contentloadingandstuff

[contentloadingandstuff]

Cat update (with pics!)

About Me

Hello there!

It's been three years, so it's high time to tell you guys something about myself.

Here I go by contentloadingandstuff - just 'content' for short. I'm male, straight, born on the same day as the world famous aquarelist - the 20th of April. I have a younger sister and a cat, named Kota (she-cat in Polish, sort of). I'm studying law, but I'm unhappy with it and waiting to jump over to psychology.

I'm from Poland, the land over the Vistula, of the blooming onion, the eternal occupation/invasion joke. While Poland isn't in the top echelons of the world, I'm still proud of our history and happy to see my nation develop. I'm fluent in English, but I can also understand German on a basic level, read the cyrilic alphabet and speak a tiny bit of Japanese.

I've been playing Genshin Impact since Shinobu's release in 2.2. AR 50, did most things you could do in the game. My favorite character is and was always Ganyu. I've started writing for the game for two reasons - first, my dusty old Necro AU and the lack of male reader content in terms of fics. I'm quite happy to have this blog. You can find me under Polski_Cynamon on the Europe server.

Although my interests are very broad, my hobbies focus primarily on gaming, cultural analysis and writing. I'm a big World War II buff, but the history of warfare in general also catches my fancy. Truth be told, I could get into and talk about any topic really. Except politics - at least not on the blog. I'm not afraid to argue my points, just not here. Thanks for understanding.

Now for some quick trivia. Here are some...

Games I like: Genshin Impact (obviously), Company of Heroes 2, FnaF 1 - 6, Dungeon Keeper, Payday 2, The Forest, Witcher 3, Vermintide 2, Hotline Miami 1 & 2, Battlefield V, Helldivers 2, Warlords Battlecry 3, Dark Omen, Shadow of the Horned Rat, the Myth series, Papers Please.

Youtubers I watch: The Little Platoon, Horses, Despot of Antrim, Saveafox, TheBones5, Chickeninja42, Junkzero, ZERO, Fingees, AstralSpiff, big boss, Shrouded Hand.

Books, stories and Authors I like: "Ferdydurke", "Hauptstellung Moskau", H.P. Lovecraft, V. Suvorov, "The Red Hunger", The "Fazbear Frights" series, Tadeusz Borowski, The "Abandoned by Disney" series, "1999", "Dziady III", SCP-5000, SCP-1730, The Spiral Path.

Movies and Shows that I like: Downfall, Stalingrad (1993), Warsaw 44, Burnt by the Sun 2, The Pacific, Letters from Iwo Jima, El Alamein: La Linea Del Fuoco, Barefoot Gen, Hacksaw Ridge, The 800, Das Boot, Black Adder, Monthy Python - Holy Grail and Life of Brian, The Pianist, Asterix and Obelix: Mission Cleopathra (if you know why, you know), American Psycho, Halloween (2018 and only this part of the new thrillogy), Hellraiser I and II.

Music that I like: All over the place. Includes the remix of Perfect Girl, Freaks, Cheri Cheri Lady, Gimme Gimme Gimme, Everybody Wants to Rule the World (both og and remix), Brainiac Mainiac, Operation Blacklight, Confirmed Thrills, Another Round for Everyone, Miami Disco, The Forest: Main Theme, Friday Night Fire Night, I Really Wanna Stay At Your House, Addict, Do Prostego Człowieka - Akurat, Czerwona Zaraza, Encounter Z Mixed, Maradona - smkkpm.

DEDICATED FELINE SECTION

Behold, Kota. I got her four years ago from my uncle; her mother was a very wounded stray named Anka (Annie, yes a human name) that had four kittens - two of them died thanks to my uncle's horde of basset hounds (to quote my grandmother, they are big and heavy like swine). From there on she leads a happy life being what most cats are - spoiled, antitled and loving in her own way.

She might look cute (she is), but don't be mistaken - she's a little devil. She relentlessly hunts the feet of my sister, chewing and kicking them for fun; she generally likes to wrestle with lots of teeth, but she also fetches when she wants. My mother is the unfortunate favorite person of my cat, and as a result she is followed at all times, woken up at dawn to feed the feline and constantly pestered for raw meat or treats. Kota is quite talkative and often holds conversations with me.

Oh, and vet visits are a nightmare. She's always given gabapentine to be less of a threat to doctors when trimming her nails. She once swiped the facemask of a vet tech clean off their face, but luckily the woman was okay. So yeah - an imp, adorable, but hellish.

Now, enjoy picures of my bejbe.

I'll be adding on to this page as time goes on. But for now, it's gonna be all.

Curious about something? Don't hesitate to ask!

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Fellas.

Question: Do you want me to do an original idea or a request?

The ideas I have in my mind recently are as follows:

- a more relationship-focused fic about Arlecchino and a masochist!Reader, involving out-of-bedroom Interactions with Arlecchino and the impressions/assumptions of adjacent characters

- a fic about the private, female-only spaces of a few girls (Jean, Ganyu, Shinobu and Nilou) and how they shoo Reader away from them (when he threads there on accident), but feel that it's okay to enter his spaces; this fic themes around the cultural difference between the sexes in regards to exclusive areas they have, or don't have. Involves the girl realising her double standard and becoming more respectful towards the reader; fluffy and hurt/comfort-y. (I'm not sure if I conveyed it precisely but you get the jist).

- a simpler, fluffy fic that's basically the "with enough power you can refire even a dying star" meme but in fic format. Essentially the reader stumbles upon his other half's fertility pill stash and reactions ensue.

