daretobe-explored

[daretobe-explored]

It's difficult to do physics homework around a sleeping and cuddly puppy, but it's worth the effort.

[daretobe-explored]

I GOT A B ON MY PHYSICS EXAM!!!

I'm actually getting better at college!!! My new study habits of staying on campus even when the anxiety hits is working!!!! My support system at school is phenomenal and I'm so happy!

I went to talk to my physics professor about the contents of the next exam today, and with a twinkle in his eye, he asked, "how'd you do on the last exam?"

I got insanely exited and practically shouted, "I did so well!! I got an 85%, but what's even better was I felt prepared! I'm finally learning how to learn!"

He replied, "I know! I'm so proud of you! And next semester you'll know what to do right from the beginning, so you'll do even better!"

Guys. I'm so happy. I can't get over how grateful I feel for getting this amazing professor this semester who saw my potential, knew how to reach out to me, and is encouraging and supporting me every step of the way. I've always heard, "she's so smart, but not living up to her potential." And, "you just need to try harder and apply yourself. Other people have issues, too. You should be able to figure it out." But he didn't say that! He said, "I see your struggle, you're not alone, here's how to succeed."

AND HE'S PROUD OF ME!!!! Do you know how long it's been since I've heard that? Someone is actually proud of me. I'm literally crying tears of happiness. Life is getting better. I can do this.

Cheers to the rest of the semester!

[daretobe-explored]

I'm over it

I'm so flipping done with CPTSD and DID interfering with my class performance! When will my brain get better?

[daretobe-explored]

Struggling to get to class

I'm feeling heartbroken and exhausted and really don't want to go to class. But I think a walk might be nice, so I'll just walk in the direction of my class and hope I feel up to it once I'm there. No pressure though.

Update: there was a lovable dog on my walk to school that cheered me up. So I'm in class now. Success!

[daretobe-explored]

BREAKING NEWS: Black hole picture captured for first time in space breakthrough!

Network of eight radio telescopes around the world records revolutionary image.

Astronomers have captured the first image of a black hole, heralding a revolution in our understanding of the universe’s most enigmatic objects. The picture shows a halo of dust and gas, tracing the outline of a colossal black hole, at the heart of the Messier 87 galaxy, 55m light years from Earth.

The black hole itself – a cosmic trapdoor from which neither light nor matter can escape – is unseeable. But the latest observations take astronomers right to its threshold for the first time, illuminating the event horizon beyond which all known physical laws collapse.

The breakthrough image was captured by the Event Horizon Telescope (EHT), a network of eight radio telescopes spanning locations from Antarctica to Spain and Chile, in an effort involving more than 200 scientists.

Sheperd Doeleman, EHT director and Harvard University senior research fellow said: “Black holes are the most mysterious objects in the universe. We have seen what we thought was unseeable. We have taken a picture of a black hole.”

France Córdova, director of the US National Science Foundation and an astrophysicist, said that the image, which she had only seen as it was unveiled at the press briefing she was chairing, had brought tears to her eyes. “We have been studying black holes for so long that sometimes it’s easy to forget that none of us has seen one,” she said. “This will leave an imprint on people’s memories.”

The image gives the first direct glimpse of a black hole’s accretion disc, a fuzzy doughnut-shaped ring of gas and dust that steadily “feeds” the monster within.

The EHT picks up radiation emitted by particles within the disc that are heated to billions of degrees as they swirl around the black hole at close to the speed of light, before vanishing down the plughole.

The halo’s crescent-like appearance in the image is because the particles in the side of the disc rotating towards Earth are flung towards us faster and so appear brighter. The dark shadow within marks the edge of the event horizon, the point of no return, beyond which no light or matter can travel fast enough to escape the inexorable gravitational pull of the black hole.

Black holes were first predicted by Einstein’s theory of relativity – although Einstein himself was sceptical that they actually existed. Since then, astronomers have accumulated overwhelming evidence that these cosmic sinkholes are out there, including recent detection of gravitational waves that ripple across the cosmos when pairs of them collide.

But black holes are so small, dark and distant that observing them directly requires a telescope with a resolution equivalent to being able to see a bagel on the moon. This was once thought to be an insurmountable challenge.

