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[emailburner]

You are a literal god who pretends to be a d-list superhero. You’ve grown extremely attached to the people of the village you protect. You get news that an epic battle is taking place near your village and would most likely destroy it…

[emailburner]

make a girl smile today.

give her a sword.

[emailburner]

[emailburner]

You’re a seemingly normal, average 10-year-old child except for one thing: time travelers have been trying to assassinate you for years, and you’re not sure why.

[emailburner]

[emailburner]

Summoning a hero from another world could not have gone worse. Not only did he totally refuse to help your nation, due to it being an absolute monarchy with a corrupt religion and legal slavery, he taught the peasants all about democracy and science, and is now helping them start a revolution.

[emailburner]

Me about 100 times a day.

Later, when I read my notes.

[emailburner]

You are a shapeshifter who has secretly taken on many fake villain personas across the world. Your goal is to fight each hero you meet with a persona that embodies said hero’s worst traits, forcing them to change for the better in order to defeat you.

[emailburner]

me: *rolls over and goes back to sleep*

the necromancer who just spent several days constructing and performing a ritual to raise me from the dead:

[emailburner]

Your partner is trying to hide their nonhuman nature. You figured it out months ago but play along because you find their antics amusing.

[emailburner]

Your partner is trying to hide their nonhuman nature. You figured it out months ago but play along because you find their antics amusing.

[emailburner]

Your partner is trying to hide their nonhuman nature. You figured it out months ago but play along because you find their antics amusing.

[emailburner]

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

[emailburner]

so my apartment building got a notice board to post fire alarm tests and maintenance announcements and such. the building is pretty well-maintained, so we rarely get notices. the board is big and grey and to think it would be empty like that 99% of the time was a bland boring sin i just couldn't bear, so i vandalized the corner of its empty canvas with a teeny tiny Guy

and within a few days, there was a sudden addition from my one of my neighbors along with a Bunch of thumbtacks. this was an unexpected, but welcome surprise!

well there was still so much space, i figured i'd add another crumb to the art hoard. i'd been playing genshin that day so i drew my favorite grandpa

and like clockwork, new art manifested!! this person is gonna grow to be a great artist i know it. the detail in those stones? hell yeah that's cool.

we're two weeks into it. more neighbors have joined in with their artwork. who knew there were so many artists in my building?? we're onto somethin great here i just know it.

[emailburner]

[emailburner]

“I will give you the power you seek,” the Fae lady said, “but in exchange, I will take your firstborn child.” “Alright, so when do you want to meet my parents?” “Wait, what?” “When do you want to get married?” “Hold on, now…”

[emailburner]

You are an ancient lich. So ancient, in fact, that your magic operates under an entirely different set of rules from the magic the party of adventurers you’re about to fight is familiar with.