demonqueenart

[demonqueenart]

Why Taking Breaks Isn’t Enough to Heal Burnout: The Mind Needs Rest Too

This post is for the activists—especially those navigating online spaces—who are doing everything they can to challenge racism.

I’ve previously shared ways to reduce workload, including assigning roles and expanding your capacity based on where you are right now. These structures are important. But even with them in place, it’s still not enough.

Why? Because when you’re constantly facing something as urgent as racism, your mind doesn’t get to “log off,” even when your body does. You might know breaks are necessary, but your brain still feels like it’s on call 24/7. Racism puts you in a constant state of emotional alert. Even when you’re physically safe, emotional safety can feel out of reach.

You might start questioning who you can trust. You may not even feel safe in communities that once felt like home. In fandom spaces, where you expect joy and connection, racism still manages to creep in. And that makes everything feel even more disorienting.

So of course you feel like you can’t stop fighting. Who else will protect your space if you don’t? That’s why simply telling yourself to “take a break” doesn’t work. And why good structure isn’t enough.

Here’s how you can start letting yourself rest, even if things aren’t fully resolved.

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1. You Don’t Need to Solve Everything Right Now

Revolutions don’t succeed because people burn themselves out. They last because people persist. The kind of change that stays isn’t always the loudest—it’s the one that endures.

Think of it like this: viruses that spread and kill quickly tend to disappear. They destroy their hosts before they can sustain themselves. But the ones that stay with us—like the flu or modern-day COVID—tend to adapt. They don’t vanish, but they become something we learn to live with.

This doesn’t mean you have to blend in or stay quiet. But you do need to sustain yourself. If you burn out completely, you won’t be around to make the difference you’re meant to make.

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2. Learn to Coexist With the Brokenness

It’s okay if everything isn’t fixed yet. That doesn’t mean it never will be.

You might feel like resting means things will fall apart. Maybe that’s what your past has shown you. Maybe pausing feels dangerous, like giving up control. That kind of fear comes from experience—it makes sense, and it’s valid.

But here’s a gentle idea to try:

Take a moment to breathe. You don’t need to go deep into therapy breathing if that feels too vulnerable—just a slow inhale, and an easy exhale. Nothing fancy.

Now bring to mind the things that are unresolved. The people who’ve dismissed you. The systems that feel too big to fix. Hold that picture gently in your mind—not to dwell, but to observe.

As you continue to breathe, notice that you’re still here. Still breathing, still thinking, still present. Nothing needs to be “solved” in this moment for you to find a small bit of peace. This is how calm begins—right in the middle of chaos, not after it’s gone.

The more you practice this, the more you’ll realize: You don’t need everything to change before you can feel grounded. And that calm? That’s what helps you stay in the work without burning out.

Every time you feel the urge to fix everything at once, remind yourself: It’s okay to let the world be broken for a little while. You’ll return to the work. But for now, take what you need.

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3. Reconnect With Why You’re Here

It’s not enough to stay in the fight just because the work is important. If that’s your only motivation, it can start to feel like you’re trapped in a job you didn’t choose—like your passion became a prison.

Let me be clear: believing this work is important doesn’t mean you don’t also have personal reasons for doing it. But when things feel overwhelming, your personal reasons can get buried.

Try reconnecting with your deeper “why.”

For me, I do this work because it makes sense for who I am. I’m wired to build systems, to spot gaps, and to repair what’s broken. As a genderfluid person, my ability to hold multiple identities helps me see connections that others might miss. I’m not just here to end racism—I’m here because creating solutions is what gives my life meaning.

Your reason might be completely different. That’s the point. We’re not all strategists. We’re not all meant to play the same role. But each of us brings something vital to the table.

So ask yourself: What are you made to do? What feels natural to you? What lights you up, even in the hard moments?

You don’t have to do everything. But you do need to know what’s yours to do—and why it matters to you.

This takes time, reflection, and honesty. Our society doesn’t always encourage that. But once you understand your own design, everything starts to click. You’ll move from burnout to fulfillment, not because the work is easy, but because it finally feels like it fits.

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Final Thought:

You deserve to rest. Not after the world is fixed—but while it’s still messy.

You’re not abandoning the fight by slowing down. You’re making sure you can stay in it, fully yourself, for as long as it takes.

Let that be enough for now.

[demonqueenart]

Hey everyone,

I’ve been away for a week—not just because of burnout (though this work can be exhausting)—but because I realized something important: constantly flooding with strategy after strategy to combat racism in online space isn’t the best way to help everyone absorb and act on what I create.

I want to be clear: I’m a strategist and system architect, not a moderator. Moderating content to make it easier to digest is not my role. So here’s how we’ll move forward:

1. I will design, launch, and then let go of my strategies here. Once I post a strategy, I’m done—no further explanations or breakdowns. Each post will be a comprehensive resource you can explore at your own pace. Think of this as a resource bank for fighting racism online—not limited to this fandom, but broadly applicable.

2. Since I’ll be posting a lot, take your time and absorb at your own pace. Don’t feel pressured to do it all at once. Rest and self-care are just as important as the work.

3. Remember, these guidelines and strategies are suggestions, not mandates. I’m building systems to help us fight these unwinnable battles—but no one has all the answers. As frontliners, trust your instincts to decide what works for you. Use my plans as a foundation—adapt, re-evaluate, and create your own approaches as needed.

To everyone who’s been part of this journey: you may feel exhausted, fighting for something that sometimes feels impossible. But trust me—you are not doing this in vain. Change often begins in small, overlooked places, and when the game flips, your efforts will be recognized as essential by those who once doubted us.

Though I may not know you all personally, I deeply appreciate the work you’ve done. Let’s keep moving forward—let’s initiate so the real change can begin!

[demonqueenart]

For Those Who’ve Been Called Out: What Signal Texts Are, and How to Use Them Safely

If you’ve been called out — whether gently or harshly — it can feel overwhelming.

Maybe you were trying to help and got it wrong.

Maybe you didn’t know what you were doing was harmful.

