscourse posts could have been avoided if people just LISTENED to the other side.

and now that ive had this epiphany, half of syscourse now seems silly and useless to ne.

I kind of want to tackle this from my own shoes (however ironic that may be).

When I was using syscourse labels like anti endo and pro endo, it was more than fear of realizing I was wrong about my beliefs. It was fear of isolation and harassment for interacting with the other side. I have been completely ostracized and traumatized in the past for interacting with the “wrong” person.

What broke me out of that was finally being so, so broken down by not understanding my own disorder that I finally reached out to @justanothersyscourse in an attempt to understand dysfunction VS disordered and what the fuck those words meant in context. I do not say this with any joking or levity, JAS unironically saved my life that day. Would I be alive today without that conversation? Probably, yes. But I wouldn’t be where I’m at in recovery. I’d be a very different Circ.

I was scared to reach out, even privately, because I figured JAS would make a post about it. He was supposed to be an Evil Anti Endo, after all, and clearly he would harass me. (I also have a lot of issues with tumblr messenger due to prior issues with users via DMs, so I was scared of harassment directly from him). And the thing was, I wasn’t really scared of JAS or his followers hunting me down if he made a post.

I was scared of what the pro-endos around me would do to me for “speaking with the enemy.”

Knowing what I know now, I’m shocked and alarmed at how many people are feeling this same way, but it’s not surprising. After all, current theories show that one of the core things that leads to the development of DID is disorganized attachment. Most CDD systems have no stable support structure. So… enter syscourse: a place where individuals are labeling themselves for you.

SAFE vs UNSAFE.

Anyone who isn’t the same label as you is labeled unsafe, because you can’t predict them; they’re not the stable, safe belief you know. And if you start interacting with UNSAFE, then suddenly, you are also deemed UNSAFE — meaning you lose the attachments you had.

It’s absolutely terrifying, and we’ve witnessed it time and time again in syscourse. I lost those pro-endos I used to have by becoming a “filthy high and mighty sysmed centrist.” I lost anti-endos by “traumatizing traumagenic systems and calling them endos.” I lost so many people, immediately isolated for my apparent crimes of Talking About The Other Point. 

The tag is filled with triggered, dissociative people, all screaming about various transgressions. Someone broke a DNI — unsafe. Someone fakeclaimed someone — unsafe.

And those laws and rules kept us alive! They were what was needed for so long. And maybe, just maybe, these people still need those rules to survive. Maybe it’s not yet safe enough for them to attempt the unsafe.

Today while working on the house, I finally burst out and shouted, “I need to be a bitch about this, and even if you yell at me, it’s the only way I can communicate: I need to do something alone!” I set a boundary and nothing more, but it took every last ounce of energy I had to set it, because I was going against every single brain pathway I had that dictates that setting boundaries is unsafe.

That’s what I see in syscourse, now.

I think it’s more than just, “they’re scared the other side is right.” I think it’s just… they’re scared. So many people are scared. And they can’t get out of it.

So they don’t ever try.

[circular-bircular]

hello there! hope you're okay with takes in your inbox. just putting my two cents into something, and if you have some insight, yours is always valuable <3

something that we noticed in syscourse is the absolute disregard for different structures of systems, even if those systems have the same opinions on syscourse, so it's not all ascribable to "(pro-)endo on (pro-)endo violence" or "anti endo on anti endo violence" (<- not literal violence it's that meme we like).

the first example that comes to our mind is: assuming created alters/parts are something that only endo plurals can have, and if you have created parts, you're endogenic. that's just, blatantly false?? DID, OSDD, P-DID and other traumagenic systems create their parts all the freaking time, be it because they need a specific part to carry out a task that no alter currently can do, or to facilitate a split that's being particularly distressing, so they manually finish something that was automatically started. it's not rare, it's not uncommon, it's not a prerogative of endo plurals, and it's not something to be fakeclaimed about.

another is being introject heavy, any kind of introject, but I'll be talking about fictives especially since that's what we're heavy on. this too is not an endo prerogative. Complex DID systems tend to introject a lot and in clusters/groups as part of their polyfragmentation! hearing people saying that you can't be traumagenic if you have [insert amount of introjects, or a particular XYZ introject, or a particular ABC source that the introjects "come from"] is just silly at this point and I try to not let it go to our silly little C-DID head.

it just sucks to be treated like a carpet to be stepped on because of our structure 🧍🏼

(sorry it came off more vent y than intended)

(May 12, thanks for your patience!)