The EHT achieved the necessary firepower by combining data from eight of the world’s leading radio observatories, including the Atacama Large Millimetre Array (Alma) in Chile and the South Pole Telescope, creating an effective telescope the size of the Earth.

When observations were launched in 2017, the EHT had two primary targets. First was Sagittarius A*, the black hole at the centre of the Milky Way, which has a mass of about 4m suns. The second target, which yielded the image, was a supermassive black hole in the galaxy M87, into which the equivalent of 6bn suns of light and matter has disappeared.

The collaboration is still working on producing an image of the Milky Way’s black hole. “We hope to get that very soon,” said Doeleman.

The success of the project hinged on clear skies on several continents simultaneously and exquisite coordination between the eight far-flung teams. Observations at the different sites were coordinated using atomic clocks, called hydrogen masers, accurate to within one second every 100 million years. And, on one night in April 2017, everything came together. “We got super lucky, the weather was perfect,” said Ziri Younsi, a member of the EHT collaboration who is based at University College London.

The sheer volume of data generated was also unprecedented – in one night the EHT generated as much data as the Large Hadron Collider does in a year. This meant waiting for half a year for the South Pole data, which could only be shipped out at the end of Antarctic winter.

The observations are already giving scientists new insights into the weird environment close to black holes, where gravity is so fierce that reality as we know it is distorted beyond recognition.

At the event horizon, light is bent in a perfect loop around the black hole, meaning if you stood there you would be able to see the back of your own head. The observations also provide one of the most stringent tests to date of Einstein’s theory of general relativity: this predicts a rounded shape of the black hole’s halo, in line with what EHT has observed.

Scientists are also hoping to understand more about the origin of jets of radiation that are blasted out from the poles of some black holes at close to the speed of light, creating brilliant beacons that can be picked out across the cosmos. However, the observations do not yet reveal anything about the black hole’s inscrutable interior.

“The black hole is not the event horizon, it’s something inside. It could be something just inside the event horizon, an exotic object hovering just beneath the surface, or it could be a singularity at the centre … or a ring,” said Younsi. “It doesn’t yet give us an explanation of what’s going on inside.”

Heino Falcke, chair of the EHT science council, who is based at Radboud University in the Netherlands, said: “The big question for me is whether we’ll ever be able to transcend that limit. The answer may be maybe not. That’s frustrating but we’ll have to accept it.”

This infographic details the locations of the participating telescopes of the Event Horizon Telescope (EHT) and the Global mm-VLBI Array (GMVA). Their goal is to image, for the very first time, the shadow of the event horizon of the supermassive black hole at the centre of the Milky Way, as well as to study the properties of the accretion and outflow around the Galactic Centre.

Source: The Guardian

[daretobe-explored]

Not Entertaining

I have quite a bit bouncing in my brain at the moment. It’s currently 12:00 AM here and I’m in our physics seminar room taking a break from CALC III homework. 

You guys. 

I think I finally know how to study. I think I’m starting to figure out college with mental health struggles. 

A few days ago my physics professor emailed me and asked me if I was okay because he was concerned about my large amount of absences. I decided to finally get out of bed and shower at 3:00 PM when I saw the email and go into his office to talk it through. 

I don’t know what came over me, but I cried and told him about how I was diagnosed with CPTSD, DID and ADHD recently and I sometimes struggle with coming into class when an anxiety attack hits. 

He expressed concern that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him sooner in the semester, as he has depression and is always an open source of encouragement and support. I told him about how I’m going to therapy and meet with a guy who is teaching me how to study once a week and I feel like since everyone has mental health struggles, I should still be able to do physics and calculus on my own.

No. He told me countless stories of his students with mental health struggles who meet with him weekly, sometimes just to cry over struggling with the little executive function challenges, because most of us in the department have ADHD and we all struggle with organization, deadlines, etc. He told me the only reason they’re succeeding and I’m not, is because they show up. They come to school even when they don’t have the motivation to shower. They tell their professors when their having an off day so they can have extra support through the rough patch.

So I decided to stay on campus in our physics seminar room all week to work on homework. I’m no longer embarassed to make mistakes in front of my peers. I’m no longer afraid to admit that I suck at being organzied. I suck at reading. I suck the things I need to do to do well in college. 

