confessionblog

[confessionblog]

I’m not sure how to process Pope Francis’s death. While his moves were small, they were enough to give the Church a (tiny) push in the direction of queer inclusivity and cross-cultural communication. Which was enough for many in the Church (including me for a while) to consider him a radical progressive. And it was enough for me to think he could change the Church for the better.

I’m mostly scared that whoever his successor will be will take a hard-right turn and move things backward. I’ve been seeing an increasingly loud far-right trend in both Catholic clergy and Catholic laypeople, which eventually got bad enough for me to leave. So I wouldn’t be surprised if a far-right cardinal becomes the next Pope.

I shouldn’t be scared, because it won’t affect my life, but I guess I am because my relatively liberal but very devout Catholic parents could lose their main source of community due to the Church giving bigoted voices an increasingly large platform. And it would really hurt for me to look my parents in the eyes and say “I told you so”.

As someone who was never raised religious, I've still felt some of the ripples of Pope Francis' action. The upsetting trend you mentioned is all too prevalent, with one step forward and a backflip down the stairs at every turn.

This ask is how I'm finding out about it.

[confessionblog]

I wish I was allowed to kill myself. I wish that whenever i looked up methods, it would give me something instead of a hotline. I've called the hotlines before. They told me to journal. I wish the people who let me talk about it weren't only the ones who were paid to do so. I wish talking about it to those people didn't get me put in a room for dsys with nothing but my own thoughts. I wish assisted suicide was legal in hospitals. I wish strangers wouldn't tell me "i care about you, don't do it, there's so much more in life" about a half hour before forgetting i exist entirely. I wish people initiated conversations with me. I wish my brain wasn't broken. I wish I wasn't a failure. I wish my mom loved me more than weed and cigarettes. I wish people listened to me when I was a kid. I wish I hadn't called anyone in the middle of my attempt last year. One year exactly next month. I wish I owned my own body. I wish I could experience intimacy with another person without feeling like every touch is an assault on my ravaged flesh. I wish I was more human. I wish I wasn't human at all. I wish I was somewhere better. I wish I was hanging from a tree in the park nearby.

[confessionblog]

I work retail. Ever since the tariffs got announced this week, there have been two cases of people getting arrested for shoplifting in the mall I work at.

I have a feeling it's gonna become a common occurence.

Good on them for shoplifting, feels bad they got caught

[confessionblog]

i relapsed yesterday for the first time in 7 years and my arms hurt so bad and im so scared of my family seeing

I hope anon here is okay. Healing is up and down. It is never linear. A relapse is a release. Now, you can evaluate your triggers, and utilize that knowledge to make your life safer, more comfortable. You will be okay if you make it so. More bumps in the road will come, and with it, more joy.

In the meantime, stay safe. Keep your wounds clean, if you still have them at this time. And if your family doesn't understand, that's on them, not you. You're not bad for this, you are just hurting.

[confessionblog]

hate how im ending up. everyone seems to be great at doing their own thing but suddenly when i want to make friends and actually share project ideas i just feel... agh, i dont know, like its just the world's biggest nono ever. i wantt o talk to my mutuals more. i want to do more art, i want i want i wantt o be more open. but it feels like even the slightest steps of that just hurts.

my avoidance has been kicking my ass recently. and it still hurts. i dont talk to anyone much anymore, much less on online spaces. i fantasize about having friendships, proper, full friendships, but wheneve rthe chance of it pops up for me to do, i just can't handle it; and so i watch as everyone else around me goes on with their lives.

it efels like whatever i do isnt worth it because of one glaring issue upon many, but mainly the fact that i feel like there is something wrooong with me whenever i do anything. the shame, the embarassment, the slow sadness i have. everything feels stupid to do. i am a loser, and whenever pepole try to say its not, i know theyre lying. i want to be a loser in peace.

i wish being a person wasn't so hard. having to deal with societal conventions is tiring enough being autistic, but now i have to get a job, interact with people, get money, try not to die or something. its too much work. i want to do something with my passions and make people heard, but its just tiring at the end of it all. so maybe i can throw my dream in the gutter anyways

maybe ill end up dying. quiet. maybe my friends will forget about me. thats for the best anyways