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I promise - no drama this time

TW: Extreme misandry, hate speech. I just want to share this because it just... I don't know. I need to share it with somebody. Just to not be alone with these things.

Folks, do you know that there are geniuine male hatred groups on Tumblr? Tags such as these exist:

#misandry

#pro misandry

#proud misandrist

#kill all males

#KAM

#men are the problem

#men are trash

#men are evil

#men are disgusting

#kill your boyfriend

#fuck men

#kill all men

#men kys

Here are some screenshots.

I am simply speechless. As such, it's the only mention of this I will make - no drama or wars (I mean if they decide to come for me then it's not my fault, this is some serious hate speech). But... I can't even...

...

...why?

The second image is disturbing beyond belief.

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Yoimiya and Ganyu parenting headcanons?

I'm late, but... A fic about a mother for mother's day, a fic about a kid for children's day. Enjoy!

Since I decided to focus solely on Ganyu (my beloved), it's quite extensive.

It's also shameful that I did not make a fic about cocogoat and her little kids. Kids are baby goats, by the way.

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Parenting Headcanons - Ganyu x Male!Reader

A/N: A very special fic for a very special goat. This time I decided to try something different and, instead of copy and pasting human mechanics, I thought up something unique for our favorite goat. I hope you enjoy. A/N: Also, I've noticed that the first gifs that show up in the gif search are related to fics I made, like the horror short and Dark Days. Even Unfaithful isn't that deep in the results. Neat. CW: Slightly related to the Ganyu heat fic, mention of Morax x Guizhong, Qilin!Reader, long. Very long.

Motherhood never was on Ganyu's mind, not for the last few centuries. Of course, as most girls her age, pre-teen Ganyu played with dolls and pictured herself alongside a handsome, caring husband and a flock of horned kids. She would always dress them up, bathe them and help them do their make-believe tasks. Cloud Retainer likes to tell the story of the time little Cocogoat wanted to excuse herself a bit earlier than usual from the lesson because her babies wanted to see the sunset. Her master still looks fondly on the memories of her pupil seated alongside dolls, showing them her notes and encouraging them to learn. 

The toys did not turn to dust as Adepti crafts are as long lived as themselves. But Ganyu changed - her mind fell into a rhythm of work and sleep, putting her former ambitions away to gather dust in the attic of her mind. Ganyu didn't even picture herself dating anyone with her lifestyle and the lack of immortal candidates. Obviously, she would never take the inevitable grief connected with loving a mortal and watching him die. 

A part of her understands her mother. She was afraid that her daughter would be as fleeting as her lover. It is not an excuse for leaving Ganyu at a doorstep, not even half of an excuse, but it is an explanation. 

She had considered the matter many times in her life. Logically, as she came to think, a daughter would be best for her - her own experiences as a little girl would surely help her little one avoid mistakes and grow up without as many perplexing issues as she faced. Besides… Boys are rowdy, or so Master told her, singing to the tune of her own observation of the human world. They often run off, go on daring, reckless adventures, get hurt, get lost - wander in Celestia forsaken places and sometimes… Sometimes, when they grow up… They march to war and never return. She still thinks this - not because she doesn't believe in you, but because she is sure her heart could not take the stress and grief that would possibly strike her. 

But, as it is said, life finds a way. You found a way into her life, just as handsome and caring as in her dreams that long announced your coming, reawakening her motherly instincts. Her mind started slipping out of her patterns before she realised it - the sight of human children, playing around, running through the streets carrying colourful toys, showing their parents their findings… Looking downcast as they are gently scolded for their “crimes” of recklessness... She felt longing, a desire to become someone greater than just secretary Ganyu. She wanted something more than just work, she wanted to bring your marriage to an ascent beyond only the two of you. 

She desired to create life through the union of your bodies and minds. A little heartbeat, cradled gently in your arms. To watch another being be born of your love, to see it grow and develop into a beautiful, strong person… It would be the highest of honors in life. 

After her first time sharing a bed with you, her heats came back, all of her millennia of training be damned. Every November, drunk on your scent, Ganyu's gentle desire turned into a roar, echoing from her womb and shaking up her whole body. Her cheeks flushed, her legs pressed together, her core was lonely. It wanted, no - demanded babies, more and more with each passing year. She understood of course that it was a primal desire, one that did not come from her mind, but she felt an ache in her chest every time the test came back negative. Why? Because that call for you came not just from her womb, but from her very heart. She wanted it. She, not the logical secretary, but simply Ganyu. Ganyu the wife. 

Normally, a decision this grand would end up with her consulting everybody that would be affected by a child - not this time, no. She asked only a handful of people. Cloud Retainer was questioned if she would mind a grandchild - it went as well as you would expect; she was ecstatic about the idea. She asked Shenhe if she ever thought of being an aunt and the woman admitted that she'd like that; she never experienced caring for someone younger than Chongyun, seeing how that boy got her joyful and protective. At last, you were asked. Requested, petitioned if you'd give your wife the greatest gift of all - the gift of life. 

And… How could you not? Thus began an undertaking grander than anything either of you expected. Since the day you officially began, you would have to wait nearly two decades to hold your child in your arms. 

See, Qilin are creatures far different from humans. As with most beings of their kind, they are introduced into the world either through a century of cultivation by a wild animal, deep in Jeyun Karst, or simply born from previous ascendants - a process that takes a shorter time, yes, but still seems to drag on endlessly. 