I agree. Some of this comes down to norms, system culture, or straight up bigotry...

But I choose to believe the best in others, and tend to assume it's simply a lack of knowledge. And I will be honest -- this isn't always the case... but it's also never led to a somehow worse experience.

For instance: Let's say I see a system saying online that introject-heavy systems are an "endo thing." I could go out of my way to assume they are a bigoted asshole, and respond in kind (typically by just blocking, but potentially by reblogging with a frustrated tone). Or I could respond with kindness, patience, and genuine concern for their understanding.

If I follow the first path — and I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t — then I will inevitably get people pissed off. It has been very few and far between that I’ve gotten a response that wasn’t assholery, and in those times, it’s because (from my perspective at least) I’ve triggered the other individual into a fawning response instead. Not fun.

But if I take the second path, I have the option of convincing them. Does it always work? Obviously not. It’s working less and less nowadays, even.

But it does work.

Hate does not work as a platform or a learning tool. It doesn’t work as a way to convince others of your cause. It’s great at making blind sheep who follow you, sure, but… I’m gonna aim for actual acceptance and understanding over fear.

We deserve so much better than that, though. We shouldn’t have to try to fight to be accepted. Nobody should have to fight that way.

Idk. Musings I guess.

[circular-bircular]

🔔it's that time of the week! weekly check in!🔔

how have you been doing? how's the house situation going? are you still on vacation?

have a good day! stay hydrated and eat good food <3

Hey there!!! I'm doing pretty good. Head hurts at the moment, and I just woke up, but here I am. House situation is... going, slowly but surely. Electrical was supposed to start on July 17... Turns out they're starting August 12.

Whatever, though. It means I'll be moving in during the school year, unfortunately. But I'm also just... thrilled to have a house.

Still on vacation, but it really does not feel like it. This weekend we'll be going camping, which will be nice, but VERY hot, and I haven't really been able to look forward to it at all. I've been really exhausted. Not to mention, I've had a chronic case on Pink Eye that has been making my life a living hell. Looks like I might have finally gotten my partner sick with it too.

All in all, life's a bit hellish and exhausting atm... But at least it's still moving!

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just a funny thing that I'm about 90% sure I've already said to you but, whenever i see you on any of your blogs reblogging/replying to my stuff where I was anon I'm like. teehee they don't know this Amazing Insight™️ was from me. and then I forget it for 2 years (I just came across a post from October on circ reasoning)

- seaside

<3 awwww fuck seaside you're so sweet?

i genuinely do love your asks, all of them, and i wish i could respond to them all faster. you have a good night, y'hear?

[circular-bircular]

this is gonna be a vent really so. sorry about it. I have nothing else to say except The Absolute State Of Syscourse tm

so. I made a post yesterday where I tried to directly talk to anti endos about the shit going down the last few days, namely... whatever the fuck has been going on with AEV. their behaviour confuses the fuck out of me but not the point.

I made that post, and tagged it both "anti endo" and "pro endo", not maliciously, but because I wanted everyone interested to see it! that was assholery at its finest and I don't want ANYONE to do it again!

something like, 3 minutes after I posted it, an anti endo came kicking and screaming at me that I was cross tagging ("can you not fucking cross tag?") and "delete it cause we don't want to see this shit"

I went and deleted the anti endo tag since they asked me to, and told them to have a nice day, because I think everyone deserves a nice day even if they're rude to me. it's not personal.

but...

my good fellow, I'm talking to you. this is not cross tagging. or if it is, PRO ENDOS should be the ones mad at cross tagging, since that wasn't about them but merely I wanted them to also be my audience. just because you don't like to hear what you've done, it doesn't make it "shit"

this is what I'm referring to when I talk about echo chambers btw. no one wants to hear that they're doing something wrong, but sometimes you have to. sometimes you have to acknowledge that you've hurt people, and you've hurt people you're claiming you're protecting. and it fucking sucks.

and I'm fucking tired that's what I am.

