emotionsmakeusstrong-blog

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Here Again

I have written about my struggles with self esteem a few times now. Here I am again because it’s not easy. I fell again. There has been quite a bit of old energy and trauma surfacing for me again which takes the biggest toll on my self esteem. It is the root of it all. We all have those moments from our childhood and then onward. The moments that hurt us, that stuck with us. The first moments of self doubt. I would love to go back and tell that little girl she’s enough. To teach her she can be that voice for herself. She is beautiful, smart, funny, everything she believes she can be. We are all everything we believe we can be. It is so easy to fall into that hole of self doubt. I would teach that little girl how to love herself in every moment. I would teach her to follow her gut. To see all the beauty in everyone around her. To think for herself and fuck what society tries to teach her. In this she will find her true self.

Facing all of this as a woman is hard. 34 years of pain, self doubt, judgements, heartbreak. It is really easy to get lost in that. I find myself getting trapped in those feelings, then feeling guilty for being trapped by them, and then feeling fear about that. It is a scary cycle to fall into.

So. Here I am again. Ready to tell the woman I am now, that it’s ok. It’s ok that I fell into that trap again. It’s ok I felt bad. But…. here I am again picking myself up. Reminding myself of the growth I have done. The emotions I have faced. The trauma I have faced. The heartbreak. They may bring me down sometimes, but I got this. I will pick myself back up. It will get easier each time. I wish I could tell that little girl how amazing she really is, but now I need to focus on telling the woman I have become. The woman I am now can pick up those pieces and put them back together. I can learn to love myself in the light, and in the dark. To remind myself that I will be ok. I can let go of some of that fear. I can make room for love. I can face whatever life brings me.

I feel lucky. I have a 6 year old daughter who I can help with these same struggles. I can show her a community and world that is so much more than all of the society traps. I can teach her how important the way we talk about ourselves is. I can teach her that she can do anything she puts her mind to if she just keeps trying. That it’s ok to fall down. It’s ok to fail. It’s an important part of life. I can teach her at a young age to love herself in those moments. I can also teach her how important it is to have supportive people around her. We are supposed to have community around us. We are not meant to face everything on our own.

No one can do our personal work for us. Only we have that power within us. That does not mean we are supposed to face it on our own. We need to support each other. Show each other love in these moments. Cherish your community. Our connections in life, no matter the length. We are all here, in this, for a reason.

As always….. Love. Love is the key.   

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Spending some relaxing time with Mer at Clay Cafe #healing #art #paint #clay https://www.instagram.com/p/BqDd0EDF6d5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=g1vdldllzpj0

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Someone is just as happy as his mama to be in the woods 😍💜 #naturehealing #happydog #woods https://www.instagram.com/p/BouIhutFIBb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ioycwqbl2d4t

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💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/BosO11gF9Oo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=juiedh57j3iz

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Trust

The last few months for me have been filled with many changes. I came out of an intense relationship, with a lot of healing that I needed to do. The decision to end the relationship was very hard but it was needed. Since then I have spent a lot of time on self love and healing. I am listening to my intuition and following the path that feels right to me. I quit my job that was toxic for me, and am now following my creative passion. So much change, transitions, and healing.

I have had time, and the safe place, to sit with my feelings and let them just flow through me without any pressure or shame. The biggest thing that came up for me was all around trust. As a child circumstances lead to me feeling very alone and neglected. I didn't feel like I had the protection and safe ground underneath me from my parents. My physical needs were met and I was not harmed in any physical way. It was all emotional for me. I learned to be strong at a very young age, and struggled with dealing with my emotions on my own.

The processing I am now going through because of this and also mistrust from past relationships, etc that we all experience on our journeys has been a pretty powerful one. I was sitting with a really good friend of mine talking about how hard it is to trust. Trusting someone is opening yourself up to the high possibility of getting hurt, and in so many different ways. We have all experienced this at different levels, which I truly believe is all part of working towards the healing we need. It's scary trusting someone with our hearts, knowing we could get hurt. In my personal experience I have jumped in with my heart anyway because I know so much good can come too. This wasn't always healthy for me because I wasn't listening to what was truly right for me, and what I deserved. Which goes back to my past but also because I can see the good in people, and I can see the hurt as well. I have allowed myself to be treated unkindly because I could see the hurt behind it, and understood it. I need to work on my boundaries. This is also another healing journey of mine. I am getting off track now though haha.. soooo back to my point!!!

Sitting there with my good friend talking about trust and fear:  It hit me!