Maybe you did know, but now you want to do better.

Or maybe you’re not ready to change, but you don’t want to cause more harm either.

Whatever the reason, this post is for you.

There’s a tool that can help you stay in the room — without making things worse, without being attacked, and without needing to pretend you’re further along than you are.

They’re called signal texts.

⸻

What Are Signal Texts?

Signal texts are short, specific phrases that communicate this:

“I know what I did was not okay. I’m not here to fight. I’m not ready to talk more, but I also don’t want to make it worse.”

They are not apologies.

They are not performative.

They are not meant to make people praise you.

They are a tool of protection — for everyone.

For the people doing the work: they don’t have to engage with you.

For you: you won’t get piled on, as long as you follow the structure.

⸻

Why Should You Use Signal Texts?

Because otherwise, the situation might escalate — fast.

Without structure, you might:

• Say something that hurts people further

• Try to defend yourself in a way that backfires

• Shut down and leave the space entirely

• Or worse, reinforce the exact harm that got you called out in the first place

Signal texts give you a safer path.

They allow you to coexist in a space while you reflect, learn, or just pause.

It’s okay if you’re not ready to change today.

But it’s not okay to keep causing harm.

Signal texts help bridge that gap — without faking growth, and without doing more damage.

⸻

Examples of Signal Texts You Can Use

You can add a tag like <signal text> to make it clear you’re using one intentionally.

All signal texts must begin with:

“And this is not okay, but…”

• “And this is not okay, but I won’t interfere.”

• “And this is not okay, but I want to speak without attacking.”

• “And this is not okay, but I’m leaving before I say something harmful.”

• “And this is not okay, but I’m confused and I won’t fight you.”

• “And this is not okay, but I feel triggered and I’m not centering myself.”

• “And this is not okay, but I’m reading, not responding.”

• “And this is not okay, but I admit I’m part of the problem.”

• “And this is not okay, but I want to share this, knowing it’s not my place to speak.”

These texts do notmean you’re being forgiven.

They do not mean you’re fixed.

They mean: you’re here, you’re listening, and you’re not going to harm anyone further right now.

And that’s a powerful place to start.

⸻

The Rules (That Protect Everyone — Including You)

This system only works if everyone respects the protocol.

If you’re using signal texts:

• Don’t use them to avoid accountability.

• Don’t follow them up with defensiveness or self-centering.

• Don’t expect praise or comfort for using them.

• Don’t fake it. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.

If others are using signal texts:

• Don’t attack them.That includes piling on, quote-tweeting to mock, or escalating once they’ve signaled they’re backing down.

• Don’t reward them either.No cookies, no applause. The point is not to comfort them — it’s to allow space for stillness and thought.

• Do moderate misuse.If someone is using signal texts manipulatively, call it out with care. Not all use is good-faith — but some misuse is just misunderstanding.

People who attack someone for using a valid signal text — or who reward them for it — are breaking protocol just as much as someone who uses them manipulatively.

This system protects everyone by being clear, not soft.

⸻

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect. But You Do Have to Try.

No one expects you to become a different person overnight.

This isn’t a test. This isn’t even a transformation.

It’s just a system that gives you a way to stay —

Without defending yourself.

Without taking over.

Without pretending you’re something you’re not.

And in that stillness, with enough time and honesty, something might change.

⸻

Use signal texts if you want to stay here and learn, even if you’re not ready to grow.

Respect signal texts if you see them — whether you agree with the person or not.

Moderate this system with fairness — for everyone.

That’s how we build something better — together, without harming each other in the process.

[demonqueenart]

Signal Texts Aren’t About Defending Bigots — They’re About Protecting Us While Still Holding the Line

In a past post, I introduced signal texts — short phrases like “Rotate out. I need rest.” These help us set boundaries, avoid burnout, and stay grounded while engaging in anti-racist work online.

But I also proposed something that might feel controversial:

Signal texts for people who’ve caused harm — even those labeled as bigots.

So let me be clear:

This is not about excusing harm. This is not about stopping callouts.

It’s about giving us more options — to protect our energy, manage emotional workload, and stay strategic — without letting harm slide.

Callouts Still Matter — Deeply

Calling out harmful behavior is essential.

It disrupts the cycle. It creates accountability. It tells people the truth: “What you did was not okay.”

Without that, nothing changes. People can’t grow if harm is never named.

Callouts are a necessary spark.

They aren’t cruelty — they’re clarity.

But What Happens If We Don’t Hold Space After the Callout?

Sometimes, cutting someone off is the only safe and right thing to do.

No one owes their labor to someone who’s done harm.

But when banishment becomes our only strategy, we also risk:

People walking away without learning.

Harm being repeated elsewhere, where we can’t see or stop it.

The person believing they can’t change — and giving up.

Us doing all the emotional labor, over and over, just to re-enforce a boundary.

We’re not talking about forgiveness.

We’re talking about strategy — and building structures where change is possible without requiring more from the people already carrying the weight.

This Is Where Signal Texts Come In

Signal texts are not a reward, not an apology, and definitely not a free pass.

They’re short, clear statements someone can use to say:

“I’m not fighting you. I know I’ve done harm. I’m stepping back so I don’t make it worse.”

These messages let us — the activists, the allies, the people doing the work — walk away without guilt or unfinished business.

They let that person stay present without taking up space or doing more harm. This will help them reflect, face harm and choose growth in their own terms later.

And if they’re not ready to grow yet, that’s fine. The signal text lets everyone else know to move on without being dragged into emotional labor.

Examples of Signal Texts (That Still Center Accountability)

Each can begin with:

“And this is not okay, but…”

“I’m not opposing you. I won’t interfere.”

“I want to speak without attacking.”

“I’m leaving before I say something harmful.”

“I’m confused, but I’ll stay quiet.”

“I feel triggered, but I’m not centering myself.”

“I’m here to learn, not argue.”

“I’m trying to be honest, even if I’m not ready to change.”

“I want to share this resource, but I know it’s not my place to speak.”

