deadlyviperquill

[deadlyviperquill]

what’s the point of JonCons povs if we have arriane for Faegon, and had Tyrion for the boat and sussing out illyio and aegon? Will we find anything out or see anything major with him?

I'm not entirely sold on saying that anyone's there "for" Aegon. Most of the recurring PoV characters are the protagonists of their own little subplots. This is part of GRRM's decision not to use kings as the protagonists - the king can be an obstacle to what the protagonists truly want, as much as they can be an asset. Arianne's got her own journey; she's there for herself, not for Aegon. JonCon has his own journey; he's there in his own right too. While he's there, he's providing an intimate and interior perspective on Aegon's campaign that neither Tyrion nor Arianne could.

JonCon also fleshes out some of the Rebellion-era perspective, particularly on Rhaegar as a human being, when Rhaegar's personality and actions during the Rebellion are likely to become relevant to the backstory reveals. Unlike most of our other PoVs, JonCon was an adult during the Rebellion and has fully-formed memories of the time period, even if he wasn't the closest to the action.

[deadlyviperquill]

The biggest misconception in public schools is that literary analysis is about proving you can be right or wrong about a book you read

Literary analysis isn’t about the book

It’s not even about being right

It’s about performing an investigation and presenting your case to the jury

It doesn’t matter if your defendant killed that guy or not. If you can convince the jury he didn’t, you’ve won

And the incredible life skill of spinning bulletproof bullshit out your ass with a handful of facts and a prayer is soooooooo much more valuable than anyone’s ever gonna tell you

[deadlyviperquill]

Peace Sells But Who's Buying 3/3

The final part of Code Geass chapter Peace Sells But Who's Buying is now up for everyone to read on the sites below.

Hope you enjoy the climax of the three-parter.

https://www.deviantart.com/deadlyviperquill/art/1196270054

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14346973/7/Code-Geass-Liar-s-Dice

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55180963/chapters/16912151

[deadlyviperquill]

Did Cersei really see herself as a mentor figure to Sansa? She claims she tried to teach her about life but it's not like people were listening to their "love is poison let's commit a suicide pact" talk. And how does that pair with the YAMBQ fears? Is this mentoring just a relic of a time before GRR meant to give Cersei a POV?

It's one of those places where there's a gap between Cersei's perception and, you know, reality. In Cersei's mind she was dispensing wisdom to Sansa. She was gracious in telling Sansa she should just suck it up when Joffrey tormented her and that the only thing she could ever be valued for is sex. She was gracious in giving Sansa the choice to walk to the altar to be married off against her will. She even gave Sansa pretty dresses to be abused in! The very height of charity.

Meanwhile, Sansa's just there with the reader going "lady...do you hear yourself?"

As for how this works with Cersei's fear of a younger and more beautiful queen absolutely trashing her life, we do have to work with the knowledge that this prophecy was written into Cersei's PoV in AFFC. I don't think it does a whole lot of damage in this respect. Cersei's so fundamentally self-absorbed and arrogant, the lies she tells herself and others are so inconsistent and self-aggrandising, that I have no problem believing that Cersei convinced herself that Sansa was not a threat, that her efforts to tear Sansa down were really building her up - or believing that Cersei would tell herself anything in the name of justifying however she chose to treat Sansa.

[deadlyviperquill]

Monthy update 26/05/25

My monthly update on DeviantArt, where I review The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars films, the latest 3 chapters for Code Geass Liar's Dice and what's happening with me as a whole.

[deadlyviperquill]

Hand & Gesture Language

Hands clenched into fists — Anger, restraint, or holding back something violent or vulnerable. Fingers tapping rhythmically — Impatience, nerves, or a personal ritual. Picking at a scab/cut/nail — Anxious, distracted, or self-soothing. Hands behind back — Formal, guarded, or trying to appear in control. Palms up / open hands — Surrender, honesty, or pleading. Hands gripping something tightly — Trying to stay grounded or keep it together. Rubbing temples — Overwhelmed, stressed, or trying to think clearly. Knuckles white from pressure — Rage, fear, or intense focus. Cracking knuckles — Habitual tension, or a signal that something’s about to go down. Thumbs hooked into pockets/belt loops — Relaxed, cocky, or casual authority. Touching their mouth while thinking — Deep in thought, holding something back. Hands fluttering mid-gesture — Nervous energy, overexplaining, or searching for words. Hands in fists in pockets — Rage or fear hidden under fake chill. Wrists limp at their sides — Defeated, exhausted, or too numb to react. Shaking out their fingers — Releasing adrenaline, fear, or something they don’t want to carry anymore.

