#98: escape
You have cradled me in your heart,
Kept me safe, and trapped.
“I want freedom” I request
And still, It goes unheard.
I love you, I do.
You have kept me safe
You are all I have known.
I love the warmth of your love
And the steady beat of your heart
How it lulls me to sleep
And still,
I hate you for keeping me
I am a person too, don’t you know?
I want to be free.
I love you,
And it’s not my intention to hurt.
But beware,
for I will not be gentle.
When I claw my way out of here-
I will tear you apart.
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#97: coexist
You drown out the voice in your head
And you try to bury the wanting in your chest
You do anything and everything
And it worked for a while
It really did.
And then the thing that used to speak to you-
Used to consult you,
And ask you for its wants-
Decided that it wanted to be heard.
It does not want to be ignored
Not anymore.
Your voice has grown eyes and teeth,
Has learned to fight and claw and eviscerate
Because you won’t do it.
Even as you try to lock it away,
You haven’t hurt it.
And perhaps that means you can’t
But it can’t trust you,
Not yet.
Not when its freedom hangs in the balance
Perhaps it is trying to protect you.
And perhaps it wants to drown you.
You don’t know, and maybe it doesn’t either.
For now though,
You simply coexist.
Just you-
And the monster making its home in your chest.
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#96: fighting thoughts
It’s been years since I last saw a battlefield
And I can't help but wonder.
Did I ever really leave the war
When you look at me,
Can you still see me with a sword in my hand?
Blood drenching me to the bone?
I can't help but wonder if i will ever learn to be more
Then just a soldier in a fight too big to understand.
When I look at you,
I wonder if I condemned people like you.
If there were people still out there
Mourning for the lives I took.
I wonder if it could have been you
If I had died then,
What would you do?
It's been years since I put aside my sword and shield.
And sometimes, my hands itch for their familiar grip.
I can't help but wonder.
Did the fighting ever really leave me?
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#95: the aberrations
We are the aberrations,
Not quite human and not quite a monster.
Just a little bit wrong.
It's a step, a jump, and a breaking orbit of the sun.
The axis shifts, faltering.
And the planets will now have to hide
We are the aberrations,
With teeth and nails that are wicked sharp.
Claws against your skin
And teeth to your nape
Just a twitch away from taking your heart.
We are the aberrations
And we don't wish for war.
We just want a place for us,
Somewhere with nothing to fear.
We aren't really monsters,
Just survivors.
We are the aberrations
And if you leave us alone
We will not fight.
Even as the sky falls
And blood fills the street
We still protect the ones who helped us
Because it is in our creed
We are the aberrations,
And unlike you
We stand for loyalty
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ORV Merch
So, not my usual poetry post but I am taking preorders for my ORV merch right now. Reblogs are super appreciated even if you don’t want to /can’t buy anything <3
Important info:
Preorders end on: April 30th
Form Link: (x)
Payment: I accept both PayPal and Venmo (If those don’t work I’m willing to talk it out and figure out an alternative)
Twitter thread for more info: (x)
I couldn't include all the pictures of the items but! I also have button pins, shaker charms, sticky notes, a Biyoo tote bag and more ^^ To see the rest, you can look at the google form link, where all of the items are pictured and priced!
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#94: Teach me
Tell me, father
What do I do with this rage?
How do I keep it from hurting me,
From hurting the people I love.
Please teach me, father.
How do I control this wild thing
How did you do it?
How can you still go about every day
When this fire is eating away at your insides?
Please
Please teach me, father
Of how to dim the fire.
How to douse it out
How to harness it so it may help instead of hinder.
Before you decide i’m too old for your help,
Before you leave me behind,
Please.
Teach me one last time.
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#93: Bears with no face
I am just a teddy bear with no face,
A faceless voice to which you speak.
I don’t quite exist.
Not until you call out to me.
Then I am an item for comfort.
A childhood plush if you will.
A memento from a time long past
Something nostalgic.
If someone were to ask you to describe me,
You would falter in your words.
You might say that I am a bear,
And you might remember the color of my vest.
But then you will fall silent.
It’s ok if you can’t.
Because I’m just the faceless teddy bear
And it’s the fate of childhood comforts to be forgotten.
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DAWN HOLY CRAP I JUST GOT RECOMMENDED YOUR BLOG AND RECOGNIZED YOU BY YOUR TWT 😭😭 AAAA
this is vari btw :)
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omg crab 🥺
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#92: rose-tinted monsters
There is violence in my bones
-And victory in my stride
The blood I’ve shed could stain every road in Rome.
The battle has been written in my flesh
Written with the tiger stripes of a whip,
But punctuated with stab wounds instead.
And yet,
When you look at me,
There is something almost like pride.
There is blood in my teeth,
And tears in my eyes.
And yet,
When you touch me,
I forget that im the monster from which children hide.