These texts don’t excuse harmful behavior — they acknowledge it while setting a boundary.

They’re like traffic signals: you can’t move forward until you’re safe to do so.

What This Looks Like for You, As an Activist

Keep calling things out. You’re not wrong to do so.

Set your boundaries. You don’t have to tolerate harm.

Know that signal texts are not about trust — they’re about structure.

If someone uses one, you don’t need to respond.

You don’t need to engage.

You can move on, protect your energy, and continue your work.

This makes the movement more sustainable. It lets us rest while still keeping the line firm.

This Isn’t About Choosing Sides — It’s About Choosing Strategy

Justice without accountability is fragile.

But accountability without space for reflection can become punishment without purpose.

We’re not here to babysit people.

We’re not here to soften the truth or delay consequences.

But we can choose to build systems that:

Name harm clearly

Hold space wisely

Reduce our burnout

And allow people to grow (if they’re willing) on our terms, not theirs

Signal texts are one way to do that.

Not a solution — just another tool in our toolbox.

Use them if they help.

Ignore them if they don’t.

But know: they’re for our protection, not theirs.

[demonqueenart]

Hey everyone — just a soft follow-up.

I know I shared a lot earlier. It came from a place of real passion and care, and I don’t expect anyone to absorb or agree with everything all at once. It’s okay if you felt overwhelmed, tired, confused, or even unsure where you fit in all of it.

This is meant to be a long-term offering — not a demand, not a test. Just a starting point for something better.

If all you do right now is sit with one part of it, that’s more than enough. If you need space, that’s valid too. If you’re curious, angry, hopeful, or burned out — I see all of that.

And if you do feel inspired, you’re welcome to help shape how we build this together.

No pressure. No judgment. Just pacing ourselves for something real.

(This is a quiet follow-up to my earlier post on burnout + reform systems. Check that one first if you’re new.)

[demonqueenart]

Burnout Strategies for Both Sides

Burnout is real. It affects everyone—activists, allies, and even those holding onto bigoted views. And burnout blocks progress. We often feel like we have to fight constantly to protect ourselves or to push change, but that constant conflict is draining for everyone. There is another way.

This guide proposes a shared system for reducing burnout while still holding space for justice, growth, and accountability. The goal isn’t to excuse bigotry—but to reduce emotional exhaustion for everyone involved so we can focus on transformation and healing.

Where Burnout Comes From

Burnout shows up differently for different people:

Activists often carry the weight of the work—educating others, managing harmful behavior, organizing systems, and keeping conversations alive so real change can happen. It’s exhausting.

Bigoted users or those resistant to change often feel constantly exposed to content they didn’t ask for, and feel personally attacked or misunderstood. They may feel like they can’t enjoy their interests without being called out.

This cycle fuels a kind of escalation—both sides pushing harder, trying not to be silenced. Eventually, the space itself becomes unwelcoming and unsustainable for everyone. Even when one side “wins,” harm is done. And when we assume someone is irredeemable, we may push away someone who could have changed.

This isn’t working.

We don’t need to fight endlessly. But we also can’t let bigotry slide. So let’s try something else—together.

Systemic Burnout Reduction Strategies

1. Content Viewing

Check your emotional response. Ask yourself:

Is this disturbing?

Is it overwhelming?

Can I engage with this, but I’ll feel emotionally drained after?

Respect your limits. If you feel a strong urge to scroll away, it might mean:

You’re overwhelmed.

The content wasn’t meant for you.

Some content is designed to call out bad behavior—not to educate or invite dialogue. If that’s not helpful for you, skip it and find more constructive content instead.

Use and respect tags. Implement a community tagging system:

High-intensity content

Educational/reflective posts

Community building/light content

This helps everyone engage based on their emotional readiness.

Rest is essential.

It’s okay to close a tab or walk away. It’s okay to block me even, if you can’t have my content right now.

Signal to others: “I need a break—can someone else step in?”

Build a system of rotating support when members are overwhelmed.

2. Content Creation

We all want to be heard. But message overload causes people to shut down. If you want to reach each other—whether to challenge or support—you need to pace yourself.

Post Agreements and Rotation

You don’t need mutual agreement to begin, but you do need to consider the other side’s capacity:

Activists: How much content can you collectively post per day? Can you rotate tones—e.g., educational, emotional, call-outs—on different days?

Bigoted or resistant users: If you want activists to hear you, slow down and express yourself in non-triggering ways. Share how you feel instead of defending systems. Seek to learn before you speak—use tools like Google or AI to clarify your thoughts.

The goal: reduce the emotional workload, not the truth.

Avoid Trapping Each Other

Don’t block exits. Saying something important doesn’t mean you can’t give others space to think and leave. If it feels like a trap, it will be perceived as an attack. Try: “Thanks for engaging. If you ever want to learn more, I’m here.”

Don’t dogpile. Even if someone is wrong, too many replies at once can cause defensiveness or harm. Coordinate responses. Let people process and exist.

3. Signal Phrases

Use short statements to express boundaries and needs. They help preserve energy and prevent escalation.

For Allies/Activists:

“This content isn’t for me today.” → “I’m opting out to protect my energy.”

“I’m so angry right now, but I’m not going to explain. Please reflect.” → “I’m impacted. I’m setting a boundary. You reflect.”

“Low-trigger mode, please.” → “Let’s keep things gentle right now.”

“Check pinned resources.” → “I’m not repeating myself. Please read first.”

“Rotate out. I need rest.” → “I’ve held space. Someone else take over.”

For Passive Supporters or Bigots-in-Transition:

“I’m not ready to reform, but I support your movement.” → “I’m not opposing you. I won’t interfere.”

“I feel… because…” → “I want to speak without attacking.”

“I’m sorry. It’s too much right now. I need out.” → “I’m leaving before I say something harmful.”

“I don’t understand, but I won’t fight you.” → “I’m confused, but I’ll stay quiet.”

“This hits hard, but I know it’s not about me.” → “I feel triggered, but I’m not centering myself.”