I needed to switch my prospective. I was focusing on if I could trust people and how scary that can be. I was thinking about all the things that contribute to how likely that could happen and signs from my past. BUT the reality is: We have no control over that. We will get hurt. We will be triggered. We truly can never say that this person will always be "the one". I will not find peace and stability in searching for that. I CAN trust myself and the universe. I CAN trust myself that if I listen to my intuition and the universe I will know if something is the right path for me. I CAN trust the universe that I may get hurt. It might not last. BUT! most important of all I can trust the universe that whatever happens I can handle it. I will learn, grow, process. I will do everything that I need to do to be exactly where I need to be.  With that comes a freeing power and release. This is something I am still processing and learning about. I am very much in the midst of it. I can trust my intuition (which as I mentioned I am also processing and learning about my intuition and boundaries) that if there is a person I choose to have in my life, it's for a reason. It's an experience I need to have in order to grow. This could be a learning lesson or it could be heart opening, and most probably both! The balance of these can shift from person to person but that is also part of the learning process.

I trust the Universe. In that I find my power. In that I find my peace. We are all connected <3  

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💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/Borfi9MFUHF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1k5x8xb23ihir

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More #thetangledgarden https://www.instagram.com/p/BocQ3lwl_Ra/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=r1k1ey531yar

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And some more 💜 #thetangledgarden https://www.instagram.com/p/BocRIBUFo7U/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=18m4n9wa6l2vo

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Magical Visit in The Tangled Garden #thetangledgarden https://www.instagram.com/p/BocQmsCFSCQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=znmuzwddhkxc

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Magic 💜💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/BocQC0wFPYq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19fat8d9nhmfa

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<3

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View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Cathy Mitchell (@cathy.bailey.188)

💜💜💜 My Happy Place 💜💜💜 #nahkomedicine #artmedicine #healing #lovemywork https://www.instagram.com/p/BoISvJJFyPb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1skhp3ggzpalv

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I'm a little rusty 😝

My goal going into fall is to start meditating and practicing yoga daily. It is all part of being more aware of what I need to keep myself healthy and happy 💜💜

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Nothing is more healing than this <3 thank you beautiful Mother Nature 

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Self Love - My Inner Struggle

Self Love.

What a foreign concept. We live in a society that has strayed so far from that teaching... but I see a glimpse of light. The world is changing. We are surrounded by a lot of news that is very discouraging and full of fear, but within all that is a hint of light. The more we face the dark, each one of us, the more light we will find.

I hear so many quotes and advice given on not having an emotional reaction to everything being said to you, and that you will find real power in sitting back and thinking logically. I see this advice being taken in what I believe is in a hurtful way. For someone as myself who is very sensitive and feels my emotions deeply that can be really confusing and feel impossible. I believe real power is in Self Love. I don't believe that if we always think logically everything will work out and we will have real power. I believe that leads to people being disconnected and almost robotic. The real power is having Self Love and Self Worth so  that we don't have to push our emotions away. If we have Self Love we will be strong enough in ourselves that those words won't have power over us. They might sting, but our love for ourselves will be strong enough and powerful enough that we will see the truth, and be able to process it. Emotions and logic are a very important part of us; We need both to find balance. Just thinking logically is like putting a band aid on our emotions. Covering them up won't make them go away, they will just be under the surface ignored.

I believe the reason there is so much darkness around us right now is because we need to face the darkness before we can balance it with the light. We need to remove that band aid. When things are so  ingrained in us it can take hitting real lows in order to see the problems. We are seeing that in society right now everywhere. Women are speaking up about all the injustice that has been done to us. We are finding our voice. Humans in general are finding their true selves and fighting to be accepted. What a powerful thing!! We all deserve to feel accepted and loved in who we are. Part of finding our Self Love is finding our voice.

I struggle with my Self Love often. A lot of us have been brought up in an environment that was worried more about how we looked to others than how we felt about ourselves. Physically and socially. Society told us what is "right" or "wrong". We have been putting band aid after band aid over our emotions and not living as our true selves. It is a very toxic judgmental way of living. We have ignored our inner voice, our intuition, for too long.

I am very aware of what others are feeling around me. I am highly sensitive to it. I tend to stop and second guess myself first, before feeling what my intuition is telling me. When trying to figure out what is right for me it becomes very confusing. My inner voice doesn't get heard because of my Self Doubt. I have allowed a lot of toxic energy into my life because of this. There is of course a balance to this. It's important to be able to hear what others believe, and be able to process that. A lot of growth can come from that. Having Self Love will make that process easier, and we will know what's right for ourselves. We will also know what isn't right.

I had a pattern of letting others take my truth away. My journey is to end that. I will learn my truth and grow my Self Love, that is what will build my power.  

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Beginning my journey of building my Self Love.. I spent my teenage years and onward putting make up under my eyes to cover how dark they are sometimes but I decided no matter what I would stop as part of me building my Self Love 💜 #nofilter #nomakeup #selflove https://www.instagram.com/p/BmjbyE-AG3u/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bv6hzfgb217m