#bsd incorrect quotes

[this-is-krikkit]

therapist: so, what is dazai to you? chuuya: the reason i wake up every morning therapist: ... that’s adorable. dazai earlier that morning, barging into chuuya′s room while smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!

[axplne]

The failed proposal

Dazai: Champagne?

Chuuya: Nah, I think I'll just stick with coffee.

Dazai (shrugging then placing the engagement ring in the coffee mug): Anything for you.

Chuuya: Ah, what the hell. I'll have the champagne.

Dazai: ...

Dazai hisses in pain as he retrieves the ring from the coffee.

Chuuya: Everything alright?

Dazai (pouring the glasses of champagne): All good

Dazai offers the glass to Chuuya but the phone rings.

Chuuya (on the phone): Hello?

Dazai motions for him to hang up.

Chuuya (on the phone): She died?!

Chuuya (hanging up the phone): One of Kouyou's girls just died.

Dazai (offering the champagne glass to Chuuya): Shall we celebrate her life?

Chuuya: ...

Dazai (sighs): You should go to her.

Chuuya (kissing Dazai's cheek): Thanks babe.

Chuuya grabs the champagne glasses and pours them down the sink.

Chuuya (leaving): Don't get yourself into trouble, ok?

Dazai dashes over to the sink just to see the ring fall down the drain.

Dazai: Is this a sign from God that I shouldn't propose or...?

[fairybonesandstardust]

ranpo after coming out to fukuzawa as gay and telling him he has a bf standing there nervously:

fukuzawa who thought ranpo was out but never said anything because that was ranpo business and now has no idea what to do (he clocked ranpo and poe as dating within 2 minutes of seeing them together): ………ok? congratulations?

ranpo hugging him and crying: i had no idea how you would react, i was so scared about this going wrong

fukuzawa staring at ranpo because he definitely introduced ranpo to his significant other on multiple occasions, he has a mini lesbian flag yosano gave him years ago sitting on his desk, and ranpo has most definitely heard him talking to kyouka about gender: ……….

[mackerel22]

Kunikida: Why is Dazai late, again?

Atsushi, writing Dazai's report: He said he's going through an existential crisis and won't get up of his futon cause he doesn't know what's real anymore. 😅

Kunikida: 😡

[incorrect-quotes-4-u]

BSD Quote #2

Atsushi: Hey, do you know the password to Akutagawa’s computer?

Chuuya: Fuck you, Atsushi.

Atsushi: Hey!!

Chuuya: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouAtsushi".

Atsushi: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

[xsommeee]

Dazai: Fukuzawa-sensei, what do you do if your partner is giving you the silent treatment?

Fukuzawa: Idk. Never been married.

Dazai: WAIT! You and Mori had us OUT OF WEDLOCK?!? Chuuya and I are bastards???

Fukuzawa: did you take a mushroom?

Kunikida: Get the fuck Outta here. *while getting shoving him out the door*

Dazai: no! *unrestrained laughter* Chuuya will be heartbroken! First we’re in an incest marriage and now we’re bastards?! *boy gets shoved HARD* OW! Why must you do this to me father!!

[fandoms-incorrect-quotes]

bsd textposts!! i'm obsessed

[sorcerersandskillusers]

Oda: if I had a nickel for every time I had to carry an injured teen with gunshot wounds wearing a long black coat and threatening to kill me, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

[lowlightsahead]

Dazai: We can no longer mansplain, manipulate or manwhore our way out of this.

Chuuya, getting his bullets ready: Manslaughter, it is

[inamagicalhallucination]

headcanon atsushi’s ability the tiger does not know what to do when it likes someone

like in general atsushi is bad with knowing what to do with the ppl he likes and showing affection -- like he tries to mimic others but he himself is still working on something that feels natural if that makes sense

but the tiger

the tiger is far worse becuz the only positive thing it can associate with positive emotions is food so every time it gets closer to the full moon the tiger starts whispering in the back of his mind that he should eat dazai and kunikida

then kyouka and junichiro

and ranpo and yosano and fukuzawa and kenji and naomi and haruno

at first atsushi panics (naturally) worries he’s a cannibal, thinks the tiger hates the agency, panics more, especially after dead apple when he and the tiger gained an understanding of each other and he realized that the tiger was protecting him so he’s like why r u trying to kill the agency members

but gradually he realizes that actually the tiger just doesn’t know how to deal with positive emotions and yeah

anyway:

atsushi: dazai-san is so nice to me :)

the tiger: yeah :)

the tiger: we should eat him

atsushi: NO????