“I’m reading, not responding.” → “I’m here to learn, not argue.”

“I admit I’m part of the problem.” → “I’m trying to be honest, even if I’m not ready to change.”

“I want to share this. I know it’s not about me.”

-> “I want to contribute by sharing recources, but I know it’s not my place to speak”

Note: These are not redeeming actions. These don’t earn praise. Support without reform is not progress. Bigoted users who offer these statements are still considered part of the problem—but they are protected from harm while expressing them. This creates space for change to happen safely.

4. Tier System for Participation & Growth (for Bigots or Reforming Supporters)

Not all bigots are in the same place—and not all deserve the same kind of energy from activists. To reduce emotional labor and help prioritize where energy goes, we use a tiered system to categorize where someone is in their process. This way, activists know how to respond efficiently, and those in transition understand what is expected from them if they actually want to grow.

This isn’t a punishment scale—it’s a map for participation and boundaries.

Tier 0 — Actively Harmful

Behavior: Spreading hate, instigating fights, ignoring boundaries, refusing accountability.

Response: Immediate blocking, reporting, or disengagement. No engagement necessary. No activist owes this tier their energy.

Expectation: None. They are not safe participants.

Tier 1 — Defensive Observer

Behavior: Lurking, reacting with discomfort, not ready to engage but watching.

Signal Texts: “I’m reading, not responding right now.”

Support Action: No effort from activists required—just space and access to resources. They need to sit with discomfort on their own.

Tier 2 — Passive Supporter

Behavior: Doesn’t oppose the movement, but doesn’t challenge harmful systems or friends either. May say “I support you” but does not act.

Signal Texts:

“I’m not ready to reform, but I support your movement.”

“This is hitting me hard, but I know it’s not about me.”

Support Action: Offer educational resources or let them lurk. No praise. No elevation. They aren’t allies yet—just people not actively harming.

Tier 3 — In Transition (Early Reformers)

Behavior: Starting to question their beliefs, admitting past harm, open to being corrected, willing to try.

Signal Texts:

“I admit I’m still part of the problem.”

“I feel… because…” (used respectfully)

Support Action: Activists may offer gentle correction, recommend beginner-friendly resources, or assign peer supporters. Still not a full ally—still learning.

Tier 4 — Active Reformers

Behavior: Learning and applying change, calling out harmful peers, doing emotional labor on their own side.

Signal Texts: Will often take initiative, reflect deeply, and cite sources.

Support Action: Can be offered more discussion, collaboration, or given moderated access to more community spaces. They’re doing the work.

Tier 5 — Ally in Practice

Behavior: Takes on responsibility, reduces labor for activists, protects marginalized people, corrects themselves consistently.

Support Action: These are the ones who can be trusted with more responsibility in the space. Still learning, but not a danger.

Why This Tier System Matters:

It lets activists conserve energy and avoid engaging with people who won’t budge.

It creates clear expectations for bigots so they can move at their pace without dragging others down.

It gives reformers a clear path forward—and holds them accountable to growth without demanding perfection.

And most importantly:

Bigots don’t get praise for being “less harmful.” You’re not doing us a favor by being nicer—you’re just being human. If you want praise, keep moving up the tiers through your own work, not because someone spoon-fed it to you.

5. Activist/Moderation Teams

Both sides need ways to speak safely—but with boundaries. Activist groups will often be the ones building this system. That’s a lot of work. Here’s how to manage burnout:

Rotate roles. Don’t overload one person. Share emotional labor.

Align duties with ability. Let people choose their workload and timing.

Use resource banks. Share articles, videos, and prewritten answers to reduce repetition.

Use tools. Enable muting, blocking, mental health breaks, and check-ins.

Debrief privately. Emotional processing is work. Use DMs or private groups.

If You’re Low on Staff:

Don’t do everything. If you only have 4 people, focus on one function (e.g. education). Don’t stretch yourselves thin.

Recruit with clarity. Offer small, specific roles with support:

“We’re looking for content creators.”

“You’ll work in shifts—never alone.”

“Here’s the impact your help would have.”

Build slowly. Build sustainably.

6. Shared Spaces for Fun + Growth

This might surprise you, but yes: activists, allies, and even bigoted users should have a shared space to decompress.

Why?

Because we’re still fans. We still care about the same art, stories, and characters—even if we disagree deeply.

These spaces:

Don’t erase conflict, but provide breaks from it.

Don’t require identity—they’re anonymous, to reduce bias and shame.

Don’t reward bad behavior—activists moderate them for safety.

Recommended Platforms (with caveats):

Discord (with rotating nicknames) Pro: Temporary names, live chat, moderated Con: Mods can still track users

Reddit (throwaways) Pro: Anonymity, temporary ID Con: Not ideal for real-time chat

4chan/imageboards Pro: Fully anonymous Con: Often unmoderated and unsafe

Mozilla Hubs / VR chat rooms Pro: Fun, social, anonymous avatars Con:Complex tech, harder to moderate

No perfect solution exists—but a purpose-built community space, with rotating avatars and no persistent identity, could help us just vibe without pressure.

Final Thoughts

Cooperation doesn’t mean ignoring harm. It means creating systems where real transformation can happen—with rest, reflection, and accountability built in.

If you take the time to try this, you may just discover:

A deeper sense of safety

A clearer understanding of your own limits

And even—sometimes—a path to mutual change

Let’s not just fight. Let’s build something better.

[demonqueenart]

If four truth bombs in an hour feels like spam to you, maybe the problem isn’t the posts—it’s how many of them apply to you. 😘

(Disclaimer: Please don’t condemn people if you found problematic behaviours. Point out mistakes instead, be confrontational but don’t punish. Change can only happen when everyone has a choice and safety. They deserve to be treated with integrity as much as we are.)

[demonqueenart]

If You’re Mad About This, You Might Be the Problem

If you feel defensive when you see posts calling out racist behavior, take a hard look. People who aren’t bigots—or enabling bigotry—don’t get defensive. They recognize the harm, and they back the callouts without hesitation. That’s the bare minimum of decency.

