dobbysimp - Tumblr blog

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jily x files au!

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sometimes i wonder if i’m really a perfectionist and then i remember that i have an incredibly detailed marauders era timeline that has every full moon, prank, birthday, and any important music that was released down to the day just in case one day i want to write fanfiction for this god forsaken fandom.

(and don’t worry it’s all fact checked and accurate)

okay it won’t let me put this in a reply so here it is lol

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I strongly believe one day just after sex, and I mean seconds after they both finish, Sirius looked Remus dead in the eye and said "Mischief managed" and got smacked on the head for it

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Sirius: what time is it?

Remus: 9:35

Sirius: oh god we still have 25 more minutes

Remus: yeah but that's only 5 minutes 5 times, each of those times just 60 seconds so we just have to wait 300 seconds 5 times, making it a total of 1500 seconds which is not that bad

Sirius:

Sirius: DID YOU JUST DO ALL THAT MATH IN YOUR HEAD?

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Lily, starring at a very sweaty James:

Remus, drooling at a very shirtless Sirius:

Dorcas, sneakily taking pictures of Marlene in her sports bra:

Alice, mumbling incoherently something about having Frank's kid:

Molly, knitting handcuff covers on the quidditch stands:

Mcgonagall: *hands them each a water bottle* for the thirst my dearests

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James: idk about this padfoot

Sirius: trust me! I haven't made a made a bad decision in minutes

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Lily: Remus is at that age where he only cares about one thing

James: boys?

Lily: no, chocolate

Remus, yelling from the common room: ITS NOT A OHASE LILY I FOUND MY ONE TRUE LOVE

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Remus: [visibly sad]

James: what's wrong?

Remus: do you mean in general or right now? I need you to specify because this could take a while

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Remus: are you a housekeeper? because I want you to take me out

Sirius: did- did you just manage to flirt with me while also comparing yourself to trash?

Remus: it's called multitasking look it up

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Remus: I'm no carpenter but I wouldn't mind taking care of your morning wood

Sirius: I'm no interior designer but I wouldn't mind rearranging your insides

James: I'm not suicidal but I wouldn't mind dying

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Sirius: are you crying again?

Remus: no, I'm not crying again that would be ridiculous!

Remus: I just haven't stopped since you left

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Remus: If a murderer tried to choke me, I wouldn't die, I'd just get really turned on

Sirius: that's a lot to unpack there bud

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Sirius: I like it when things go bling bling. your hands doesn't go bling bling. that's not nice. *takes out engagement ring* let's change that

Remus: I knew your proposal would be weird but fuck I didn't anticipate this

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Sirius: [tears a page in a book]

Remus: I'm going to kill you, I will strangle you with my bare hands

Sirius: jeekz, at least take me to dinner first you kinky bitch

Remus:

Sirius:

Remus:

Sirius: alright fine, fuck chivalry, your house or mine?

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Sirius: If I take Felix felicis and tell someone to kill another person and they do it, am o legally the murderer?

Remus, whispering: Sirius we're in a courtroom don't ask that in front of the minister

Sirius, whispering: this us exactly when I should ask that, maybe he knows

Sirius, standing up and yelling: Minister!

Sorry to interrupt the trial but-

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Remus, at breakfast: can u pass the chocolate syrup?

Sirius, handing it over to him: sure, what for? Did u make pancakes?

Remus: nope *chugs it*

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Lily, putting her book down: how are you?

Remus, staring at the fireplace without blinking: worried

Lily: what about?

Remus: I don't know yet but the castle is too quiet, something bad is bound to happend

Lily: oh god where are they?

[distant yelling and Minnie's very distinctive steps down the hall]

Remus: I fucking knew it