dazedbymalum

[dazedbymalum]

hey...um it's been awhile, soooooo much has happened and I know most people say they feel bad about taking a break (and I know I've constantly said that before) but, honestly, I'm happy to have taken a bit of a break for a little while. I still love 5sos and I'm still Grace, just a better Grace mentally and emotionally.

At the end of August I started my job as a preschool assistant teacher and it has been a month and I absolutely love it, love my kids, love everything. On September 21st I turned 19, that was pretty cool I suppose, and yeah, idk, just been chill and focusing on me for the first time in my life. Much love.

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for those of you that missed it!

Monster Among Men - 011

word count: 1,226

Calum

A few hours has past since I left Harlow’s and we agreed on trying this thing (?) we have going on(ish). I’m kinda confused and really just wanna fucking get to know this girl. I don’t know why she’s got me so damn intrigued and I know I’m still trying to figure her out. What do girls like? Average girls like her…uhh they like surprise lunch date things, I think.

I’m gonna do that.

I look out the window at the apartment complex’s parking lot and I see her car still there, so I assume she’s probably just chilling at home. I get up and pull my leather jacket on over the white tee and make my way to her place.

I get to her door and I knock. I stand there and wait a few minutes and I knock again, I don’t even her her dog barking? What the fuck? I put my ear to the door.

“Calum?”

I jump a bit at the sound of her voice and I quickly turn around and see her standing there with a leash in hand and her keys in the other. Roman is at her side sniffing the ground. “Uh, hey.” I mumble

“What are you doing?” She looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. The big frames she had on earlier are gone and her long locks are once again formed nicely into the two braids at her shoulders. Her figure hidden under the oversized hoodie.

“Um…I don’t know” I shrug and lean against the wall.

“Yeah…whatever.” She rolls her eye and walks past me to unlock her door. I start to follow her in until I’m bumping into her.

“Calum, what do you want?” She sighs.

“I—” I bite my lip, “wanna go out to lunch?”

“What?” She looks at me confused.

“I just said babe” I sigh and look at her. I notice her cheeks turn a few shades pink and I can’t help but smirk.

“Um…come in…I— let me just…fix myself.” She says quickly and sprints off to I assume her bedroom and I go inside and close the door, Roman jumping at me and I chuckle as I take a seat in her loveseat. He jumps up into the couch with me and I smile,

“Hey buddy, hope you don’t mind if I take her for a bit.” I chuckle softly and pet him. A few minutes pass and she’s still in her room and I sigh, why is it taking her so long? She was already dressed and shit,

I groan and get up and go down the hallway to her bedroom and knock on the door “Hey…uh Harlow? You okay babe?” I ask through the door and I hear her drop something “Crap!” I hear her say quietly and I snort at her choice of words.

“Y-yeah, just a minute!” She says a bit louder and I groan, “you were already dressed, you look fine.” I open the door to see her sitting in the floor in her underwear and my eyes widen at the simple, lavender, cotton panty and bra set on her porcelain skin.

“CALUM!” She screams and I quickly close the door and go to the living room. “Fuck” I mumble to myself.

Oh my god her ass.

Focus Calum. Why did I open the door? I just fucked this up, now she definitely thinks I’m trying to fuck with her. Damnit!

Harlow

Oh no. Oh course this has to happen. I was just trying to put makeup on…which is something I’m not very good at and then find something cuter to possibly wear and of course Calum has to walk in just as I’m trying to open a new bottle of foundation. Of course.

I was only mostly clothes-less because whenever I put makeup on I get my clothes kinda messy and I was trying to avoid that this time. Now he probably left and I honestly don’t think I wanna go anywhere now because Calum just saw everything.

He probably stood there looking at how fat and disgusting I look…he definitely wants nothing to do with me now. I just ruined whatever tiny chance I had with him…not that it really matter because I guess he would’ve found out anyway and ugh. I hate my life.

I look at myself in the mirror and look at my pudgy stomach and my stretch mark covered skin; they’re all over my stomach and thighs, my breasts and even some on my arms. Nobody would ever really want that. I feel the familiar tight feeling in my throat and I look down and start to cry.

This is what I get for looking this way.