Now, some of you assume that people calling out bigots are just out to destroy “white” identity or reputation. But let’s be clear: no one said “white equals bigot.” And no one said bigots can only be white. That’s your projection, not our narrative.

Let’s be specific:

Bigotry isn’t bound to one race.

POC and international folks can be bigoted too—toward themselves, toward others, or in the ways they enable harm to happen.

And yes—white people can be allies. Many are. Some grew up with values that encouraged inclusivity and reflection. They chose better. You can too.

So if you’re scared that your so-called “white world” is being dismantled—breathe. It’s not. What’s being dismantled is harm. And if that feels like your identity, then it’s time to question why.

And if you think you’re beyond change because of where or how you were raised—you’re not. Others have made the shift. It’s possible. It’s real. And yes, it takes time. Real growth always does.

But now you’re standing at a split path—and the only thing between you and growth is your ego.

Let us help.

Or step aside for those who are ready.

(Disclaimer: Please don’t condemn people if you found problematic behaviours. Point out mistakes instead, be confrontational but don’t punish. Change can only happen when everyone has a choice and safety. They deserve to be treated with integrity as much as we are.)

[demonqueenart]

I just want to say to all the bigots out there…

You’re born in the wrong era bitch! 

(Disclaimer: this is a joke. Please don’t condemn people if you found problematic behaviours. Point out mistakes instead, be confrontational but don’t punish. Change can only happen when everyone has a choice and safety. They deserve to be treated with integrity as much as we are.)

[demonqueenart]

Don’t worry if opposition forms groups to defend themselves—this, too, can be part of the strategy.

Yes, pushback will happen—and in many ways, it’s expected. When someone’s identity is bound up in fragile beliefs, even the gentlest challenge can feel like a threat. That’s why the reactions are often loud, defensive, and emotionally charged.

But here’s the advantage: those reactions often serve as unintentional revelations. People show us who they are. That visibility isn’t a threat—it’s information. It’s something we can use.

This is where strategy begins:

Document the behavior.

Track the responses.

Build accountability.

Communities deserve to understand who is actively causing harm, and who may simply be misinformed or unsure but still reachable. Public response can be a tool for community protection—not for cruelty, but for clarity.

When someone repeatedly demonstrates patterns of harm, it’s reasonable to keep a record—not to shame them, but to protect others. Quietly share that information. Encourage people to block them from their feeds to limit the reach of harmful rhetoric and protect emotional bandwidth.

At the same time, it’s essential to be wise about how this information is used. Not every instance calls for a full confrontation. Some responses are better used as quiet case studies. Some serve as cautionary examples. A few may even become invitations to change—if handled with care.

To simplify:

Defensive but reflective: there may be space for growth.

Defensive and reactive: proceed with caution; stay observant.

Loud and proud of harm: disengage, inform your circles, and protect your space.

Posts like ours aren’t just moments of expression—they’re strategic groundwork. They create conditions for others to step in, speak up, and hold space for truth. They make it harder for harm to hide in plain sight.

Let the patterns teach us. Let the strategy protect us. Let the work continue.

[demonqueenart]

To the People Defending the ‘Good Old Days’

If your first reaction to social progress is, “We need to protect the way things used to be! We can’t let anti-racism win!”—then let’s be honest: you’re not preserving values. You’re preserving racism. You are not the brave protector you imagine—you’re just someone too afraid of change, clinging to a past where your comfort came at the cost of others’ dignity. That’s not strength. That’s fear with a flag wrapped around it.

To those who say, “These people are crazy—I don’t know what they’re even talking about,”—you’re not revealing insight, you’re revealing your refusal to learn. That kind of dismissal isn’t neutrality; it’s complicity. To publicly reject the lived realities of others takes a level of self-deception so deep, it borders on gaslighting. And yes—we can see it. We read gaslighting fluently. Denying what’s right in front of you doesn’t make you right. It just makes you easier to see through.

To those who sneer, “You just want to feel like a hero,”—that projection is loud. Maybe you feel small, and seeing someone take a stand reminds you of how powerless you feel in your own life. But here’s the truth: standing up to bigotry isn’t about ego. It’s about courage. It takes backbone to speak out against entrenched systems, knowing there’s no reward—only the possibility of a better world. That’s not performative. That’s principled.

Let’s be real: if your worldview is crumbling, it’s probably because it was never built on anything solid to begin with. And that’s not the end—it’s an invitation. We’re building something better. You can join. Start small. Listen. Reflect. Challenge your assumptions. Build your foundation from truth, not fear. You might be surprised what kind of person you become.

(Disclaimer: Don’t attack these people. This isn’t about revenge—it’s about change. Even those who lash out often do so because they’ve never had support for the darker parts of themselves. If we want progress, we need to create spaces where even the misinformed have a path to grow. Be direct. Be unflinching. But be committed to the possibility of transformation—for everyone.)

[demonqueenart]

If you’re someone still holding on to bigotry because everyone around you is the same — and leaving feels terrifying — I want you to know: I see you.

It’s human to fear separation. It’s human to cling to what’s familiar, even when it hurts others. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck.

Maybe change has felt impossible. Maybe you’ve tried before and watched nothing shift. But here’s the thing — we’re trying again. We’re building change from the ground up. It might look like a miracle, but it’s real, and it’s happening.

If your fear is about losing friends or family, let us help. We’ll give them the tools when they’re ready. And you — you could be the light they follow. You could be the one who shows them a better way.

And if some people never change? Ask yourself: do you truly want to keep choosing them over what’s right? Over your own growth? If they choose not to change, that’s on them. But the world is moving forward.

You don’t have to be left behind. You can step toward something better, right now.

This is your choice. Your agency.

And yes — we believe in you.

Your story doesn’t have to end like this.

Imagine what life could look like, if you and the people you love were finally free from these old constraints.

[demonqueenart]

We Can Build Systems — To Heal, Or To Harm

Every one of us is capable of building systems. Some systems nourish people. Others destroy. And both can last for generations.

