comfortfrogblog

[comfortfrogblog]

recently i have been very content, but today i feel very sad. because at the forefront of my mind is the fact that i spent the majority of my developmental years depressed and dysfunctional instead of learning how to be a person. and learning how to be a person after the time that was specifically allotted to you by your human brain and also society is really difficult because it’s like. reshaping all of your internal processes and reforming neural pathways. and i hate it, i hate every day waking up in my unwashed sheets and going to sleep laying my face on my unwashed pillowcase, i hate walking into my bathroom and seeing the dirty messy counter, i hate my dirty messy room, i hate that i did my laundry months ago after not doing it for months but i never folded two of the loads so they have sat there in a wadded mess, i hate that i don’t do the hobbies i have been wanting to do for years, i hate that books lie unread and my embroidery untouched and my crochet unlearned. and i hate that i feel this way every day but i don’t have the tenacity or perseverance to do all the things to fix it. i hate that i procrastinate and i hate that even though i see these messes, i don’t clean them up, i don’t make my room nice to live in, i hate that i can’t take care of myself. i hate that i want to learn to cook for myself but i don’t do it. i hate that living and working or doing school means i never have the energy to be a person. i hate that even when im not working or doing school, i still don’t have the energy to be a person, because it’s like i’ve never been one before, doing everything all at once. because being a person is so much and means doing so many things. i hate that even when i am happy and i am doing well, i don’t know how to be a person, and i hate that it feels so hard to learn.

[comfortfrogblog]

Have compassion for yourself!!! I cannot say that enough. You are human. You are imperfect. You’ve been wrong in speech and action. You’ve made mistakes and you will make more! But you are still worthy of empathy, understanding, and love. You deserve this and I understand self compassion can be hard, but it is a practice to work at. We deserve that within ourselves. 

[comfortfrogblog]

things to do when your day's been bad

lie down on the floor beside your bed

take a shower, use the good soap

listen to a song you liked ages ago

write your thoughts out in all caps

draw a head and then 'decorate' that head however you're feeling (I drew a man with a hole for a face. It worked)

listen to a song and try to focus on one (1) instrument at a time, baseline, drums, guitar, another guitar, repeating sound effect

wash your face

take a nap or go to bed early

call someone. tell them about your horrible day or let them talk about theirs or both

go through your camera roll (specifically the screenshots folder)

go through your saved instagram posts / tumblr likes

watch That One Really Great Live Performance of That Artist You Love, then read the comments of everyone having great taste like you do

cry a little about it

remember that this day will end and another will begin. it'll be all new, never experienced before, no bad things will have happened, and you'll be okay.

[comfortfrogblog]

a word of advice: open your windows. wash your sheets. exfoliate your legs. read a paperback. make your bed. moisturize every inch of your body. go to sleep with soft skin and sheets that smell like the wind and a mind full of words worth dreaming about

[comfortfrogblog]

love really is like a sickness but it is one i willingly subject myself to daily

[comfortfrogblog]

i got tagged by a mutual for a thing on my main blog and i looked at some of the other people they tagged just for fun yk, and the first thing i saw on someone’s blog was my own post and yknow im just thinking and i’ve thought and i’ve concluded that that is certainly the weirdest thing ive experienced in my recent years or maybe ever

[comfortfrogblog]

also i dont think i said it here cause i was gone but i got diagnosed with autism in that period of time. bonkers

so i went inactive here because life got busy as i finished high school, and then i started posting about autism on instagram in my senior year and just random things and i kind of amassed a huge following after a year and i learned so many things about myself and the world (some good and some bad) and i’ve grown a lot. but that’s over now because there is a lot of the world that is scary and bad and it’s hard to be vulnerable for that long in front of an audience and i frankly got sick of it and my body and mind became sick of it too. there were so many good people and i built a good comfy community of neurodivergents and such, but it’s still impossible to filter out the bad noise. then there was the fact that i was a young girl being pushed into the feeds of men aged 18-35, with only less than 9% of my audience being female, so that made it strange and parasocial with most of the people who were watching me. so in case you ever need anyone to tell you that blowing up on social media with your face is not as good a time as you may think, listen to me! i can tell you many stories that will make you very certain you do not want to post on big social media if you were not sure before!