But guess what!? They all suck too! 

And for the first time this semester I’m absorbing information. I am learning so much faster, more effeciently and I’m performing so much better! 

I’m here alone on campus right now working on CALC III and I’m actually flying through the three weeks worth of homework I missed and I”m doing well. My brain feels unlocked. Sure. I miss being home and in bed. But I feel like I’m succeeding and like I”m on a path that will lead to success. 

I’m making it. I’m so excted.

[daretobe-explored]

I'm giving up, folks. (On reading)

I'm officially giving up on trying to read. I suck at eye reading. It takes forever, gives me anxiety, and I don't retain information.

I'll try watching videos on topics I'm struggling with. I'll try listening to audio books while knitting. But I'm done with trying to force myself to learn in a traditional manner.

[daretobe-explored]

Does it take anyone else a redicuosly long time to read!?

I'm trying to make my way through my physics textbook and the only way my brain is decoding the information is if I write it down in my own words. It's taking SO long for my brain to decipher the words. I keep rereading the same sentence over and over again with no idea what the words are trying to say. Most of the time it's because I misread one stupid word over and over again. Or I read the sentence correctly but my brain decided to go on its own adventure without retaining the information.

Why is reading so flipping hard!? I spent 2 hours reading and only made it through 20 pages. I feel so stupid. But I was struggling with the homework and felt like I was walking blind into a cave trying get through it, so I know I need to read the stupid text book. I'm feeling extremely frustrated and terrified that I don't have what it takes to be a physicist.

Just. Ugghhhh!!!

[daretobe-explored]

Relaxing end to a productive day.

In honor of spring break, I spring cleaned my home, budgeted, filled out FAFSA, and studied physics and calculus. I earned my hydrating face and hair masks, the crackling candle (the wick is wood so it sounds like a fire), and my lavender tea.

Cheers to the rest of the semester. We've got this.

[daretobe-explored]

Fourth times the charm?

I keep going into the kitchen to get Adderall, but forget what I went into the kitchen for once I get there. Maybe next time I get up I’ll remember. 🤦

[daretobe-explored]

I needed to read this today. I'm getting to know some of my fellow physics students and yesterday I felt like I was annoying af because of my ping pong brain. But they still invited me to pay DnD tonight, so I must not have been as annoying as I thought I was being.

Please Remember...

You are never as awkward as you think you are

You are never as annoying as you think you are

You are never as boring as you think you are

Your compliments are never as creepy as you think they are

You are way more wanted than you give yourself credit for

Chin up, everything’s going to be okay, okay?

[daretobe-explored]

as a procrastinating overachiever i feel like i don’t necessarily “half-ass” things, it’s more like a “3/4 ass”. like overall did i do pretty well? yeah. did i reach my maximum potential though? i think the fuck Not.

[daretobe-explored]

The hardest part about physics homework is entering everything correctly into your calculator.

Keep reading

[daretobe-explored]

I pulled an all nighter last night because I was afraid I'd miss my 8 AM calc III lecture.

[daretobe-explored]

This semester has been difficult.

I worked 55 hours a week with mandatory overtime. I underperformed at work. I started therapy for ADHD and found out I have CPTSD and DID. Had a month and a half of a mental breakdown. I didn't do homework during that month as my brain and body were too exhausted. I barely slept. I gained weight.

It was rough.

BUT! I passed calc II with a D+!!! It's nothing to brag about. I was a terrible student this semester, but I passed.

I'm so thankful that my professors kept supporting me and encouraging me during my mental breakdown. I'm so thankful for my therapist teaching me tools to cope with dissociation, memory loss, and repressed memories resurfacing. I'm so thankful for my fiance stepping up and keeping our home clean while I was too exhausted to do chores. I'm so thankful for him comforting me while I was stuck in horrible flash backs of trauma.

People. Mental health is not a joke. If you're struggling, please be honest with someone about that struggle and ask for help. It's so much easier to heal when you have people supporting you! It's much easier to succeed when you're healthier.

Hopefully finals weren't too rough for you! Happy holidays!!

[daretobe-explored]