[deadlyviperquill]

Emotional Walls Your Character Has Built (And What Might Finally Break Them)

(How your character defends their soft core and what could shatter it) Because protection becomes prison real fast.

✶ Sarcasm as armor. (Break it with someone who laughs gently, not mockingly.) ✶ Hyper-independence. (Break it with someone who shows up even when they’re told not to.) ✶ Stoicism. (Break it with a safe space to fall apart.) ✶ Flirting to avoid intimacy. (Break it with real vulnerability they didn’t see coming.) ✶ Ghosting everyone. (Break it with someone who won’t take silence as an answer.) ✶ Lying for convenience. (Break it with someone who sees through them but stays anyway.) ✶ Avoiding touch. (Break it with accidental, gentle contact that feels like home.) ✶ Oversharing meaningless things to hide real depth. (Break it with someone who asks the second question.) ✶ Overworking. (Break it with forced stillness and the terrifying sound of their own thoughts.) ✶ Pretending not to care. (Break it with a loss they can’t fake their way through.) ✶ Avoiding mirrors. (Break it with a quiet compliment that hits too hard.) ✶ Turning every conversation into a joke. (Break it with someone who doesn’t laugh.) ✶ Being everyone’s helper. (Break it when someone asks what they need, and waits for an answer.) ✶ Constantly saying “I’m fine.” (Break it when they finally scream that they’re not.) ✶ Running. Always running. (Break it with someone who doesn’t chase, but doesn’t leave, either.) ✶ Intellectualizing every feeling. (Break it with raw, messy emotion they can’t logic away.) ✶ Trying to be the strong one. (Break it when someone sees the weight they’re carrying, and offers to help.) ✶ Hiding behind success. (Break it when they succeed and still feel empty.) ✶ Avoiding conflict at all costs. (Break it when silence causes more pain than the truth.) ✶ Focusing on everyone else’s healing but their own. (Break it when they hit emotional burnout.)

[deadlyviperquill]

friends, if I can give you one piece of advice for those of you who are new to work, or are about to enter the workforce, especially if you have any sort of office job:

Do not work on your days off.

"But--"

DO NOT WORK ON YOUR DAYS OFF.

[deadlyviperquill]

Peace Sells But Who's Buying 2/3

Part Two of Peace Sells But Who's Buying for Code Geass Fanfic is now up online.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14346973/6/Code-Geass-Liar-s-Dice

https://www.deviantart.com/deadlyviperquill/art/1196191862

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55180963/chapters/169100650

[deadlyviperquill]

Hi! As someone who grew up in (I think?) New England and now lives in the UK, is living outside the US all it's made out to be? I know you moved a while ago and didn't go to "escape the US", but I imagine you can offer some insight. I'm sorry to be projecting some envy on to you, but the life you describe seems so lovely and livable. Your neighbors, your chickens, your gardens--it seems like you have some actual community. I (probably incorrectly) picture you living in the stereotypical British cottage that all of the British chicken-keeping companies seem to use to advertise their products. When I picture life in Europe, I picture the small fragments of life that we get from you and other bloggers, like the one with the escapist pet llama in France. I know that the UK has plenty of problems, and that we are only seeing slivers of your actual life, but do you think there's a different sense of community and livability over there that we don't have here? New England is also so standoffish that it might just be negatively skewing my perception of the US, too. Thanks for your thoughts, if you want to give them!

I’m sorry it took so long to reply!

I'm going to write a personal response about the impact of material conditions on parenting, because I think that's the most useful response and outcome. However, this response will be missing a lot of the political framing that it ought to have. I believe that describing the policies and infrastructure that the UK has, and how they impact on myself, explains a lot about how I am able to parent, what my life looks like, and in turn how that impacts a society. I think it is useful to outline SPECIFIC POLICIES and show what they do, because understanding specific material changes is a necessary part of any shift, let alone revolution. So this is not about escaping anywhere, or anywhere being better than anywhere else; it's about frameworks that I use which are (essentially) nonexistent in the USA, and how they contribute to a liveable society. It might seem like "why does a question about your life sounding nice, with chickens, start with 'maternity leave'?" but... this is the answer.

