#incorrect bungo stray dogs

[mackerel22]

Kunikida: Why is Dazai late, again?

Atsushi, writing Dazai's report: He said he's going through an existential crisis and won't get up of his futon cause he doesn't know what's real anymore. 😅

Kunikida: 😡

[inamagicalhallucination]

headcanon atsushi’s ability the tiger does not know what to do when it likes someone

like in general atsushi is bad with knowing what to do with the ppl he likes and showing affection -- like he tries to mimic others but he himself is still working on something that feels natural if that makes sense

but the tiger

the tiger is far worse becuz the only positive thing it can associate with positive emotions is food so every time it gets closer to the full moon the tiger starts whispering in the back of his mind that he should eat dazai and kunikida

then kyouka and junichiro

and ranpo and yosano and fukuzawa and kenji and naomi and haruno

at first atsushi panics (naturally) worries he’s a cannibal, thinks the tiger hates the agency, panics more, especially after dead apple when he and the tiger gained an understanding of each other and he realized that the tiger was protecting him so he’s like why r u trying to kill the agency members

but gradually he realizes that actually the tiger just doesn’t know how to deal with positive emotions and yeah

anyway:

atsushi: dazai-san is so nice to me :)

the tiger: yeah :)

the tiger: we should eat him

atsushi: NO????

//

kunikida, patting atsushi’s head: good job on ur report atsushi

the tiger: use his arm against him and eat him

kunikida: atsushi u look weird are u feeling unwell

atsushi: hahaha dont worry about no weird thoughts here hahahaha

//

atsushi, literally just working:

the tiger: the small candy one eats a lot of sugar. he would taste sweet. Eat him.

atsushi: NO??????????????

ranpo, looking up: i’ve actually always wondered what i would taste like-

//

and so on

is this incredibly dumb? yes but is it also funny, yes

atsushi realizes he likes akutagawa because at some point when he spots him the tiger immediately starts wondering what he’d taste like

atsushi, sees akutagawa: oh there’s that basta-

the tiger: i bet he’d taste really nice

atsushi:

atsushi: oh 

atsushi: oh no

//

akutagawa: how did you figure out you liked me?

atsushi: i couldn’t stop thinking about what you’d taste like

akutagawa, blushing: oh-

atsushi: yeah it was insane how much the tiger wanted to kill and eat u

akutagawa, slightly confused and horrified: oh-

//

eventually as atsushi learns to deal with his feelings so does the tiger but unfortunately it’s still an animal so its more like

atsushi: dazai’s so nice :)

the tiger: yeah :)

the tiger: lets hunt a deer for him 

atsushi: no??????????????

//

kunikida, petting atsushi’s hair: good job on the job atsushi

atsushi, not thinking about what he’s saying: kunikida i like u so much should i kill a bear for u?

kunikida, slightly confused, slightly flattered: uhh no???????

//

atsushi, at the store: lemme just get something for kyouka-

the tiger: we shall hunt until we find something suitabl-

atsushi: no.

//

atsushi: im sorry i transformed last night, snuck out of ur place, hunted down a goose, broke back in, left it in the living room table, and then climbed on top of u, still a tiger, and then fell asleep and only transformed back now, after u had to use rashomon to get tiger me off u 

akutagawa, dead tired: yeah i don’t know what the appropriate response is but ur cleaning the bloo-

akutagawa: wait wtf do u mean theres a dead goose in the living room

atsushi: do u not like goose :(

akutagawa: that is NOT the issue here

//

yeah

[dazaiskinnie]

Dazai: Truth or dare?

Chuuya: Truth

Dazai, smirking: I dare you to make out with me

Chuuya, climbing into Dazai's lap: You best believe I'm not here to lose.

Atsushi: …

Atsushi: He didn't even choose dare

[askalastorblog]

Im about to give you my favourite headcanon

So we all see Chuuyas bandages around his stomach in his demon SSR costume in tales of the lost but what if it wasnt just for the costume.

What if Chuuya wore these bandages all the time? let me explain.

When Chuuya was 15 he got stabbed by Shirase around his stomach and once it healed it left a pretty nasty scar which reminds Chuuya that he got betrayed by them(the sheep)

Once Dazai found out he hated that he had a scar he gave him some of his bandages and said use them to cover it up so he doesnt have to see it.

Chuuya realised that is why Dazai always wears bandages. Him suggesting this was a moment of weakness for them both.

Neither of them spoke of that day again but they both remember it like it was yesterday.

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

Dazai : Hey.

Chuuya : How'd you find me ?

Dazai : july 14th, 2016. Demon Prodigy dazai osamu and king of sheep Nakahara Chuuya conducted our first partnership. This is where we came the night I won our bet and you fell in love with me.

Chuuya : Dazai.

Dazai : The day that you stepped on me for 20 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.

[noose-lion]

[chuuunies]

dazai: perhaps if I spit out few moving words a miracle will occur.. -

chuuya rolling his eyes mentally: ah shit here we go again

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Dazai: *casually taking four stairs at a time*

Chuuya, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you-

[tenderheartedtheodore]

GO FETCH *throws these at you before running into upcoming traffic*

[incorrect-bungo-stray-dogs]

Port Mafia Enemy: I invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game.

Young Dazai and Chuuya, nodding: Knife monopoly.

Port Mafia Enemy:

Port Mafia Enemy: I was actually gonna hunt you for sport, but now I'm interested in whatever the fuck knife Monopoly is.

[mackerel22]

Dazai: Chuuya and I don't use pet names.

Odasaku: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Dazai: Honey.

*silence*

Dazai: Ha, you thought, bitch.

Chuuya, yelling from another room: What do you want, whore?

[chuuyaandreaderkilldazai]

characters as things friends + family have said

[dazaiskinnie]

*Chuuya shitfaced drunk watching a video on his phone*

Chuuya: NO! NO DONT GO THERE! DONT GO INTO THE CHURCH YOU DUMB BITCH!

Dazai: What are you watching chu? A horror movie?

Chuuya, nonchalantly: Our wedding video.

Dazai: …

[inamagicalhallucination]

sskk but whenever akutagawa annoys atsushi he calls him cringey pet names loudly in public

akutagawa: *being annoying*

atsushi: aww POOKIE BEAR DONT BE LIKE THAT

akutagawa:

atsushi: SUGAR LIPS WHY R U BEING SO QUIET

akutagawa: please...

atsushi: SNOOKUMS IS EVERYTHING OKAY

akutagawa: alright ALRIGHT IM SORRY OKAY

atsushi: :)

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

[Reading cards]

Chuuya : Pick a card. Any card.

Dazai : ‘kay!

Chuuya :

Chuuya : ‘Any card’ does not include my credit card, put that back in my wallet.

[forthetaintedmemes]

15!Dazai pouting: Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just an idiot in tin foil.

Oda: Chuuya didn't notice you were flirting again I'm guessing?

15!Dazai: At this point I'm going to have to construct an entire save the princess in the tower from the evil dragon subplot...

Oda: I don't think even you can pull that off.

*Years later, Dead Apple Era*

*Dazai getting a message from Fyodor about meeting up at a tower*

Dazai: My time has come!