so hey im back maybe and i may start comfyposting here again, or at least reblogging good stuff. there are still so many things in my inbox that i never got to answer, and even recent things—i’ve read them all. i apologize that i can’t answer at the moment or at all, but i see you. it’s still always a place you can dump thoughts and burdens, just to know someone sees it and is thinking of you, even for a minute.

here’s to tumblr’s beautiful anonymity. here’s to the comfort of being Social on Media without the horrible parts. i love tumblr so much. tumblr i love you

[comfortfrogblog]

want you guys to know that after 3 years, this remains true. i am happy and each day i feel alive, sometimes in small increments, but it’s there. i always dont want to go to work but once im there i am super happy kind of thing (working with kids definitely helps with that). living is up and down but it is a balance and if i can find that balance, then you can too

so if i have any life advice to give as a humble 18-almost-19 year old with limited knowledge of the world, it’s that you need to interact with children. it’s life giving and purifies your mind of worldgunk. i think it’s because they transfer starbit-sized pieces of their soul to you through the tinkling resonance of their laughter but idk im not super sure yet thats just my personal theory

you will feel so alive again.. like so incredibly alive. i dont know when that will be but it will be. u are gonna feel so alive that ur cheeks hurt from smiling oh man oh man i promise that day is coming. you do have a future, you do have good things coming, and you’ll survive everything that’s thrown at you until you reach that day

[comfortfrogblog]

so i went inactive here because life got busy as i finished high school, and then i started posting about autism on instagram in my senior year and just random things and i kind of amassed a huge following after a year and i learned so many things about myself and the world (some good and some bad) and i’ve grown a lot. but that’s over now because there is a lot of the world that is scary and bad and it’s hard to be vulnerable for that long in front of an audience and i frankly got sick of it and my body and mind became sick of it too. there were so many good people and i built a good comfy community of neurodivergents and such, but it’s still impossible to filter out the bad noise. then there was the fact that i was a young girl being pushed into the feeds of men aged 18-35, with only less than 9% of my audience being female, so that made it strange and parasocial with most of the people who were watching me. so in case you ever need anyone to tell you that blowing up on social media with your face is not as good a time as you may think, listen to me! i can tell you many stories that will make you very certain you do not want to post on big social media if you were not sure before!

so hey im back maybe and i may start comfyposting here again, or at least reblogging good stuff. there are still so many things in my inbox that i never got to answer, and even recent things—i’ve read them all. i apologize that i can’t answer at the moment or at all, but i see you. it’s still always a place you can dump thoughts and burdens, just to know someone sees it and is thinking of you, even for a minute.

here’s to tumblr’s beautiful anonymity. here’s to the comfort of being Social on Media without the horrible parts. i love tumblr so much. tumblr i love you

[comfortfrogblog]

I love you thunderstorm lullabies. I love you foggy mornings. I love you misty days. I love you birds playing in puddles. I love you raindrop-bejeweled blades of grass. I love you cool breeze.

[comfortfrogblog]

Someone online: "Men dont have to deal with [issue]. I have never heard a man talk about [issue]. This is a women's issue!"

Man: "I've dealt with this. I just dont speak up about it because no one car-"

People online: "Shut up. We're talking about women."

[comfortfrogblog]

just wanna find the softest grass i can find and lay down in it and look at the sky for a very very very long time

[comfortfrogblog]

I hope you know how much "Floor time! Perhaps you require it" feels like one of the most essential images on the internet. Has 100% entered my lexicon. Describes a feeling that can be expressed no other way. Tysm.

i .might cry

[comfortfrogblog]

when i write journal entries i like to think that they are addressed to God because who else ! this is my secret stream of consciousness. nobody else gets to hear it. except God. he’s in his treehouse and i’m in mine and we’re talking through empty food cans connected on a wire. my pencil is my little walkie talkie and whenever i talk with it i’ll know he is on the other end and can always hear me

[comfortfrogblog]

this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone

[comfortfrogblog]

dyslexia and neurodivergent people

if i were to publish some surveys for dyslexic and other neurodivergent people, would anyone be willing to take it. its for my university dissertation

please reblog so i can get a bigger data pool. this is very important to me

[comfortfrogblog]

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.