…

Time goes by, and I have no idea how much and I hear a light knocking on my door “Harlow…hey, I’m really sorry for startling you and walking in like that…I-I know I should’ve just waited…are you crying? Oh please don’t be crying, I’m so sorry love” I hear him sigh “I keep fucking everything up, fuck!”

I get up and pull shorts and one of my giant sweatshirts on and I open the door and face Calum with my tear stained cheeks, he looks at me with confusion and pity? I’m not completely sure, but I end up just forcing myself in his arms as I cry into his chest and I feel him rest his arms around me and eventually he pulls me closer.

“Hey, hey it’s okay love, don’t cry.” He mumbles softly and rubs my back. “I’m sorry for making you cry.” He says quietly and I sigh and keep my face hide. against him “It’s not your fault Calum” I mumble.

“Then what is it babe?” I feel him playing with one of my braids. “It’s just me…you saw me looking like that.” I cry out

“Like yourself? There’s nothing wrong with the way you look Harlow.” He says to me, which has to be a lie. I don’t care how much body positivity bull crap there is out there, nobody wants to look like me and even if it’s technically ‘okay’ to look the way I do, doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I do crazy things to try to look the way I would want and nothing works.

“Yeah right.” I mumble and then I hear him sigh again. “You know my sister had issues with the way she looked too, for years, and she still struggles with that, but she realized that whatever shit you see in the media or whatever is just shit. You know Harlow, I may have only seen what I saw for a split second, but there was nothing wrong with you that I could see. You look different to me than you do to yourself.”

I look up at him and sniffle, I feel him wipe the tears off my cheeks “No need to cry baby” He whispers softly as I nod.