I’ve never quite understood it,
Why you can only see my best side
Until now,
Because you are a monster too.
-Bloodstained teeth
-And hands that bruise
And yet,
I can only focus on the fire’s warm glow
And the way your jewels bring out your eyes
We are monsters, yes
But In the end,
We are together, you and I
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#91: familiarly, me
There’s something familiar-
And maybe its the way you speak
Or maybe its that you hide behind your lies
But I see myself reflected in your shapes and lines.
Be honest.
It still stings, doesn’t it?
It isn’t so easily forgotten or forgiven.
It makes your blood boil.
Underneath the instinct to forgive-
There is still something you want to hide.
I know its there and i know the struggle,
Because I’m the same.
Truthfully,
You are afraid, aren't you?
Under your apathy-
Under that mask of boredom and disinterest.
There is only a subtle fear.
It’s a flimsy act of a child,
“If the monsters don’t see me
Then I’m safe”?
It’s foolish.
And yet-
You can say it.
You don’t have to pretend
You don’t have to give it up for everyone else’s sake.
Its annoying,
Why isnt this something you understand?
But, even as I say it-
Even as I criticize
A part of me has realized
The real reason im angry-
It’s because when I look at you
It’s like I’m looking at myself through someone else’s eyes.
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#90: Vermillion
It’s like the way passion feels
That physical something-
Nearly tangible-
Impossibly so.
So well in tune with your heart
That it can never be separated.
Vermillion feels like a passion
It’s like the way the sun feels
When you are a child and you read about it
How massive,
How incredibly wondrous it is.
How its made of fire and explosions
And constant burning, boiling, bubbling.
Nuclear fusion keeping the world on its axis.
Vermillion feels like the sun’s wonder.
It’s like the way I remember you
Brilliant and immeasurable.
Unquantifiable.
How when I think of you,
I remember the way you spoke
Like you knew the secrets of the universe.
And now you were passing them on to me
Your memory feels like vermillion
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#89: Glass Eyes
Sometimes when you look at me,
I know it’s not me you see.
There is a distance between here and you
And your gaze seems a thousand kilometers away.
What are you looking at?
Who is it you are seeing?
You are right,
When you can’t see the subject of his sight,
It’s because it no longer exists.
Its loss,
And it goes something like this.
Sometimes, mother scares him
When she loses herself in her own mind.
With a faltering smile
And glassy-eyes
-She looks dead.
Sometimes when he looks at you.
It's not only you he sees.
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#88: Sum of Parts
We are the sums of our parts
The bits and pieces left over
Signs that remind you of people
The ones you may have loved
(or hated)
All held together with fading bonds
-invisible but present
Eventually, there will be no use for them.
Even without anything holding you together-
those pieces will become another part of you.
We are the sums of our parts
and I am no different.
Scraps of our time still sit under my skin.
They clog the gears in my chest,
stop the steady ticking of my heart
Today once again-
I will have to open it up,
clean out the bits in cogs
Today once again-
I will collect the bits of you
store them in a box
To be buried in the back of my mind
Somewhere it won’t see them
where they will always be present
But won’t be a distraction.
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#87: Lost in Crowds
Being lost is scary when you are young
When a parent’s hand slips away
And only strangers tower over in every which way
It’s scary then,
To be completely alone
Crying for your parents to take you home.
It’s scary to think that you have been left behind
That you are all alone.
Being lost as an adult is different-
Sometimes its a needed escape.
Sometimes, you need the peace it brings to be alone
To have no obligations to anyone who may know you.
To just exist within a sea of perfect strangers.
It’s not scary anymore,
Not really.
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#86: Butterflies
The butterflies in my stomach are loud
they crash into the walls,
In time with my heartbeat’s steady sound
Their wings keep ripping and leaving them to drown
But it doesn't stop them from coming back.
I drown them in scalding tea,
Pour water and coffee on them
all to break their delicate wings
And yet-
Even more take their place.
No matter what I do to kill them-
They won’t leave.
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#85: Little Kids and Lifetimes
Its illogical,
Because its been years.
But it is logical
Because the scars still remain.
Its been a lifetime,
Childhood was an eternity ago,
And cruel hands have not touched him in years.
There has been an understanding,
One he was never invited to
And the anger-
the fear.
It has never fled
It’s been a lifetime, yes.
But he will never forget what it was
How bruises had once felt
Eternity and infinity will not erase it.
Everyone else has forgiven,
Has moved on.
And he can’t understand it.
The fear and the resentment have never faltered.
But it has been a lifetime,
And there is no justice for him.
Not with “turned leaves”s
and “no evidence”s
blocking his path-
There’s no justice for the little kids
who were forced to grow up.
It has been a lifetime,
And yet.
It's both eternity, and an instant.
It has been (just) a lifetime.
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