The difference between activism and bigotry is clear: one is morally grounded, the other is morally bankrupt — no matter how well it’s disguised.

If we dismantle harmful behaviors — like gaslighting, denial, and refusal to be accountable — we reveal what lies beneath: fear, control, and broken belief systems. Today, I want to walk you through a few common bigot behaviors you’ll find, especially in fandom spaces — and how to dismantle them.

⸻

1. The Angry One

This is the loudest and most recognizable kind of bigot. They shout, they insult, they try to shut you down — not because they have a strong argument, but because they don’t. Their power comes from volume, not from truth.

They often form groups out of shared hate, trying to feel more valid through numbers. But hate isn’t a strategy. It’s a reaction. And it burns itself out faster than they realize.

What they lack — and what terrifies them — is cohesion.

They can’t organize, so they scream.

They can’t build, so they tear down.

They collapse into infighting because there’s no center — only fear.

How to dismantle them:

Say calmly:

“Why the aggression? Let’s talk like human beings.”

You’re not just disarming them. You’re holding up a mirror — and they hate what they see. And everyone else sees it too.

⸻

2. The Silencer

Some bigots know that shouting will get them called out. So instead, they go quiet. They act like nothing is happening. When asked why they’re absent, they’ll say they’re “overwhelmed” or “busy.”

There’s a difference between real overwhelm and avoidance. People who care will show up eventually. They’ll grow. They’ll speak.

But those hiding in silence? Watch them. If someone should be speaking, and they aren’t — if they exit the conversation when you ask them to show up — that’s not neutrality. That’s hiding. And it might be bigotry in disguise.

How to dismantle them:

Call it out. Gently but publicly.

Give them safety, yes — but also accountability. When they’re exposed, they’ll either grow or show you who they truly are.

⸻

3. The Enabler

This one looks like support — but it’s not.

They tell you:

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Maybe there’s a nicer way to say it.”

“Aren’t you worried you’re being too harsh?”

They want you to shrink your truth so it doesn’t make them uncomfortable. Sometimes, they’re also victims — shaped by systems that told them they had to make peace with injustice to survive. That if harm wasn’t intentional, it shouldn’t count.

But harm is harm. And when they protect the aggressors instead of you, they become part of the problem.

How to dismantle them:

Name what’s happening — out loud. With compassion, but with clarity.

Offer them a path to change. But don’t skip accountability just because they’ve been hurt too. If they want to reform, help them. If they don’t, let them go.

⸻

4. “I Care! Just… Not Right Now”

Yes, people have lives outside fandom.

But that doesn’t mean they get a pass.

If someone claims to care but always puts the work off, offer them small, meaningful actions: daily check-ins, emotional support, signal boosting.

Their response will tell you a lot.

People who truly care show up, even in small ways.

People who don’t? They fade out. That’s a red flag.

⸻

5. The Guilty Ally

This is the person who says all the right things.

They show up loudly, telling you how much they support you.

But something feels off. Because over time, their support fades. They struggle to sustain the work. They expect you to save them from their guilt, to teach them how to be good.

They aren’t trying to grow — they’re trying to feel better about themselves.

How to dismantle them:

Tell them what you see. That support without action is empty. That being an ally means growing, not just performing.

Then show them how to be accountable — not for praise, but for change. Offer them a path: reflection, learning, community repair.

But make one thing clear:

It’s not your job to fix them.

That work is theirs to carry.

⸻

A Final Note

It’s not wise to expect someone who isn’t a person of color or international to fully understand your struggle right away. What seems basic to you — awareness of racism, microaggressions, cultural erasure — might feel like a revelation to them.

So before someone claims to be an ally, teach them first. Let them earn that title.

We can’t build solutions without naming the problem. And we can’t name the problem if people keep pretending it’s not there.

[demonqueenart]

Strategic Language: How We Speak So We Can Move Freely (Even When They’re Watching)

I want to share a communication strategy that helps us move smarter — and safer.

This isn’t just about being careful.

It’s about speaking in a way that lets us recognize each other, move together, and avoid interference from people who don’t want this work to happen.

Whether you’re creating change in fandom spaces, healthcare, education, or anywhere else — this applies.

This strategy has two branches:

1. How to talk with each other in ways that protect energy, build trust, and keep the work flowing

2. How to talk to the opposition (if you need to), so that the message has a chance to land — without compromising your values or safety

⸻

1. Talking with each other: coded but clear

Here’s what we know:

Bigots scan for ego fuel.

They don’t listen to care. They listen for conflict, threats to identity, or easy targets to mock.

So how do we speak around that?

Use tone as a filter.

Here’s what confuses their radar — but connects us:

• Soft but strong language: If it reads like healing, mutual support, or infrastructure-building, they tune out. But we tune in.

• Conceptual/jargon terms: Things like “capacity work,” “emergent culture,” or “relational safety” make sense to us — not to them.

• Nonlinear/reflective writing: It slows down impulsive readers and invites those who think in systems.

• Targeted care-language: Write to the people you’re building with, not the people you’re avoiding. They’ll know it’s for them.

This protects the message without hiding the message.

⸻

Example Strategy Post:

Instead of:

“How to shut down racism in fandom”

Try:

“Some tools for creating safer online spaces without burning out — especially when the work feels invisible, long, or thankless.”

The first gets shared into hostile spaces.

The second spreads quietly to the people who need it.

⸻

Optional Tactic: Layered Posting

• Post 1 (public): broad, inviting, gentle — framing the emotional or cultural need

• Post 2 (linked or hidden tag): sharper, more detailed strategy — for those who are already in it

Like a two-door system: open to all, but only one door leads further in.

⸻

2. Talking to those who resist change

When you do need to engage the opposition (or reformable people), the tone changes.

Still strategic. Still grounded. But more confrontational — in a respectful, disarming way.

This isn’t about “calling out.” It’s about calling into movement.

Here’s how:

• Mirror their assumptions, then flip it:

“You were taught the wrong story. But you don’t have to keep living it.”