(Ask is from May, good lord....)

I’m sorry that these people automatically assume that anyone who criticizes them is on the “bad side” somehow. I'm sorry that people do this sort of shit constantly, and that's a major reason I exited syscourse spaces (or, well, at least, will not be participating 24/7 like I have been for so many goddamn years).

I think, at the end of the day, I don't care anymore about people's feelings on here -- not in a bad way, but in a "My brother in Christ, this is my blog" way.

I am a 26 year old blogger with opinions. I will post my opinions online. If that upsets you, get upset, whatever, I don't care. If I tag it in what I feel is a correct way -- which I feel your original tags were correct -- and you're upset, I do not care and I am under no obligation to change. I will simply give you instructions on how to block me, or, even better, will simply block you myself.

And this, to me, is an echo chamber. But I'm realizing something important about the words echo chamber: echo chamber has become something completely different.

An echo chamber is when people close themselves off so much that they only hear beliefs that agree with their own. So.... how on earth is blocking the assholes an echo chamber? If you had to argue it is, then you're arguing that my echo chamber is only people who agree to be nice to people. That's.... fine.

If anti-endos block people who are assholes, that's also fine.

But how are we defining assholes? How are we defining--

Bluh. You see how this keeps getting twisted up and circling around? There's so much there, so many things that need defined, so many things that are hard to determine...

I just can't bring myself to care anymore. If a 20 year old anti-endo is shouting to the high heavens about their (from my perspective, incorrect) opinions, whatever. I don't care anymore. That's not my circus or my monkey.

If I see an asshole online shouting and doxxing people or revealing private things about them, then I'm likely going to make a post about it to remind people that it's not okay to do. I may even let them know directly that it's not cool. But I'm not getting twisted up inside anymore. I am so fucking tired of that shit.

I hope you can block, anon, or that you already did.

[circular-bircular]

(Yikes, this is such an old draft. I just never really had the words for this post. I don't even know if this'll post properly, as the user I was reblogging from is deactivated.)

This is so relatable holy shit. I often do feel “observed” by the singlets I’ve opened up to. Not necessarily in a bad way — I get it, it’s a new thing they’ve never encountered in this way, and they wanna learn more. They also ask me permission before asking questions, which is great!

But it is still absolutely othering.

I feel like a lot of the Plural community is really willing to share everything. For me, I’m also incredibly sharing and generous with info about my disorder — but each conversation loops back around to “trauma.” It gets awkward. It’s part of why I don’t talk about it much at work.

I wish that "plural acceptance" wasn't... this. Wasn't what we have. I'm just so stuck. I want to be recognized as myself, but I don't want to be; I want to go by my own name and pronouns, but I also just want to be seen as Circ. And I feel like plural acceptance just... doesn't allow for that existence.

With the rise of plural acceptance — that is, systemhood being suddenly in the mainstream online in a lot of ways — there’s worries and joys on my mind.

On one hand, I’m feeling incredibly happy to be more and more myself. I can tell people I’m fucked up, and they can acknowledge that and accommodate for it. That’s almost the expectation in some spaces now.

On the other, there’s so many different types of plurality, and it feels sometimes like the message is to “just accept them all” — rather than spreading education on the various types. Furthermore, it’s terrifying to be confronted with people clocking me as a system when I don’t want to be. There’s this need to explain myself and why I don’t act like the plurals they know — meaning I have to explain I’m fucked up, which can be incredibly uncomfortable when it’s not my choice.

Curious other folks thoughts on this phenomenon.