1. Parental Leave In the UK, parental leave is a minimum 6 months. After the first 6 weeks of full pay, the government pays you a very small stipend every week (currently £188/week) plus a very small child benefit. Some jobs offer better-paid leave as a benefit. You accrue your fully paid vacation time (6+ weeks) while on leave, and therefore most people use it at the end of their leave to pad it out. Parental leave can usually be split between parents. A perfectly normal thing is for a mother to take the first 6 months, then hand the baby to Dad for his three months off with it. Impacts of parental leave on my personal life: - I had time and space to adjust to being a parent. - I was able to pay my bills while not working. - Our children went to nursery (daycare) when they were over the age of 1. - I was able to return to work in the exact same job, back into the benefits of working (which, for me, include intellectual exercise and making a positive impact on the world.) Impacts of parental leave on society: - "it takes a village to raise a child" - well, here's the bloody village. - You spend time attentively raising a baby, in a stage of life where that returns a lot of dividends. - You have a year to make "parenting friends," forming networks and not being isolated. Everyone else with a baby the same age is doing exactly the same thing too. - Babies grow up in social circles with friends pre-installed. - Parents develop support networks. - "Toddler group" culture is normalised. On parental leave you are supported to build and structure a social life. - There is daily foot traffic and people moving around towns during the day, because Not Everyone is At Work. Some number of mothers are in coffee shops with babies every day of the week. Some number of parents are always drifting through libraries on a Thursday morning. In any town there will be adults in their 30s engaging with local resources, shops, events, classes, museums, culture, and friendships during the weekday - because they are having a year off with their baby. This is hard to articulate, but has huge knock-on effects. - after all, things like shops and museums and libraries are expected to be Always Open (staffed by workers) but workers are also expected to be Always Working (at places that are open) so when are working people going to use these resources? - people can be friendly and know the people in their community if they have had some time, space and reason to meet them.

Culture of part-time working In the UK it's very normal for kids to have two working parents, with one - or both - parents working part-time. That's what my husband and I do. Impacts of part-time working on my family: - My partner and I each spend one day a week with our nursery-age child while the other two are in school, allowing us to have a relationship with the youngest that isn't a constant four-way tug-of-war. - We meet our friends in a regular, routine heartbeat of connection, social expression, and support. It is extremely good to see your good friends once a week, and maintaining friendships over years is extremely good for you. - it's very good for the kids. not only do they have a lot of parental attention (which improves behaviour, teaches them skills, makes them good citizens, etc) but they see their own best friends all the time, building their own relationships and connecting THEM to the networks of "village." - we have adults during the week who can do things like go to the bank, pick up prescriptions, or do other capacity-balancing things within work hours. - we can collect our schoolchildren from school and they don't need afterschool care 2 days out of 5, saving money and letting us see our kids. - working part time means that we need to take less time off work over school half-terms and holidays. Impacts of part time working on society: - more working adults are available during the week to do things like the PTA, local committees, local volunteering, local mutual aid, local classes and groups. More working adults can do things like walk their dogs, have allotments, and take their kids swimming. Working adults can run toddler groups for new parents, who then return to work part-time, to come and help run the toddler group. - I feel like this is obvious, but if you want a society with amenities, then you have to staff and use the amenities. - If you don't have part-time workers, you're relying on retired and nonworking people to run your communities during the week - and they do a brilliant job! - but a balanced society should have people of different ages and abilities working together. - again, you have people in coffee shops in the week; you have people USING things and DOING things in the week. - you are NOT forcing one parent into Permanent Babycarer Role and one parent into Permanent Worker Role! This is threaded through all of these points, but you do NOT have to set up a permanent Stay At Home Parent / Working Parent dynamic when your society offers infrastructure for flexibility and supportive policies.