Without even thinking I’m leaning into him and we’re kissing, yet again, but this time I put my hands around his neck and I feel him pick me up and as nervous about my weight as I truly am, I push that thought behind me and wrap my legs around his waist, he doesn’t seem to be struggling to hold me, so I’m probably a little safe with this.

~~~~~~

VERY long awaited!! soooo soo sorry for all my procrastinating!! i suck, i know, just been through a lotta shit for a few months, life got busy and funnily enough, it’s about to get busy again. so much has happened, all i’d say are pretty good things, so that’s cool, i really hope y’all read this chapter, i’ve really, truly been working on it for way too long and it really needs some loving. made sure she was a bit of a longer one too….mostly to compensate my long absence, again i’m sorry please forgive me and enjoy! - grace

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let’s go to bed with Mikey no smut pls 🥺

“Let’s go to bed.”

Michael would look at his partner and see their eyes closed, helping them off the couch as they laid their head on his arm and held his hand. Being that sleepy would beven something both of them were good at. Michael would rub his partner’s back when he got them tucked in under the covers, kissing their temple before walking to his own side of the mattress. 

His partner would watch him take his shirt off and snuggle up next to them–almost making them forget about their drowsiness all together.

They would hold hands the moment they got under the sheets, Michael’s fingers rubbing circles on their thigh with his other hand. They would just settle in the warmth of his touch and being under a blanket–almost dozing off once again. 

They would jolt out of their half-sleep to find Michael had moved away, trying to let them rest. 

“What about my hug?”

Michael’s partner would stretch out their arms. He would quickly meet them and pull their body into his chest, smelling their hair and quietly humming. 

“I can hug you all night if you want.”

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just posted chapter 11 :) it’s been awhile ladies and gents 

Mobile Masterlist!

it has come to my attention that the original hyperlink in my bio wasn’t very nice for the mobile users, so here ya go!

Calum

-Monster Among Men

About Calum, About Harlow

01

02

03

04

05

06

07

08

09

010

011

Ashton

-

Luke

-

Michael

- Funky Punk 

Prologue

{1}

{2}

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Monster Among Men - 011

word count: 1,226

Calum

A few hours has past since I left Harlow's and we agreed on trying this thing (?) we have going on(ish). I'm kinda confused and really just wanna fucking get to know this girl. I don't know why she's got me so damn intrigued and I know I'm still trying to figure her out. What do girls like? Average girls like her...uhh they like surprise lunch date things, I think.

I'm gonna do that.

I look out the window at the apartment complex's parking lot and I see her car still there, so I assume she's probably just chilling at home. I get up and pull my leather jacket on over the white tee and make my way to her place.

I get to her door and I knock. I stand there and wait a few minutes and I knock again, I don't even her her dog barking? What the fuck? I put my ear to the door.

"Calum?"

I jump a bit at the sound of her voice and I quickly turn around and see her standing there with a leash in hand and her keys in the other. Roman is at her side sniffing the ground. "Uh, hey." I mumble

"What are you doing?" She looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. The big frames she had on earlier are gone and her long locks are once again formed nicely into the two braids at her shoulders. Her figure hidden under the oversized hoodie.

"Um...I don't know" I shrug and lean against the wall.

"Yeah...whatever." She rolls her eye and walks past me to unlock her door. I start to follow her in until I'm bumping into her.

"Calum, what do you want?" She sighs.

"I—" I bite my lip, "wanna go out to lunch?"

"What?" She looks at me confused.

"I just said babe" I sigh and look at her. I notice her cheeks turn a few shades pink and I can't help but smirk.

"Um...come in...I— let me just...fix myself." She says quickly and sprints off to I assume her bedroom and I go inside and close the door, Roman jumping at me and I chuckle as I take a seat in her loveseat. He jumps up into the couch with me and I smile,

"Hey buddy, hope you don't mind if I take her for a bit." I chuckle softly and pet him. A few minutes pass and she's still in her room and I sigh, why is it taking her so long? She was already dressed and shit,

I groan and get up and go down the hallway to her bedroom and knock on the door "Hey...uh Harlow? You okay babe?" I ask through the door and I hear her drop something "Crap!" I hear her say quietly and I snort at her choice of words.

"Y-yeah, just a minute!" She says a bit louder and I groan, "you were already dressed, you look fine." I open the door to see her sitting in the floor in her underwear and my eyes widen at the simple, lavender, cotton panty and bra set on her porcelain skin.

"CALUM!" She screams and I quickly close the door and go to the living room. "Fuck" I mumble to myself.

Oh my god her ass.

Focus Calum. Why did I open the door? I just fucked this up, now she definitely thinks I'm trying to fuck with her. Damnit!

Harlow

Oh no. Oh course this has to happen. I was just trying to put makeup on...which is something I'm not very good at and then find something cuter to possibly wear and of course Calum has to walk in just as I'm trying to open a new bottle of foundation. Of course.

I was only mostly clothes-less because whenever I put makeup on I get my clothes kinda messy and I was trying to avoid that this time. Now he probably left and I honestly don't think I wanna go anywhere now because Calum just saw everything.

He probably stood there looking at how fat and disgusting I look...he definitely wants nothing to do with me now. I just ruined whatever tiny chance I had with him...not that it really matter because I guess he would've found out anyway and ugh. I hate my life.

I look at myself in the mirror and look at my pudgy stomach and my stretch mark covered skin; they're all over my stomach and thighs, my breasts and even some on my arms. Nobody would ever really want that. I feel the familiar tight feeling in my throat and I look down and start to cry.

This is what I get for looking this way.

...

Time goes by, and I have no idea how much and I hear a light knocking on my door "Harlow...hey, I'm really sorry for startling you and walking in like that...I-I know I should've just waited...are you crying? Oh please don't be crying, I'm so sorry love" I hear him sigh "I keep fucking everything up, fuck!"

I get up and pull shorts and one of my giant sweatshirts on and I open the door and face Calum with my tear stained cheeks, he looks at me with confusion and pity? I'm not completely sure, but I end up just forcing myself in his arms as I cry into his chest and I feel him rest his arms around me and eventually he pulls me closer.

"Hey, hey it's okay love, don't cry." He mumbles softly and rubs my back. "I'm sorry for making you cry." He says quietly and I sigh and keep my face hide. against him "It's not your fault Calum" I mumble.

"Then what is it babe?" I feel him playing with one of my braids. "It's just me...you saw me looking like that." I cry out

"Like yourself? There's nothing wrong with the way you look Harlow." He says to me, which has to be a lie. I don't care how much body positivity bull crap there is out there, nobody wants to look like me and even if it's technically 'okay' to look the way I do, doesn't mean I enjoy it. I do crazy things to try to look the way I would want and nothing works.

"Yeah right." I mumble and then I hear him sigh again. "You know my sister had issues with the way she looked too, for years, and she still struggles with that, but she realized that whatever shit you see in the media or whatever is just shit. You know Harlow, I may have only seen what I saw for a split second, but there was nothing wrong with you that I could see. You look different to me than you do to yourself."

I look up at him and sniffle, I feel him wipe the tears off my cheeks "No need to cry baby" He whispers softly as I nod.

Without even thinking I'm leaning into him and we're kissing, yet again, but this time I put my hands around his neck and I feel him pick me up and as nervous about my weight as I truly am, I push that thought behind me and wrap my legs around his waist, he doesn't seem to be struggling to hold me, so I'm probably a little safe with this.

