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”Fire engine”?

yeah i guess it is pretty dope

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botox for your lips, but the other lips?

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it’s weird to me that dresses are still so rigidly feminine that a guy can’t wear a dress without crossdressing, doing a bit or making a big fashion statement.

normalise boys wearing dresses just cause it’s cute please

i bought this lovely summer dress and i feel so pretty in it, and importantly also just as masculine as before (actually a bit more cause my arms look extra big in it)

girls started wearing pants so freaking long ago and more cis boys (like me) deserve to feel comfortable and pretty in a dress

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i just caught a yawn from reading a book and imagining someone yawning

what sheep am i? do i have no will of my own? absolutely embarrassed!

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i will regularly deny myself wonder or enjoyment out of a thing because of some imagined and seemingly arbitrary lack of intellect

how freaking stupid is that?!

like i’ll roll my eyes at someone making a predictavle pun and then absolutely die on the floor laughing at an odd sounding fart

what did i gain? nothing! laugh at everything, don’t be too good for happiness

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[me, an elderly medieval knight travelling with my sea of trusty servants]: so why is everything so slow?

[my son]: well, you just gotta get rid of some of these pages! you can’t possibly use them all!

[pages, collectively]: please no!

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just learned about the standard winged nightjar, maybe the least standard wings i have ever seen

do better ornithologists!

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who was the first person to try the spike-mat? like surely they must’ve expected something much more ouchy-owie?

all i’m saying is that it must’ve been a pretty difficult sell for the first spike-mat-salesperson…

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something i will never stop adoring is when people write stuff in articles like ”there were three (3) test subjects in the control group who did not display the expected behaviour”

cause i always, without fail, read it as ”there were three (THREE? YOU FREAKONG KIDDING ME? THAT’S FREAKING CRAZY?!) test subjects that…”

and i feel like that kind of energy serious articles often lack

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does anyone else sometimes experience Bi-inferiority-complex when hanging out with gay people? it’s like i have a lesser lgbtq membership just cause i like coochie AND weiner?!

let me enjoy all of the genital buffet please! i can still be cool! just let me hang out guys!

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all i’m saying is the inventor of butter has gotta be one of the freakiest guys..

like, yeah you did NOT just GUESS that shoving a stick in and out of a tub of heavy cream for 45 mins would be delicious to put on a sourdough!

and what? you still tasted it afterwards and thought it WOULD go on a sourdough?

i mean, i am forever greatful but what a sicko!

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being a poor student i’ll sometimes try to make a dish with almost none of the ingredients and lemme tell you: it almost never tastes nice!

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gonna start calling creepy guys ”eggy men” i somehow feel like that’d hit harder

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”Curse you!”

What?! That’s like, so unspecific!

Like, if it were me, you’d THINK you’d be getting a lifetime of misfortune but usually you’re just gonna feel a little bad the rest of the day because i was angry-yelling at you

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I am all for like general sexual liberation but also incredibly uncomfortable around sexy stuff

..like is anyone gonna sexually liberate me too or how do we this work?👉👈

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”Quiver” is such a weirdly sexualised word nowadays! like, it used to just mean a little backpack for your arrows

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i have to admit there is an unacceptable amount of piss in my pants a lot of the time