drunkdomesticatedcryptid - Tumblr blog

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Plot idea

"Weird" goth girl is sure she doesn't fit in and must be some kind of creature or main character in something: Just a human

Popular girl that everyone likes and seems totally well adjusted that goth girl has a high-key obvious crush on: very old cryptid that watched a lot of the CW

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Looks like we can’t isolate, ignore, ibuprofen our way out of this one boys

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Having two large dogs

eating is now a sport where I must avoid two eager noses

being body slammed is a sign of love

must dodge excited tails which always seem to find my face

never alone when facetiming

judging me is their full time job and they are excellent employees

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Let's just get a beer with mothmen and see how things go.

Please Stop Asking Park Rangers If Mothmen Are Considered Bugs

We don’t want to have to handle the existential crises that are going to occur if this starts being debated in public again.

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Convos with my dog

Me: you want .... to go outside?

dog: *mild interest*

Me: do yooouuu .... want an octopus?

dog: *confused, but excited face*

Me: Do yoooouuuuuu want .... to commit a felony?

Dog: *Wild excited barking*

Me: >.>

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

So my roommate went down to the basement

What I heard after a loud 'thud':

WHO PUT THE PLOT TWIST DOWN HERE!

...

My plot twist gained sentience and decided to hide in the basement.

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Alexander Pennington here with the facts that hurt

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Legend has it my cousin is still trying to find this profile…

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

not writing, not not writing, but a secret third thing

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Alright, time to evict all those "intrusive thoughts" from my head.

They don't pay rent.

who even let them in?

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

smh freaks are really out there trying to UNhaunt their houses as if they're not destroying the historic property value. don't buy a victorian home just to renovate it with glass and chrome, and do not buy a haunted house just to hire some shoddy exorcist to demolish a site of perfectly preserved historic spooks and specters that's so tacky

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

there's construction happening outside and i woke up this morning, hazily thought "goddammit the wizards are fighting again," and rolled over and went back to sleep

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Don’t Be Scared Of The Vaguely Humanoid Creature That You Might See When In The Forest

That’s just Steve. Steve’s cool.

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

I'm not saying I'm better than a skinwalker .... but

If a skinwalker tried to take over my life ... I'd love to see them try to keep up with writing an average of 40,000 words a week, coping with depression, taking care of my animals, and trying to cope in a store where people can't control shopping carts as well as they can control their cars.

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]

Sleep deprivation feels a lot like being a racoon in a house. You're not supposed to be there. You're not exactly sure why you are, but suddenly there's a whole lot that's confusing and the best solution is clearly to back up, find a corner, and sleep the situation off.

[drunkdomesticatedcryptid]