dailybeesblog

[dailybeesblog]

Wasted Energy

I’m more motivated to help other people than myself.

I will gladly help people climb their career ladder, but not know where to start with mine.

I will 100% drop absolutely everything in my life if someone is having a bad time, especially if I am too - because it’s the best distraction for me.

But then, I get super sour once they’re at the top of their game, and they don’t turn around and pull me up with them, but leave me where I was.

This, is why I don’t have friends. Because I build them up to a point where they can fly on their own, but not one of them has taught me how to fly.

Why are we so good at giving out the advice that we ourselves need the most?!

[dailybeesblog]

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

She is going to die. No matter how much I want to try and rewind time, to see her at her happiest once more; even just for a little while. I can’t.

The devil has her in his grasp, and he’s playing us like puppets.

The world as I know it is slowly crumbling around me, and it’s cascading into a landslide. Once she lets go, we’re all dominoes - I refuse to watch my family tumble with the weight of this catastrophe.

My aunty, my second home. My childhood, teenhood and adulthood.

I refuse to let this break me, though I will let it in. This is not something I can keep to myself. I will seek support within my family, and I hope they feel confident to do the same.

[dailybeesblog]

Airport Nerves

I’m currently sat at the airport, waiting for my gate to open so I can fly to Germany for work.

I’m at an airport I’ve never been too, so not only am I nervous about the whole situation of having to drive to the airport, and check my bag in, and then sit around waiting to go to country I’ve never been too, don’t know half of what I should of the language, but I’m also extremely disoriented.

I went through security with a coffee, I didn’t have a smoke before I came in so I’m chewing my gum like no tomorrow.

I went to the toilet to kill some time, and I’ve got a massive bloody stain on my white top. It’s a coffee stain too. I’ve left my work jacket in my car and the cost I am wearing, I put in the wash with my work jacket so it now has a tint of blue, so the company I’m going to, won’t even know who I’m working under, and moreso, will think I’m a complete twat.

I left packing to the last minute (finished packing properly this morning), I’ve changed my laptop bag more times I can count, and I’ve changed my handbag to a backpack I hardly use to try and look half way decent.

Nerves are ridiculously high. I thank the gods that this airport is small, and the staff are absolutely amazing; relaxed, understanding, and fully aware when it comes to nervous flyers.

[dailybeesblog]

I Done It.

I done it.

I done it.

I done it. I done it on my own.

I cut off that family member who is the cause of the way I have perceived my world since the age of 14 years old.

I feel shit about it.

I feel shit about it.

I feel shit about it. Because I done it in front of Nine others, and I put my point across clearly, as to why I was cutting him off.

But, I done it. I done it on my own.