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Whoops

Life as a women in today’s society is quite challenging at times, well honestly all of the time... I am in a relationship and I know that he only has eyes for me but in today's world it is so hard to be happy and confident enough not only with myself but with the world in order to not let things get to me and consume my soul. I see that he becomes friends with a girl on facebook whose a new bartender at the restaurant he works for, of course I click on her page and see that she is an attractive girl... immediately I get jealous even thought I know he would never do anything to hurt me or hurt our relationship. I hate that women immediately turn on one another like that, I don't even know this women so who am I to judge that she would ruin my relationship or jeopardize it just because she is attractive. Then it sort of stems back to me and my issues because if I truly was 100% confident not only with myself but with my boyfriend as well I feel like I wouldn't be jealous that he works with some attractive girl because I know he will be faithful to me. But being a female there is always going to be that insecurity and I hate that, I want to make that go away. I hate that I know these things but I let my mind wander and get the best of me, I can talk myself down and come back to reality but I always seem to drift off in the first place which I do not like.  My boyfriend waited 6 years to be with me, knowing that I am the one that he wants, no other girl has ever come close to comparing to me. The entire time he was willing to drop anyone and everything to be with me whenever I was ready. This man is madly and truly deep in love with me and has been for the past 6 years, it isnt going to change. Get that through your thick skull Kendra. 

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Day 33:

I haven't been too consistent with this lately but I am doing my best! I had an awesome weekend! Friday I went up to Tims which was good and then Saturday Vanessa and I went out with some friends and had an awesome time! Ended up walking home drunk from Salem at 1 am haha it was a great time honestly and I am so happy we walked home it was fun! I talked her into bringing Foxy to the beach earlier that day too which was nice, I was exercising the length of the beach doing lunges, squats, side steps and so on so the 4 mile walk home drunk at 1am was the icing on the cake for my workout ;) 

Sunday was a super lazy day I had no motivation to do anything! I took the day off of the gym, I was sore but def not that sore. I am going to try and kick my own ass today at the gym, I cant wait to get my ass out of work and head to the gym. I don't know what is wrong with me today but I am in a super funky mood... I just feel drained almost like I have nothing left but I don't understand why I feel like this. I was in a great mood yesterday, I didn't get a lot done but I was happy we had a good night and everything. I just don't get why I feel so funky today but it sucks. I know the gym will make me feel way better so I just cant wait to be out of here, hopefully this Monday goes by quickly. 

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Day 30

I have been slacking due to vacation and I didn't get service when I was up in Maine but vacation went well! I was super happy we got to see the sunrise in perfect timing because right after we saw it it because super cloudy, foggy, snowy and rainy for the rest of the day! I wish we got to walk around more but it was really cold and half of the time we were there the sun wasn't out and it was raining to boot so we were better off not being in the outdoors for too long of a period. I def cannot wait to go back though and explore all the trails, go camping and hike up the mountains and cliffs!  I joined planet fitness again yesterday... I have been trying to get the gym in my room together but honestly I don't have the money to get anymore equipment and what I need I cant really fit in my room...so back to the gym for me! I am so excited though ugh I was so happy I didn't want to leave the gym yesterday I was in heaven! It felt so good being there after so long away. I am excited to get back in super shape for the summer and for the rest of my life :) I cannot wait to feel that confidence again, ugh its the best feeling to be happy with your body, not that I am unhappy now but I know I can do better.  

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Some more beautiful colors of the beginning of the sunrise!

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A little from our morning sunrise at Acadia National Park!

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Day 23:

My vacation starts tomorrow so today has been pretty hectic! I am excited to get away for a few days and before I go I am enjoying my weekend with some good friends in Boston!

The future holds amazing things and I cannot wait to explore them. <3

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Day 22:

Yesterday was a busy day for sure! It was great having dinner at Diane and Joe’s with the kids! I just love being able to see them because their all still the same, the kids still have all their different personalities and such awesome senses of humor! Its always a blast being around them! <3 

I am glad tomorrow is Friday! I start my vacation tomorrow at 5 pm and I cannot freaking wait!! This weekend I will have fun with my friends and then come Monday I will be heading to Maine to adventure in Acadia National Park and enjoy nature for a few days! <3 Ugh so exciting, I feel like I haven't been able to spend any time in nature this winter thanks to the 6 ft of snow we have gotten! 

I got Diane some beautiful yellow roses for her birthday I missed last Friday since I was having dinner for my mamas birthday. She loved them of course! And it seems like all of them are doing really well which is awesome! 