More Holiday (and different school holidays) Okay, so you're a working parent in the USA. You get 2 weeks of vacation time a year... and your kids are off school for 10-12 weeks of summer. how do you work and also raise your kids? well, usually through some unholy feats of juggling, expensive summer camps, and relying HEAVILY on family. This isn't sensible or necessary. (It's also incredibly hard on American teachers.) but it DOES mean that parents are in a vulnerable state in America. In many American families, the three-month childcare gap in summer makes it really hard for women in particular to work, widening inequality. In the UK, workers usually have 6 weeks of holiday. School summer holidays are only 6 weeks long. There are lots of other holidays - every six weeks, kids get a week off for Half Term - but with two parents and a culture of part-time working, you can just about cover it every year, and still have a bit of vacation time for yourself, Christmas, and travel. What this means for my family: - We can have three kids and two nearly-full-time jobs. - We see a reasonable amount of our children. What this means for society: - you've possibly picked up on the recurring theme that the USA requires a Designated Parent to be removed from the workforce/society and turned into a permanent caretaker, because otherwise the family couldn't manage the admin. The knock-on effects (resentful caretaker, resentful breadwinner, stressed out children, family with less economic/emotional resilience, caretaker expected to do all domestic chores and admin, breadwinner expected to exhaust themselves to provide resources, children do not interact/engage with breadwinner) form the backbone of the American family unit, which is not a great (or default) way of actually raising kids. - another huge expectation in America is that Family and the Church will step in to provide this missing material support - i.e. church summer camps. or grandparents taking the kids. Which - what do you do if you're not Christian? if you're estranged? if you're queer? if you moved away from the small town where that would have worked? if your parents are harmful or unsafe? again, policy changes and infrastructure are making family life workable.

Better Nursery Options (and nursery support) The UK has some of the worst nursery options and highest bills in Europe, I think? (citation needed) but it's still cheaper and higher-quality than the USA. My mother in the USA is always ranting about "don't you want to raise your OWN children?" and "they will be harmed by their carers, or made to watch TV!" but on the contrary - I LIKE my kids having multiple caretakers and a qualified professional care team. they are NOT watching TV. their nursery staff take them to do LOVELY THINGS and I can work an ENTIRE DAY without being CLIMBED ON. There is SOME financial support available for sending kids to nursery. From the age of 3, or younger if the parents are low-income, kids receive 30 hours a week free childcare from the government. (in practice they've just changed this and it isn't as great as it sounds but it's a slight savings). What this meant for my family: - I could afford three kids. And they are EXACTLY three years apart (lol). this means that as each child turned 3 and got cheaper childcare, the next one started, so we were never paying 2x nursery bills. - This allowed us to have children, a nice number and a nice age gap, who would therefore grow up together as a nice sibling set, but we could afford it and afford their childcare. - this literally shaped my family. size, age gap, and choices. everything about their dynamics, their relationships, and their future as siblings was shaped by this random scrap of policy. What this means for society: - EVEN STAY-AT-HOME MOTHERS IN BRITAIN SEND THEIR THREE-YEAR-OLD KIDS TO NURSERY. - EVEN CHILDMINDERS (people who run in-home childcare facilities alongside raising their own kids) PUT THEIR KIDS IN OTHER NURSERIES! - that's right - stay-at-home mothers DESERVE breaks. it's an EXHAUSTING job, with no recharge time or holiday, and tremendous pressure to be perfect all the time. - it is so, so normal to use nursery. it's not a bad choice, or a place to "park" your children, or something Bad Parents do, or something you Must Become A Stay At Home Parent to Avoid Using. there are no terrors of satanists or people being hurt or kids being locked in closets, as many Americans do worry about. having help with childcare is just a wider village, a care team, another aspect of your kids' lives. - seriously, if you speak to American parents on the internet, it isn't just a financial thing - daycare is perceived as being BAD for children, something a good mom should break herself to avoid using. - in the UK it's... nursery. Kids go to nursery. you pick the days. they go and pick daisies. - it's okay to have a break from parenting and being Touched all the time. - it's very good for kids to start making friends and having other carers.

Decent schooling In England, free public schooling starts at aged 4. children wear uniforms from age 4. hot meals are about £3 a day and are free for the first few years. there are no metal detectors or shootings. kids learn phonics, cursive, maths, tech, cooking, art, sports, etc. at a reasonable standard, not dependent on local property taxes - okay, so, background: in the USA schools budgets are state-set, but are ALSO often linked to local property taxes and local funding pots. so schools in "poor" areas generally have less resources, while schools in areas with nice houses and Good School Districts have a completely different experience. In some USA schools, teachers have to use food banks and buy pencils for their own students. It's all pretty wild and inconsistent. This is somewhat true in the UK (better schools tend to be in 'better' areas) but the funding is more consistently given and there is a national-level monitoring and regulation program. (it isn't left up to 50 insane separate states who all want to strip school budgets and cut their funding to do this according to Personal Vibes.) this means that you can just... send your kids to school. they learn things. and then come home. It's fine. you can just send your kids to school. everyone else is too. Many communities are walkable, and "driving kids to school" is not the default. Kids are expected to become independent earlier, and society is expected to be safer. at the age of 11 they usually walk to school with their friends. What this means for my family: - my kids are pleasant, the older two can read, they have opportunities and are supported. I don't feel like school is damaging them. On the contrary. - it isn't on me as (Femme Parent) to be their entire cultural and intellectual education. they're exposed to diverse viewpoints, people, and teachers. their mental landscapes are broader and more resilient than if it had just been me. - (I was homeschooled, you see.) What this means for society: - children are mildly educated. - children are fairly safe when they're Away From You. - teachers are a reasonable profession that's normal to go into. and teachers live fairly normal lives. - social inequality is reduced through equity introduced in education. - educational opportunities are more consistent and less stratified. - children can safely get out of family homes (and parents can work).