As Qilin live for millenia, their biology adapted to an existence much slower than that of humans. As the research escapade of every Adeptus for sources on Qilin life claimed, conception requires more than simple physical fertility - a communion of souls, a bond nearly unbreakable between the parents. This type of development takes years of interactions and, importantly, sufficient absorption of ley line energy for the wife to become receptive. 

There was no point in waiting for a heat. Qilin fertility is poor by design to, as Cloud Retainer theorised, encourage more permanent relationships. After all, physically speaking, neither of you were in much of a hurry. Theoretically. It soon became a problem - Ganyu really, really wanted to be a mom. Thusly all efforts were directed towards increasing the chance to conceive as much as reasonably possible. 

You and Ganyu spent hours curled into each other, making the most passionate of love in every position imaginable, to no avail. Cloud Retainer, Streetward Rabler and even Morax himself came together to brew, crush and mix various herbs and substances together to push the natural process, even slightly. They were, tragically, unsuccessful. You tried bathing in well-known, traditional Qilin springs, changed diets, separated only to come together and love each other twice as hard, even attempted to use human-made medication. All fruitless attempts, plunging you into ever deeper pits of sadness. 

Ganyu is deeply emotional, as her race tends to be, so distress of any sort shakes her to her very core. The disappointment from your failed attempts soon poured over to other areas of her life. Ganyu started sleeping less, she lost appetite and - most startlingly - started to decline in work efficiency. She was distracted, easily frustrated and unmotivated. Everything seemed so pointless. Does anything matter anymore, now that she isn't able to bring life into the world? What kind of a woman is she, unable to do what her body was designed for? 

Everyone noticed this drastic change. Keqing was especially concerned, as such behaviour was never observed for the last centuries. She felt, instinctually, that something was deeply hurting her friend and so went to notify Cloud Retainer. But Xianyun already knew, and so did Morax. He felt his heart, eroded and unflinching as it was, clench at seeing even the brave Ganyu collapse under the weight of her perceived failure. It would not do. Ganyu needed time and peace - both of which were heavily limited by the role she played in Liyue. And so Morax looked back at the contract he made with her, quickly noticing an avenue he could take.

The contract stipulated that, in return for protection and a prosperous life, Ganyu would assist the humans of Liyue until they could stand on their own. And wasn't modern Liyue just that? After he left, the Adepti assisted the mortals just once, who then  defended themselves against Beisht with no assistance. He resigned, Cloud Retainer came down to live with the humans, Streetward Rambler has been doing it for decades, Xiao lived with them (even if by the side) and even Rock Carver and Mountain Shaper came to visit. It was high time for Ganyu, so far the bedrock pillar of the Qixing, to step down and enjoy the fruits of her tireless labour. 

Morax invited everyone to an official gathering and, using Cloud Retainer as his messenger, formally concluded Ganyu's contract. Afterwards, a national celebration was announced. Much to her embarrassment, the entire day was dedicated to celebrate her and all she did for Liyue. There were flowers, lanterns, fireworks and lots of snacks and gifts dedicated to the one and only Qilin of the land of Geo. Everyone wanted to bid Ganyu farewell with anything from lavish, luxurious gifts to simple marinated or fried herbs to make the departure a little tastier. So many guests came that the reception lasted hours on and and had to be split into three separate days to not overwhelm the celebrates goat. The Qixing granted Ganyu a big house on the Harbour’s outskirts, complete with staff - something Ganyu politely declined. When asked why, she said that she wished to experience the life of an ordinary housewife. Regardless, you were provided with a hearty allowance to indulge in the products of humanity to your hearts’ content. 

Now, a quieter period has come. You and her needed time for yourselves. 

Ganyu always thought of how she would feel when her contract inevitably ended. She expected to be terrified, lost, confused, eager to go back to her old habits. But instead of fear, her heart swelled with… Relief. She felt as if she had been standing her whole life and finally, truly sat down. She took this revelation with a quiet nod of the head, gripping your hand for support before hiding herself in your arms. There, she felt safe from the confusing, draining realisation that she would now have to reorganise her life. But it wasn't as important as the fact that now both of you could dedicate yourself to conceiving an heir. 

The following months, turning to years, were spent in Jeyun Karst, in an abode designed by the Adepti for Ganyu's soon-to-be-expanded family. It was a beautiful, tranquil realm of lush plains, high peaks and cool, crystal clear waters. By all means, it was a paradise, one Ganyu deserved thoroughly. 

All the sights and flavours of the freshest herbs and the earth could provide were wonderful, yes, but you were the main attraction. Ganyu never left your side, and you never abandoned hers. You explored the realm by day, basking in the warm sun, cooling in the crystal waters or coupling on the lush, clean grass. When night came, you often didn't bother to part and simply collapsed into each other, renewing your intimate escapades as soon as you woke up. Connected beyond the physical, you were - sharing dreams, sharing the joy of happy moments and the sorrow of trauma and grief. You got to know her better than anyone, opening up your soul before her in return. You became inseparable, you became one. Truly, you and Ganyu became husband and wife. 

Eventually, your life… Changed. There was a buzz in the air, a flickering light in the darkness, a presence in your dreams. A warmth on her belly. That was it, the sign that you both waited so much for. Initially, Ganyu simply smiled and curled herself into you further - the time spent on getting them to appear in her body changed her outlook on things quite significantly. She understood she wasn't yet ready, understood that she barely knew you, that she neglected you. The conception was simply a result of this bond, coming only when the time was right and the mind was clear. But, when you broke the news to your friends and family - now older by several years - the profoundness of her understanding gave way to loud, cheering joy. 