I don't know how this weekend is going to go, I am seeing Emily on Saturday after she is out of work at 3:30 but I don't know what the plan is for Monday because they are driving their car up to Maine so maybe I will drive up and leave my car at her house or something I am not sure... We will have to discuss it on Saturday! 

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Day 21:

I cant believe I am only on day 21, it feels like I have been doing this for a lot more than just 21 days! haha but I guess that just goes to show how slow life can pass you by even when it feels like its going fast! 

I had a good workout yesterday, I can truly say I pushed myself, not to my limit but I did push myself a little more than usual which I enjoy. My legs are sore today, shoulders are a little tender as well but I want my abs to be sore tomorrow, that is my goal! ;) 

Yesterday I had a moment of weakness... I got upset when I saw that Tim became friends with his ex on Facebook again because obviously that means that they have been talking..So I asked him if he has run into her since shes home from school for now and he said not yet but we have talked... I was cool about it cause I know I really don't care as long as they aren't doing anything but I just don't feel like being screwed around with. I guess I am kind of lucky because I know Tim and who he is so I know he wouldn't lie to me if I asked him a question. I just don't feel like getting a text one day like oh were back together or oh she came over and we hooked up...cause that means that him and I are done hooking up. I have made that clear to him as well, if you sleep with anyone else than we aren't going to continue sleeping together. I just don't want to deal with that drama and if he is talking to her she will def bring the drama. I have warned him about that already, if you start talking to her just know drama will closely follow...maybe not right away but eventually it'll show up and I know thats true so he will find out shortly. He told me she keeps asking to hangout but he keeps shooting her down...we will see how long that lasts for.. I told him "as long as you are doing what you want.." and he said he is and that is having sex with me he is done with her... I just don't get why you'd continue to talk to someone when you know you're just leading them on because they keep asking to hangout but you don't want to. I don't know it'll be easier when I see him to talk about it, over text makes it weird, haha typing it out makes it weird too to be honest. I hate that I wonder whats going on with them two when I really just don't want to care. I want to pretend she doesn't exist but that isn't real life so all i can do is go out and have fun to keep my mind off of it and remember that I am not with him we are just hooking up so it doesn't really matter. When I think of it like that I don't care but then I think too much into it and I obviously do care or I wouldn't have written all this.... I don't know haha I just want it to stay simple and I feel like if he is talking to her it wont make any of this simple it'll just make it a big complicated mess. I kind of hinted to him that if you want to talk to her instead of me than go for it but I just don't want to be sucked into the drama when it hits the fan because I know it is going to. She needs to get her way and if she keeps asking to see you and you guys are talking, than eventually she is going to want to see you and if she doesn't get to than I can see her freaking out and either they stop talking or just shows up or maybe he gives in and they hangout only time will tell but I just don't feel like dealing with it. I signed up for having sex when we want it and having someone to talk to, I didn't sign up for you going back to your ex or whatever drama she wants to drag into this. 

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First time trying this organic ginger pear white tea from trader Joe's!

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Day 20:

Yesterday was a good day! As is every day I am alive and well.. I woke up had my tea and breakfast (oatmeal) and then work went by moderately fast. I had to train which I don't enjoy too much but its what I had to do and I will have to do that Wednesday Thursday and Friday as well...kind of sucks cause I am on vacation starting Friday and I have to waste all my days showing her what to do when I could be getting ready and preparing to not be here for a few days.

My workout was good yesterday! My bum and thighs are sore! I found out from Tim that it is more beneficial to have a protein shake after your workout rather than before which is good to know! I guess you can do either or but it is better for your body to give it the protein after your workout so it can feed and nourish the muscles you just worked. I need to get more bananas thought because I am fresh out! Cant have a shake without my banana! <3 

I also need to get to the mall so I can go to Tilly's and return my hooker shoes that I will break my ankle on if I ever wear them haha! 

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Day 18 + 19

I had a really good weekend and for once it seemed to last a little longer than usual! Friday I was running around making moms dinner and trying to leave the house before it was too late to head up to Tim's but the dinner was delicious and so wasn't the cake! It was also nice to see the family and I was super happy that when everyone walked through the door they all had flowers for my mom! It was the cutest thing ever! So she got 5 different vases of flowers all different types! Diane has the same birthday as my mom and I am going over there on Wednesday to see her and the boys for dinner so I am excited and will def have to bring her flowers and a card for her birthday! :) 

Saturday was a pretty chill day, I hung out at Tim's until a little after noon time I think and then I came home had breakfast and relaxed and watched TV....which I NEVER do! So it was really nice to be able to relax and take my time with the day. After that I showered and then Vanessa and I hung out for the night. 