I truly resonate with this. Self isolation sucks, and especially in this economy, where every activity costs money so it's discouraging to leave the house, on top of everyone that may be like you having this problem, so you really never know where to find like minds, or you're always looking in the wrong place. Online, real life, it doesn't matter, connection is more difficult than anything. Ironically enough, you are not alone in your lonliness. And, until you die, you will never "end up" like anything. This isnt encouraging you to die, but rather emphasizing that you still have time to change and be proactive in your life. Share your projects. Scream to the world that you're alive and someone will hear and scream back.

[confessionblog]

I really like my friend but I'm too much of a wuss to flirt or anything because every time I go to flirt I start to feel like I'm being weird to them and back out of doing it. I want to be bold and outright flirt with them but I'm too scared of ruining everything.

I would talk to them about how they feel regarding your flirting. It would be weird if you were just bringing it up out of nowhere. If they're playing along, then that would suggest that theyre more or less cool with it, but on all fronts, have a conversation so no boundaries are tested.

[confessionblog]

Ive had a crush on the same guy for the past 4 years, we’ve both been single the whole time(although both have downloaded and deleted dating apps periodically with no solution, no hookups or dates even) We are both in our mid twenties and spend majority of our free time hanging out, but virtually as we met through his college roommate who I knew online. We text everyday, i talk to his mom and brother at least twice a month when he visits home and we constantly plan our dream futures which correspond heavily due to how close we have become over the past few years.

Early on into our friendship i had a friend who liked him and he turned her down stating it was too soon,he also expressed disdain for a long distance relationships , (it being a leading factor into his breakup that occurred slightly before we met) but lately (within the last year) he has expressed the willingness to be long distance “with the right person” i didn think that person was me, i just think he trusts what opinions i have and values my feedback so thats how i always approach when we have conversations about out love lives,or lack thereof.

But lately hes been making more comments that lead me to believe he might be gaining some sort of feelings for me, im just worried im thinking to into it. Hes gone out of his way to spend time with me, staying up later to watch videos movies etc with me, not including our mutual friend who seems to be getting jealous (last night he said he was going to sleep but stayed on for 2 more hours with,our friend called him out this morning in our group chat and he responded along the lines of “i mean its not like we are cuddling in your living room in front of you, we just like spend time together” and he talks about making out and holding hands and other private things with a joking tone but these were never jokes we made with one another prior to the last few months.

Im really worried im reading too much into it but with our mutual friend seemingly getting upset by us doing things without him and the comments i feel like things might actually be changing in a way that gives us a future together which is all I’ve dreamed about for a while. Ive really fallen in love with him over the years but always held in my head that he has no feelings for me and resolved that id be ok woth that and that id move on once he found the right girl but what if I’m her? Ughhhhhhh i feel like a teenager again thinking about all this.

Another ask that's a few months old, I would just say, if you haven't already, talk to him about it. Have a conversation asking why and what has changed. From what I'm hearing from your account, it seems like you're right, but I can't speak for a person I don't know. Only he can speak for himself.

[confessionblog]

I don’t think I’ve ever met a male figure that doesn’t want to hurt me or sa me. I just want a hug from a nonviolent man. I’m not even into men, it’s not a weird daddy issues thing. I just want to breathe

sorry if that’s a bit big to deal with

I completely understand where you're coming from. It's so hard coming out of your shell, letting your walls down for a guy in any context, only for you to remember why you had those walls up in the first place. It's not too big to deal with. It's daily life.

It takes a lot of time to gauge who is safe and who is not, and even then, we could be wrong. But there's always a chance we're missing out on kind people we overlook when turning our gaze from our fears. Stay safe.

[confessionblog]

cw: self harm and suicidal thoughts mention

i relapsed a few months ago after being clean from self harm for a little while and i cant shake the thought that i deserve it. that i deserve to have my blood spilled because something is wrong with me. lately those thoughts have been spiraling into darker ones and my head before i go to sleep at night is just filled with ways i can end it all, and the scariest part of them is that they’re starting not to scare me. i just wish i could be normal, i wish i didn’t hate myself, i wish i had the strength to get help or at least try to take care of myself a little better

.