But the preparations were not complete just yet. Now came the time for making sure both her and the baby will be healthy as can be. It was a far more joyous experience as now you and Ganyu knew that your child will, invariably, come into this world. 

The responsibility for her fell, obviously, onto you. You couldn't be happier of course - you loved her to bits and so indulged her every craving, every need, each and every single desire she developed. When she slept, you stood on guard. When you cooked, she always ate first. If she said she was cold or hot - you were there with a blanket or an icy drink in moments. Ganyu got breakfasts in bed, got to sleep wherever she wanted, eat anything she craved and have you in every way, shape or form. You spent days simply holding her as she slept, small head resting on your chest like on a pillow, trusting herself completely to you. Her hand always guided yours towards her womb, asking you to feel the warmth, the tingle of energy stirring within your wife. Your greatest work of art, your most influential achievement. 

Ganyu herself needed to eat, meditate and simply be with you. A bond this strong required your constant presence, even if it was simply being in the same room or just within speaking distance as she meditated. This served a purpose - Qilin, beings of supernatural qualities, were creatures both mundane and magical. The development of offspring requires the mother to absorb the natural energy of the world through Ley Lines and simple elemental winds. The only thing such meditation required to succeed was presence in the right place and a calm state of mind. Ganyu, then, was free to explore, read, make love and cuddle as much as she wanted in nearly every corner of the world. Why? Well, you don't think Morax, Cloud Retainer and the entirety of Liyue would delegate Ganyu to cultivate in some forgotten corner of the nation now would you? No no no. Ganyu got premium tickets to every nation to absorb only the most potent of energy. 

As you traveled, met old friends and made new ones, enjoyed the sights and unique flavours, every one of your friends and family was focused on making sure neither of you had to lift a finger. For the time being, both Cloud Retainer and Shenhe turned their attention to organising your journey and making sure both funds and supplies were abundant. Zhongli used his contacts with other Archons to make sure you got luxury treatment while Xiao, always the quiet hero, killed every monster and bandit in a ten mile radius from wherever you were staying. The Qixing provided funding and political protection, sparing no effort as per Ningguang’s orders. The Tianquan also arranged the best education and a potential position within the administration for the future - up to your descendants to choose whether they take up this offer or pick a different path. 

Besides fussing over every detail, they also made preparations for accommodating the kid when they finally arrived. Cloud Retainer, the great mother she is, bought every book about raising a child from human libraries to reflect on her previous mistakes and spent days in her workshop, tinkering away with toys, utilities and other gizmos to bring joy to her grandchild and a moment of quiet to her daughter and son-in-law. It was far, far too long since she last got to care for a little one. Life has become still since her daughters grew up and, although she took on a human discipline recently, Xianyun still misses the simpler time when Ganyu was just a ball of adorable fluff. She can't wait. 

Morax meanwhile considered his life, the state of the world and the possibility of signing another contract. He had signed one with most Adepti and half-Adepti, but… Was there really a need to make one with the newcomer? He used to sign contracts both in times of need and in times of peace, yes, but they were binding and seemingly eternal, leading to permanent erosion of personality and, in the worst of cases, suffering and curses. As the God of Contracts he would like to make one with Ganyu's child, as everyone bound to him this way became his protégé, but ultimately Morax decided that there was no need to push anyone into formal relationships. Not now, at least. 

Shenhe spent her years either working and living in Liyue Harbour or visiting Ganyu for a month or two, as per Master's recommendation and Ganyu's wishes. While she had ninety, one hundred and twenty or more years left in her - Adepti Arts be praised - she felt sadness that she would not get to see more of Ganyu and her loving family. As time went on, her adoptive sister would inspire her to seek a relationship of her own. 

Years went by and, as she cultivated, both her body and her surroundings showed signs, increasingly louder as her child began to grow. Whenever she stepped, flowers bloomed and greenery grew with double the intensity. Animals flocked to her, seeing no danger in the gentle Qilin. The world around her calmed and blossomed as her belly, at last, grew visibly. 

The last two years of her pregnancy were the ones filled with typical issues of this state. Even if Ganyu was in symbiosis with the elements of the world, she still got to feel the nausea, the aching feet, the pain in her back and all the cravings her hormonal changes created. Although it was unpleasant, she didn't mind - with you by her side, it became a valuable experience of surprising grace. Even when her belly grumbled, even when she stuffed her face full of fried mushrooms, biting down on vanilla ice cream in between chomps like nobody was looking, she gave off an aura of perplexing beauty. Her tired face with messy hair, bags under her eyes and bits of food in the corner of her mouth was the most joyful you have ever seen. 

Eventually the time for delivery came. Instead of the quite unpleasant mix of screaming, blood and other bodily fluids associated with human birth, Ganyu fell into a deep sleep for two days straight. Her loved ones gathered at her bed, accompanying you as you lay beside your wife, embracing her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. The child came into the world before she awoke, ensuring a painless experience for her. It was a girl, with beautiful, orange streaks in her budding horns, just as Ganyu envisioned her. 

So little she was. So beautiful, so quiet, delicate like a spring flower. The moment she awoke and saw the sleeping miracle in her arms and you, you, her lover, her life, her husband, her joy and her whole world, the man who gifted her this beautiful, healthy daughter - she cried. She wept like never before, letting heavy tears of joy wet your chest. You felt every one of them as you cradled her. 