~~~~~~

VERY long awaited!! soooo soo sorry for all my procrastinating!! i suck, i know, just been through a lotta shit for a few months, life got busy and funnily enough, it’s about to get busy again. so much has happened, all i’d say are pretty good things, so that’s cool, i really hope y’all read this chapter, i’ve really, truly been working on it for way too long and it really needs some loving. made sure she was a bit of a longer one too....mostly to compensate my long absence, again i’m sorry please forgive me and enjoy! - grace

[dazedbymalum]

okay, so I FINALLY finished writing Chapter 11 to Monster Among Men aaaaand I will be posting it VERY SOON, I just need to do the last minute editing and yeah. fuck it’s been awhile guys and I’m so sorry.

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baby

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omg i didn’t know this existed

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my boys!!!!

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i strongly agree Jex

if you don’t think michael is sexy…………i feel so sorry for you

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man, i feel like yuck yuck.

i feel so bad for all of y’all still waiting on Monster Among Men. i’m a shitty person.

i just want a fuckin bf. really starting to think the loml got hit by a fucking bus.

i graduate on saturday, which yeah that’s cool i guess, but then adult life???

my friend that i had been dead set on wanting to get an apartment with has recently made me realize that i do not actually wanna live with her. i love her immensely, but i think our friendship would collapse if we lived together tbh :/

FUCK

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Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people

thank you @lukeyshug for tagging me!!

1)  Nicknames: My momma used to call me Gracie all the time, she mostly just calls me sissy, and idk don’t really have nicknames

2) Zodiac sign: virgo

3) Height: 5′4

4) Hogwarts house: gryffyindor

5) Last thing I googled: acrylic nails

6) Favourite musicians? 5SOS, TØP, Billie Eilish, Harry Styles, 

7) Song stuck in my head: bitches broken hearts - billie eillish 

8) Following: 83

9) Followers: 58 (I’m a fairly new blog!! But thank y’all for following!)

10) Do you get asks? every once in a blue moon

11) Amount of sleep? that depends tbh. some days i fall alseep around 12am and others it’s around 3am, and since school is out i usually wake up around 10-11:30am

12) Lucky number? 3

13) What are you wearing: t-shirt, gym shorts

14) Dream job: high school english teacher

15) Dream trip: everywhere

16) Instruments: vocal chords?

17) Languages: english, and a lil spanish

18) Favourite songs: wtf. UH...really really lovin easier - 5sos, when the party’s over - billie eillish, idk tbh it changes daily lmao

19) Random fact: the first time i went fishing i caught a duck oops

20) Aesthetic: neon signs, posters, fairy lights, doc martens, converse, black, fishnet, pops of floral, lavender, buttons and enamel pins, laptop stickers

21) Dogs or cats: doggies all the way, but i’ll give a kitty a few of my gentle pets too :)

uh the 21 people lol, y’all dont have to do this if you don’t want btw :) takin peeps out of my notifs as well

@mooseclifford @nouis-sass-and-that-ass @redhotvinyl @bby-dll @damselindistressanu @baileyjoann @waxndamaxximoff  @girltalks5sos @ira-and-ephelis @frozentink @teampreator @5sosnsfw @indra-mp @fallenangellu @ktdittmar @louiselovekill @mxvingalxng @eleanor2001dream @vintagebeauty93 @dem0nderek @daddamato

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OH MY GOAKJXJCK

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so...sorry for my lack of writing...but look what i finished!

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theme change 👌🏻

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cause of death: luke’s hip roll in that one part of the easier music video