• Connect their values to our outcomes:

“If you care about freedom, ask who doesn’t have it yet — and why.”

• Hold them accountable with a path forward:

“You’ve caused harm. Most of us have. The question is: what will you do next?”

⸻

Final Layer: Weaponized Tone Control

Bigots love drama.

So if you need their attention? Give them tension — but don’t give them blood.

Example title:

“Let’s talk about why ‘I’m not racist’ isn’t enough.”

But then?

Fill the post with education, structure, and exits from shame. That way, you’ve caught their attention and redirected it.

⸻

TL;DR Strategy Map:

• Tone for allies: soft, coded, layered = filtered and safe

• Tone for opponents: firm, disarming, mirror-based = potential for reform

• Tone for mass safety: abstract, care-based, indirect = passes quietly through hostile territory

Use what fits the moment.

And if they’re not meant to see it?

Write like it’s a map only your people know how to read.

[demonqueenart]

So, I just came back because I realized something big, but it’s also very important.

Do not be mean. Be direct, but respectful. Confrontation can be necessary, but avoid personal attacks or hate-filled comments. Do not punish or force anyone out of the fandom.

Sometimes people need space to reflect and grow. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s important to allow others the opportunity to understand their actions in their own time. If someone refuses to reflect on their actions, they’ll begin to question why they’re avoiding it, and that questioning can be a powerful driver of change. Those who continue to avoid self-awareness will face natural consequences, such as a loss of trust and reputation.

But remember: accountability is not about making others feel destroyed. It’s about helping them recognize the harm they’ve caused so they can choose to do better. Long-term change happens when people are given the space to make their own realizations. I’m not here to do that work for them. The choice must be theirs.

So please, do this as humanly as possible. I’m returning because I’ve provided the tools for real change. It would deeply concern me if they were used in ways that cause harm. Threatening others will not reflect well on you, even if they have bigoted views. Treat others with humanity, and you may find that humanity is what leads them to admit their own mistakes.

If someone cannot admit their own actions, then that is their issue to face, not yours to explain.

If you can extend this accountability to other fandoms, please do. We need more spaces that actively stand up for people of color and international viewers. If we keep this momentum going, the changes we begin with the Phandom might not be the only ones we affect. If other creators and their communities get involved in this kind of accountability system, others will likely follow suit. Change at the top will always be hard, and it might not happen overnight. But by giving them choices and holding them accountable for their actions, we can increase the chances of positive change, one step at a time.

If the response is positive and the creators show signs of willingness to engage, the situation can evolve naturally. But if the creators remain dismissive or continue harmful behaviour, then it might be appropriate to escalate the visibility—through news outlets or other public platforms—to ensure the issue is addressed.

But please remember—this is about accountability, not condemnation. If this conversation ever gains more public attention, we can’t control how the media or others might interpret it. That’s why it’s important to make your intentions clear: you’re not calling for anyone to be punished or harassed. What we’ve been trying to do is bring harmful patterns to light, so that those responsible can reflect, grow, and be held accountable—not by force, but through the natural consequences of their actions, such as losing trust and reputation.

[demonqueenart]

I said I wouldn’t be back, but I couldn’t leave my fellow POC and international fans to burn out like I did. Here’s a blueprint—for those who still want to fight, and even for those who want to change.

Invisible Resistance Blueprint: For the Ones Who Still Want to Fight

Part 1: The Resistance Framework

1. Stay Hidden, Stay Safe

Use anonymous or secondary accounts for all activism.

Never connect activism accounts to your real identity.

Avoid direct engagement with known harassers from your main.

2. Quiet Recruitment

Post subtle signals: “If you want to protect this space but don’t feel safe doing it alone, contact me anonymously.”

Use DMs or anon asks to build a trusted team.

Vet new members by reviewing their past behavior to minimize risk.

3. Equip the Team

Privately share key strategies:

How to fact-check misinformation and racism

How to call out without escalating

How to document harm safely

Rotate roles (research, responders, support, etc.) to avoid burnout.

4. Fight Without Fire

Stay calm, clear, and consistent.

Don’t let aggressors twist your words or tone. Use apps like ChatGPT to control your tone

Make resistance steady, informed, and impossible to ignore.

5. Expand Quietly

Recruit one at a time—go deep, not viral.

Build off-platform havens (e.g., private Discords, shared notes) for strategy and healing.

6. No Credit Needed

Focus on impact, not recognition.

Let the weight of your quiet work make it harder for bigotry to survive.

Part 2: Building Safer Fandom Spaces

1. Create Dual Spaces: Fun & Resistance

Supportive Fandom Hub: Fun, safe, and inclusive for those aligned with anti-racist values.

Resistance Channels: Separate spaces for coordination, call-outs, and education.

Let people choose what they’re ready for. Both are necessary.

2. Use Blocklists and Safety Tools

Share blocklists of known harmful users (privately or opt-in).

Encourage collective protection by removing their visibility.

Keep emotional safety a priority, especially for marginalized fans.

3. Visibility vs. Anonymity

Anonymity protects individuals.

Visibility pressures the system.

Let allies act quietly. Let messages be loud. Bigots don’t get to hide behind neutrality anymore.

4. Let the Fandom Split, If It Must

Don’t fear division.

Some communities only heal by outgrowing harm.

If bigots leave, let them. What’s left can rebuild better.

Part 3: Reforming from the Inside – The “Safe Start” Pathway

A plan for helping harmful individuals grow and stay accountable.

Step 1: Education

Encourage them to take short, trusted anti-racism courses:

Cornell Racial Allyship Training (2 hours)

FutureLearn – Anti-Racism & Human Rights (1 hr/week, 3 weeks)

UBC Anti-Racism Awareness (self-paced)

OpenLearn – Race & Ethnicity Hub (ongoing access)

Step 2: Accountability System

Structure the healing process:

Apologize Publicly -Use clear, respectful language. Provide scripts if needed.

Complete Education -Reflect on the course and apply it to fandom behavior.