[confessionblog]

I’m writing a book right now, and I can’t come up with ideas for filler on my own, it usually pops up in my head on my own when I’m talking to people in the moment, but I feel annoying when I bring it up. So I explained the plot to an ai and got some filler scene ideas, but now I feel physically ill and disgusted with myself over it and I don’t know how to even keep writing it even though it’s been my passion for years. I feel terrible and like there’s no way back from this

I would just try to not use it again, scrap what the ai came up with, and maybe go on a writer's discord server or a group somewhere else online so you can have a person to talk about your writing with. Maybe you can trade works and beta read for each other!

[confessionblog]

tw: suicide mention

I’m scared that my best friend just killed himself. He’s struggled with his mental health for a long time and he’s tried to hang himself before. It’s been 20 minutes and he hasn’t answered any of my texts. Will send another anonymous confession once I have confirmation.

Answering this having recieved the update that he's alive.

I'm happy he's safe, it's been a minute since this was submitted- I answered asks from most recent to oldest. Stay close to each other. We all need people. It's been a hard year.

[confessionblog]

sometimes I think about what the affects of killing myself would be. Who would mourn me, who would wonder what happened to me, who would be glad I was gone. i used to be actively suicidal in middle school, but I think it's gone back down to being passively suicidal with a side of intrusive thoughts. i don't feel safe telling a therapist about it bc they might force me to tell my family

Firstly, a therapist can't force you to tell anyone anything. Unless you're in imminent physical danger (suicide plan or abuse victim) or endangering others, they have an oath of confidentiality- it violates HIPAA to disclose medical information without consent. Mental is medical.

Please be honest with your therapist about your emotions. That's the intent of therapy. It's like hiding a wound from a physical doctor, how will they treat what they are unaware of?

I have the same thoughts. I also struggle with honesty with mental health providers, although that's mainly because I don't often have enough sessions to reveal everything. But you need to make your doctor aware of these symptoms so they can help you.

[confessionblog]

I hate when my mom says a cheery "good morning" whenever I see her (usually as I'm about to eat breakfast). I think it puts too much pressure on me to say a cheery good morning back, or else she might say something like "what's wrong? you're not as cheerful today" or worse...something like "you were so rude earlier today, barely saying good morning" lol. God forbid I ever be miserable and sullen.

aside from not wanting to put up a smile around her, I've found myself physically incapable of doing so because I AM miserable and sullen dealing with living in this house and dealing with her. anyways, this adult anon can't wait until the day she can finally move out from her parents' house :) I fucking hate it here

Toxic positivity is always ass. Too much energy for 8am. Lemme eat my brekkie.

[confessionblog]

When i become really life threatening sad ive started to do this thing where I watch asmrs of people pretending to be my mother or a friend not in a sexual weird way just wholesome pretending to be your mom when youre sick or be your friend cheering you up because youre sad i have become that lonely and depressed i do this so i dont bother anyone

You're not a bother. Everyone needs closeness. Humans are social creatures, but so many are lonesome these days. You are not the only one. Try to seek someone out to talk to if you can.

[confessionblog]

I just wish to have a group of friends who love me and want to hangout in real life with me

Me too. It was hard to make friends as an adult already, but ever since covid happened it feels impossible. Despite being lonely, ironically enough, you are not alone.

[confessionblog]

I wish TGC cared more about making their game playable whenever a new update comes out over overcharging people for a cosmetic item in a game. Like how is ur game over 5 years old (and has been in development many year prior) and still has THIS many bugs?? (This is about the game Sky: CotL)

I have Sky on my switch, but I haven't played past the intro. I beat journey when I was 11 and I enjoyed that a lot though. I'll need to see what you mean.

[confessionblog]

I am sex repulsed I feel disgusted by the idea of having sex or imagining sex but I still see explicit fics sometimes for the story

Honestly, p0rnography is largely unappealing to me. I used to watch it just to make fun of the bad acting, so i get where you're coming from.