//

kunikida, patting atsushi’s head: good job on ur report atsushi

the tiger: use his arm against him and eat him

kunikida: atsushi u look weird are u feeling unwell

atsushi: hahaha dont worry about no weird thoughts here hahahaha

//

atsushi, literally just working:

the tiger: the small candy one eats a lot of sugar. he would taste sweet. Eat him.

atsushi: NO??????????????

ranpo, looking up: i’ve actually always wondered what i would taste like-

//

and so on

is this incredibly dumb? yes but is it also funny, yes

atsushi realizes he likes akutagawa because at some point when he spots him the tiger immediately starts wondering what he’d taste like

atsushi, sees akutagawa: oh there’s that basta-

the tiger: i bet he’d taste really nice

atsushi:

atsushi: oh 

atsushi: oh no

//

akutagawa: how did you figure out you liked me?

atsushi: i couldn’t stop thinking about what you’d taste like

akutagawa, blushing: oh-

atsushi: yeah it was insane how much the tiger wanted to kill and eat u

akutagawa, slightly confused and horrified: oh-

//

eventually as atsushi learns to deal with his feelings so does the tiger but unfortunately it’s still an animal so its more like

atsushi: dazai’s so nice :)

the tiger: yeah :)

the tiger: lets hunt a deer for him 

atsushi: no??????????????

//

kunikida, petting atsushi’s hair: good job on the job atsushi

atsushi, not thinking about what he’s saying: kunikida i like u so much should i kill a bear for u?

kunikida, slightly confused, slightly flattered: uhh no???????

//

atsushi, at the store: lemme just get something for kyouka-

the tiger: we shall hunt until we find something suitabl-

atsushi: no.

//

atsushi: im sorry i transformed last night, snuck out of ur place, hunted down a goose, broke back in, left it in the living room table, and then climbed on top of u, still a tiger, and then fell asleep and only transformed back now, after u had to use rashomon to get tiger me off u 

akutagawa, dead tired: yeah i don’t know what the appropriate response is but ur cleaning the bloo-

akutagawa: wait wtf do u mean theres a dead goose in the living room

atsushi: do u not like goose :(

akutagawa: that is NOT the issue here

//

yeah

[dazaiskinnie]

Dazai: Truth or dare?

Chuuya: Truth

Dazai, smirking: I dare you to make out with me

Chuuya, climbing into Dazai's lap: You best believe I'm not here to lose.

Atsushi: …

Atsushi: He didn't even choose dare

[sakyira]

Chuuya, at Dazai's funeral: I need a moment with him.

Everyone: Of course. *leaves*

Chuuya, leaning over Dazai′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Dazai: Yeah, no shit.

[axplne]

Dazai being a pain in the ass for BSD doctors

Dazai: I'm still a virgin.

Mori: You're pregnant.

Dazai (sighs): Again?

Yosano: Have you used drugs in the last 48 hours?

Dazai: Oh no. Never used drugs.

Yosano: Good because this shot could kill you if it's mixed with narcotics.

Dazai: Never touched a drug before.

Yosano: Kill you painfully.

Dazai: Oh drugs? Yes, all the time.

Mori (forcing 15!Dazai's mouth open to pull out a disposable glove): I just don't understand why you have to eat medical supplies when you have pudding and tater tots.

15!Dazai: Nutrients.

[pillonemelody]

Comic from an incorrect quote by @flamie-42

WHY IS THE QUALITY SO GOD DAMN BAD?!

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

Chuuya is so fucking oblivious sometimes like :

Dazai, pulling out a ring : *gets on one knee* Will you marry me, Chuuya?

Chuuya, suspicious : What kind of sick joke is this.

Dazai : it's not a jo-

Chuuya, yelling at the trees : ALRIGHT WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS?!

Dazai : ...

[flamie-42]

Mori calls Chuuya into his office

Mori: Chuuya-kun I have a very special mission for you

Chuuya: *mildly annoyed* yes sir what is it?

Mori: well you know how much your ability has helped us in the past and how amazing of an asset you are to the Mafia…

Chuuya: what bullshit do I need to save Dazai from now?