The early years of her life were… A joy, simple as. Of course the little one required care, waking up in the middle of the night, cradling, changing diapers and cleaning up - it was all well expected beforehand, all the less bothersome now that you could devote yourself entirely to caring for your child. From the very first day of her life, your adorable kid drank what seemed like twice her own weight in milk, always getting an adorable bump in her little belly, stuffed full of nutrients that quickly pushed her into a food coma. Such a cutie she was that Ganyu quickly understood why Cloud Retainer memorised all these sights and stories about her young self - she must have been adorable as well. Why did she think it was so embarrassing, for her Master to share her parental joys and amusements with the world? Perhaps it's one of those things you only understand after you yourself become a mother. As such, much to her avian foster parent's delight, Ganyu began taking photos of her daughter almost every day, memorising the littlest of adorable details about her and immortalising them alongside the snapshots in dedicated photo albums. How lucky you are, to get to enjoy such a beautiful creature for more than the humans? 

Of course the joy gets exponential when she becomes a toddler - a moment that came long after Keqing’s gray hair. That's when your daughter learned to talk - from simple words like ‘mama’ and ‘papa’ to entire sentences and neologisms. Seeing her drawings, playing with her, talking to her - it all allowed you to view the world through her eyes, a much more colourful and exciting reality than that you existed in as adults. She was precious. Ganyu sometimes cried, just because her daughter was too cute for this world. Your wife would carry or lead her around, always nearby, always discovering something new and exciting. 

Interactions with others are important - Ganyu knows this and, as worried as she is to let her daughter out of her sight, she lets her spend time with her further family. Cloud Retainer is the one actively hogging most of the baby's time, naturally. Such an adorable creature may not go unsupervised, after all! Xianyun will dress your little one in all sorts of tiny outfits, sewn with meticulous care, just to snap pics for the family album; she will tell everyone about her grandchild's early life to any and all who listen for ages to come. There will be many toys, constant attention (but not an overbearing amount, she promises) and, obviously, tasty food. And no, you're not seeing things - the little goat returns from her grandmother’s rounder every single time. 

Morax will take care and interact with her, from time to time, but his moment will come later, when the child is able to understand his teachings. He always wanted to have a descendant, but since Guizhong’s passing, he wasn't able to let go of the feelings he had for her. Nonetheless he will play the wise uncle and pass his skills and knowledge to the new generation, hopefully guiding her towards a path of righteousness and order. 

Xiao, although not good with kids, has interacted with the tiny version of Ganyu on some occasions. He does his best to smile and be patient, but is honestly glad when the kid finds another thing to focus on. He wouldn't want to hurt her, neither physically nor mentally. His debt has not decreased, but the revitalising presence of Ganyu does temporarily soften the effects. Despite the temptation to stick to his friend, Xiao could not risk the life of a child. Still, even if he admires her from a distance, the little Qilin reminds him of why he chose to fight in the first place - to let others remain happy and innocent. He chose to grieve so others could cheer. 

As the years go by and her horns grow, the daughter you and Ganyu created feeds Ganyu's familial instinct, making her crave for a bigger family with every passing century. Would two be alright? How about three? Maybe four? Suffice to say… Ganyu enjoys being a mother far too much to leave your family at just three. 

And you'll indulge her, won't you?

Thanks for reading!

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I don't like the new event

Plenty of people dislike the Adventure Coin type of events for being repetitive. I personally don't mind; what I do mind, however, is this event. First of all, it is fundamentally frustrating since the lowest ranking player gets turned into a saurian and, obviously, chooses to target the player with the most coins. As such I found myself being tunneled at all points during a match. I love being punished for being good.

On the other hand, dodging the saurian attacks is not easy - especially when your opponent is a bug gamer. I got hit many times while the explosion on screen wasn't even touching me simply because somebody from Novosibirsk name Artem has internet running on a hand crank. Nothing worse than being laser focused on by somebody you can't even defend yourself against. I got dbd flashbacks, and when something gives you dbd flashbacks - it's bad, it's very bad. As a recovered rank 1 killer main, I've played these games before!

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If you're wondering what I've been up to, and why posting is - as the sub-name of the blog implies - irregular, here's a screen from Google Sheets counting up how many words I've translated in my job.

239 901 words total. That's around most of my blog's worth of words, give or take. And this? It's one third. The rest I've yet to get to. 115 words per cell average, coming at 2086 total cells. That's around two novels of text. Around 533 pages of default word-style A4 sheets of paper. A solid piece of work, if I do say so myself. Renumerated of course.

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Where is my Yae Miko?!

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For the next few days, I'm gonna be taking plenty on the chin at the university, so writing might be slow. End of semester and all that.

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Your page died wow

I'm not going to ask you to elaborate since this is clearly not constructive. It hasn't been long since the last fic.

I have a feeling you're asking this not because you are unsatisfied with my stuff. If that's the case, I must admit it took you quite a while to realise that anon asks are back.

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Some Reflections + Asks?

CW: These are mostly my loose thoughts regarding something I've struggled to put my finger on for the longest time. It's to do with differences in attitudes towards men and women in relationship smut/fluff that draw from some real world tendencies (so nsfw warning, not smut but talk around smut). If you want to help brainstorm some ideas for fics on this topic, have a look and send an ask. Even if you think what I wrote didn't make sense. You've been warned though! A/N: Oh and asks are on, just a reminder. They've always been on.

There’s something… Weird about how men are treated in smut, fluff - both fanfics, writing and the real world itself. 