Sunday was an early day sadly HAHA but we got to go see the Harvard Museum of Natural History! It was a good time I really enjoy museums and seeing things that perhaps you haven't before or wouldn't be able to without a museum. It was a lot bigger on the inside than I anticipated it to be which was a nice surprise! I was in a grumpy mood off and on but for the most part we had a good day! We went to Chili's for lunch which was good and then we headed home and did a couple errands before walking dead. Oh and I got to take a nap :) That was nice, it was a quick one probably 20-30 mins max but it was all I needed! 

Going to sleep last night wasn't too fun though, it was a little more difficult than usual to fall asleep. But after a little while of tossing and turning until I found a comfy spot I managed to fall fast asleep...and not want to wake up in the morning.. I got a good nights sleep but waking up was so difficult! I don't think I got out of bed until it was a little after 7:30 am and I have to be at work at 8.... but I just was not feeling waking up at all today haha

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Day 17:

I made moms birthday cake after work yesterday and OMG it smells sooo good and it tastes even better! But one downfall...the thing fell apart!! haha it was stuck to the bottom of the pan and one ripped in half while the other just lost most of the bottom but hey nothing a little frosting cant fix right!? I am excited to frost it today on break, I let it sit overnight hoping it would kind of harden a little because it was very delicate last night and it seemed to be good this morning so we will see how it goes! 

Then after a third trip to the grocery story I finally got home and started cutting the potatoes to make mashed later on today with chickens! And I got green beans too! YUM! <3

I didn't get to workout yesterday thought :( by the time I was done cooking and baking it was time for me to hit the hay ( 9:40 p.m. ) so I went to bed and got up earlier than usual so I had time to sit and drink my morning honey and lemon water in peace before rushing into the shower and such. It was nice I enjoyed having time and not rushing. I really wish I got a workout in but I wont beat myself up over it, there will be more days that I can workout it isn't the end of the world. Instead of taking the weekend off I will workout tomorrow and Sunday perhaps a little more than usual to make up for what I missed ;) I know Sunday I will be going into Boston and walking around so I will at least get some cardio in there and I can add a workout to it when I get home :)  

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Your greatest strength is love. 💙

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Day 16:

Well I am again not as sore as I would like to be but I am sore! I did a new workout last night and it really got me sweating so I was diggin' it! 

I found this website http://workoutlabs.com/ that lets you download and print out free workouts! I found some for love handles & muffin tops that I did yesterday, I am wicked excited to try the other ones out too! 

Today is going to be a busy day thought so I am not sure if I will be able to do all I want, I might have to limit it to just yoga tonight! I am going to run to the grocery store on my lunch break for moms birthday dinner tomorrow night that I am preparing. Then after I finish work I have to head to Burlington to pick Nathalie up and bring her back to Peabody... it takes about 40 mins to get there never mind with the traffic ugh but hey she needs help so I don't mind! :) Then when I get home it will be time to cut and get potatoes in a pot of water to make for easy preparation tomorrow just in case I cant get out of work early enough mom can just throw the pot on the stove and start it so when I get home they can be all mashed up and taken care of! I also need to bake her cake tonight which should be a piece of cake ;) haahaha but seriously it shouldn't be hard cakes are my thang chicken wang! ;) and after that I think I am done... Friday on lunch break I will come home and make the frosting and decorate the cake so I don't have to do it later when I am out of work since I will be busy mashing potatoes, cooking chickens and throwing green beans in the microwave... I was going to make corn as well but I don't think I am anymore.. green  beans should be enough and I am making baked sweet potatoes for Chrissy, Casey and I but I will probably cook a few extra just in case anyone wants one and if they don't I will have extra! :) Well today and tomorrow I should be pretty busy! 

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Day 15:

I got a pretty decent workout in yesterday but I wasn't sore when I got up so it wasn't good enough! I did my nightly yoga as well so that added to the workout but I still would like to feel it more the next day so I know I am really working my muscles! 

I have been in a good mood lately instead of being sort of back and forth which is nice. I truly feel like keeping a positive outlook helps me control my moods a lot better and I have yoga to thank for that! I am just honestly ready to give my life 110%, I want to be fit and in shape not just on the outside but on the inside as well! I have been doing good staying away from foods I shouldn't be eating or at least eating them in moderation at times... like when I had 2 girl scout cookies last night :) <3 SOOO YUMMY!

Tonights workout will be more intense and hopefully tomorrow when I write I will be so sore!!! :) I am also working on trying to keep good posture 24/7, I always try to pay attention to it but at work it can get hard with sitting at a computer all day so I am trying to pay extra attention to it now! 

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Whey protein before the workout

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