walkable communities, but you got that.

public transport, but you know about that.

socialised healthcare, but you get that. As a result of all these things, raising a family is materially different in the UK, with effects that knock on throughout. With one or two tweaks - now you have present and engaged fathers. Now women can be working parents without breaking themselves in half. Now babies make friends they'll keep their whole lives. Now you CAN be distant from toxic family because you don't need family support to raise kids. But all of those things could be put into policy. They are not something British people invented. ANY SOCIETY THAT LAYS THINGS OUT COULD ACHIEVE THIS. And I think that's worth saying and laying out. Livable communities can be made livable with livable infrastructure. infrastructure is something we can make.

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Jaime affc: He was wrong about that. "I have been despised by better men than you, Edmure." Jaime called for a guard. "Take his lordship back to his tower and see that he's fed."

Do you think he’s referring more about ned or blackfish?

I think there's a laundry list of people Jaime's thinking of. Just about anyone with anything approaching a code of honour despises Jaime, and he knows it. Don't forget Ser Barristan!

[deadlyviperquill]

Peace Sells But Who's Buying 1/3

The newest chapter of my fanfic CodeGeass: Liar's Dice is up now to read on various sites. https://www.deviantart.com/deadlyviperquill/art/1196164937

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55180963/chapters/139943851

As an added bonus, my dear friend Maon, has done a chibi piece of one of the POV's, Hui Ying Qing.

[deadlyviperquill]

When writing toxic family dynamics

Toxic family stuff isn’t always screaming matches or broken plates. Sometimes it’s quiet control. The expectation to shrink, the pressure to be perfect, the guilt that rides shotgun. It’s complicated. And it’s deeply, deeply personal.

✧ Make the love real, but conditional.  One of the most damaging things about toxic family is the illusion of love. It’s not “I love you no matter what.” It’s “I love you when you obey.” Let your character notice that.

✧ Control shows up in micro ways... Who’s allowed to speak. Who’s allowed to feel. Who apologizes first, even when they’re not wrong. Control doesn’t need to be loud. Sometimes it’s a raised eyebrow or a guilt trip.

✧  Let them question reality. Toxic families are great at gaslighting. Your character might constantly wonder, Was it really that bad? Am I being dramatic? Let them doubt their own memories. That internal confusion is real.

✧ The guilt will be crushing. Leaving a toxic family doesn’t feel empowering at first. It feels selfish. It feels wrong. It feels like betrayal, even when it's survival. Show your character grieving the fantasy of the family they wish they had.

✧ Let them try to earn love. Your character might work their ass off trying to “be good,” hoping maybe this time they’ll be enough. Toxic families move the goalposts. Let that break them a little.

✧ Show emotional whiplash... One moment everything is warm and nostalgic. The next, it’s tense and full of landmines. That unpredictability is the dynamic. Use it.

✧ Don’t make the villain cartoonish. Even the abuser might think they’re doing what’s best. They might bake cookies and say “I’m just worried about you.” That’s what makes it so damaging. Write them like people, flawed, manipulative, real.

✧ Let your character unlearn in layers. Even after they leave, they still flinch. Still fold under pressure. Still crave approval. Recovery isn’t clean. But it’s worth it. And when they finally say no, even just once, let it be electric.

[deadlyviperquill]

Gangsters in Tokyo

The latest chapter for my fanfic Code Geass Liar's Dice: Gangsters in Tokyo is up now for everyone to read on various sites. https://www.deviantart.com/deadlyviperquill/art/1195916792

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55180963/chapters/169082872

[deadlyviperquill]

what would’ve happened if an adult Joffrey dismissed Tywin from his service? Assuming WOT5K managed to go Lannister favour or Joffrey was 16. Was there anything Tywin would’ve done?