There is a certain imbalance that makes me feel uneasy - not because I demand equal treatment, but because something is missing, something most men (and male characters) won’t ever get to experience. Being desired, for one. 

Picture a happy, young couple. Or an adult pair - the dynamic is alike. She wakes up to kisses, gentle touches, impatient, teasing, pleading. She chuckles, nudging him away, scolding him for being impatient - he needs her permission to touch her, obviously, but he needs to earn it. Deserve it. He makes her breakfast, he massages her feet, he serves her to gain the sacred permission. Sometimes, she might flash him or let him touch her a bit, just as a snack, a motivator - it works. He craves her all the time, jokes about it, teases her. A typical man, horny and impatient. 

One morning, she wakes up and does the reverse - touches him, talks to him, craves him. She needs permission, but there is little doubt he will grant it. After all, he got lucky. What a lucky boy he is, to find her in a mood to use him. He can, obviously, refuse - but why would he? He needs to make the most of this opportunity. Who knows, she might get upset with him later and forbid any touch for a day, a week, maybe more. 

That’s the point. Intimacy and pleasure is often the motivation for the man, even in jokes. Remember the “if you win I’ll sit on your face” or “if you win I’ll let you do that thing to me” skits? I’m sure you do. I bet you’d let your bro win just so he can make the most out of this chance, a rare chance. Have you ever encountered the reverse? The man limiting sex or touch, using it as motivation or outright refusing it because it’s upset? No? Have you wondered why?

It’s because women are meant to be desired, passively. They are always the object of affection, the idealised goddess on whose altar offerings are made, just for a chance to taste her body. She is allowed, encouraged even, to pick and choose her adorators as she sees fit - after all, there will be more, inevitably. Her body is her power, a power that culture praises her for using. 

Meanwhile men are meant to adore, to work for it. To prove they are worthy of affection, to be selected amongst the countless others barking up her legs. They need to be “interesting” candidates for her by merit of a fat wallet, a high social position, sometimes due to looks or personality. And then the man will be drip-fed affection; she will touch him until she is satisfied, but will never satiate him… Unless he provides something. It can be money, it can be a favor or simply proof of loyalty or entertainment. It’s a very subtle form of power and, at times, manipulation. However, it is normalised enough to be nearly unnoticeable, often even hailed as the “normal” state of affairs. Recall dating - the girls drop hints for the boys to follow. You know, not to be “easy” (read: attracted to the men in question) and to make them work, make them earn affection. 

Take something simple like a slap on the butt in passing. When the boyfriend does it, it’s a teasing gesture of affection and a signal to her that she is hot and desired. When the girlfriend does it? Yep, she definitely pegs him. She’s the “man” of this relationship. The man here is subtly emasculated for being desired in the exact same way a woman in this scenario is. If we go down this line of thinking, we’ll shortly find plenty of examples in the phenomena of femboys. What do femboys do? They dress up, for example, mostly in feminine clothing (that is designed specifically for women) but also in general. Since when is dressing up for the other partner something gender specific? What’s the difference between her wearing lingerie and him wearing ling- Oh right, there’s no lingerie for men. Interesting. Must be a coincidence. Another example is being groomed, shaved. Moaning during sex. This works in reverse as well - why are girls that compliment their guys, fondle them or give lewd remarks assumed to be dominant? Well, see, it’s because they act like men, which automatically makes them dominant. They are tomboys and their guys are femboys. Because it’s not a “normal” thing to be horny for your partner. Because some things are not for men. 

It shows in the attitudes towards the genitals too. What the woman has between her legs is sacred, her temple, the ultimate reward. It’s meant to be the focus of the act, given the right amount of time and affection. Sure, it might smell weird, but it’s completely natural - it really is. It also requires skills to properly please, something which is widely known - clitoris, G-spot, outer lips, inner lips, various types of discharge and so on. Now compare it to the male package. 

Well, it’s kinda gross right - it’s sweaty, hairy and it stinks. While taking off the panties is always a special moment in smut, whipping out the dick is something done casually - after all, it’s not the focus of the evening. It’s simply a tool to make her feel good and to give him his high. Taking the right care of it is not required, he’ll do the work himself. The only thing he needs is a hole to “mindlessly” pump in and out of. Pleasuring it doesn’t need a skilled hand, you just go up and down, up and down, making sure to not bite it if that’s relevant. It’s simple, it’s primitive. Frenulum? What’s that? The P-spot? The prostate? Precum? Just fancy fluff. 

Oh and remember that prostate stuff is gay bro, if you let yo girl do that you’re a femboy. Why? Well… Because… Uh… It’s just how it is. Don’t think about it too hard. It’s not like actual, thoughtful pleasure is associated with women, not with men. Male pleasure is limited to a pump-and-dump that takes but a few minutes, no foreplay and almost no attention. 

I think it’s worth mentioning that the testicles, something incredibly important, the source of masculinity and virility, are very often just straight up ignored. According to some stuff I’ve read over the years, a lot of women find them weird, gross and just uninteresting. Can you imagine any guy thinking the same about a part of the female body? 

It’s hard to really comprehend how much enjoyment men are losing out on because of social norms that are so deeply engraved in our brains that we can’t get rid of them. This is harmful and this is simply depressing. It extends far, far beyond sexual life and into emotions, expectations, pressure. It’s heartbreaking to see the male sex so unappreciated, viewed as disposable even, sometimes hostile. 

