#complex dissociative disorder

[pigeon-system-boys]

When stressful situation ends and alters are leaving crowded front like this

[cdd-system-terms]

Internalizer

[pt: internalizer. end pt]

requested by no one

An internalizer is a headmate who holds negative internalized feelings. These feelings are often internalized ableism, homophobia, transphobia, but they are not limited to just that. These headmates will often be pessimistic because of this role.

This internalized feelings are the result of abuse and/or conditioning done to hate these specific groups of people.

This role doesn't excuse shitty behavior or any intentional hate towards this groups.

recoined from pluralpedia

[caintooth]

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!

[rustybutterknife]

Microdosing polyamory by dating a system

[lefluoritesys]

[electricbloodflow]

DID is simultaneously the most subtle, ambiguous disorder while also being the most intense, all-encompassing, extremely-personal-because-it-affects-fundamental-perceptions-like-memory-and-identity-at-all-hours-of-the-day disorder of all time.

[rhythmdiscs]

Shoutout to all those systems that were "perfect" and "easy" in childhood, but were actually deeply traumatized and isolated.

Shoutout to those same systems that started showing signs of early trauma later on, and were then considered burdens and told that their trauma just "suddenly appeared"

[diditself]

"real people with DID wish fakers would stop faking"

girl there are people in my head who don't like me and my memory resets every 2½ hours. I promise you I have better things to fucking worry about.

[akabirdie]

Gender & Multiplicity: A Primer On The Intersection of Transness & DID REDAC FourOFour Spring 2023

It’s finished. And yet I have SO much left to say. I almost feel like starting an activist group for this niche community. If you know how to do that and are interested in helping, message me. You don’t need to be a system yourself.

I’d appreciate if this spread. I’ll take the nightmare notifications if it means that people outside of the dissociative community might understand and care.

As mentioned, my experience is not universal. This is a comic about the experiences we have, and some that we know others have. For example, some people that saw the preview noted that they DO identify as genderfluid collectively. I love to hear about your experiences; reading the notes on that post was delightful. All systems are different! We all deserve a world we can live as ourselves without risk.

See Alannah’s pinned post on @married-to-the-night​ for information about the term utrinque.

[positivitycombopack]

Shout out to systems whose abusers tried their best, but failed.

It can be so, so hard to have the good with the bad. You’ll remember the good times — the things they did right, the stuff you remember fondly — and think “it couldn’t have been that bad, if I still have these good memories.”

It can be. Two things can be true at the same time. Your abusers could have loved you so, so much, and done so much right — and still fucked up.

Shout out to all those with a complicated relationship with their abusers. Shout out to those whose abusers did their best to love you, but never could the way you needed. Shout out to those who weren’t purposefully abused, but still suffered.

Your suffering is seen here, and it is just as valid as anyone else’s.

[quasar-sys]

i forgot i can draw

[thegothvampire]

Experiences I have related to DID that I forget are literally because I have DID

- Feeling like my identity / sense of self is fluid & ever changing

- Being absolute ass at a specific thing and then being good at it later

- Thoughts / inside voices being fuzzy , distant , like a distant conversation

- Having fluctuating feelings toward friends/families/my partner

- Getting suddenly dizzy and finding it hard to move

- Realizing I’m not wearing what I originally put on

- Feeling zero emotions or feeling every possible emotion amplified 100x

- A lot more that I can’t remember right now, also because of DID

Me after realizing everything I do and feel is related to having this dissociative disorder 😦😦😦😦😦

[councilsys]

system ask game for traumagenic systems <3

I: basics

❤️ - what type of CDD do you have?

🧡 - are you medically recognised/diagnosed? if not, do you plan to? (no judgement either way!)

💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it?

💚 - do you have a high or low split tolerance?

💙 - do you switch frequently or do you go longer periods between switching?

💜 - does your system have introjects of any kind?

🩷 - do you have any subsystems?

II: alters

🎥 - who are your frequent fronters?

📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them?

🎞️ - do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? or both/neither? do you find them useful?

📽️ - are the alters in your system more distinct or less distinct from each other?

📺 - do you make/buy gifts to other alters in the systems?

🎙️ - does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?

📻 - does your system have any type of in system relationships? (familial, romantic, platonic etc.)

III: switching

☀️ - how much amnesia do you experience?

🌙 - do you experience black out amnesia?

⚡️ - what does switching feel like for you? does it vary between alters?

☄️ - do you experience quick switches or does it take longer to switch usually?

🌈 - do you get frontstuck often? what do you do to try to get ‘un-stuck’?

☁️ - do you ever not notice you’ve switched, and suddenly realise that ‘you haven’t been you’ for a while?

💦 - can you switch ‘on command’ or is that something that is hard for your system? does it depend on the alter?

IV: headspace

🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one?

🌿 - how easily accessed is your headspace?

☘️ - is there a place in your headspace where dormant alters go?

🌳 - do alters have their own rooms/areas in your headspace?

🌵 - is your headspace big, or smaller? is it complex/less complex?

🍃 - do you have specific alters that cannot access headspace at all?

🪴 - did you have to build your headspace over time, or was it just there?

V: general

🍭 - how did you pick your system name?

🍪 - do you have a collective name/identity/orientation? if yes, how did your system make those decisions?

🍬 - what’s the funniest thing another alter has said to you? (internally or externally communicated)

🍫 - how does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

🧁 - is there anyone specific in your system you don’t get along with?

🍰 - are you ‘out’ as a system to anyone? (online friends/partners etc. count!)

🍦 - how good is your communication with the rest of the system? does it vary much between different alters?

🍡 - are different alters part of different subcultures? which ones? (we are!)

remember that this is just for fun, and if anything feels invasive you do not have to answer the question! feel free to replace any question with a fun fact about your system or anything if you don’t feel like answering something! take care🫶🏻

[life-of-liminality]

Every day is tuned out Tuesday when you have a complex dissociative disorder.

Honourable mentions:

- Muted Mondays

- 'Who am I?' Wednesdays

- Trauma blur Thursdays

- Forgetful Fridays

- 'Sure... I remember that...' Saturdays

- Spaced out Sundays

[b1gr4tm4n]

pretty much

– Elliot