clowngus

[clowngus]

on the verge of crashing out

i don't mean to yap sm, and ik not a lot of people are gonna see this and i could care less abt it rn, but this is just something i NEED to get off my chest now than later

i should've graduated back in 2023 (not) with my friends (bc i ended up transferring to a credit recovery hs late into my junior year) like i was initially supposed to, but thanks to my fuckass teacher failing to even acknowledge my online work for that entire school year, let alone the overall lack of communication with both them, the principal, AND the academic counselor, i've been stuck in fucking 12th grade as a super senior ever since

like wtf do you even mean you "can't" add additional credits that i need to make up, and then ACTIVELY PROCEED TO DO SO WITH THE CREDITS THAT I'VE ALREADY COMPLETED?????? genuinely every single FUCKING time without fail, just when i thought i'd finally be able to leave for good this year after hearing that i was getting my grad photo taken (which it wasn't, fucking bs), YET AGAIN THEY PROCEED TO GIVE ME EVEN MORE CREDITS THAT I NEED TO "MAKE UP" TO GRADUATE ENTIRELY

im just far beyond stressed to the point where my schizophrenia has resurfaced for the FIRST TIME IN LITERAL YEARS. at this point, i really don't even know what to do or say anymore, and im deadass afraid that im going to end up doing something stupid enough (likely to myself) that'll send me back to the mental hospital, if worse, jail (bc legal adult moment)

no matter how bad my mental health gets, the only thing i can actually really be thankful for, despite this hell im still enduring, is just the overall fact that i STILL want to stay alive for those closest to me in life

if you took the time to actually read all my nonsense rambling, i thank you first and foremost. but in general, take care of yourself, stay safe, n i'll post here again sometime later this month (either between my nature photos or a fursuit wip upd8, idrk)

until next time, ciao~

[clowngus]

a p successful day of shaving and trimming foam if I do say so myself :o]

(even if it means spending 18 hours doing so 💀)

personal note: my key focus was trial and error with shaping out the top of the muzzle (and jawline kinda), mainly so that way i have a basic general idea of how to map out the bottom jaw :/

in the end, this whole project is purely agonizing for my hands (bc carpal tunnel!! 🫠)

[clowngus]

visualize yourself 🤡👹

aside from the fact that the song itself is such a massive bop to listen too (imo), i couldn't tell you what was going on in my mind while i painted this, but i also can't really explain the process of it either without me sounding truely i'll :p

note: the song im referring to comes from rift of the necrodancer :>

note x2: what i can say tho, mental health issues, REGARDLESS of what form it's in or how severe it is, is no fucking joke. as someone who's been constanly fighting depression and additional mental issues for the last 8 years, especially in this current era that we live in, just know that YOU are not alone and that there ARE people/family/friends that are willing to help and support you through these tough times. the first step to reaching out isn't easy, i know, but it's a genuine push in the right direction to changing things for the better. stay safe and much love to most of ya'll ❤️

[clowngus]

boredom consumes me always, so heres a piece of pocket fabric i had lying around that i decided to paint on for fun :3

(i'll sew it onto something eventually)

[clowngus]

redwoods are so fucking pretty, so here's a picture that i took a couple days ago :>

[clowngus]

a somewhat recent sketch from like 4 months ago :p

[clowngus]

it's my birf today

[clowngus]

art study with my pets 💕

note: the hardest part is always when it's time to let go of them 😞

bonus ref images jumpscare

[clowngus]

my hand hurts from engraving these cracks into my mask for the past 3 days now (and I still have much more to engrave on the other side 🙃)

here's to hoping that I can get this finished before next saturday 🫠

[clowngus]

late night sketch

[clowngus]

sometimes i yearn for the release of death

[clowngus]

i don't draw myself much, but i feel like i should start doing that more often 🫠

i will forever always hate drawing hands though 💀

[clowngus]

some clownsona drawings i did for a bio project (i was given a week to do this so my ass was changing colored pencil brands between class and home 🫠)

lowkey, i also forgot about the red collar for his jacket so im just going to pretend that he switched to a pure purple jacket

side note: yes, this was about mitosis

[clowngus]

no way, my favorite number :o)

[clowngus]

she can be a bit of a chatterbox sometimes

a little sketch of kofi and mogi that i did last week :>

[clowngus]

my mans looks traumatized rn

[clowngus]

i got a lil silly last night 😛