This line of thinking often influences my fics, a prominent example being Equals. I’m still trying to fully express this, to put it somehow, longing for an outlet of expression. The long format of Equals can’t be used for everything; for example, it would be impossible to tackle the topic I described here since, in Factorial’s (the name of the main character, on Tumblr replaced by Y/N) case, the lack of attention was not a problem, to put it lightly. I really want to write a fic that tackles this though, that shows how the man is appreciated by his woman that doesn’t think he is somewhat acceptable, a great personality attached to a boring and vaguely gross body, that isn’t afraid to showcase her attraction, makes sure he feels desired, that works for his attention instead of the reverse. If you have ideas - send them, maybe we’ll figure something out. 

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Bro i fucking grew up playing payday 2 I still play that shit to this day

Nice. Same here.

Guys, the thermal drill, go get it.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Well I was considering pd3 nevermind lmao

I say - good choice. Instead of paying roughly 30$-35$ for this game, buy the previous one and some dlcs - you'll have so much more fun. Do crime spree. Do holdouts. Do the reworked infamy system. Do side quests. Do achievements. Ever picked up the Roman armour from Border Crossing? No? Then go do it. Ever did the secret ending? Go do that - it's possible in solo. You somehow did everything I listed? Then why don't you give silent assassin a try? It makes the game really fun and lets you experience many heists in a way you otherwise couldn't. If you just want to relax, get that mod and fire up Shadow Raid or Shacklethorne Auction. I don't think that mod is cheating as games are meant to be fun and it doesn't break it in any significant way; it's especially harmless if you have 2k hours in the game. And if everything I said is already done and dusted and you want to spend some money, gift the base game to a friend; it's not a big expense and it can open up so many possibilities. I remember I did. Not a single regret - it was 10$ well spent.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Have you played pay day 3?

I did, and I'm still regretting that purchase. Why? Greed. Almost no launch content. No offline mode. Expensive DLCs. Bugs. Being scammed to beta test a game that should have been working. So. Much. Grind. Payday 2 had it, true, but it was also filled with content and the DLCs were cheaper. Multi worked. Gun and mask customisation was peak.

So what if there is content now? It should have been there to begin with. I remember that DLCs on release costed around 80 PLN for a handful of content. I'd rather pay half of it to get Payday 2 DLCs. At least in that game I can pacify the entire trustee bank on DSOD, without the weird inclusion of the ultra guard guy. I also can't do it alone because of the ink bombs. PAYDAY 3, despite having awesome gunplay and better hostage mechanics, is lackluster, quite derivative and greedy. And it's hostile towards solo players, by design of most heists. Another example - why are we stealing invisible money and ore in Payday 3? At least make it look satisfying, I know it's more modern and realistic, but a big part of Payday 2's charm was fulfilling this silly heist fantasy where gold, diamonds and stacks of cash flow freely. Now you steal a hard drive. It doesn't feel the same.

I've played the game for about three months since launch, and never returned. I even recommended the game to my pal, with whom I did the DSOD achievement, and I feel like I made him waste money. I'm not sure if I'm willing to give this wreck of a game another chance. I'm still disappointed and now my mood turns sour whenever I see the game in my library.

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About Me

Hello there!

It's been three years, so it's high time to tell you guys something about myself.

Here I go by contentloadingandstuff - just 'content' for short. I'm male, straight, born on the same day as the world famous aquarelist - the 20th of April. I have a younger sister and a cat, named Kota (she-cat in Polish, sort of). I'm studying law, but I'm unhappy with it and waiting to jump over to psychology.

I'm from Poland, the land over the Vistula, of the blooming onion, the eternal occupation/invasion joke. While Poland isn't in the top echelons of the world, I'm still proud of our history and happy to see my nation develop. I'm fluent in English, but I can also understand German on a basic level, read the cyrilic alphabet and speak a tiny bit of Japanese.

I've been playing Genshin Impact since Shinobu's release in 2.2. AR 50, did most things you could do in the game. My favorite character is and was always Ganyu. I've started writing for the game for two reasons - first, my dusty old Necro AU and the lack of male reader content in terms of fics. I'm quite happy to have this blog. You can find me under Polski_Cynamon on the Europe server.

Although my interests are very broad, my hobbies focus primarily on gaming, cultural analysis and writing. I'm a big World War II buff, but the history of warfare in general also catches my fancy. Truth be told, I could get into and talk about any topic really. Except politics - at least not on the blog. I'm not afraid to argue my points, just not here. Thanks for understanding.

Now for some quick trivia. Here are some...

Games I like: Genshin Impact (obviously), Company of Heroes 2, FnaF 1 - 6, Dungeon Keeper, Payday 2, The Forest, Witcher 3, Vermintide 2, Hotline Miami 1 & 2, Battlefield V, Helldivers 2, Warlords Battlecry 3, Dark Omen, Shadow of the Horned Rat, the Myth series, Papers Please.

Youtubers I watch: The Little Platoon, Horses, Despot of Antrim, Saveafox, TheBones5, Chickeninja42, Junkzero, ZERO, Fingees, AstralSpiff, big boss, Shrouded Hand.

Books, stories and Authors I like: "Ferdydurke", "Hauptstellung Moskau", H.P. Lovecraft, V. Suvorov, "The Red Hunger", The "Fazbear Frights" series, Tadeusz Borowski, The "Abandoned by Disney" series, "1999", "Dziady III", SCP-5000, SCP-1730, The Spiral Path.

