dazaiskinnie - Tumblr blog

[dazaiskinnie]

Chuuya, trying to comfort a crying baby: What is your fucking problem?

Dazai: Why don’t you try singing to it chu.

Chuuya: What iiisss your fuuuucking problem…

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Dazai: I won't hate anyone without a good reason.

* A moment later *

[Dazai looking at Chuuya]

Dazai: He's probably naked under his clothes.

Dazai, all flustered: What a whore.

[dazaiskinnie]

Random enemy: I thought we told you not to bring any backup.

Chuuya: I didn't.

Random enemy: Then who's that behind you?

Chuuya: Oh him? He's not backup. He's like a trophy boyfriend. I bring him along on dangerous negotiations so he can see how awesome I am.

Dazai: *waves hi from behind Chuuya's back*

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Dazai: Truth or dare?

Chuuya: Truth

Dazai, smirking: I dare you to make out with me

Chuuya, climbing into Dazai's lap: You best believe I'm not here to lose.

Atsushi: …

Atsushi: He didn't even choose dare

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Atsushi: I think there's something wrong with Dazai-san.

Chuuya: Why is that?

Atsushi: He's taking a nap...

Chuuya: Oh, but that's really good!

Akutagawa, rolling his eyes: In the middle of the road.

Chuuya: …

Akutagawa: While cars are still passing.

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*Chuuya shitfaced drunk watching a video on his phone*

Chuuya: NO! NO DONT GO THERE! DONT GO INTO THE CHURCH YOU DUMB BITCH!

Dazai: What are you watching chu? A horror movie?

Chuuya, nonchalantly: Our wedding video.

Dazai: …

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Dazai: Is there another word for horny but not in a sexual way?

Dazai: Like I'm horny for halloween, but i don't want to fuck a pumpkin, you know?

Chuuya: Do you mean... excited?

*Shin soukoku absolutely horrified*

Chuuya, telling aku and atsu: Dazai, failed 1st grade English, so his vocabulary is a little weak.

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*Soukoku in jail after getting arrested for some dumb shit Dazai did*

Dazai: Here's some advice chu-kun….

Chuuya, pissed off: I didn't ask for any.

Dazai: Well that’s too damn bad. I'm stuck in here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me.

Chuuya,yelling: WE ARE IN HERE BEACSUE OF YOU ASSHOLE.

Dazai: 😳

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Dazai, standing with his back turned: I've been expecting you, Chuuya.

Chuuya, a little surprised: How did you do that without turning around?

Dazai: ... to be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

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Dazai: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Chuuya :

Chuuya : Dazai, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

*Dazai, shrugs while sipping coffee from a bowl*

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Chuuya: Sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child…

Dazai: You better watch what you’re saying Chuuya-kun, because if I’m a child you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert!!

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Dazai: Relax Chuuya-kun you can trust me. Let’s not forget who pulled you out of that river yesterday!

Chuuya: Let’s not forget who PUSHED ME IN.

Dazai: …. Anyways as I was saying

*Chuuya getting ready to smack tf outta Dazai*

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*Dazai calling the cops*

Police officer: 110 what’s your emergency?

Dazai: Help please, a monster broke into my room-

Chuuya, standing in the doorway: Dazai! For the last time we are ROOMMATES!!

Dazai, screaming bloody murder: IT FOUND ME AND ITS COMING NEAR ME!!

Police officer: Sir not you again.

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Chuuya, coughing a little: *gets down on one knee*

Dazai: Omg it’s happening! It’s finally happening!

Chuuya: *falls on the floor passing out*

Dazai, giggling: Omg the poison is kicking in!!

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*15 year old soukoku in school*

Chuuya: I’m over this dumbass school with all these fake ass people.

Dazai: Hello Chuuya-kun!

Chuuya: Hi.

Chuuya, whispering under his breath: Fuckin bitch

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[2 year anniversary special + what I think happens weekly in the soukoku household]

Chuuya: Okay. I get it zai. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Dazai: Twelve, actually.

Chuuya: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Dazai: Yours!

Chuuya: That's right- no one's!

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*Another day with soukoku living together*

Dazai: Hey chu, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Chuuya, tired after a mission: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Dazai: That’s really kinky and I’m kinda into it not gonna lie, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?