Anon, cont: I just meant could Tywin just refuse because of the power he has over Joffrey even if Joffrey was of age?

Complicated. We've got this quote from Tyrion:

Tyrion could hear the commons shouting out King Joffrey's name. In three years that cruel boy will be a man, ruling in his own right . . . and every dwarf with half his wits will be a long way from King's Landing. Tyrion VIII, ASoS

Cut for length.

Consider, however, who this is coming from and why. Tyrion is the least favourite of his family, no backup from Tywin, limited political support in King's Landing, the object of a lot of ableism and hatred. Nobody's going to stick their neck out for Tyrion. If Joffrey wanted to use Tyrion as a kickball instead of dealing with the problems of the realm, Tywin would likely let it happen without an ounce of regret. Tyrion would be smart to get clear of King's Landing before Joffrey hit majority. This is Tyrion's (almost certainly accurate) perspective on his own situation, not a universally applicable truth.

It does not follow that Joffrey reaching majority -> he can effect Tywin's dismissal at will.

In practice, Tywin has way more force of personality than Joffrey, and a lot more support from various cronies. When they come to conflict in ASoS, this is what happens:

He wrenched free of her. "Why should I? Everyone knows it's true. My father won all the battles. He killed Prince Rhaegar and took the crown, while your father was hiding under Casterly Rock." The boy gave his grandfather a defiant look. "A strong king acts boldly, he doesn't just talk." "Thank you for that wisdom, Your Grace," Lord Tywin said, with a courtesy so cold it was like to freeze their ears off. "Ser Kevan, I can see the king is tired. Please see him safely back to his bedchamber. Pycelle, perhaps some gentle potion to help His Grace sleep restfully?" Tyrion VI, ASoS

Joffrey's thirteen at this point. Already way too old to be sent to bed and given drugs to keep him out of the way. The fact that this tactic still works for Tywin says a lot about the dominance Tywin has over Joffrey's court. If Joffrey tried to dismiss Tywin, I think the reaction from a lot of people would be "perhaps you should take a day or two and rethink it, your grace?"

However. This can't last forever either. Tywin's getting older, for one. His career time is not unlimited. ASoS also shows us that Tywin is steadily running through all his political favours, reaching the limits of what he can accomplish.

Counterpoint to this in turn is the fact that the Tyrells were already so dead set against Joffrey they'd arranged for his assassination. If Tywin has limits to what he can accomplish because he's a monster, so too does Joffrey. It's a race to the knife.

Should both somehow stumble their way through assassination attempts and revolts for a few years, I do think it would be practically difficult for Joffrey to just up and sack Tywin the day Joffrey turned sixteen. Less difficult the more time went on, but fundamentally the issue is that Joffrey is not especially strong-willed (just spoiled), he's not intelligent, he's not educated, he's not accomplished, he's not disciplined. What he's got going for him is his title, not any real force of personality or record of achievement. To know Joffrey is not to respect him. This would likely leave him perpetually vulnerable to being a puppet king, minority or majority... and Tywin's the nearest puppetmaster at hand.

[deadlyviperquill]

Do you think it’s surprising how loyal Pycelle is to Tywin given how Tywin clearly does not think very highly of him?

No, actually. I might not get why Tywin of all people, I might not be able to understand why think like this in the first place, but Pycelle's fanboying for someone who doesn't care is behaviour you can see in the wild. People do this! In real life!

[deadlyviperquill]

I was rereading and well does Tywin not see himself as a hero? This was the text “"And Robert's relief was palpable. As stupid as he was, even he knew that Rhaegar's children had to die if his throne was ever to be secure. Yet he saw himself as a hero, and heroes do not kill children.” I thought someone as vain and big on legacy of Lannister would’ve and now have no idea how Tywin sees Tywin even as I’m reading the text.

I think Kevan's answered your question best:

"Tywin seems a hard man to you, I know, but he is no harder than he's had to be." Tyrion IX, ASoS

I don't think Tywin sees himself as the hero of a grand adventure, like Robert wanted to. I think Tywin sees himself as someone who does what is necessary even when others might call it harsh. Someone who deals with the distasteful realities of life - someone who succeeds by using those distasteful realities to achieve their ends. If Tywin's the hero of his own story, it's the sort of story where critics tactfully describe the main character as flawed and the atmosphere as gritty.