Movies and Shows that I like: Downfall, Stalingrad (1993), Warsaw 44, Burnt by the Sun 2, The Pacific, Letters from Iwo Jima, El Alamein: La Linea Del Fuoco, Barefoot Gen, Hacksaw Ridge, The 800, Das Boot, Black Adder, Monthy Python - Holy Grail and Life of Brian, The Pianist, Asterix and Obelix: Mission Cleopathra (if you know why, you know), American Psycho, Halloween (2018 and only this part of the new thrillogy), Hellraiser I and II.

Music that I like: All over the place. Includes the remix of Perfect Girl, Freaks, Cheri Cheri Lady, Gimme Gimme Gimme, Everybody Wants to Rule the World (both og and remix), Brainiac Mainiac, Operation Blacklight, Confirmed Thrills, Another Round for Everyone, Miami Disco, The Forest: Main Theme, Friday Night Fire Night, I Really Wanna Stay At Your House, Addict, Do Prostego Człowieka - Akurat, Czerwona Zaraza, Encounter Z Mixed, Maradona - smkkpm.

DEDICATED FELINE SECTION

Behold, Kota. I got her four years ago from my uncle; her mother was a very wounded stray named Anka (Annie, yes a human name) that had four kittens - two of them died thanks to my uncle's horde of basset hounds (to quote my grandmother, they are big and heavy like swine). From there on she leads a happy life being what most cats are - spoiled, antitled and loving in her own way.

She might look cute (she is), but don't be mistaken - she's a little devil. She relentlessly hunts the feet of my sister, chewing and kicking them for fun; she generally likes to wrestle with lots of teeth, but she also fetches when she wants. My mother is the unfortunate favorite person of my cat, and as a result she is followed at all times, woken up at dawn to feed the feline and constantly pestered for raw meat or treats. Kota is quite talkative and often holds conversations with me.

Oh, and vet visits are a nightmare. She's always given gabapentine to be less of a threat to doctors when trimming her nails. She once swiped the facemask of a vet tech clean off their face, but luckily the woman was okay. So yeah - an imp, adorable, but hellish.

Now, enjoy picures of my bejbe.

I'll be adding on to this page as time goes on. But for now, it's gonna be all.

Curious about something? Don't hesitate to ask!

[contentloadingandstuff]

Finally, here it is. It will be much easier to find the newest fics from now on.

Also, anon asks are back. I have decided that toxic trash is not to influence reader request comfort here. While I'm at it, I'm gonna encourage you guys to share your thoughts on the recent fic - the oneshots, Equals or just whatever comes to your mind. I'm more than happy to talk!

Blog Masterlist - Volume III

A/N: Welcome to the third collection of fics for the third year of the blog. With 145 fics so far, end is not anywhere near in sight. I hope to be writing for you for years to come. Cheers!

Requesting? Take a gander at the rules.

Find me on AO3 here.

If you're feeling especially kind, here's my Kofi.

Masterlist - Volume I (84)

Masterlist - Volume II (50)

Genshin Impact ✨

Fluff

Rizzing Her Up - Mona x Male!Reader

Flirty Scene - Lisa x Male!Reader

Ganyu, Kujou Sara and Their Babies - Ganyu, Kujou Sara x Male!Reader

Kissing Headcanons - Inazuma Women x Male!Reader

Relationship Headcanons - Ganyu

Angst

Breaking Up With Them - Ayaka | Beidou & Eula

Smut

How She Dominates You - Genshin Women x Sub!Male!Reader

NSFW Headcanons - Lumine & Mualani

Itsy Bitsy Spider - Arlecchino x Male!Reader

Hurt/Comfort

What is a Husband's Role? - Liyue Girls x Male!Reader

Whump

Nothing just yet.

Series

Equals - The Story of Yae Miko and a Certain Wounded Fox: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III

Things Money Can Buy - Poor Aether at the Mercy of Scaramouche: Intro | Part I

Necro AU - Mortuarius - The Story of Sakurai Denki: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V

Once again, thank you! Without an audience, writing wouldn't be as fun!

[contentloadingandstuff]

Blog Masterlist - Volume III

A/N: Welcome to the third collection of fics for the third year of the blog. With 145 fics so far, end is not anywhere near in sight. I hope to be writing for you for years to come. Cheers!

Requesting? Take a gander at the rules.

Find me on AO3 here.

If you're feeling especially kind, here's my Kofi.

Masterlist - Volume I (84)

Masterlist - Volume II (50)

Genshin Impact ✨

Fluff

Rizzing Her Up - Mona x Male!Reader

Flirty Scene - Lisa x Male!Reader

Ganyu, Kujou Sara and Their Babies - Ganyu, Kujou Sara x Male!Reader

Kissing Headcanons - Inazuma Women x Male!Reader

Relationship Headcanons - Ganyu

Angst

Breaking Up With Them - Ayaka | Beidou & Eula

Smut

How She Dominates You - Genshin Women x Sub!Male!Reader

NSFW Headcanons - Lumine & Mualani

Itsy Bitsy Spider - Arlecchino x Male!Reader

Hurt/Comfort

What is a Husband's Role? - Liyue Girls x Male!Reader

Whump

Nothing just yet.

Series

Equals - The Story of Yae Miko and a Certain Wounded Fox: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III

Things Money Can Buy - Poor Aether at the Mercy of Scaramouche: Intro | Part I

Necro AU - Mortuarius - The Story of Sakurai Denki: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V

Other

About me.

Once again, thank you! Without an audience, writing wouldn't be as fun!