Engage with the Community

Assign roles (support others, create content, moderate).

Monitor growth closely with support from POC allies.

Ongoing Support

Regular check-ins and a peer network to prevent relapse.

Keep those overseeing the system supported too.

Part 4: Shifting the Culture

Step 3: Awareness Campaigns

Create shareable graphics/posts: “International viewers face discrimination here every year.”

Normalize anti-racism support as fandom culture.

Step 4: Update Guidelines

Add anti-racism values to community rules.

Clearly state expectations and consequences.

Step 5: Engage Influencers

Reach out to leaders (even Dan & Phil).

Offer them help, resources, and opportunities to support publicly.

Part 5: Sustaining Momentum

1. Recognize Positive Contributors

Shoutouts or digital badges for completed training or helpful roles.

2. Collect Feedback

Ask the community what’s working and what’s not. Adjust accordingly.

3. Centralize Resources

Host a blog, site, or Discord with all your strategies, courses, and safety tools in one place.

Reminder: This isn’t just about the people who’ve caused harm. Don’t let their names be the center of the story.

But if any of my (ex)friends are reading this and genuinely want to support change—here’s what I ask:

Take one of the anti-racism courses (linked in the post), and do it with one of the resistance members as your witness. Then come back and show your support with their guidance and close monitoring. You can do good. And you can do harm. I trust that you’ll choose the right thing.

@intoapuddle @obv10usly @calvinahobbes @toastysandhamwich @thistooisphanyuri  @philipforscales @foreverjustanemokidatheart @gamora-borealis @invisible-brandy @jonsaremembers @absolutefilthimsorry @castrotophic @psychicmoth @serendipnpipty @deadandphilgames @yikesola @azuphere @hoodiestrings @nothoughtsonlytrance @yonpote @husbants @natigail @ahappydnp @danrifics @danielhowell @amazingphil

[demonqueenart]

Hi, fellow fandoms.

After over a year away, I’m stepping back into this space—not as the person you once knew, but as the person I’ve become. I want to show you not just who I am now, but also the kind of person you’ve lost.

When I first joined the phandom, I was just starting to figure out who I was. I was wide-eyed, naive, and desperate to find a place to belong. And at first, this fandom felt like home. People welcomed me warmly, and I clung to that kindness like it was everything. But as time passed, I started to see the cracks in the surface.

While the phandom has done good—especially in supporting queer and neurodivergent people—it also has serious blind spots: racism, microaggressions, xenophobia, privacy violations, and cultural appropriation. And when these things aren’t addressed, they grow roots.

Take Dan and Phil. Their boundaries have been crossed again and again by fans—through stalking, oversexualization, invasive jokes, and content that steps far beyond respect. Despite how much “we love them,” I don’t believe they’ve ever felt truly safe with their own audience. And it’s not just them.

This fandom, like many others, reflects the larger issues in the world. Racism, xenophobia, and a lack of emotional safety exist here too—sometimes from fans, sometimes even from Dan and Phil themselves. It’s tempting to idolize them, but they are just people, shaped by the same colonial systems and biases that harm so many others.

I’m not saying this to condemn, but to highlight what could have been different—what I could have helped build if I’d stayed.

You see, I’m a doctor. I’ve never mentioned that here before. But more than that, I’m also a pansexual, genderfluid, creative problem-solver. I don’t just think outside the box—I connect boxes. I build bridges. And where others see chaos, I see systems that can be improved, made fairer, made safer.

Here’s what that has looked like in the real world:

Healthcare reform: In my country, we’re severely understaffed in hospitals. Doctors often see over 100 patients a day—giving each person just 6 minutes. So I created pamphlets (written and designed by me!) explaining symptoms and self-care for common illnesses. I included a Facebook page link where people can get more information and message me for help. This system eased the burden on doctors, helped patients feel seen, and saved lives.

Queer community building: Our society is conservative. Even as things improve, queer people are scattered, silent, and scared. So I started a Discord group—a safe space for queer creatives. I handpicked members by first offering emotional support online. If someone seemed in need of belonging and safe to be around, I invited them in. We have daily check-ins, conversations, art shares, writing hangouts, voice chats—everything a chosen family needs. And I’m planning to train more moderators to expand this space to reach the whole country.

Queer representation in media: Media representation here is often shallow—cis women writing gay men for clout, while queer people feel erased. No one knows what a sensitivity reader is. So I plan to become one internationally, build the demand, then bring that standard home. I’ll train others, start a company, and turn sensitivity reading into a norm. Our stories deserve to be told by us, for us.

Queer health advocacy: I plan to become an LGBTQ+ health doctor, alongside my work in family medicine. I’ll write educational blogs, offer resources, and create pamphlets that speak directly to queer experiences—meeting people where they are, especially those too afraid to seek help.

All of this is what I’ve been doing. All of this is what I could have done here, too.

If I had stayed in the phandom, I could have:

Built healthier boundaries between Dan and Phil and their fans—ones that protected everyone.

Created systems that supported BIPOC and international fans, without shaming or dividing people.

Made this fandom safe for everyone, including Dan and Phil.

But you didn’t let me. You pushed me out.

So no, I’m not here to take revenge by lashing out or tearing anyone down. My revenge is this: I’ve left. And you’ve lost me. You lost someone who could have changed things. Someone who builds instead of breaks. Someone who listens, connects, and makes entire systems better.

I’m not coming back. I’m moving forward. You can keep what’s left.

To all my (ex)friends who need to see this—

With love, and nothing left to lose.

@intoapuddle @obv10usly @calvinahobbes @toastysandhamwich @thistooisphanyuri  @philipforscales @foreverjustanemokidatheart @gamora-borealis @invisible-brandy @jonsaremembers @absolutefilthimsorry @castrotophic @psychicmoth @serendipnpipty @deadandphilgames @yikesola @azuphere @hoodiestrings @nothoughtsonlytrance @yonpote @husbants @natigail @ahappydnp @danrifics @danielhowell @amazingphil